Alois Trancy was laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. It had been two hours since he finished his breakfast. Finished being, of course, an exaggeration. He just ate enough to ease his hunger and get Hannah to leave him alone. He didn't want to see her. He didn't want her pleas about taking care of himself better. He didn't want the silent whispers of the triplets that followed behind her.
But what did he want? Well, the answer to that was easy. He knew what he wanted. Who he wanted. No, wanted was not the correct word. He knew who he needed. Who he couldn't imagine his life without.
But he wouldn't return. His servant, his Claude, his one, true highness, wouldn't return to him. The golden-eyed demon had broken the contract with him, once he realised that serving Alois wouldn't bring him the soul of Ciel Phantomhive. Claude simply announced to the young boy that maintaining the contract was no longer in his interests, broke the seal on his hand and disappeared.
No matter how much he screamed, no matter how much he begged, no matter how much he cried, the butler didn't return. And he would never return to him again. That much Alois Trancy had managed to accept. What he couldn't accept it that he had to move on.
And how could he? It was impossible to move on. He still loved Claude, if due to some miracle the demon did return, the boy would fall on his knees and kiss his feet, he wouldn't give a second thought about it and would immediately forgive him for everything. After all, it wasn't Claude's fault. The only one to blame was Alois himself. He simply was inadequate. He wasn't enough. Was he not pretty? Smart? Kind? Well, that one definitely, but Claude didn't strike him as the kind of man who would be attracted to kindness.
Then what was it? What was it that made the soul of Ciel Phantomhive better than him? They both had suffered terrible trauma, Alois perhaps more than Ciel. Still, the bluenette managed to emerge powerful from his ordeals. Yes, Ciel was powerful indeed, Alois could see it. And it wasn't only because of the aide of his infernal butler, no Ciel had an inner strength and determination Alois didn't posses. Alois was still a child that played around, while Ciel wanted to conquer the world. They both had revenge in their heart, but Ciel managed to bend the world around him, instead of being bent by it. Perhaps this was why his soul was better. At least that's all that Alois could think. It made every sense in the world for Claude to just use him to reach a better soul. His was only fit for an appetizer, a mild amusement before the main dish. But once the opportunity for said dish slipped away, there was no longer a reason to remain by Alois' side. Yes, it was entertaining while it lasted, but Claude wouldn't spend a whole human lifetime serving a boy simply because he found him entertaining. His soul was pleasant, but not worth the effort.
But..a thought appeared in the blonde's mind. What if there was no effort necessary? What if there was a way for Claude to devour his soul here and now? Yes, the seal was broken, there wasn't a contract anymore, but still, Alois had his soul. And if his soul existed, it could be still eaten, right?
If he died and his soul would leave his body then...well, his soul was definitely going to hell, the boy knew that. Contract or not, he was a sinner. But if his soul was going to hell...wouldn't it be found by demons? What did demons do to the souls of the damned? No pleasant things, he was sure of it. But what if...what if Claude found his soul? What if...even though the contract was broken there was some sort of connection between them? After all, the boy was still, in his own way, bound to him, eternally bound, in body and mind...and his soul...his soul screamed in agony, aching for his highness. Maybe if Alois' soul left his body, it could somehow find its way to his former butler. Maybe Claude was still aware of him on some level. Yes!, that made sense to him. Claude was a remarkably intelligent man, there was no way he wouldn't be keeping tabs on him, in case he found another way to use him. So...if his soul was to leave his body...if it floated purposelessly around and Claude found it...then he would devoured it, right? It would cost him nothing, it would simply provide him a brief and simple pleasure, there was no reason not to take it.
Being devoured by Claude...the thought brought a pink colour to the blue eyed boys cheeks. For the first time in some weeks he felt his heart beating fast with anticipation. That was it, that was the solution to his problems. He would end his life. His life was no good as it was right now, he was destined to spend an empty life without his beloved, there was nothing of value in his life. But if he died, he would be reunited with his Claude.
Oh, how happy did that thought make him. Well, no reason to delay it, the boy thought, he should end himself as soon as possible. Now. Yes, if he wasted more time, Hannah might suspect something and try to stop him. Now, how should he do it? His room was high enough, he could just jump. But the thought appalled him. He wanted something more special...he wanted to make himself beautiful for his Claude, he wanted to prepare for their reunion... A thought came to his mind. Yes, that was it! He would make himself beautiful. He would bathe, he would clean himself -he hadn't been too thorough about this since his depression crumbled him-, he would put on perfumes and the nicest soaps and... he would get into his tub...his big, marble tub, where Claude used to bathe him...and end it there. He would cut open his veins in the bathtub. Yes, in there, his red blood with fill the white tub and in that sacrifice he would give himself to his beloved.
He quickly stood up and searched his drawers. After a while, he found what he was looking for, a small dagger with little gems attached to it. Yes, that would do just nicely. He liked the way the gems sparkled, they reminded him of the eyes of his beloved.
Alois undressed and headed to his large bathroom. He threw a brief glance at his reflection in the mirror. His body was thinner than usual, less lively. Well, none of that mattered anymore. While he let the tub to be filled with warm water, he inspected his collection of perfumes, until he found one that satisfied him. He set it on the side and got into the warm water, then started rubbing himself with a soap, making bubbly foam. As his hands reached his privates, he thought about pleasuring himself to the image of his Claude, but decided against it. He would be reunited with him soon enough, anyway.
