Super-fast update! More shameless feel-goods. The slightest of bashing, maybe. And if anyone else knows a story which deals with either making Tony the 2IC or why it happens, please please let me know! I'd love to see what other people come up with.

Undone

"Well?" Fury opened, when all (living) criminals were in cells and the Avengers - sans Rogers and Stark - had been rounded up for debriefing. He had a notepad on the table before him, SHIELD having fully appreciated just how insecure digital files could be ever since the minor brain hemorrhage that had led to Tony Stark being permitted to set foot on the Helicarrier.

Debriefings were normally quick affairs, especially after battles in which SHIELD actually had an eye in the sky. Generally, Rogers would report for the team and - if Stark weren't there to stir everyone up - the whole thing would be done within ten minutes.

Without either of them there, nobody was volunteering to talk.

"Fine, we saw most of it and Rogers will file a report later. What I really want to know is: Why Stark? Cap went down, Stark took the reigns and you all just let him. You let. Stark. Order you around. Why?"

He could feel Hill tense at his shoulder, his second wanting the answer just as much as him. She was young, had never known Howard Stark and was female to boot - Stark got her back up on a good day. It would take a direct order from Fury himself to make her ever follow Stark's lead and that was something he was very glad to know. In fact, it might just be time to give her a raise. He just needed to know what was going through the minds of the Avengers first, to make sure whatever insanity they'd fallen prey to wasn't contagious or something.

His gaze skated over Barton - who was already smirking lightly at whatever he was picking up from Fury - to Widow, who met his gaze with scrupulously attentive silence, then skipped over Banner to land on Thor.

"I would think," Fury began carefully "that in a situation like today, you yourself would be inclined to take command. I'm… curious, why that was not the case."

Thor looked honestly surprised.

"Though I care greatly for this world, it is not my own." He answered simply, as if Fury had somehow missed that fact. "My experience with your terrain, combat methods and battle tactics are… minimal."

"Alright, fair enough. But help me out here. I'm trying to understand why, with yourself not an option, you would follow a man who's basically a civilian. Barely a warrior." Fury persisted. "I'm… concerned that he may have given you an unrealistic impression of his authority."

Thor drew himself up, though if his offence was for himself or on Tony's behalf, Fury couldn't tell.

"Tony Stark has made no claim to authority within my hearing." He said sternly. "Although he is a gracious ruler of many people."

Behind him, Hill coughed sharply.

"I'm sorry. What?" Fury thought furiously about who he could lay the blame on for this screw-up. If the Council found out that the soon-to-be King of a powerful alien race somehow thought that Tony Stark was his otherworld counterpart…

"I understand that many Midgardians elect a petty official to act as governor for petty concerns." Thor explained, almost patronisingly, resulting in a swiftly hidden smirk from Barton and a twitch of Banner's lips. "The management of food and water supplies and such. My Jane and her young Darcy have explained this to me. However, I also understand that there exists a 'capitalist' system in which those who possess wealth are the ruling class. Whoever possesses the most wealth possesses the most power. Our friend and shield-brother, Tony Stark, possesses a great deal of wealth and thus would be considered - at minimum - a Lord of great esteem."

Alright, forget the Council. Fury just hoped the Internet never caught wind of Thor's comprehension of the hierarchy of capitalist humans.

Thor wasn't finished.

"As I fight within a different world, for a different world's people, it is only proper that I follow the command of a leader of that world. Captain Rogers is a fine warrior, chosen to lead the Avengers for his skill. In his absence, however, it is only natural that command would revert to the Lord who sponsors him."

"Sponsors."

"Yes. Is it not true that Tony Stark shelters, provides for and protects every member of the Avengers, including Captain Rogers? That they - and I - eat freely at his table? Were we to be in Asgard, I would offer the same in turn. But here, in Midgard, Tony Stark shoulders that duty and does so with an ease and grace I find myself admiring. Though he is little, and young, he has much to teach me."

Fury's internal dread, that Stark would ever find out the Asgardian heir thought so highly of him, was matched only by the level of malicious glee at the notion of the Council ever finding out. Sure, it would kick off a migraine of unmatchable proportions - thwarting Council-sanctioned assassinations against Stark always did - but it might just be worth it.

