~Put It on Shuffle~

~Track 02~ Blame It On My ADD.

I hated him sometimes.

Currently, he slouched on our cream leather sofa, eyes glued to the box about watching re-runs of the Walking Dead, for the billionth time. He cradled a lukewarm can of Coca Cola in one hand and the remote in the other. He wore yesterday's pyjama bottoms and the Uchiha crest on a chain that settled on the line between his pectorals. Kami, he was the sexiest slob in the world. Really, he had done well to even get out of bed before 1pm on a Saturday. Although, I can't blame him for being tired; Friday night was Halo night at Naruto's, the dreaded all-nighter that would result in him coming back, drunk, at 6am the next morning. If I was lucky.

It was times like these I would ponder why exactly I loved him.

He was an arrogant asshole that barely spoke his needs, let alone terms of endearment. It was either "hungry", "tired" or "horny", and as his dutiful fiancé, I fulfilled his needs. And he most certainly showed his gratitude for the third need, so I couldn't complain about that.

On the plus side, he was the SMT. Sexiest Man in Town, as Miss Piggy had so aptly described, earning a growl from the boyfriend beside her. Granted, he didn't pay any other girls any notice, and I think I may be the only woman to have entered his life and stayed. Besides his mother. That woman is a goddess. Fer cereals.

But that didn't really count. She was his mother and should be hailed for bringing such a magnificent creature into this undeserved world.

But unlike Naruto, who showered Hinata with gifts, or Neji, who was practically the definition of loyalty to Tenten no matter what she wanted to do, or Kiba, who took Ino out on a regular basis, be it the local Excelsior Cafe around the corner, or the extravagant Aragawa, or hell, even Vegas for the weekend, the lucky bitch; Sasuke lacked what I think is one of the most fundamental elements in a relationship.

Attention.


You can ask anyone, I'm one of the most insecure people you'll ever come across. I hate this metabolism thing that refused to put on even the teensiest bit of weight, not even in the ass department. What the heck is up with that?! I look like a stick insect next to Hinata.

Damn, that girl has boobs the size of over-inflated beach balls!

Ugh.

And curse whoever got me drunk on my sixteenth and dared me to trade in whatever colour I had beforehand (I forget now), to the most glorious bubblegum pink in the entire, massively-sucking universe. No one has owned up to it, but I suspect Ino, since her perfect white-blonde hair practically sticks it's tongue out at me and taunts "ner-ner-na-ner-ner" at me. If looks could kill, Piggy's hair would disintegrate. My glares are undefeated. You're more than welcome to stick around as I own Sasuke's ass in the next few minutes. Meheheh.

Anyway, I digress.

I'm far from perfect, and as selfish as it may seem, I need constant reassurance that I'm "perfect" for Sasuke. I mean, I know that I should be grateful that I'm the only girl he's asked to marry, the only girl he's dated. Fucking hell, maybe the only girl he has ever shown attention to, but he has a screwed up way of showing it!

Careful guys, it's about to get emotional.

I know that somewhere in the deepest depths of my heart, I know that he loves me. Why else would he marry me? He knows I'm as rich as a mouse at its last supper. I'm definitely no supermodel. I'm a hyperactive twenty-three year old with as much sense as a drunk dog, I work on the street corner... at a cafe, you perverts, and I only moved out of my mum's house two months ago when Sasuke and I mutually decided to move in before the wedding. Actually, it was more of a 70-30 decision on my part. He was too blissfully unaware of what he was getting into when I asked him over the phone on a Friday night. Stupid idea, but it worked nonetheless.

But somehow, I know that he loves me.

I just wish that ignorant son-of-a-bitch (forgive me, Mikoto. Girl, you know I love you) would show it.


Maybe I'm the ignorant one.

The emotional rollercoaster ain't up yet guys; get your Kleenex ready.

Dad was never the emotional, sensitive type, and as most "fathers" are when they're alcoholic, gambling, two-faced liars, dad took his frustration out on mum. The first time I saw him hit her was the day before my sixth birthday. I remember them arguing, I don't know what about, and if he was a part-time actor, I couldn't tell because I had never seen him so angry before, blaming my mum for everything, then backhanding her and shooting daggers at her as she fell into the dining table.

So that's where I got my glare from. The only positive thing about my father.

I remember starting to cry at the same time mum did. He had noticed me in the doorway, and his face instantly lit up. He raced to hug me, telling me that they were just fighting about something and it was all okay. I may have been a day off six years old, but I was not stupid. Not back then anyway. Heh.

But he never hit me. Never got mad, never shouted, it was mum that reigned all of that in.

