Okay, to start off, we want to thank all the people who left such lovely reviews (not so much the judgemental sexualist who decided to rather inappropriately leave a horribly rude rant). We only had one suggestion of mishaps to include (PPitP, thanks a bunch), so please remember to leave anything you want included- however minor.

As before, if you want this story to have the full effect, it really needs to be read aloud. With both a dramatic voice and actions (it'll really add to the beginning of this chapter). Well done to those of you who did so for the last chapter. Virtual cakes to you (because we don't think you need any more cookies).

Disclaimer: We don't own Merlin :'(


When Merlin woke just a few short minutes into his nap, it was to the rather surprising sensation of being slapped about the face. The years of intensive, and more often than not fruitless, training with Arthur alerted him to danger. He opened his eyes, expecting to see one of the many generic bandits who seemed to so enjoy plaguing Camelot's countryside.

What he wasn't expecting to see was a somewhat bedraggled, and horrifyingly familiar, face.

A woman's face.

A face which haunted the dreams of men far and wide.

A face which belonged to a name.

A name which was whispered in the most terrifying of tales.

That name was…

Merlin drew back, hardly able to contain the horror he felt at the sight before him. The dreaded name escaped his lips before he could stop himself. A single whisper. A single word.

"Vivian…"

The platinum-haired woman snapped up straight where she knelt, sending him an arrogant glare. A glare which Merlin had noticed long ago seemed to be an inherent trait among the nobility- some might even say that it was a talent reserved only for the utterly stuck-up.

"That's Lady Vivian to you."

Immediately swooping back down, and speaking in that sickeningly sweet voice- which was the very sound to have put both him and Arthur off of honey for no less than two months after her previous visit- the figure of nightmares continued. "Now where's Arthur?"

Merlin blinked hard. And then blinked again. And again. Maybe, he reasoned (he seemed to be reasoning a lot lately), if he wished very, very, very hard, then the creature before him would disappear and be replaced by something easier to deal with. Something like another questing beast for example.

Unfortunately, it wasn't to be.

The monstrosity pressed it's face ever closer to his, and practically screeched "Where. Is. MY. Arthur?"

Merlin gulped.

He didn't really want to die today. But he was fairly sure that even dying would be a more pleasant experience than what Arthur would come up with if Merlin were to return to Camelot with Vivian in tow. As such, he chose the next best option.

Retreat.

Quickly.

Darting to his feet (well, attempting to dart- it was kind of hard considering the unnecessarily shiny chains and all- it was more of a stumbling really), Merlin promptly began to hop as fast as he could back in to the forest filled with man-eating creatures which he had just managed to escape from. After all, anything was better than remaining where he was… Surely…

Unfortunately, the monster was somewhat faster than a muscle-less manservant, who also happened to be restrained by unbreakable (and unnecessarily shiny) chains. She/It quickly latched onto the chains and yanked him back on to the road. Where he landed. On his back. Again. Another thing he seemed to be doing quite often of late.

Vivian, not noticing that Merlin had immediately began to worm his way back towards the trees, began to rant.

"Where is my Arthur? I want to see my Arthur! I haven't seen my Arthur in over a year!" She continued like this for a good few minutes. Until she finally realised what Merlin was doing. At which point she decided that it would be much easier for her to just sit on the man.

'Well,' thought Merlin, 'I guess I'm not going anywhere for a while…'

With that in mind, he decided to ask the question which quite frankly should have popped in to his head the moment he had first seen the detestable creature now perched on his ribcage.

"Lady Vivian," he choked out, "what are you doing here?"

Vivian looked snootily down at him, then nonchalantly exclaimed the following.

"Oh, I just grew so tired of a life without my Arthur that I escaped daddy's castle, stole a cart from an ugly-looking man in the street, and decided to make my way to Camelot. But I was concentrating on the thought of my dear Arthur so much that now I'm lost!" She screamed. A shrill scream which could have rivalled most banshees. Then sighed. Finally, after barely a second of quiet contemplation, she glared down at her captive once again.

"Now- I know that you're the ugly little thing which follows my dear Arthur around. So tell me- which way is Camelot? Which way to my love?"

Merlin gulped. Again.

Now it was decision time. Decision one- point Vivian in the right direction, hitch a lift with her to Camelot, and then get killed by Arthur. Decision two- point Vivian in the wrong direction, and then set off by himself once she had gone. Either way, surely he would still get there in time to warn the prat about the huge army headed his way.

Merlin really didn't want to die. So decision two it was.

Jerking his head to the left (which just so happened to be the opposite way to Camelot- oh yes, Merlin was perfectly capable of directions- surprising that), he struggled to get a word in edgeways- Vivian had started yet another rant.

"He's that way. Just follow this road for another day or two. You'll get there. Eventually."

It was at that precise moment that the sky decided that Merlin didn't really have it hard enough. It started to rain. Well, pour really. Well, it was more of a torrential downfall.

Vivian, deciding that her precious hair needed protection (after all- Arthur deserved to see her at her best) promptly proceeded to yank Merlin's neckerchief from where it was tied and fasten it around her own head- Ignoring, of course, the violent protestations coming from her current perch.

"Ah," she crooned, "It's been near Arthur!"

Moments later found Merlin alone once again. This time, in the pouring rain.

And, to his utter and eternal misery, without a neckerchief.


He he. Well, you know the drill. Review. Leave suggestions. Giggle. Smile. Be happy. Have fun. Etc. etc. etc.

See you next chapter (although not literally)