Especially if he used a handy little 'rainy day' program he had that would filter out the obscuring shadows from the Council's faces.

To distract himself from the combination of temptation and aggravation, he turned to Banner.

The man had the gall to shrug, still smiling a little.

"I don't really… remember much. When the other guy is… in charge. You know that."

"But I know you sometimes retain glimpses. Impressions." Fury persisted doggedly. "I'm trying to understand what happened, so… 'problems' don't happen in the future. If the Hulk is prone to just taking orders from anyone-"

"He's not." Banner snapped, eyebrows furrowing before almost immediately smoothing again as he caught himself. Fury didn't react, forced himself not to. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Romanov was equally blank-faced whereas Barton just looked bored. Only Hill had visibly tensed at the threat of Banner losing his temper.

"It's not like that at all." Banner temporised. "It's just… The 'other guy'… he likes Tony. I, uh. I think they're friends. And, maybe, I kind of get the impression that the only reason, uh, the other guy ever listens to Cap at all, is because Tony does. Or, well, Iron Man does."

He sat back, looking politely apologetic but also faintly smug. He had good reason to. Their greatest weapon stroke ticking time bomb was on the side of the narcissistic loose canon who had no compunctions against taking on the world, if he ever thought the world had it coming.

"Wonderful." Was all he allowed himself, before turning his gaze to Barton.

"And what about you?" He asked brusquely. "Normally the two of you can't stop arguing on the comms long enough to do your goddamn jobs, but suddenly Stark says 'Jump' and you just do it?"

Barton shrugged.

"Not exactly." He added, when Fury's expression made it very clear that shrugging was a court-martial-able offence. "Stark's a dick, and that's basically what I like about him, but when the shit hits the fan and Iron Man makes the call? Yeah I'm gonna follow orders. Who wouldn't?"

Fury turned to Romanov, almost ready to beg the woman to be the voice of sanity - or borderline contempt - she normally was.

"Iron Man Yes." She just offered simply. "Tony Stark No. I meant what I said, sir. If Tony Stark gave me an order, I'd slam his face into the ground and rub gum in his hair. But Iron Man? He's not just a genius on paper. He's the most manoeuvrable member of the team, with an AI to help him keep track of the entire field and he can throw together a workable plan as easily as he can show up Mr Fantastic as the gigantic wanna-be that he is."

Barton snickered. Natasha had gone undercover with Reed Richards once before. She'd come out with a deep appreciation for Tony Stark's particular brand of fuck-you technical flair and - most importantly - competency. Stark's ego was at least justified, she'd grumbled to him after the fact. Richards, on the other hand, was so busy being in love with himself that he kept forgetting minor yet vital components to everything he did.

Fury just looked at her.

"…Stark?" He did not, not, whine. The slightest lift to her lips for a split second argued otherwise.

"…When the chips are down." She explained graciously after a moment. "Tony Stark is Iron Man. There's no difference. And I have two certainties. One; a certifiable genius with a proven track record of on-the-spot problem solving is offering solutions and Two; the man barking orders in my ear will be putting himself in twice as much danger as any of us, because he'd sooner take the hit himself than see one of his people go down."

Fury blinked. Blinked again. Well, when she put it like that.

"Gum?" Banner asked curiously. "Really?"

Silently, the red headed woman withdrew a slender stick of foil-wrapped gum from her belt, then tucked it back.

Bruce Banner, aka The Hulk, dissolved into giggles that would embarrass a seven year old girl.

"I've been wondering why you started carrying them around." Barton put in, idly spinning an arrow through his fingers. "I tried to put money on 'halitosis' but none of the guys would take me up on it. Well, except Stark, but that's no fun."

"So, just to clarify." Fury dragged them back on task. "The one man that I was pretty sure everyone universally regarded with tolerant disdain at worst and amused affection at best is, in fact, somehow, the second in command of the Avengers?"

Glances were exchanged.

"To put it in Midgardian terms," Thor offered kindly "'Duh'." He beamed proudly at the rest of his team.