After that, there was no love between my parents. He must've held some sort of shame for what I had seen, because he rarely spoke after that. To me, or mum. There was no connection, no love, no "how was school?" or "goodnight, sweet dreams", only a grunt to acknowledge when I walked through the door, and the word "bedtime" was used less and less until he became just a man that lived with us. One day he left, and never came back. I didn't notice until a few days later when mum started crying again.

Total sob-story right? Sorry for the red puffy eyes and indulgent and empty ice cream tubs. I know there's one of you out there!

So maybe being starved of male attention was something I was so used to, that I hadn't seen it before from Sasuke.

Did that make me the selfish, ignorant one?


"Sasuke-kun," I cleared my throat, sitting next to him to make sure he heard me over the spine-chilling sound of zombie brains being hacked with Glenn's machete. I may not like the show, but that kid was cute. "Do you love me?"

Puppy-dog eyes at the ready.

He paused the TV. Thank Kami for Sky. Wrapping a hand around the base of my neck, he pulled me in for a kiss. At least he had the decency to linger for a while, allowing me the sweet taste of his tongue. Ugh, take me now.

When he pulled away, he leant his forehead against mine, his breath slightly fanning against my pathetic excuse of a cleavage. Ooh, tickles. "You know I do." His voice was dry. Probably the first thing he said today.

I knew he did. But...

"Show me." I wrapped my bony fingers around his. He closed his palm around mine and I silently thanked for the response, but started hardening my stare anyway.

"How do you want me to show you?" His desperate efforts to make his sigh not sound exasperated made my eye twitch. Oh no, you ain't getting out of it this easy, mister.

"That's your decision, Sasuke. Isn't the guy supposed to show love and affection for his fiancé instead of spending almost twelve hours shooting fictional people, followed by passing out and then watching zombie massacring?" I tried not to sound pissed off, but it was so there.

"What do you want me to say? It's one night a week I get to spend with the guys, and you're complaining? I spend every night with you whether I'm working or not, I mean, I'm marrying you. Doesn't that say something?" he recoiled and took a sip of his flat coke.

This was going nowhere again.

"We spend every night in front of the TV watching whatever shit you like, eating a meal I've prepared and slaved over, without so much as a "thanks babe" or "what sauce is this?" or "just the way I like it","

Yeah, there was no holding back my pissed-off-ness now.

"Then while I clean the coffee table, not the dining table, Sasuke, and wash the dishes, finish some never-ending housework, take a bath, clean our bedroom and read a book and fall asleep, you're still sat right where you are now. You only spend the night with me, because we share the same fucking bed!" I paused to take in a breath and study his expression. One eyebrow raised higher than the other, mouth slightly open, and wide eyes: yup, he was thoroughly confused. I held up my left hand and waggled my fingers, the small silver band with the pink diamond embedded in it losing its sparkle.

"It says you love me. But you don't show it, Sasuke!" I was getting desperate now, my eyes were stinging.

"Sakura, where the hell has this come from?" Sasuke placed the can on the table and held me at arm's length. "You've never said anything like this before." He sounded more angry than concerned. Fucking brilliant.

"No, I have said this time and time again. You never spend any of your attention on me. Not even when we were dating, and maybe it should have worried me back then, but we're getting married now. I need to be sure..." His eyes were defeating me. My voice lost its warrior speech. "Just show me you love me."

"... Maybe I'm not listening, but I do try..." He hesitated before kissing me again. No. I was tired of this. It was just three words, and he couldn't even say them, forget trying to show it. A hand snaked up my back reaching my bra strap.

Ugh, this boy thinks with his stomach and his dick!

I pushed him off "No, Sasuke." I put on my best glare. He ripped his hands away. Hah! "Sex is not the answer." I stood, walking around the couch and running my hands through my stupid, pink hair.

"Sakura, I..." he sighed, again. "I don't know. This is how I show my... love."

He couldn't even say the bloody word, could he?

"Sex? You show me you love me through sex?" My determination roared back to life. "You think that's what it takes to make a woman stay? One mindless fuck after another and calling it love? I thought you had the bigger IQ out of the two of us!"

I doubted myself now. He didn't love me. After being together for two years, he still couldn't say "I love you". Even Albert Einstein would admit that he loved science!

"No, Sakura. I didn't mean it like that." He raised his voice, coming over to hold me once tears threatened to spill.

"Then what did you mean?" My sobs were muffled by his chest, but I wanted to scream to the whole world how worthless I felt.

This is how an angel dies. A broken heart.

I'm clearly no angel, though.

"I... I don't know." He let me go. "I don't know how to show it."

