Note: Starting from this chapter, scenes in italics will be denote flashbacks.
Teacakes
The gist of the story is, Enzan and Netto had a complicated relationship.
They were friends, rivals, and perhaps once-lovers.
They were inseparable.
Invincible.
Perfect.
But not infinite.
Even to this day, Enzan berates himself for having made stupid mistakes.
They cost him a friend, a rival, a once-lover.
An important person.
(And now all he feels is regret.)
Enzan didn't expect to see him again that morning.
Not that he doesn't think he would. That would have just been impossible.
Especially since he is the president of IPC, and he is now a computer scientist for SciLabs.
Sooner or later, it would happen.
He just didn't expect it so soon.
In retrospect, it has been too long since he last saw those muddy brown eyes. Blues repeatedly says he just misses him. Enzan doesn't really deny it, but he wouldn't let Blues be right about this (again), so he just shuts him up and gives him more work each time he is reminded of his little predicament. Blues doesn't complain about the load though, much to Enzan's chagrin. Blues just nods and accepts the paperwork. He (begrudgingly) will go through them anyway.
That doesn't stop his words from tapping Enzan's heart though.
Enzan knows he's just prolonging the inevitable. But he couldn't help it. Netto Hikari had pulled him in far too deep in his heart, and he (barely) got out of it, dead and unfocused. He couldn't let that happen again. He learned from his past, and he isn't about to repeat it.
(His heart whispers that he was the one who pulled Netto in deeper than he imagined, but he ignores this because he can't have these noises distracting him from work.)
Netto walks into his room uninvited and crosses his arms in front of Enzan. "Just who are you afraid of?" he asks.
Enzan stares up from his position on the bed. "No one. I'm not afraid."
"You're lying."
"If you knew that, then why the hell did you ask in the first place?" He is tempted to kick Netto out of his room and hide under the covers, hopefully catching some much needed sleep afterwards. But he doesn't do that because Netto is staring at him hard, like he's trying to read him. And Enzan knows that, to Netto, he's pretty much an open book.
"You care too much about what they think," Netto finally concludes after much scrutiny. Enzan scoffs.
"Shouldn't that be my line?"
"Maybe, if you were still twelve. But c'mon. We're nearly adults now. Aren't we a little too old for peer pressure?"
They meet in a little café a few weeks later. Neither of them had the courage to initiate the meeting. They shuffle through all of their excuses: deadlines, board meetings, contract deals… stuff like that. When Rockman had enough, he asked Blues to clear Enzan's schedule for one day. And that was the end of that.
Needless to say, the meeting is rather forced and awkward.
Enzan arrives at the café first. He isn't informed of why he doesn't seem to have a lot of work to do that day, but his instincts tell him that he knows the reason, deep down. Most of his important meetings were pushed to morning, and his schedule was free from three o'clock onwards. He finds it suspicious, but he doesn't say anything.
He goes to the café Blues directs him to without question.
He keeps telling himself that it's not because he wants to see Netto.
He keeps telling himself that it's not because he wants to fix everything.
He keeps telling himself that this little meeting wouldn't matter in the end.
He keeps telling himself that-
"Enzan?"
Screw it. Enzan is definitely sure that Netto's voice would put him on cardiac arrest one day.
"What are you doing here?"
"Don't pretend, Netto. Our navis set us up."
"Right, of course you'd figure it out too."
Enzan wonders. If Netto knew that, then why did he come?
…
He erases all theories before he could cling on to hope. He doesn't want to be (disappointed, assuming) rude.
Netto sits down on the chair opposite of Enzan, and plugs Rockman into the café's network. Enzan does the same, despite his reluctance to let go of Blues. He knows he has to face this alone sooner or later.
The café is called Moonshine, and it is situated in one of the more remote parts of the city, away from the hubbub and the street noise. It is quiet and small and elusive; a ways from both IPC and SciLabs, but it's near Enzan's apartment if he takes a shortcut. Enzan would have found it a peaceful place if not for the situation he is in.