"Darcy is improving my familiarity with your common tongue, so that I may speak with you at a level beyond what the Allspeak enables." He explained.

Hill looked carefully away from Fury.

"That's very dedicated of you." Romanov observed tranquilly. "And something that everyone would respect when coming from a foreign dignitary. Thank you."

"'Tis a small, but worthy endeavour." Thor replied graciously. "I am studying the work of 'The Simpsons' so that I might also better comprehend the vernacular of the noble working-class."

"Right on." Barton approved with a shameless grin. Fury decided he'd had enough.

"Where's your new illustrious leader, then?" He asked sourly, already tearing his notes out of the pad. Tony Stark only ever showed up when Rogers made him. He knew better than to expect the team's amazing new leader to do his duty long enough to debrief or - god forbid - send in a report.

"At Cap's bedside, is my guess." Barton reported idly. "Stark does not react well when his people get hurt." He grinned. "Kinda makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, don't it?" He observed, mostly to Natasha but including the room.

Banner just kept smiling, Thor squinted as he attempted to work out whether Barton's 'working class vernacular' was obscuring a different meaning, and Romanov rolled her eyes.

"Sometimes." She agreed, nearly making Fury choke on his own spit (and if he had, well, obviously the next step would have been to order Hill to shoot him dead because there were just some things even he couldn't come back from).

Almost as one, the four of them stood.

"If you'll excuse us, sir?" Barton asked, almost perfunctorily. "Our fearless leader just paged." A vague wave reminded Fury that every member of the group was still wearing earpieces, which meant JARVIS - at least - had heard every word of their conversation. "Something about hamburgers and picking up his laundry."

Natasha sighed and removed the piece of gum from her belt.

"If it's going to stick, I'd better start chewing now." She explained to Fury's intent stare, unwrapping as she went. "I meant what I said, sir. Iron Man Yes, Tony Stark No." She popped the piece of gum into her mouth and tucked the foil packet back into her belt, strolling out of the room like one of the - maybe the - top infiltrator/assassin in the world hadn't just told him she was about to go tackle a billionaire to the floor and rub gum into his scalp like a mean little kindergartner.

Following her, Barton spun on his heels and walked backwards for a few steps, grinning as he shrugged his shoulders.

"She liiiikes him." He confided in a stage whisper, before a hand shot back through the doorway, grabbed his collar and yanked him outside.

"We all do." Banner contributed on his way out, still smiling, but now laced with warning. "I guess that's why we follow him."

"Verily." Thor nodded. "I can only hope my own people will come to hold me in such esteem."

Then they were gone, the whole misfit band of migraine-spawning miscreants. Fury sighed and glanced down at the notes he'd taken. Then he handed them to Hill.

"Tell the Council that the Avengers had previously taken the initiative to establish a line of command for just such an emergency." He rattled in a practiced monotone. Hill took the papers from his hands and burned them to ashes right then and there with a small lighter in a small fireproof bag she'd taken to carrying around for just such situations. They were becoming downright pro forma for anything involving the Avengers these days.

"And that unfamiliarity with modern protocol resulted in Captain Rogers not thinking to report the amended structure to SHIELD. Our own agents didn't think to mention something so obviously the purview of their leader. The End. Oh, and run a note by hand to our friend down in Medical Six. Tell him I hate his guts."

Hill's lips might have twitched. More probably it was an illusion caused by the changing light as she shifted her weight.

"Yes sir. Anything else?"

Fury shook his head.

"Just, let me know if you think you or any more of my people might be compromised by that pain in the ass."

Hill nodded and left the room. Alone, Fury glared at the wall. His lips twitched.

"Goddamn Tony Stark."

End

So, today I found out that 'Reed Richards is useless' is actually a trope.

Huh. I just thought he was a combination of dork and jerk in the movies and that came out in this fic. I have no level of comic book understanding, so please forgive me if my ignorance has caused unfair levels of bashing.

I think my Widow is maybe a bit different from fandom norm. I like to think that her non-enemy threats wouldn't always involve painful death. I hope it wasn't too jarring for people.

If you got this far, please lemme know what you think!