I needed to get out. I hated this. I hated arguing, I hated being miserable, I hated feeling nothing compared to his fucking video games, and I really hated him sometimes.

"But you believe me right?" He had softened as much as an Uchiha could soften and I looked up to him. "You believe that I do?"

"Can you even say it?" I zipped up my jacket, shivering under the cold that hung around us.

I didn't even hear him sigh this time.

"Then how can I ever believe you?" I shook my head before I cried again.

Grabbing my house keys and my black converses, I made it to the door before I heard signs of life again.

"Where are you going?" Ah, moody Sasuke was back.

"Why do you care? You won't even notice I'm gone." I lashed out before slamming the door.


It was raining.

Just my fucking luck.

I didn't even bother pulling my hood up, since I was drenched in seconds, and I had just enough pride left to not go back in and get an umbrella. So I walked. For a very long time.

I really started to doubt myself when I started ticking off everything I could see. I paid attention to everything around me, just to be sure that I wasn't deficit of paying attention to anything for that matter.

Leaves were on the puddle-littered pavement, rotting in an ugly goldish-brown colour. Any idiot could tell it must have been sometime in Autumn in this weather.

A kid, looking about twelve, maybe thirteen, cycled past me with a bag of newspapers strapped to his shoulder. Brave lad. He had a thick scarf and gloves on, and I don't blame him. Or his mother for dressing him so, before letting him leave for his paper round. She must have compromised on the beanie though.

As I neared the high street, I watched as two girls on the other side of the road, squealed, huddled under one umbrella and desperately trying to keep all of their shopping bags dry. I counted two Ralph Lauren's, a River Island, three TopShop's, a Swarovski, and two... maybe three Victoria Secret bags. Kill me now. They were both in flats and held a pair of ridiculously high heels on one hand and their purses in the other. At least they were sensible enough to bring a change of shoes for their shopping tirade. It was like watching Piggy and Karin.

I passed the business Shikamaru's dad owned, and sure enough, the prodigy himself was leaning under the shelter of the doorway, with a bag of chips, scoffing them as if Chouji was no doubt lurking around a corner and ready to pounce on any leftovers. He took out his phone and began composing a text whilst still munching. Keeping his hands and mouth busy? A sign of a smoker trying to quit. Well, good for him! Temari would be pleased. He looked up as I passed and greeted him. He returned it, asking me if I was okay and wanted to come inside.

"No thanks, I'm just heading back home now." I smiled without stopping my leisurely pace. He shrugged and waved me off, throwing another chip in his mouth, and answering his business call no doubt, on his Blackberry when it chimed.

Was it me or were those things just easy to notice? Maybe it was me. Maybe I'm a fanatic at paying attention to things. Maybe I'm an attention-whore. Oh fuck, I don't know either.

I was a freak. I wasn't pretty, I wasn't funny, I wasn't clever, I have a dead-end job, my dad doesn't care about me, my friends don't notice how insignificant I am compared to them, hell, even my own fiancé doesn't love me.

Maybe I should kill myself.

I'm nothing worth paying attention to anyway, so I don't blame you Sasuke.


If I wasn't shaking so hard, I would've noticed the bombard of texts on my phone earlier. I took it out to check the time, only to laugh at the harassment from my best friend.

Miss Piggy says: Yo, Forehead, get yo fugly ass home and find something decent to wear in that 80s wardrobe of yours. LADIES NIGHT!

Miss Piggy says: WOMAN! ARE YOU GONNA WEAR THAT SLUTTY DRESS I BROUGHT YOU YET? IT'S SO MOTHER-HUMPIN' TIME YOU DID!

Miss Piggy says: You know what, that would go FABULOUS with my red Jimmy's. You want em? COME GET EM BIATCH!

Miss Piggy says: FOREHEAD! ANSWER ME! I MAY BE ONLY SIX WEEKS PREGGERS BUT MY MOOD SWINGS HAVE NOT GOT ANY BETTER!

Miss Piggy says: I feel so rejected. I thought you loved me. LOVED ME! I thought we had something SPECIAL!

Miss Piggy says: On a serious note, wear that dress, or something that makes you feel a million dollars richer than you already are. Not that none of this is serious, because WE ARE GOING OUT AND WE ARE GONNA GET SMASHED AND SHOW THOSE TESTOSTERONE FILLED SLAGS AT HOME HOW TO SPEND A NIGHT WID YO HOMIES!

Miss Piggy says: Saaaaaaakuuuuuuraaaaaaa answerrrrrr meeeeeeeeeeee or I'll tell Sasuke what really happened to that bottle of vodka he coveted ;) muahahahahaha bitch!

I do love her, but that first text really hurt. Oh I just got two more.

