Yo, it's been a long time since I posted the first chapter of this.. I had just turned 16 when I wrote it, but now i'm almost 18.. Anyways, my friend EarlsKurlzz told me to update this and that's exactly what I did. Enjoy!
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After school I made my way back to math class, where Mr. Diamond was expecting me. When I entered his room it was empty, he was probably getting coffee or whatever. I sat in the front row, in the desk closest to the window and farthest from the door.
I have had detention a number of times, usually because I liked to talk back to people of authority. Which you could argue is the reason I get kicked out of foster homes. It's hard moving around so often, but with time you except it. I hate thinking about my past and my future, mostly my future, because I see nothing when I look to it. I have no idea where i'll be in ten years, and if i'm being completely honest, it scares me.
James, Mr. Diamond, entered the room with a coffee cup in his right hand. He smiled at me when our eyes met, I quickly looked away. He's fucking sexy, but I can't deal with a crush at this point in my life. I have bigger things to worry about. My foster sister, Kat, stuck her head in the classroom and laughed. "Detention, again? Mom isn't going to be happy." She sighed out.
"She's not my mom.. Just tell her i'll be home later. Okay? I'll walk." I replied, seeing James' confused look out of the corner of my eye. Kat nodded before disappearing out of sight. "What?" I sounded annoyed, because I was. But James wouldn't stop staring at me with that dump look on his face.
"Nothing.." He shook his headed, trying to seem uninterested. I knew better, he had a ton of questions he wanted answers to. Most people did.
"I'm a foster kid." I simply stated. Although it wasn't simple. My life has been far from simple, but nothing short of chaotic. James looked at me, pity in his hazel eyes. "Don't look at me like that, I don't want your pity."
"I'm sorry, Kendall.. I just have a lot of questions."
"Ask away." He gazed at me, giving me a look that read 'are you sure.' "Go on." I did my best to assure him that I was willing. He stood up, moving to sit in the desk next to me. At first I was startled by this, but quickly disregarded it.
"How long have you been in foster care?"
"Since I was five years old." James gasped, and I smiled. "Don't worry, I don't remember my parents. This has been my life for so long, I don't know anything else. I do know that I want more, I want a family that doesn't push me away when I fuck up. A family that doesn't welcome me into their some just for money." I looked down at my lap, wondering why it felt so easy to open up to James. I've never been able to tell anyone any of this, of course nobody ever cared enough to listen.
"You and Kat, are you close?" He was trying to be careful with his questions, I could tell.
"Not really. She's great, but she's usually hanging out with her boyfriend. Guys find her very attractive, you know. Not me though, i'm way too gay for that. Sorry, I probably shouldn't have said that."
"No, it's fine." The room fell silent, but it wasn't awkward. My eyes were still strained down, looking at my entangled hands. "Can you look at me?" James asked, breaking the silence. I looked up, doing as he asked. My green eyes met his hazel ones, my heart began to beat faster in my chest. "Can I tell you a secret?" I nodded my head, unable to find the words to say yes. "I was in foster care too, for five years. Not nearly as long as you have, but I do know what it's like. I was seven when my parents were arrested, they promised they'd come to get me when they got out. However, I met a nice family and they were way better to me than my other parents ever were. There is hope, Kendall. I don't pity you, I know you don't want it, but I am here if you ever need to get something off your chest." My mouth opened in shock, I didn't expect that from him. Someone happy, like James, being an ex-foster child.
"They adopted you?" He nodded. "How many families were you with prior to them?"
"Just one, but it was enough to make me feel unwanted." I rolled my eyes, scoffing at his words. He looked at me, appalled. "What?"
"You don't know what unwanted is, you've got your family. So what if one family denied you, you ended up happy. I will never find a family that wants me, I'll be in the system until i'm eighteen. That's what it feels like to be unwanted, to feel like you're a fucking mistake to the world. I feel lucky enough if the foster dad i'm with doesn't abuse me, if the kids like me, if the mom actually feeds me. Nothing sucks more than being used to get money from the government, because they're is no love that comes from a greedy family. I'm happy for you, Mr. Diamond, truly. But don't act like you know what loneliness feels like." I wasn't trying to sound rude, but I did. I was so sick of people trying to tell me they know how or what I feel, when they don't know the half of it. I glanced up at the clock, seeing that my hour of detention was over. I stood up, only to have James grab my hand. I looked down at him, confused. He stood up, he was taller than me, but not by much. His grip on my hand loosened, but stayed intertwined with mine.
"I know I don't know how you feel, not one hundred percent, but I do know that it sucks being alone. Even if I was only alone for a little while, it did suck. I wondered if my parents were fighting to see me, if they remembered me. After awhile I gave up on them, I still don't know where they are or if they're even alive."
"Mine aren't, mine died. That's why i'm here." My gaze met James', once more. I no longer saw happiness behind them, but pain. "What's wrong?"
"Hurts. Hurts knowing you're in pain, I don't know you too well, but I can tell you're misunderstood. Aren't you?" I nodded, blushing because he could see right through me. We moved closer to each other, out chests pressing together. Our noses brushed together lightly, foreheads resting upon the other. My breath hitched, heart racing rapidly. "Do you need a ride home?" He asked, inches away from my lips.
"No, I don't want to go home. Not yet." I stated honestly, he nodded in agreement.
"Me neither. Want to go somewhere?"
"I'd love to." James grabbed my hand, pulling me behind him. I decided right then and there, that I would follow him anywhere.
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Please let me know what you think and if you'd like to see another chapter.
