Chapter 2: Peeves and Potions Class

JK owns the characters. My plot. My potions teacher. My watery balloons. Don't sue poor Paddy.


There was no stopping them. They were like a swarm of cockroaches infesting your house. And even the trained professionals can't stop them. They are troublemakers. They are James and Sirius. They are going to potions class.

"Potions," Sirius muttered, as they trudged down the stairs to the dungeons. "I don't want to go to potions." He whined.

"Well then, Siri," James suggested. "Let's not. Let's find Peeves. He's cool."

"Well, it's easy to find Peeves." Sirius bragged.

"Oh yeah? Get 'em down here then."

Sirius ran and crashed over a glass vase. Then he yelled, at the top of his lungs (it echoed, since they were halfway to the dungeons), "Oh PEEVES!!"

"Sure, like that'll make a poltergeist come down here." James whispered to his best friend.

"Just wait, he'll come," Sirius whispered back.

It was dead silent, for about 2 minutes, then, Sirius started cracking up. It was too quiet. For too long. "Oh PEEVES!!" They both screeched.

About 5 seconds later, a little man with a wide mouth appeared, looking quite interrupted, and holding a screwdriver.

"Hi Peeves," Sirius said brightly.

"Oh it's Mr. Blackie so wackie, the teachers say he deserves a smackie..." Peeves said, until he couldn't think of anything else to rhyme with 'blackie.'

James whispered in Sirius's ear, "Why did we do this again?"

"I dunno," Sirius said back. "We were bored, and Peeves is cool?"

They shrugged in unison. "Peeves is getting boring. The insults are also getting boring." Sirius said, although he was always bored.

"I know," James agreed. "Let's ditch him." Sirius was right behind him. But Peeves wouldn't let him leave that early. Why, he hadn't even dive-bombed them with peppermints yet! "And where might you two marauders be going?" He cackled.

"To potions class, Peeves," James said, turning his head back to look at the dark-eyed man.

"What does 'marauders' mean?" Sirius questioned.

Peeves ignored Sirius and laughed, "Not today, oh no, you're not! Classes make your small brains rot!"

"Oh," Sirius said, eyebrows raised. He never knew that. He just thought that classes and homework and studying made your brains swell until they busted inside your skull.

Suddenly, Peeves grabbed a hold of Sirius's nose and yelled, "GOT YOUR CONK!" It left Sirius cracking up, instead how most students run away in fear. Best try James. A water balloon made contact with the side of James's face, splattering his left side with sugary water. The sugar made it sticky.

"No fair!" Sirius yelled at Peeves. "I wanna get hit with a sugar ball too!!" Well, Peeves always liked messing things up, even if the things enjoyed it. Sirius opened his mouth wide, and the water balloon landed on his nose, spilling the sugar-water down in his mouth and down his shirt.

"More, more, MORE!!" Sirius and James yelled. A wide-faced grin split across Peeves' face. They were surely going to get in trouble for this. Once Peeves threw about fifty sticky-sugar-water balloons at the now soaked boys, they got bored of it and Peeves flew off, looking for more things to destroy.

"That was FUN!" James screamed.

"I KNOW! Let's do that AGAIN, AGAIN, AGAIN!!!" Sirius grinned madly. Sugar was not good for Sirius to have. His mother found that out at a very young age. He was bouncing off the walls for hours. Literally. He bounced off of the walls.When Mrs. Black threw him agenst one.

Of course, they were in the dungeons by now, and the echoing and amount of noise was impossible to hide. Professor McDurman, the potions master, came hobbling out of his classroom.

Professor McDurman was an old man with thin black hair that was pulled into a small ponytail. He wasn't the easiest person to listen to. Even if you can live through Sirius's speech. McDurman's voice was very loud and it would echo throughout whatever room he was in. Annoying.

"Boys," He said, looking at them, robes sticking to their bodies, hair wet and limp stuck to their faces. "Wha- What happened?"

"We er- accidentally ran into Peeves on the way down, Professor," James said in a courteous sort of voice.

"Yes, sir. And Peeves kept throwing sticky water balloons at us!" Sirius said, in the most hyper-polite voice he could muster.

"Peeves, eh?" Mr. McDurman said. "Well, you're still late for class. Very late. 25 points from Gryffindor. Each."

And the three walked into the Potions classroom, full of Gryffindor and Slytherin first years. Fifty points from Gryffindor. Sirius and James- still sticky, sugary, and wet. Sirius- still hyper, as always. They got a lot of stares at the state of their robes.

"Now," the Professor said, sitting back down, "that we all are here, and I finished our role call, I'd like to say that Sirius Black and James Potter finally arrived. They seemed to have a mishap with our poltergeist."

The students weren't surprised. "And so we will continue our class by brewing a very simple potion with very few ingredients."

Sirius raised his hand before speaking this time, but didn't wait for Professor McDurman to call on him. "Professor, did you, by any chance, tell us- the point of potions class?" The Gryffindors laughed.

Professor McDurman pretended that he didn't hear Sirius's question. "Now, the instructions are on the board. And the ingredients you need can be found in this cupboard. You have forty minutes. Begin." He showed them a blackboard with 10 instructions on it, and opened a closet-like cupboard.

James and Sirius were sitting next to a (VERY) greasy haired boy they had encountered on the train ride to Hogwarts. His name was Snivellus Snarp, or something like that. Sirius decided to make a new Slytherin friend. "Hey Snivellus!" He said to the boy, who ignored him. "Hey Snarp!" Sirius said again. The greasy haired boy turned.

"Are you talking to me?" He had a soft voice, which was hard to hear in the room of hustling students.

"Yea, isn't your name Snivellus?" Sirius was still grinning. It was a LOT of sugary-water-balloons.

The boy sighed. "No."

"Then what is it?"

"Severus Snape."

"Oh. Severus? What kind of deranged parent would name their son Severus? I mean, look at the name. Sever-us. Kill-us. Kill us Snape! You're a killer pureblood loser person!" Some nearby Gryffindors giggled into their cauldrons.

"What kind of deranged parent would name their son Sirius?" James said, jokingly, adding some stick-like ingredient to the cauldron.

"Shut up." Snape and Sirius said at the same time.

"I'm still calling you Snivellus, though." Sirius said, pouring a cold liquid into their (his and James's) potion.

"Fine. Just not Kill Us." Snape pushed a lock of greasy hair behind his ear so it wouldn't get in the potion.

"Fine with me. Kill us Snape."

"Stop insulting my name! As if it's MY fault!"

"Stop insulting my imaginary friend! It's not HIS fault he's half giraffe!" The argument became more and more pathetic, while more and more of the class began watching the two. McDurman, however, was reading, and paid no attention to his class whatsoever.

"When did we pull your imaginary friend into this?"

"Since you insulted him."

"I never insulted your imaginary friend, Black!"

"Kill us, you know you did!"

"Did NOT!"

"Stop bickering like a little child or I will be forced to do some 'Black magic' on you."

"You don't even know any spells, stupid!"

"Yea, as a matter of fact I do, Pureblood."

"Which one?"

"AVADA KEDEVRA!"

I promise you all that there WILL be a chapter 3 and possibly 4 before I leave. 'Marauders' acually means 'theives and plunderers' or somthing like that. Review, please!