FYI: This is in Carli's POV. Last chapter was of course Jack's. Hope you like it. Please review whether you like it or not. It won't hurt my feelings. I can't please everyone and I accept that...lol. Thanks for reading!


I couldn't believe it was Jack. He looked so sick. Deathly almost. I knew he wasn't the same. But neither was I. I yelled at him for being a junkie and druggie. I'm just a big fat hypocrite. Making myself out to be the better person when I'm probably worse. My pills and my scars. He'd never look at me the same if he knew. I bet he'd never look at me again. But right now I was focused on him. Laying next to me. Like old times. It was never anything sexual, well except my last night there. That was the best night of my life. I'll never forget it. None of it. The way he touched me, the way he kissed me and soothed me when I wanted to scream in pain. He was so gentle. So careful. It killed me that I wasn't that girl anymore. The innocent girl he'd grown to know and love. I'd been corrupted since then. Drugs, alcohol, sex, and tons of abuse. Physical, mental...sexual.

"Quit thinking so hard." Jack mumbled into his pillow. I hadn't realized that I had tensed and was furrowing my brow. He knew what that meant.

"Sorry." I said softly. He picked his head up just enough to see me and give me that smile. The whole world could be falling apart around me, which it had a habit of doing, and that smile could make it disappear.

"I woke up again last night. Bobby was up and I told him you were up here. He didn't believe me until he came to see you. He dropped his coffee cup. It was funny." he laughed. He turned over on his back and leaned against the head board. He looked down and me and raised his arm. I smiled and slid up next to him. "Remember last time we were in this bed?" he asked.

"Yeah. How could I forget? What a going away present, huh?" I joked. He stayed serious.

"Why did you leave?" he asked. I shook my head and got up. He grabbed my arm and asked again. "Car, tell me. You come crawling through my window one night crying, you tell me your leaving the next day, we fuck and you actually leave." He said.

"Fuck?! Was that all it was?" I asked hurt. He stood up and walked over to me and held my arms.

"No. I didn't mean it like that. But you...left. Why?"

"I'm not ready to talk about that right now, okay?" He paused but nodded when he was the tears in my eyes. He pulled me to him and hugged me. I wrapped my arms around him and laid my palms on his back.

"Come on. Bobby's gonna have a cow if he doesn't see you soon." We laughed and opened his door. It was like Bobby had a radar to tell him when we opened the door because right as it opened, he came bounding up the steps and picked me up into a huge hug.

"Can't breath, Bobby!" I rasped out. He laughed and set me down. He looked at me and smiled.

"Sorry, it's just been way too long. You're so grown up now. Well, you don't look grown but you're older." He laughed. It was a well known fact that I wasn't the tallest person there was. I was short and petite. I hated it. Jack always used me as and armrest. Him, Bobby and Angel would take turns throwing me to one another like a sack of potatoes. Oh it was horrendous.

"Yeah, I know I'm short. But it has been way too long." I smiled and we walked downstairs. "Jack make me breakfast." Jack smiled and Bobby looked shocked as Jack nodded and walked into the kitchen. I looked at him confused.

"We need to talk later." He said seriously. It was so serious, it was almost scary. He just stared at Jack. I looked over and fully noticed how he look. He was much too skinny and looked rough. I had a feeling the talk with Bobby wasn't something I wanted to hear. We had a nice breakfast. I kept looking at Bobby who was staring at Jack. After we ate I decided it was time to talk to Bobby while Jack was in the shower.

"Alright, spill. I see the way you're looking at Jack. You're surprised every time he says something. Why?" I asked sitting next to Bobby on the roof. He looked at his hands.

"Because he's talking. He's eating. He's outta his room. He's not snapping at me when I look at him or speak to him."

"What's been going on Bobby?" I asked. I sw nothing but pain in his eyes as he spoke of the past year.

"He almost didn't make it. I know he blames me. I blame me. I should have never brought him into that situation. Not Jackie. He didn't need it. But I did. I let my selfishness get in front of protecting my family. He was so hateful when he woke up. He snapped at everything I said. I brushed it off thinking it was the hospital. Then he got home. We had a surprise party for him and he looked at us like we were strangers and walked away. He's not Jack. Not anymore. He's mean, hateful, and spiteful. He only comes out to eat and walk out the door. He leaves often but doesn't eat much. He goes away for days at a time. Comes back high out of his mind. He's abusing, ya know? Anything he can get, he takes. There coke all over this house. He thinks I'm stupid but im not gonna touch it. I'm actually afraid of what he'd do. He's so angry, Carli. I...I feel like I've lost my best friend. My baby brother." he said quietly. I reached over and ribbed his back.

"It'll be ok. It's Jack. He'll get better." I said trying to cheer him up.

"He hasn't touched his guitar in over a year, Carli. This is deep." he said. I was shocked to say the least. Jack loved his guitar. Jack loved music. He lived and breathed it. I nodded and looked down.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I can see the old Jack when you're around. Today he has been doing everything he hasn't done in a year. And it's because you're here. Help him see he's killing himself."

"Bobby, I can't."

"Yes, you can." he insisted.

"No. I'd be a fucking hypocrite. I have my own problems, Bobby." I snapped. I rubbed my face and looked down again. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright. It's not your problem. You just got back and it's not fair of me to try and drop all this on you." We heard Jack walk into the room and turned around. He smiled and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Talking about me?" he joked. If he only knew. Bobby said his goodbyes and left us.

"Come on, Jackie. You're not that important." I teased back. He smiled and pulled out a different shirt to put on. God, he looked good.

"Aww now don't be mean." he told me.