He finished cleaning himself , put some cologne on and then just stared at the dagger. It was beautiful. It felt as if the dagger was calling his name. He clenched his fingers around it and held it against his left arm. With steady, slow moves he dragged the dagger downwards, making a thin vertical line along his forearm, all the way to his wrist. He bit his lip, trying to hold back the sharp pain, as blood started gushing out of the wound. The blood tainted the warm water of the tub, clinging to the boy's pale body. Trembling, he tried to bring the dagger to his left hand, only to find that he couldn't hold it. His fingers wouldn't work. Alois blinked and let out a small giggle, of course he couldn't use his left hand now. He had cut too deep. Well, it didn't matter. He would just wait for the wound on his left hand to do the job, there was no point in trying to cut his right one too. More and more blood came out of his wound and the last thought the boy had before he passed out was how long it would take for the blood to fill the whole tub.
It had been a lot of time since Hannah Annafeloz had checked on her young master. That thought displeased her greatly, though she knew the boy needed time to heal, she didn't want to leave him to suffer all alone. Well, lunch was about to be served , it was a perfect opportunity to check up on him while she asked him to come downstairs, to eat. She quickly paced the stairs up and knocked at the boy's room. No answer came, that was to be expected, Alois hardly reacted to anything these days. She came in, only to find his bed empty. The door to his bathroom was open, was he taking a bath? That was strange, she had to drag him to the bath last time, the boy had no interest in his personal hygiene since Claude Faustus had left.
"Young Master, are you in the bathroom?" , her voice called, in vain. Hesitantly she walked to the bathroom door and knocked on it once, before walking in.
Blood. So much blood. Alois lay in the marble tub, crimson all around him. He didn't move, his head was resting on his shoulder and a dagger was on his leg.
"Young Master!", she screamed and carried the boy out of the tub, soaking her uniforms. "Wake up!" She examined the seemingly lifeless body, she could feel the boy was still alive, even though he had lost a lot of blood. But first, she had to close his wounds. She laid a towel on the floor and put Alois on it, searching his body. The only wound she could see was a vertical cut along his left arm, that was still dripping blood. She had to close it fast. There was no reason to use human medicine, her demonic abilities were more than enough. She leaned her head to the wound and dragged her tongue along it, her saliva instantly sealing it. Hannah cleaned the blood from the boy's body and carried him to his bedroom. He was still unconscious, but that didn't matter right now. He was alive and that was enough for the moment. She took some clothes from his closet and dressed him, then laid him on his bed, pulling a blanket over him.
When Alois woke up it took some time for his vision to stop being blurry. His head was spinning, he couldn't remember where he was. Something warm was covering him. Warm. The feeling was odd to him, he sensed that he should be feeling cold instead, although he couldn't exactly tell why.
"Young master.." a female voice called to him and he felt a hand gently stroking his hair. "Why?"
Why, what? ,he thought, his head still spinning. Why was Hannah bothering him again, he didn't want her..he wanted Claude. Claude..he was supposed to meet him somehow..meet him.
Realisation hit him and he took his left arm out of the covers, examining it. Spotless. As if it had never been cut. Furious, he tried to slap her, but he didn't have the strength to do it. He closed his eyes, sighing softly. "Why, did you heal me, Hannah? I just wanted to die, why won't you let me have my peace?"
"Young master, there is no need to.." She swallowed hard and stoked his hair again. "Everything will be better in time, I promise..I swear , I will make everything better for you...trust me..."
"You..you won't...you can't.." He opened his blue eyes and looked at her, a small smile appearing on his lips. "This is your revenge, right? For the way I treated you...you're really cruel Hannah...crueler than Claude..." , he giggled silently, the thought of Hannah tormenting him by keeping him alive striking him as absurd and amusing.
"No, it's not... how could you even think.." The demonic maid felt tears welling up in her eyes. "Of course not... I just want you to-"
"How much longer? Tell me, I want to know. How much longer are you going to torture me, by letting me drown in sorrow day after day?" Alois laughed softly at his words. "I have been really harsh with you... I don't blame you, I deserve it-"
The boys words were cut short by a few wet drops that fell on his forehead. "You..you have to trust me. I just..I just need more time, I'll fix everything for you, young master, don't.. don't give up yet... it's going to be alright, I promise." Hannah pleaded, letting out a small sob.
"Don't cry, it annoys me." the boy retorted. Her reaction surprised him a bit, she always was far more clingy that he would find bearable, but he didn't expect her to go that far. Why was she crying, she was a demon for god's sake. Her actions always managed to frustrate him immensely. "I don't suppose...I don't suppose you're going to let me sleep unsupervised tonight, are you Hannah?" the boy asked turning his back to her, not wanting to deal with his maid any longer.
"I think it would be best if you weren't left alone tonight." the maid replied in a whisper.
"Hrmph... whatever... I'm too exhausted, I'll sleep anyway...just don't wake me up early tomorrow."
"As you wish, young master."
