Chapter 2: Ride to the Theater
Maria waited just outside the front door of the house for the Captain to bring the car around from the garage. She closed her eyes and took a moment to breathe in the warm night air and tried to order her thoughts.
She had mixed feelings about this excursion with the Captain. Just like Liesl, she had never been to the theater. She was naturally curious and a little excited about going to see a play for the first – and possibly last – time. She could not help but be grateful for the opportunity.
But there were other thoughts and feelings running through her that she couldn't ignore. She would be spending the evening in the Captain's company, without the children or anyone else she knew. In effect, she would be alone with him. The thought of it sent waves of tension through her stomach. If he looked at her the way he sometimes did, if her imagination kept betraying her…she needed to control herself.
Opening her eyes, she looked around at the glory of creation. It was a perfect summer evening. The smell of roses and freshly cut grass reached her; the combination of scents was exhilarating. The star-filled sky cast a glow over the verdant landscape before her. Her senses were overwhelmed with the magnificence around her. It was all so beautiful, but in her state of mind, it was also undeniably romantic. It would be ridiculous to think that God was conspiring to provide a perfect evening, wouldn't it? She closed her eyes again and prayed.
Maria was so lost in her prayers that she didn't hear when the Captain pulled up in the car. One moment she was lost in thought, the next she was hearing his voice gently calling her name. She opened her eyes and was surprised to see the Captain standing close to her, his hand reaching out to her. He dropped his hand when she opened her eyes but did not move away. The tension clutching at her stomach returned with a vengeance.
For a moment, Maria considered turning around and going back inside the house. She wasn't at all certain that she could get through an entire evening under his riveting stare. Perhaps sensing her ambivalence, the Captain stepped away and opened the car door on the passenger side.
"We really must be going. The curtain rises at 8:00." Maria, responding to the matter-of-factness of his words, moved past him to sit in the car. The Captain closed her door, moved swiftly around the car to sit behind the wheel, and drove away from the house.
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They sat in silence. Maria, still overly sensitive to being in such close proximity to the Captain, could not find a way to open the conversation. The rumble of the engine, the smell of the car's interior, the uneven but gentle motion of the car over the road…it all seemed to conspire to create a private world inside the car. It was unnervingly intimate. Maria gripped the door handle in an unconscious effort to release the tension.
She glanced over at the Captain. His eyes were fixed on the road. He was a skilled driver. She admired his easy control of the car, the way he confidently shifted gears, the smooth movement of his hands. Her own hand tightened its grip on the door handle. The Captain's hands looked capable; she imagined that they could be both strong and gentle.
Good heavens, what was she thinking? She looked away before her thoughts could continue running away with her. What was wrong with her?
"Lovely evening, isn't it? It's so pleasant to have a clear night after the rain we've had," Maria blurted out, bringing up the first safe topic of conversation she could think of. She needed to change the direction of her thoughts.
The Captain started, seemingly surprised at the sudden conversation. When he responded, his voice was soft, low, almost musical. Maria loved the sound of his voice.
"Yes, it's quite lovely. Although I love the rain as well. I find it refreshing, as though God were cleansing the earth."
The Captain's response surprised Maria. She often felt the same way. She'd never imagined that they shared the same sentiment.
"Oh, yes, the rain is glorious, isn't it? I love to walk in the rain, letting it soak through me. Some people call the rain 'heaven's tears', but I think that's much too sad a name for rain. The way raindrops fly and dance through the air, it just makes me want to dance along!"
Maria's eyes brightened as she recalled running and twirling on her mountain in the rain. Though the other nuns always looked at her with disapproval when she arrived at the abbey in soaking wet clothes and muddy shoes, she could not give up the joys of dancing in the rain. She turned to the Captain and found him looking at her, a smile hovering on his lips. His eyes were warm, and she couldn't help but smile back, his warmth filling her somehow.
"I think I would like to see you dancing in the rain," the Captain said in a quiet voice, before reluctantly turning his eyes back to the road.
The words sent a spark through Maria. An image of him watching her as she danced in the rain, his eyes on her every movement, his own clothing soaked through as he watched, flooded her thoughts. She shook her head, trying to erase the image. She must have imagined the magnetic tone of his voice, the warmth radiating in his eyes.
Again Maria questioned her decision to accompany the Captain this way. Wouldn't the Baroness be upset when she learned about the outing? She'd been away for a few days but was no doubt expected to return soon.
"Captain, when will the Baroness be returning from Vienna?" Maria attempted to reassert reality into her thoughts. She could not let her discipline fail her.
The Captain's body visibly stiffened. Her question had clearly made him uncomfortable. She regretted causing him any discomfort, but she could not let herself forget that the Captain was all but engaged to be married, and she was governess to his children.
"I'm afraid the Baroness will not be returning from Vienna. She will be there indefinitely, perhaps permanently," the Captain replied, his voice sounding a bit hesitant. He glanced furtively at her.
"I don't understand, Captain. Why is she not expected to return?" Maria was confused; she could not seem to understand what the Captain was saying.
"We've, that is, the Baroness and I, we have decided to spend some time apart. That is to say, we had a long talk and decided that it would be best for both of us if she returned to her home in Vienna." The Captain paused, again glancing quickly at Maria, an anxious look on his face. "We both realized in the last few weeks that, although we are great friends, we are not destined to marry." He stopped the car as he finished speaking and turned the key in the ignition.
"I see," Maria responded when she found her voice. But she didn't see, she didn't see at all. The Captain was not getting married? Maria's face was blank; she was numb with shock. She hardly knew what to think.
"Why have we stopped, Captain?" Maria was in a daze.
"We've arrived at the theater."
The Captain got out, walked over to her side of the car and opened the door, waiting to help her exit the vehicle. The thought that the Captain was not getting married kept swirling through Maria's head. He was not getting married. He must not be in love with the Baroness after all.
"Fraulein?" The Captain was still waiting patiently for Maria to move.
Maria took a deep breath and released it. She straightened her back and got out of the car, taking the steadying hand that the Captain offered her.
The hand was as strong and as gentle as she had imagined. Her skin tingled where it touched his. She stared at their joined hands, suddenly not wanting to let go. When the Captain ran his thumb slowly across her knuckles, she shuddered and looked up at him, surprised at the caress. His eyes were dark as night, burning into hers.
"Shall we go in, Fraulein?" the Captain asked, inviting, coaxing.
"Yes, Captain." Maria could hardly hear her own response through the thundering pulse in her ears. She stepped forward with him to the theater, still not letting go of his hand.
There was no turning back now.
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