It unnerves him that Netto could still smile like an idiot, even in this predicament.
Is he smiling because he's happy to see me? Or is he forcing that smile?
Enzan had expected him to have an outburst or something.
He would probably feel better if Netto did have an outburst. He doesn't like not having control over the situation he's in. That much hasn't changed.
Is he smiling as honestly as he did all those years back?
He swallows thickly. Enzan could not imagine having Netto bottle his feelings down. He couldn't help but feel it was his fault.
(It probably is, his heart whispers.)
"What are you getting?" Netto asks cheerfully as he picks up the menu on the table. It annoys Enzan. How can this man be so happy when he's facing the one who broke his heart? "Hm, you think they have curry here?"
"It's a café," Enzan drawls, automatically settling in his sarcastic persona. It's his automatic defense mechanism. "If you want curry, go to Maha Ichiban then."
Netto laughs, and Enzan finds that sound both irritating and wonderful. "Yeah, they have the best curry in the world, don't they? Hm, I'll get a chocolate milkshake then. The banana split looks good though. You want coffee right?"
Black; two sugars, no cream, Enzan thought simultaneously as Netto worded his order out. It's amazing how they still synchronize. Did nothing change at all? Enzan could almost wish everything was just a bad dream. Those horrible memories feel so distant now, as if nothing happened between them.
Enzan could only hope, but he knows his reality well.
He looks at Netto – sees the remnants of the impish nature in him, corroded by stress and age and adulthood. There's a flicker of that boyish charm in his face, his voice; it still gets him even when they're both twenty-four and twenty-five and half a world apart. Their days of friendship and saving the world are long gone, and it feels like they're older than they should be.
Everything's different.
"Yeah," he says. "Coffee is fine."
"Just coffee?"
"Just coffee."
There is silence after that, and it feels uncomfortable. Enzan thinks it's an awkward one, but Netto doesn't seem to mind. Three minutes later, a waiter arrives with their coffee and milkshake. And they are left alone again.
"Why." It isn't even a question anymore.
"You know why."
Netto grumbles and looks outside the window. "… It's a stupid reason."
They try to start a conversation several times, but none last for longer than a minute. They were lucky if it lasted for two. They jump off different topics: work, friends, family, Net Security. The list goes on, but they couldn't find a good enough icebreaker. Netto is the one who leads the conversation eighty percent of the time, and anyone would have classified that as normal if they didn't sense the unfamiliarity in the air.
Enzan knows what's preventing them from actually talking, but he couldn't spit out the words that could break down the barrier.
He couldn't just leave the café either. Whether it was for the sake of courtesy, or because he didn't really want to, Enzan doesn't know. It's easier to think it's because of the former.
Damn social protocols.
"Rockman likes the new PET. So, thanks for that."
"The Blues version?"
"Yeah. Papa got it for me last month."
Enzan nods.
He gives up trying to be polite about halfway through his cup of coffee. Instead, he mumbles out a few phrases here and there just to keep up with Netto. He had resorted himself to looking at the simple scenery outside the café by the end of his cup. Today is the fifth day of snow.
He feels warm.
Strange. Why would he feel that?
"Laika won't be able to make it here," Netto continues with his chatter, smiling against his glass of milkshake. Enzan wonders how Netto could continue smiling like that, even when he's exchanging pleasantries with the one who toyed with his heart and screwed him over (but not really).
(But then, only Netto would be able to smile like that.)
He's amazing, Enzan thinks.
(But it's also annoying.)
"I didn't know he had plans," Enzan says a little awkwardly. He hides his emotions behind his business voice and poker eyes. In truth, it has been a while since he last heard from Laika – or most of the people he knew, for that matter. He doesn't even know what's happening around him anymore. He knows why that is, and he can't help but feel uneasy that he is bothered by it.
(He didn't used to care about people like Laika. Something changed.)
"He doesn't," Netto says, and Enzan lets out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. "But… it'd be nice if he did. We could have a little get together sometime."