TheSexGoddess says: Hi, is this the two-cent hooker hotline? Im extremely disappointed in ur customer service. I WANT MAH BITCH 2 TLK TO MEEEHH! Fer cereals girl, wer da fukk r u? Pig's gone apeshit. Summin 2 do wiv dat sxii piece of ass u hidin home?

Damn Karin for letting her change her name on my phone.

China Doll says: Ino and Karin are freaking out. Where are you Sakura-chan? They said you got into a fight with Sasuke-san? Please talk to me. I hope everything is okay.

No, Hinata, everything is not okay. Is drama the only time attention is given?

Geez, I am OCD on attention aren't I? I can see the headlines now: "Attention-whore jumps off bridge in one final attempt! Anyway, the latest football scores are..."

I called Ino before it was too late.

"BITCH, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?"

"Ino, inner voice. Remember how we talked about that?" And they say I'm hyper.

"I'm so sorry. But not really. Go home an- Yes Karin, fuck off, can't you see I'm in the middle of an important-HEY!"

Followed by what I'm assuming was a catfight over the phone, I waited to hear Karin's voice. She always won.

"BABY DOLL! I MISS YOU!" I could practically hear her grinning while holding Ino down with one hand.

"I miss you too, tell Hinata I said hello." I smiled.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, formalities later, we got a surprise for you so go home, wear that dress that I brought for you...NO, FAT ASS, I DID!" I assumed she directed this at Ino. "YES I DID...WELL I PICKED IT OUT, SO SHUT YOUR FILTHY MOUTH, OR I'LL SIT ON IT! Ahem..." TMI, Karin. "So yes, we'll see you soon. Just go home and get ready, or we'll do it for you, mmkay? Kay, much love, bye bye now, kisses!"

She hung up. I wasn't going to argue with her. She always won.


The house was empty when I got home at almost half four. Not surprising really, and I could do with the place to myself for a bit. Sliding off every wet article on me with as little care as possible, I slugged up the stairs, dragging myself into the bathroom to have a shower. Standing there was when I was most peaceful, having the water wash away the negativity of the day.

Something was niggling me in the back of my head. Did I do the laundry? Maybe I hadn't put the dishwasher on after breakfast. Yeah, that was it. I hadn't swept the back porch, but no way José was I going back out in the weather. I sneezed. Great. Now I had a cold coming on.

I stepped onto the white tiles, allowing the coldness to send a shiver as I wrapped a towel around myself. Wiping the steam off the mirror above the sink opposite me, I stared at myself.

Ugh. Bad idea.

I reached for my moisturis- the fuck is it? I always leave it on the side.

I checked the bathroom cabinet, and sure enough, there it was. Mocking me. But I hadn't put it away. I hadn't put anything usually left on the side into the cupboard. Even the towels were neatly arranged, despite my one missing.

I retreated out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, gripping my head. Maybe I'm just delusional from the walk in the rain. Maybe I'm just plain crazy!

I flicked on the light switch, since the rain clouds provided no room for the sun to exert its brilliance. I really shouldn't have.

Holy...motherfucking...shit.

Did Gok Kwan spring clean in here almost half a year early or something? The bed was made, clothes were either in the washing basket or put back in the drawers. Hell, even my vanity was in order. My necklaces and earrings lined up in colour order, just the way I liked them. I opened the wardrobe. Dresses, tops, skirts, trousers, his trousers, his shirts, his tops, his jackets, all in order. Shoes lined up, his and mine, in colour order.

I pinched myself so hard, I drew blood. This is not happening.

What astounded me the most, was what was on my perfectly made bed. A black dress I didn't own nor recognise, a green pashmina, and a pair of black stilettos with hunter green straps to match the wrap. And a note with handwriting I also didn't recognise.

Sakura,

I've thought of a way to show you.

Meet me at Rezlo's at 6.

And bring an umbrella.

Sasuke.

Well, no wonder I didn't recognise the handwriting. I'd never had a note from him.

The shoes alone would have allowed him forgiveness. Too excited to even try them on, I flew down the stairs, which I now noticed, was clear of debris of mail, shoes, and anything else we're too lazy to deal with. The lounge wasn't as immaculate as the bedroom, but the cushions were plumped, the throw was folded and hung over the sofa, the coffee table had been wiped down, the Xbox, Playstation and all controls had been tidied away.

I need a G&T. This was too much.

What gave me a heart attack was how spotless the kitchen was. Gordon Ramsay would have killed to cook in here. I mean, I appreciate you trying to make it up to me Sasuke, but the kitchen... dear lord, you have a death sentence if something is out of place.


