Ooh, I'm sorry for not updating last Saturday. xP I had a library thingy. And then a party that I decided not to go to. And sleeping to attend to.
But, it's updated today! :D
Whoever cast this thing: Hey, we actually did a pretty good job of Jack! Only problem is he's too adorable. But, hey! In a cast full of young boys, you've gotta have one that teenage girls will drool over!
Jack: Where's the trumpet?
Ralph: What trumpet?
Jack: Isn't there a man here?
Ralph: Nope.
Random choirboy (*cough*Roger*cough*): Yaaaay! No grownups! That means I can throw small rocks at small children and boulders at fat children and shove sticks up pig's asses and smear dirt on my face and torture twins and-
Jack: Roger. WTF.
Random choirboy: *shuts up*
Jack: Anyway, we're going to have to look after ourselves. You know, so we don't die and stuff. I mean, it's not like we'll murder two kids or anything! :D
Ralph: We're having a meeting!
Simon: Time to faint! Wheeeeeeeeee! *collapses*
Choirboys: *swarm like flies*
Nightkill: Heehee... flies... Lord of the Flies...
Everyone: *helps put Simon in the shade so he doesn't die or something*
Jack: Why are you not paying attention to my absolute sexiness? He faints like, all the time even though this is the only time in the movie he will!
Random choirboy: Dude, we can't just leave him to burn. Do you see how uncanonically pale he is? He'll be painfully sunburnt in like, two minutes!
Jack: NOBODY CARES.
Simon fangirls: We care! We care!
Jack: Anyway, we need to decide what we're going to do.
Piggy: Oh, that's why Ralph called the meeting. They're twins. Sam and Eric.
Eric: ERIC AND SAM.
Sam: SAM AND ERIC.
Eric: ERIC AND SAM.
George Weasley: Just get used to it. It's always going to be Sam and Eric.
Sam: HAH!
Ralph: I'm Ralph!
Simon: Time to wake up! *is absolutely adorable*
Simon fangirls: Aw!
Piggy: *turns to the choir. Random music starts to play* And what's your names?
Henry: Henry!
Maurice: *prolonged silence* Maurice.
Nightkill: Actually, this is 'Morris.' But he'd make a cute Maurice, way better than that lame Rupert kid that's apparently supposed to be Maurice. So, Morris is now Maurice.
Robert: *prolonged silence* Robert.
Rupert: *prolonged silence* Rupert.
Harold: *very prolonged silence* Harold.
Bill, AKA Roger's almost twin: *prolonged silence* Bill.
Roger: *prolonged silence in which he gives the camera a creepy look* Roger.
Nightkill: Let's count how many creepy looks Roger gives the camera! And he doesn't talk again until he's a savage, so ENJOY THIS ONE WORD!
Whoever cast this thing: We did a pretty good job with the choir, too. Except we made the two that were explicitly stated to be dark-haired and dark skinned like, bleach blonde and pale.
Simon: *prolonged silence* Simon.
Jack: AND I'M JACK.
Piggy: *starts to introduce everyone*
Jack: You're talking too much. I must give you an insulting nickname. You're slightly overweight, so... FATTY!
Ralph: Hey, I get what Piggy was saying earlier! His name's not Fatty, it's Piggy!
Everyone: *bursts out laughing*
Piggy: I'm so sad, I'm going to hide behind a tree.
The laughing goes on for hours. Eventually...
Jack: We should figure out how we're gonna get rescued, or something.
Ralph: We should have a chief... I'm not implying you pick me or anything... it's not like I called you here... and I'm not going to point out that I'm holding a pretty shell...
Random child number six: Take charge!
Jack: Me!
Everyone: ...
Jack: I'm head boy. And I lead the choir. I'm not going to mention that I can sing C sharp because that's just lame.
Nightkill: Oops. I was wrong. Roger talked again.
Roger: *manages to say these four words creepily* Let's have a vote.
Piggy: *is hiding behind his tree*
Ralph: Yeah! A vote! Who wants Jack?
Roger: Me! Me! I want Jack! I want Jack!
Ralph: ...Wrong choice of words. Who wants Jack to be chief?
Choir: *raises hands slowly*
Random child seven's arm: *is also raised*
Ralph: *counts the hands* I know I was never mentioned to be chief, but... who wants me?
Simon: Me!
Ralph: ...To be chief?
Simon: Oh, I already voted...
Everyone else: *raises hands*
Random child seven: *voted twice*
Piggy: But what if I wanted to be chief? Oh, whatever... *raises hand*
Ralph: I'm not even going to bother to count. I'm chief!
Everyone except choirboys: Yaaaay!
Choirboys: *begin to mutter amongst themselves. Actually, they appear to be playing telephone*
Ralph: Jack creeps me out, so I'm going to try to stay on his good side. He's in charge of the choir. What do you want them to be?
Jack: *prolonged silence* Well, we're a group of choirboys... it's only logical that we become hunters.
Choirboys: *look up at Jack blankly*
Jack: Take off the ominous black cloaks!
Choirboys: *take off the ominous black cloaks*
Random child number eight: *has a weirdly grown-up voice and just noticed the funny clothes* Why are you wearing such funny clothes?
Maurice: It's our uniform. Actually, it's a surprise nobody other than Simon fainted, because they're really heavy and black, and because the sun's out, black soaks in heat, and-
Jack: Maurice. STFU.
Random children: *laugh*
Jack: *pulls out a random knife and stabs an innocent tree*
Everyone: O.O
Ralph: Okay, people, listen up. If this isn't an island, we're probably going to be eaten by whatever cannibals live on whatever country we're on. If it is, then we're probably going to eat each other.
Roger: I've always wondered what human flesh tastes like...
Ralph: ...Anyway, three of us are gonna go see if it is. I'll go, because I'm the chief, and Jack, because it's only smart to take Jack so he can't control his choir - erm, hunters - and...
Everybody: Me! Me! I want to go!
Ralph: *picks the one person that doesn't want to go* You. The one who fainted. It's only logical to take the person who faints! :D
Simon: Whatevs.
Piggy: I wanna come!
Jack: Chief said three. Not four. Can't you count?
Piggy: Yes, I can count! One two three four five six seven eight eighty-seven... But the conch!
Everyone leaves. Piggy is left talking to himself.
Piggy: When somebody loved me... everything was beautiful...
And now it's time for review replies – by the characters. Oh yes, this shall be fun.
Allthegoodnonesaretaken: Lol *actually snorting with laughter* Why the fruit is the OMINOUS GROUP OF BLACK CLOAKS singing Friday?
Jack: …because fuck you, that's why.
10MidnightArrow11: Yea! Great story, now I can't wait for Saturday.
Simon: Thank you for reviewing. I'm glad you liked it. :3
Nightkill: Simon is now the default 'thanks for the review' guy.
anon: Lol u said omg there's a George where's Fred that's supermegaawsomefoxyhot.
Jack: You know what else is supermegafoxyawesomehot? Me.
LOTF Roger Obsesser: I love this. SO FUNNY!
Roger: Your username disturbs me…
Bonus content!
Jack: *is standing dramatically*
Roger: *is a voiceover* Imagine Jack Merridew decked out in pirate clothes.
Jack: *is now wearing pirate clothes*
Roger: I guess you could say he's… king of the high C's.
Well, I hope you liked it. x) Review?