"I wasn't aware that you miss us."
"Of course I do. Don't you?"
"… Maybe I do."
Netto laughs again. His voice is deeper now, but Enzan swears it's still one of the more beautiful sounds blessed upon the world. The most beautiful sound is reserved for his mother's voice of course, even if he can't hear her anymore. He hardly remembers it anyway, but he knows there's no sound more melodious than that. Nothing can rival it.
(Except maybe when they are in a dark dark room, and Netto whispers his name in a quiet voice as they fall on the bed, tangled in blankets and warm embraces, because everything is right for once.)
"He said they're still tangled in some Net issues. Again. Apparently someone's trying to sabotage the satellites or something, which makes the CopyRoids go haywire for some reason," Netto explains. "The military navis can hardly use them without blowing up or destroying the place, so it's pretty much unusable. Searchman almost got stuck inside the CopyRoid, but Laika got him out before it wrecked the place. It almost deleted Searchman, actually."
"Hm."
"You're not listening, are you?"
"Just a little."
Netto sighs. Enzan sees snowflakes falling down on his brown hair. He admires the way they are caught in those unruly strands – now free from the familiar bandana he used to wear. That one detail still bothers Enzan, and he couldn't believe how much he still holds on to the past.
Netto's smile is unreadable for once, and Enzan can't help but feel useless that he can't see through them.
(He used to, and he once thought that was his only purpose in life – such was the childish wish of a kid who tasted freedom once.)
He isn't surprised when Netto's eyes stare at his, and he gets nostalgic from that look.
Don't look at me like that.
"Enzan," Netto says without warning. There's a sparkle in his eyes that Enzan couldn't explain. "You think too much."
Enzan blinks in response. He looks away and mumbles, "You talk too much."
Netto laughs again, and Enzan feels happy that he was able to make Netto create such a wonderful sound.
"Yeah, well, what'd you expect?"
Enzan actually thought about this for a moment, even if it was more of a rhetorical question. Did he expect something to happen today, now that he has a chance to fix things? He probably did – probably still does – and now he feels stupid for doing so. Maybe nothing will happen, and he should have seen it coming.
Not all fairy tales have happy endings. Maybe his life isn't a fairy tale to begin with.
"Nothing, I guess." Enzan gives a rueful smile. So maybe they won't meet again, if the awkward conversations are anything to go by. But Enzan can live with that. Maybe. Hopefully.
(He still thinks this is the starting point, and maybe he should have done something if he wanted change, but he's too scared to do so.)
Kisaki Midori, the receptionist that Netto likes to befriend when Enzan's not around, stares at Enzan for a good amount of time. She takes a sip of her coffee. "You're being selfish, Enzan-sama," she says in an even tone. "Aren't you ashamed of yourself?"
Enzan puts the menu down and sighs. "Don't start lecturing me."
"But you're just taking it out on him. Did you ever consider how he felt about that?" She gives him a pointed look, but Enzan looks away. He tries to will the guilt away, but to no avail.
"… It's – I just." It frustrates him how he can't form a coherent thought right now, especially under the receptionist's stare. Enzan thinks that Netto is lucky to have her looking out for him. She's a good friend. "I need him, okay?"
She arches an eyebrow. "That's not enough reason."
It's as if he never grew up.
True, he became a successful businessman – a ruthless one at that. He is now quite the speaker, programmer, and netbattler. He doesn't let adults manipulate him or overlook him. He earns (more than) enough so that he could live (alone) on his own.
He is completely independent now as a person, and all he needs is Blues to survive.
Still, with all these emotions interfering with his thoughts, it's as if he's still a teenager.
It sucks, to say the least. Enzan doesn't know what to do, and that never happens.
(Except for that one time when Netto was in college, but that is the reason why they are here in the first place, isn't it?)
So, he thinks. Should he do something? Should he wait?
Does he want things to change between them? Does Netto want things to change?
