I don't own the Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess or anything. please support the official release.
Me: Welcome all to the Twilight Princess truth or dare, with your host me, ToonLink13!
Today, our first truths and dares come from deaddaleta.
Link: Who did he dare?
Me: The first one is you. He writes, I dare Link to shave his hair as a wolf and dance to in a tutu to balalaika with makeup and Midna watching.
Link: No.
Me: Midna, please make him as a wolf. (Midna is in her normal form because my mom doesn't like her smile.)
Midna: On it. (She's blushing.)
Me: Who's gonna shave him? (Everyone looks at me.)... Ok, fine I'll do it.
Wolf Link: NOOOOO! AGGGH! THATS MY TAIL YOU FUCKER! ( Link can speak human cause Midna put a spell on him.)
Me: STOP SQUIRMING! IF YOU KEEP SQUIRMING I MIGHT CUT YOU WITH THE (cut some skin. My lamp shatters cause link kicked the drawer.)
Wolf Link: OWWWWWWWW! YOU CUT MY BACK YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!
Me: Your own fault. What sha-... YOU BROKE MY LAMP YOU SON OF A BITCH! ILIA! Bandage Link while I fix my lamp.
Ilia: I'm done.
Me: And now for the makeup and tutu. Ladies, if you will. ( Link is ready and dances like a moron.) While Link does that lets see what else we have. Midna, you have a truth. deaddaleta says: "Midna, why the HELL do you look so freakin' Hylian? I mean, the other people look so creepy! Even as an IMP you looked better than them! Not that you were ugly or anything, just, well, different, in a not-normal kinda weird sorta way. And kinda scary when you smile. And... was breaking the mirror just an excuse to get away from Link?"
Midna: The first one is easy. The royal family of the twilight realm is a different bloodline and the other species of Twili thought my family would be fit as rulers. The second one is because though I love Link, he and I are from two different worlds. He was a ranch hand and I was the ruler of a world. But cause I'm here, me and Link can be together.
Me: That's so (sniffs teary eyed) beautiful. And because I'm that nice I'll have Ilia go next.
Ilia: What is it?
Me: He wrote, Dare: "I dare Ilia to kill an animal, cook it, and eat it. She'll probably be sobbing the whole time." I'll get my portable grill.
Ilia: What? But I love life.
Me: Sucks to be you. Here's a squirrel and my grill. Start cookin.
(Ilia crying and making the grill sizzle.)
Me: He was right, she is crying. Next deaddaleta writes, "I dare Midna to confess that she's totally into bestiality, and wear as many wolf articals as you can find." We have Links fur and I have a wolf pelt somewhere, one minute. Here we are! (Its bare so I cover it with Links fur.) Now we need you to confess.
Midna: I'm... I'm totally into bestiality. (She's crying)
Me: Now for the final dare that deaddaleta has is for the girl that gives the game its name even though people do the shit for her, Zelda! Here's the Dare: "I dare Zelda to dress up as a country bumpkin. And talk like one. And eat worms. Hehe, lol". Here's some overalls and a straw hat. bathrooms down the hall to your right. (She comes back in the overalls, a shirt and straw hat, and black marker on her tooth.)
Zelda: Why do I listen to yer words of stupidity. (Western accent.)
Everyone: ... ! THATS HILARIOUS! (Calms down.)
Me: Oh! We have another truth for Midna. Its from Kiba Wolf and she asks "What were you going to say before you broke the mirror Miss "Link-I-See-You-Later""?. That's a good question.
Midna: I was gonna explain... um…I mean I was gonna say I hate him still! Yeah that's it!
(Everyone makes a skeptic look at Midna.)
Midna: Fine... I was gonna explain that I love him.
Everyone: !
Me: I always thought there was something between you two.
Other girls: FUCK OFF BITCH HE'S OURS!
Midna: SCREW YOU ALL! HE'S MINE!
Me: Hey now, Ladies! Lets not be hasty! Your in my room you know that right?
Ladies: (look at me and then hit me all at once) FUCK OFF!
Me: THATS IT! GUYS GET OUT, CAUSE IN A FEW SECONDS THIS ROOM WILL BE COVERED IN BLOOD!
(guys look at me and then run off like cowards)
Me: As for everyone reading this, I say good bye. Till next time.
