A/N: I changed the summary of this story to warn off Seth and Taylor lovers. Neither of them come out of this well so it's probably best if their fans stop reading now. Although I don't think that the people that they have become is too big a stretch of the imagination. I've just taken some of their traits from canon and magnified them.
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I didn't want to analyse too deeply why I was looking forward to having dinner with Summer so much. Surely it was just the thought of not having to accompany Julie to her Newpsie dinner and instead, getting to spend time with a friendly face. A very attractive, friendly face. It wouldn't be difficult at all.
I was pleased that even though things between her and Seth had reached rock bottom, she had never changed the way that she acted towards me. I'd tried to keep out of it, but I couldn't help but be pleased that she had finally said enough is enough, and left Seth to try to stand on his own two feet. She'd covered for him for too long.
He would always be my brother. I knew that better than ever after everything that he'd put me through. If I wasn't related to him, then I would have left him to his own devices long ago. I'd tried to do what I could to help, but it was now up to him. In fact, getting away from Seth and his associated dramas was a big part of why I was heading to the other side of the country for work.
Much like Summer, I'd had enough. If I'd stayed in Berkeley, I would have ended up stuck in the middle between him and his parents. They were finally starting to see him for who he really was and I didn't want to be around to watch his fall from grace.
--
It had taken me too long to get ready. Not that I was late. I just shouldn't care so much what he thought about what I was wearing or even what I looked like. This was two old friends meeting up because fate had played us a hand and we both happened to have a free night in the same place.
So why were there butterflies in my stomach?
I pushed open the door of the diner and he was already there, sitting at 'our' favourite booth. I wasn't sure if that was good or bad. Would we be able to relax or would it feel like the two missing members of the group were somehow there with us? Would it feel like the ghosts of times past were haunting us? There wasn't much that I could do about it.
Ryan glanced up and smiled as I made my way over to him, slipping in on the opposite side. The side that was once for Cohen and me.
"Hey," he greeted.
"Hey to you too," I replied.
The grin on his face got bigger.
"I see that you still remembered the way here," he commented.
"Some things never change," I admitted. "You remembered which booth."
He shrugged.
"I guess you're right. Some things do never change."
He glanced around at the few occupied tables self-consciously and turning his attention back to me, he commented, "So … chilli cheese fries and a black and white milkshake?" he asked.
I nod. "A cheeseburger too. I'm starving," I explain, "And you're paying."
He laughed. "You don't need to remind me. I keep my promises."
"Unlike your brother," I commented. I hadn't meant to say it out loud. I didn't want to get into any discussion of Seth or what had happened. But it had just come out, like verbal diarrhoea.
Instantly he dropped his head as if he had something to be ashamed of. "I'm sorry about that."
"It's not your fault. None of it ever was. I just wish that I'd given up long ago and not wasted so much time and effort on him."
"He still loves you, you know?"
I didn't know what to say, so I took a minute to reply, trying to find the right words.
"I'm sure that in his own way, he does. But I don't love him. Maybe I never did. He destroyed what I felt for him with his lying and cheating. I lost count of how many times he promised me that he was going to change. It's like he's still some stupid kid that thinks that he can just apologize and that'll fix everything. But I'm an adult now and it doesn't work like that. Somewhere along the line, I grew up, but he didn't."
Ryan nodded. He didn't even try to defend Seth because there was nothing he could say. Seth was Seth, and until he decided to take responsibility for his own actions, then nothing would change.
"If it helps, I think that Sandy and Kirsten are finally starting to see why you had to leave."
"So he's still being an ass? I'd hoped that my divorcing him might have been the trigger to him finally waking up, but I guess not. I'm just glad that I'm finally free of him."
Ryan went to reply, but the waitress came to take our orders.
Once she'd left, I looked back at Ryan and suggested, "How about we don't talk about Seth for the rest of the evening? I'm trying for Sethfree time whenever possible."
"I think that can be arranged. So tell me about San Diego. What are you saving down there?" he asked.
"I'll tell you about that, then you can tell me all about your new job. Where is it? I can't believe that you're leaving the Cohen's. You didn't go away to college or grad school, so I thought that you'd be a California boy forever."
"Yeah … well … I probably thought so too. But …" he shrugged. "Things with …" he hesitated, "that person that we're not talking about …"
I smiled. Seth was so woven into everything that we had in common that he was bound to come up in conversation.
Ryan went on, content that referencing Seth was not going to bring on a rage blackout from me.
