A/N: Artemis is going to be fairly OOC, but that's supposed to happen. : )
Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl.
Artemis was grocery shopping. Yes, grocery shopping. In a store. With other people. Normal people.
One such normal person was a little old lady he managed to get caught behind. It took all of his exceptional self control to talk himself out of just mowing the woman down. It was not physically possible to go slower than she was while still being in motion.
And, of course, she was right in the middle of the aisle.
It occurred to him to back out and go to another aisle. He turned around to do so. To his despair, there was another old woman behind him. How had this happened? He was smarter than this!
He sighed and resigned, memorizing the brand labels of the cat food he was now forced to look at.
Then the one behind him decided to start a conversation. "So, dear, what grade are you in?"
More complicated of a question that she could ever know. He picked a grade. "I'm a sophomore."
"Do you have your driver's permit yet?"
He sighed. "No, ma'am." But he could fly a helicopter. She didn't need to know that, though.
"That's nice, dear. Do you have a girlfriend?"
Annoying old lady questions! Minerva? Holly? Juliet? Those were the only females he knew and wasn't related to. Did any of them count?
"No ma'am."
"Well, don't rush it. There's plenty of time."
"Yes ma'am."
Alright. This had to stop. The mind-numbing madness had to cease and desist immediately. He unleashed his vampire smile on her. "So, tell me about yourself."
He saw her shiver, and hesitate. "Oh... um... I just realized I left the stove on! I have to go. Goodbye, dear."
"Goodbye. See you later."
She hurried away, and Artemis gratefully left the cat food aisle.