"Jack, can we talk? Like about something serious?" I asked as I sat down on the bed. He looked down and sighed. When he looked back up I saw something in his eyes that I've never seen in them before. Rage.

"No. I know what you wanna talk about. And no. It's nothing. Bobby worried? He tell you to talk to me? Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if he tracked you down to come here. I don't have a problem. I don't need help. Not from Bobby and not from professionals. And especially not from you." he yelled at me. He was furious. In a split second he changed. He scared me. This was not that Jack I knew. I didn't know who this was. It was then that I noticed the tiny spot of white powder on the inside of his nose. I shook my head trying not to cry.

"Whatever, Jack." I stood up. "I'm sorry I imposed so much. Hell, im sorry for caring. I'll leave you now." I turned to walk away when Jack grabbed my arm and threw me against the door.

"If you cared, you never would have left." he got in my face and yelled

"I had to!" I screamed back.

"Then give me a damn good reason why. Now!" He yelled in my face. I was so scared and he was squeezing my arms so hard I knew they were already bruising.

"You're hurting me, Jack." I said softly. His face softened and a look of horror crossed his face. He let me go and stepped back. I reached out for him and he moved away.

"Just go. Please, Carli, go before I do something I'll regret." he said softly. I nodded and left. I walked out the house and down the street. I walked past my house and found myself remembering the day before we moved. The day I swore Jack would never find out about.

I sat on my bed shaking. I was there alone wiht my step-dad, my mom was at work. I froze as I heard footsteps in the hall. I saw my door handle turn and Frank stepped through the door.

"Hey, baby." he whispered.

"I'm not your baby. I'm not a baby, I'm 16." I spat at him. I could already smell the whiskey on his breath.

"Don't be rude." he said as he crawled next to me in my bed. I froze.

"Get out. I'm tired." I told him. He put his arm over me. I scooted away.

"Stop." he said forcefully.

"Get out!" I told him getting out of bed. He stood up and grabbed my arms.

"Listen, you worthless little slut. I know you go around sleeping with that Mercer boy."

"No, I don't! I've never done that before." I yelled at him.

"Oh, really? That's even better." he tried to kiss me and I kicked him between the legs. Jack and Bobby had made sure I could protect myself when they weren't around. He fell to the ground and I ran out into the hall, right into my mom. She looked confused and saw him stumble out of my room.

"We're leaving tomorrow. Go to Jack's. Stay there. I'll pick you up in the morning." She told me and walked over to Frank. She was yelling at him and packing our things as I left. I ran over to Jack's and climbed in the window. He instantly woke up and took my in his arms. All the events from that night slipped away and I was safe again. Jack had me. I was okay.

That night I lost my virginity to him and the next day I left. I never told him and I swore he'd never find out. I looked at the house one last time and continued to walk to my hotel. I got there to find that they had fixed my reservations and I was able to get my room. I walked in and my stuff was already there. I walked into the bathroom and unpacked my make-up bag. Something shiny caught my eye and I pulled it out. I walked over to the tub and ran my bath water. I undressed and climbed in. I laid the razor on the side of the tub and stared at it. I relaxed for a few minutes and picked it up. I slowly slid it across my wrist making sure I did it lightly. I relaxed more a I saw little tiny blood drops fall into the water turning a light shade of pink. I set it back down and held out my arms. The scars were light but it was like I could still feel the pain. I was ashamed. Bobby and Jack taught me to fight off other people but they never told me how to fight myself. I slid down further in the tub letting the water cover my lips just under my nose. I remembered the look in Jack's eyes when he pushed me against the wall. Then I recalled the look in his eyes the night he took my virginity. They were two different men. I loved one and I was scared of the other. But which one I loved and which one I was frightened of, I wasn't sure. I closed my eyes and held my breath and let myself fall into the water. I stayed in the tub until my water was ice cold. I got out and went to bed. I laid there and thought about the time the brother taught me to ice skate. Jack and I were 13, Angel was 16, Jerry was 18 and Bobby was 21.

"Carli, quit moving. I need to tighten your skates." Jack demanded. They had tried to get me on the ice for years. But I always found my way out of it. This year I didn't have an excuse and they took advantage of it. Jack was tying my skates up and Bobby, Jerry and Angel were waiting on the ice.

"Ok. We're done." Jack said and stood up. He held out his hand for me to take. I took it, stood up and fell right into him. He laughed and I hit him. "Come on."

He held my hand tight as we got onto the ice. Bobby came up beside me and held my other hand.

"Now just move with us. Get used to the ice under your feet. Then when you feel comfortable, glide. It's easy, its just weird at first." Bobby said. He loved the ice and hockey.

"Ok." They held my hands as we slowly moved along the ice. After a few minutes I started to move my feet. I lost my balance for a moment but Jack and Bobby held me up. I smiled weakly at them.

"It's ok. You're doing good." Jack assured me. Bobby let me go and Jack and me moved along the ice. Angel and Jerry weren't too far behind us incase I fell. We moved faster and me and Jack were laughing.

"See? It's fun. Now if you would have let us teach you four years ago we could be having much more fun." Jack teased. I stuck my tongue out at him and he let me go. I screamed and fell on my butt. All of them laughed and Jack stuck out his hand.

"Never bite the hand that feeds." He said jokingly. I smiled and took his hand. About 20 minutes later Bobby was telling me I was a natural. I liked it. It felt nice. Made me feel free.

"I wish I was that girl again, Jack. I wish I could be her again." I thought out loud tracing my newest soon to be scar of my wrist. I laid my head back and fell into a deep sleep.