"Things were getting a little awkward. I sort of felt like I was constantly being asked to choose sides. And there was no way that I could keep the peace without betraying someone. Unfortunately, I think they are headed for a major blowup. So, when this opportunity came up in New York, I decided that it was a good time to go and check out what the East Coast has to offer."
"New York? You're going to be living in New York? In Manhattan?" I asked, excited by the news.
"I'm going to be working in downtown Manhattan. Whether I'm living there, or commuting from New Jersey or somewhere else, I haven't decided yet. I've heard that finding an apartment can be really hard. And expensive. I'm still trying to pay the Cohen's back for college, so I'm hoping to find something that doesn't break the bank."
"I doubt the Cohen's expect to be paid back," I point out.
"I know. They keep saying that. But it's something that I need to do. Plus it will get Seth off my back."
"Why is Seth on your back?" I ask, perplexed.
"Let's just say that Seth isn't too happy with the allowance that his parents are giving him. They want him to go back and finish college, so they're making things difficult for him. I think that at this point, they'd even be happy if he went a got a decent job of some sort. But you know Seth … that's not likely to happen. And good quality pot doesn't come cheap. He likes to remind me privately that I am indebted to HIS family."
I could see how guilty Ryan felt about that and it just made me even angrier at Seth.
"They're your family too! I swear … I haven't had a rage blackout since I left him but if he was to walk through that door right now …"
"You'd do nothing," Ryan said, cutting me off. "This is between him and me; or, me and his parents. Whatever the case, I'll feel better when it's all paid back."
"Well … I can help with that," I find myself suggesting.
Ryan frowned. "I'm not taking money from you."
"And I'm not offering you any. But I do have a loft apartment in Soho that's empty most of the time," I explain.
"You what? I thought that you were based in LA," he said.
"I was, before the divorce. But I decided that I was still too close to Cohen. The last thing I wanted was to run into him somewhere. So I transferred to the New York office. Of course, Daddy wouldn't hear of me not having somewhere nice to live, and so he bought the apartment from a colleague of his that was moving out here. It worked out really well."
"I had no idea," Ryan said, obviously surprised.
"I'm sorry that I haven't kept in touch. It just seemed better to …" I start to explain guiltily, knowing that after the divorce, I just wanted to put all things Cohen behind me.
"Don't worry about it. It's my fault, too. Although, in my defense, I did check with Julie, and she told me you were doing okay, but she never mentioned that you'd moved."
I was touched that he'd taken the time to check up on me.
"Yeah, I'm fine. If anything, getting rid of Seth gave me a new lease on life."
"I can see that. You seem happy. And I'm happy that you're happy," he comments and I can tell that he means it. But then again, he usually means what he says. Not like Cohen. I'd spent so much time trying to figure out when Seth was telling the truth and when he was lying that being able to accept what was said at face value was quite a novelty for me.
"I am. I'm busy and I feel like I'm making a difference," I explain.
"So what are you saving these days?" he asks, an indulgent grin on his face.
"I've actually progressed. I'm not stirring up the protestors anymore. I'm off to San Diego on Monday to hold some discussions with the people at Seaworld about a new dolphin breeding program. It's actually quite exciting."
"It sounds like it. I'm proud of you," he says and I'm surprised by the sudden swelling of my heart. Who'd have thought that it would mean so much to me, to have him say those words?
"Thanks," I reply meekly and am saved from commenting further by the arrival of waitress with our food.
We both attack it with gusto, laughing at the inelegant sight that we must have made, but enjoying it just the same.
When I'd quelled the hunger pains, I brought up what was on my mind.
"But back to New York. You have to stay with me. It'll be great."
Ryan stared at me for a moment and I almost lost myself in the blue depths of his eyes.
He gently shook his head.
"Thanks for the offer, but I don't think so."
"Why not? The apartment is huge. It's a little sparsely furnished right now, but that's because I'm rarely there. But you may as well make use of it."
"I can't Summer. If Seth found out that I was …"
"Forget about Seth. I have."
"I'm afraid it's not that easy for me," he says and I can see how troubled he feels. I'm only making it worse, without meaning to.
"At least use it until you find something else. I won't even be there and Seth doesn't need to know," I point out.
I can see that he's carefully considering my suggestion.
"I'll think about it."
"Okay. I can live with that," I agree, deciding to not push him any further right now. "How about a walk on the pier? Balboa Bars? I'll buy."
"Sounds good."
