Following Ranel back into the venue my heart keeps pounding until my ribs hurt. But, apart from that, I am unbelievably calm. Ranel's presence is calming, for some reason.
- Why did you thank me today? He finally asks me while we're walking to meet Carlos.
I look up at him in amazement and a smile takes hold of my face.
- Because you smiled at me. I was so nervous and could barely move. But you smiled at me and made me feel better. I shrug.
- Oh…glad I could help.
I keep silence focusing on lowering my heart rate before I give myself a heart attack. We get to the dressing room and Ranel gestures me inside instructing me to wait. I smile and nod, even if the prospect of waiting again is pure torture. I sit down on the couch and let my head fall back on it. Close my eyes and see Carlos smile at me from the stage, every single time he passes by my seat. And he's passed by my seat A LOT.
I take out my camera and start checking out the concert pictures. I'm so into remembering those heavenly moments that I barely hear their voices.
- Why the hell would you do this again, Carlos? James sounds angry. His voice high pitched and a bit squeaky.
- Do what again, James?
- Obsess over a girl you see for the first time? You know how well it ended the last time!
- James, don't even go there! Carlos warns him.
- Come on, man! Just cause she gave you a rose?
"This is about me? What the hell?" I quickly pull out my mp4, shove the headphones in my ear, crank the volume to the max and put my finger on play. I know it would start blasting music in a second if they'd come in and catch me listening to their conversation..not that they are doing a very good job at hiding it. I feel a bit guilty and sneaky but a girl's gotta know what she's up against, I reassure myself.
- James, it's not just A rose. Carlos replies. It's purple! Look at it! Have you EVER seen a purple rose?
- Carlos, you sap! Everybody knows purple is your favorite color! Everybody gets you purple gifts! Why are you so easy?
- James, man, let it go. I'm doing this!
- FINE! James yells and I can almost see him throw his arms up in the air. GO! I don't care! But don't you dare come crying to me when she breaks your heart like..
- Shut it! Carlos snaps. Don't you dare say her name. I told you. Never again. I'm moving on.
James sighs so loudly even I can hear it.
- Plus - who's gonna love me more than a rusher?
I freeze. Those have always been my words. Every time I thought of Carlos' heart break that was my best argument in my imaginary plead to Carlos to giving me a chance to show him my love. Now I'm probably getting that chance..while Carlos makes my argument for me. "Wow! I must be dreaming!" I think.
I'm about to hit myself to test that theory when I hear the door open. My finger presses play so quickly that my ear drums almost brake. I force myself to keep my eyes down on the camera. It is hard. I want to jump up and plead my case with James, tell him all I need is a chance. Tell him I would never hurt Carlos. That he's the most precious person in the world to me. That I'd always do whatever was in my power to make him happy. Tell him..My eyes become misty as tears gather up. James' distrust, as legitimate as I know it is, hurts. A lot.
- Hey. Carlos says right behind me, placing a hand on my shoulder.
I genuinely jump. I had gotten lost in my own thoughts for a second.
- Sorry. He smiles and I see he has the rose with him.
- No..No problem. I take my headphones out of my ears and shut the music off. He picks up my mp4 player and sees I was listening to Backstreet Boys. His eyebrows shoot up.
- Backstreet Boys?
- Yes. I love them. Have loved them way before Big Time Rush ever existed so don't you dare say one single word. I raise a hand to him as if I were a black woman.
Carlos giggles at my behavior. "Good! That's what I was aiming for."
- I see your wound is better. He says gently caressing my palm with his fingers. The man surely knows how to send the best kind of shivers down my spine.
- I see you still have your rose. I begin to flirt to my own amazement. "How do you do that to me? How can you make me be so self confident when I'm only a mouse?" I think to myself, looking deep into his chocolate eyes. "God! I've fallen so hard for those eyes." My mind is in a whirl.
- Yes. I do. I told you I was going to treasure it. I need to put it in my bag. He looks down at the rose in his hand. His hand slips away from mine and I instantly feel empty on the inside.
- Not in water?
- No. I want to dry it and keep it. He smiles at me like we are the only keepers of the biggest secret on earth.
- Oh. That's…flattering. "Again with the flirting. Wow! I love this new me you're bringing out."
Carlos gets up from the couch and goes to a duffle bag in the corner, carefully placing the rose inside. Then gets up like he'd just won the Olympics.
- So! He says. Where should we go tonight?
- I honestly don't know. How much time do we even have?
- Oh! All night, if you want. We've got the day off tomorrow.
- Oh! Yeah! That's right..I had forgotten. I smile wide and he returns my smile.
- So? Movies? Drinks? Dinner? Your choice.
- Dinner. Definitely dinner! I tell him. I know he's hungry after two hours on stage. Hungry and tired. So nothing too demanding and with a lot of food would be the perfect date right now.
- Cool. There's this place close by. I saw it when we came over today and thought it would be nice to try it out…
- Sure. Any place is good. I only care about the company. I tell him full of confidence when he comes to take my hand and guide me to the door. "You're so sweet, taking care of me like this. I knew you're a gentleman, but, you are too much. My poor heart!" I think as a rush of electric current goes from my hand straight to my brain because of his touch.
He lets me out first. Ranel is right there waiting. I smile at him and he returns the smile.
- Em..do you mind if…Ranel comes with us? I..
- Not at all. Your safety comes first. Mine as well..if you think about it. I know I'd want to deck any girl going out with you, so..
Carlos laughs. That crystal laugh of his that makes my heart do back flips.
- So, you'd deck yourself? He jokes.
- No! I giggle. I'd kiss myself! I say putting my fingers together, kissing them and placing the "kiss" on my own cheek.
Carlos' eyes widen and he laughs again. "God! I'd do, say or give anything to always hear that sound. Every day of my life!"