Does he want to rebuild any sort of relationship with him, platonic or not?
He doesn't know. And it's a defeating feeling.
They are still sitting on the chairs outside the café with an empty cup and half-empty glass on the table, and a too small umbrella above them trying to keep the snow away. He doesn't know why they bother out here in the cold when there's so much space and warmth inside the café. Netto doesn't seem to mind – he hasn't minded anything since they met, and it still bothers Enzan because that is so unlike him. He should be complaining about something by now with a loud voice.
They're both cold though, as Enzan can feel when his hand brushes slightly, swiftly, against Netto's.
(There's still a warm feeling inside him, despite all this.)
"I can still see the snowflakes even when your hair is white," Netto says offhandedly. His eyes are looking at Enzan's head, and it feels unusual. Awkward. "Weird. But then, your hair always has been."
"Speak for yourself," Enzan says, snorting a little. "Do you even comb yours?"
"It's… a style."
"Right."
Netto rolls his eyes. He stares at Enzan a bit more, and Enzan dearly wishes that he is in a business meeting right now instead of enduring an awkward reunion with the man he hurt in the past.
"So is this it? You're not going to do anything?"
"About what?"
"About us."
Enzan doesn't answer. He wonders, why doesn't Netto do something then? But he couldn't bring himself to ask him, and anyway, it would have been a selfish question to begin with. If anything, Netto's probably thinking that it's Enzan's responsibility to make a move. After all, he destroyed everything. He should build it again.
Figures.
Netto tilts his head, and asks in a patient voice, "I miss us, you know. Before things happened."
Enzan blinks.
He's provoking me, isn't he?
He narrows his eyes. He's not going to fall for it. No, not when he's still (possessive, unable to let go) uneasy and confused.
There's this unexplainable sparkle in Netto's eyes again. Enzan blinks again. Netto is saying something and (it's something important, probably, because he's apologizing for the past or some shit, but Enzan couldn't tell what exactly Netto's talking about because) Enzan could only trace the way Netto's lips dance into a smile, and the way he twirls the straw around the glass, and how he keeps brushing his hair away because he's not wearing a bandana.
Netto holds his hand – Enzan doesn't know why (maybe his attention has been too selective lately) – and says, "Look, I know we haven't talked in, like, years. And it sucks, it really does. So can't we just, y'know, forget about everything and start over? I kind of want my rival back. And Rockman misses Blues a lot too. I mean, they still talk but. Y'know. It's not the same."
Enzan traces the shape of his body – from his jawline to his throat, to the collarbones there. His hands feel incredibly (tingly) warm, even though the hands holding his are cold from the snow.
He's never been this conscious about himself since… well, years actually. Netto just has that effect on him.
Netto gives Enzan a smile, one that's really genuine and slightly apologetic, and Enzan inwardly sighs. Of all the people in the world, why did he have to fall for this person? He could feel a sense of resignation coming over. Great.
"C'mon Enzan. Please? You could at least talk. I'm sorry, I really am. And I reeeaally want my friend back. If you don't want to, I guess I've got nothing else to say. It was worth a shot though." Netto gives him the puppy dog eyes for extra kick.
And damn it. It works. Enzan sighs.
Well… damn. Fine, he's doing something.
He's doing something, and he doesn't care about the consequences.
(His conscience tells him that's how this whole fiasco started to begin with, but he pushes that aside.)
(It's Netto's fault anyway. He's been provoking him from the get go.)
(Netto's fault. His.)
"Do you," he chokes out. Why is this so hard all of a sudden? "Want to come over?"
Netto practically beams, and his eyes are bright when he answers. Enzan wonders how emotional Netto can be with just his eyes. It's such an attractive characteristic of him.
"Sure! I'd love that." Netto looks practically overjoyed by this offer, and Enzan can't help but smile.
Damn. He hopes he doesn't screw this one up. Rockman will never forgive him if he does.
(He's pretty sure he wouldn't forgive himself either if that happens.)