It wasn't. Nothing was. I checked. Twice.

Okay, now I had to see what he was planning next.

As I dressed, I mulled over why Ino and Karin, the silly cows, wanted me to come home and get dressed so eagerly. They were in on this, they must have been. If this was their idea, and not his, I will be furious.

The rain had eased off enough for me to jump in the car without putting the brolly up. Why Rezlo's?

Because Rezlo's was a tree in the park on the other side of town. Where we first met around twelve years ago. I was getting excited, tapping the heel of whatever expensive make (I didn't bother to check, too giddy) these shoes were against the floor of the car at a red light.

Stupid red lights made me five minutes late and at six o'clock in the evening, during November when it's bloody freezing-thank fuck it had stopped raining-and you're wearing a very revealing dress with nothing but a shawl to keep you warm after a very trying day, I had every right to be late.

It was so dark, I had to use my phone's light to guide me down the path to the tree. And he wasn't even there. Just fucking great. I leant against the tree, tracing the carvings of so many couple's initials, including our own somewhere, I dialled his number. But before the second ring, I was blinded.

There were so many strings of Christmas lights wrapped around every tree within a twenty mile radius, it almost looked like everything was covered in a white blanket of snow. I stared at them until someone coughed. I looked towards the beaten track, and I had to cover my mouth to stop from gaping.

Ino, Karin, Kiba, Hinata, Naruto, Neji, Sui, even Shikamaru and Temari, they all stood behind Sasuke, all equally dressed fabulously, and with the biggest smiles on their faces. I looked at Ino a little bit longer for some sort of sign, but her cheeky wink only gave me apprehension. What the fudge-muffins was going on?

I stepped cautiously towards Sasuke, in a dress shirt, jeans and a blazer (looking rather dapper, I must say), and waited for an explanation.

"Sasuke, I-"

"Me first." So I zipped it. "Sakura, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever met. You are so beautiful, and talented, and... Honestly, there's too much to put into words. I know what you think of me, I know you think I don't pay attention, and maybe I do take you for granted a bit." I raised an eyebrow. "Okay, a lot. But I do try. I do listen to you when you tell me what happened at work, sometimes I do put my clothes in the wash, and sometimes, I fall asleep after you because you are so fascinating to look at. And this is long over-due, but Sakura..." He got down on one knee.

Fer cereals. The fuck is happening? I think my heart is about to shoot out of my chest, and I can barely hear what he's saying over the sound of it.

Producing a black velvet box, he said "I love you."

Simultaneously, he opened the box, while our friends held up placards with letters written on them, spelling out "WE LOVE YOU SAKURA". Tears weren't even held back for the second time that day, while he replaced my current engagement ring, with a white gold ring, with a simple diamond snugly fit amongst much smaller emeralds. After telling me that I deserved the engagement party I never had, everything was such a blur.


Six months later, I was in a hotel room in the Maldives as Mrs Sakura Uchiha.

With the biggest smile on my face, I rolled over to face my husband. "Thank you for your help planning the wedding."

"My pleasure." He held my hand and kissed my newly added wedding ring.

"What were you in charge of again? Remind me. There was the band, the flowers..."

"The honeymoon." He kissed my neck.

Giggling, I continued. "Yes, the honey moon. What else? Oh, the table arrangements."

"I have to admit that Nara helped me out on that one. Apparently, Temari's wedding was a bitch to plan." I laughed with him, remembering all too well.

"Okay, what about the band?" I quizzed.

"I went through your 'Most Played' on your iPod." He raised an eyebrow, rather smug of himself.

"The honeymoon?"

"I remember you talking about the Maldives before I even proposed."

I was impressed.

"The flowers?" Now this one I could catch him out on.

"Everyone knows you love lilies, Sakura." The Uchiha smirk was proud that it won.

"Sasuke, dearest? Cherry blossoms are, ironically, my favourite." I matched his smirk.

He stopped smiling and was silent for a while. I had already forgiven him for the lilies a week before the wedding, and I wasn't going to let him know beforehand, since I had run out of ammo after his reverence to be more attentive. The lilies were my only upper hand. Meheheh.

But then he smirked again. And then kissed me.

"Blame it on my ADD, baby."


I do not own "Sail" by AWOLNATION.

Notes I know I've been AWOL (pun not intended) for a while, and I feel guilty, I've been waiting for the perfect song to come along and this is it. Don't forget that I take song requests via PM (I haven't had one yet which is also why this has been difficult to write).

THIS HAS TO BE THE LONGEST BLOODY CHAPTER I'VE EVER WRITTEN! EVER!

Dedicated to Hazel Roses, I hope you enjoy this one girl!