He takes me to dinner at the place he wanted to go. Turns out it is one of the best places in town and we both are a bit under-dressed but Ranel changes the hostess' mind and we get a really good table, away from the windows. Ranel sits a couple of tables away. Far enough for us to have our privacy, but close enough to jump to Carlos' aid, should the case be.
Carlos orders what must be half of the stuff on the menu. He is so hungry! I order just one dish. Even if I really am hungry, my stomach is in a knot form being next to the man I have been dreaming of for so long.
Carlos gets me talking about myself A LOT while he wolfs down everything he gets his hands on. He is so cute! I can barely contain my smile when I see him acting like a kid in the candy store.
- Where do you fit it all? I finally ask him knowing perfectly well that my eyes are shining up at him.
Carlos swallows hard and washes it down with some juice.
- I burn a lot of calories on stage..His apologetic gaze makes me crumble to bits right there in front of him.
- It's ok. I think it's cute how you can eat like that. Like a child. A well mannered child that uses a knife and fork.
He smiles at me.
- I'm sorry. I just had no idea how hungry I really was. And you've gotta admit, this food is great!
- True. It is amazing..Truth is - I'm jealous. If I were to eat like you people would have to roll me down the street to where I'd need to go. I giggle picturing myself looking like a barrel.
Carlos looks me in the eyes. I can actually see the same image forming in his mind. He tries to hold back and not laugh but he finally gives in and rewards me with my favorite sound in the world.
- You are out of this world!
- Meh! I try! I giggle.
- So tell me - any brothers or sisters? He gets back to his food as I get back to my story. I answer every question with honesty and as much humor as I can. He seems so interested in me. In my life. In my hobbies. In everything about me. He barely speaks through out our meal, and when he does it's to ask me yet another question.
By the time we get to the desert, which he makes me have saying he'd love to help roll me down the street if it came to that, I am sure that I have told him everything about myself, save, maybe, my shoe size. My mind is in a whirl the whole time. But I keep it to myself.
By the time we are done with desert he has found out everything he wanted to know so I take my chance and get him talking about himself. I thrive on the sound of his voice. On the cute family stories he chooses to share with me. On every detail that he allows me to know.
- Wanna go see a movie? Carlos says out of the blue, in the middle of a sentence.
- Yeah. I reply before I can even breathe and we just go on with the discussion as he asks for the bill and settles it. "God, you make me feel like a princess!"
- What movie should we see? He asks me as we walk back to the car, with Ranel close in toe.
- You choose. I don't really have preferences. I tell him. "I just want to be close to you, in the dark..Make it a scary movie! I want to get a reason to hide i your arms!" I scream inside of my own head.
Ranel drives us to the cinema. The ride is filled with jokes and more of his laughter. I feel I am in HEAVEN!
Carlos really does take me to a scary movie. Like he can just read my mind.
The first time a guy gets killed I genuinely let out the most awful, embarrassing, girly scream and hide my face in my own hands. Carlos tells me "it's just a movie!" and puts his arm around me. I hide my face in his chest and just then realize what has just happened. As soon as I do my breath catches.
"Carlos..Dear Lord!" I gently let out the air that was stuck in my lungs and take a slow breath. That is the worst thing I could have done. His scent invades me and every single cell in my body now starts aching for him. His hand is caressing my back to reassure me. I am so painfully aware of his touch. My heart starts pounding like crazy again. I try to breathe again but the pain just gets worse. It doesn't matter if I never move. Ever. I have everything right here. "Who needs to breathe, anyway?"
- It's over, you can look now. Carlos says and his breath touches my face. I can hardly breathe. Instead of lifting my head from his chest, I just turn my face to the screen and relax in his arms as now I can breathe just a little.
Carlos kisses the top of my head as his hand comes up to caress my hair. I look up at him. His smile almost blinds me.
- You are so sweet..He says and gently lifts my chin pressing his lips onto mine. My eyes close as I opened up to his kiss. He doesn't demand anything. He just gently kisses me for the longest time. Slow. Gentle. Sweet.
My blood is on fire, but I still, somehow, manage to keep it under control and allow Carlos to lead the pace of our kiss. We both drag it out but not demanding anything from each other.
When we finally end it as another scream comes to fill the movie theater, he still keeps holding my chin up. He looks me in the eyes and my bones melt. His breath warm on my face.
- Why do I feel like I could do this for ever? Carlos asks me.
- Because I could do the same. I reply and close my eyes as he kisses me again. We both allow our kiss to deepen. It feels amazing! Perfect. I can't control myself and my fingers just grab on to his t-shirt as his hand gently slips into my hair, pulling me closer.
I do not know when the movie ends and Ranel comes to tell us to, and I quote "come out for air". We both giggle at his choice of words.
It is way past midnight so Ranel drives us home. This drive is even more fun as we don't "come out for air" for a single second.
- Thank you for tonight, Carlos. I tell him when we finally get to my door.
- Thank you for the rose. He replies and places anther gentle kiss on my lips. "God! How will I be able to breathe now when i know the softness of his lips and the sweetness of his kisses?"
I let my forehead rest on his and he pulls me close in his embrace.
- I don't want to let go..
- Neither do I, Carlos..but..
- Mind if I keep your number and call you from time to time? Just to talk..if I get lonely?
- No. You can call me any time you want. Day or night. I say and hold him close as I feel tears clouding my vision again.
- Thank you. He says and gently pushes me away.
I end our hug. My body is screaming for his warmth already. I open the door and wait for him to get back to the car as I waive good bye to Ranel. By the time Carlos' seat belt is on my tears have begun to run freely.
I enter my home knowing that this was the most beautiful night of my life and nothing would ever top it.
