The next morning the sun rose over Corneria City with much sparkly shininess and happiness under a clear purple sky.
Corneria Intpl. Spaceport was massive. Runways stretched out and crisscrossed in different directions. Different layers of vertical landing pads and launch towers connected to different terminals with different monorails in different ways.
"Wow this place is different!" President-elect Pepper shouted to his friend and aide, Bill Grey.
They entered the spaceport's ten-story main concourse to the roar of jets overhead. Thousands of people milled and rushed about to their destinations under the expansive glass ceiling on walkways, escalators, elevators, and those neat moving floor things that make people feel like they're moving faster than everyone else just by walking on them.
The tall commanding bloodhound came through the second set of sliding doors with his entourage. Just then, three dozen reporters swarmed around the group with cameras, blue and yellow flashes everywhere.
"Ambush!" Pepper bellowed.
"Pepper! Pepper! Will you be legalizing drugs as president?!"
"President-elect Pepper! Is it true you paid Wolf O'Donnell to sabotage Drexel Longneck's campaign with that gay sex tape?!"
"Pepper! President-elect Pepper! I love you! Will you fuck my brains out?!"
"Everyone everyone!" Bill tried to calm the rabid pack of animals. "Dudes and dudettes chill out!"
Several buff security guard dogs touched their ears to listen for important security instructions while holding back reporters.
"Dude!" Bill continued articulately. "Pepper will be like holding a press conference at our first destination when we reach Aquas. So ya'll can fucking chill out."
"Pepper! When will you be checking into rehab?!"
"Dude I said like get the hell away from him!" Bill shoved an ugly mule with a reporter's tablet back into the mob.
Pepper stood tall above everyone and ignored the questions. His eyes glowed at something in the distance and for a moment he seemed hypnotized.
"Pepper dude?" Bill asked amidst the shouting. "Everything okay man? Dude? Dudedino? Duderama?"
"Get out of my fucking way!" Pepper shouted, grabbing Bill's face and shoving him back. The red-uniformed bloodhound barreled forward and knocked reporters out of the way.
"Oh!"
"Ow!"
"Oh my god!"
"Dude like where are you going!" Bill shouted.
"There's a Moonbucks down there!" Pepper yelled as he clothes-lined people with his arms, knocking over men, women, children, baby carriages. "Must have a mocha latte! Caffeine's the only drug I'm allowed!"
Bill smiled admirably. "Man, he like, knows what he wants, and he like, just goes for it man."
Pepper reached a balcony and simply jumped over the edge.
"What a psycho," a petite mouse reporter with glasses said, brushing herself off.
"Hey like fuck you!" Bill punched her in the face.
Back at the loft, everyone clamored to pack and get ready.
"Oh my god, I hope Falco can make it," Katt said worriedly whisking through the living room with her phone, throwing another bra in her suitcase. "He has to come. I need him there with me."
"Oooh!" Wolf grinned. "Yeah I hope he comes. He's cute."
Fox rubbed the grogginess off his face. This was the earliest he had been awake in years.
He lounged on the couch like usual with no shirt, not packing. "Don't make this any more fucking complicated, no more people. Falco told me he wasn't sure he could get all the days off at the shop. And also-"
"Oh my god oh my god," Katt bounced up and down fanning herself. "Where's Cassie? Fuck, if we don't get out of here in the next thirty minutes we'll miss our shuttle!"
Fox watched her boobs bounce. "I forgot what I was gonna say."
Wolf bit his pinky still thinking. "Hm Falco. Falco's kinda cute in that rebellious 'I hate everyone but I secretly fuck ass' kind of way."
"Hey," Katt pointed. "Only ass he's fucking is mine."
"Falco's not gay," Fox groaned.
"Of course he is," Wolf said. "He's just like you."
"I'm NOT-"
"Oh this road's been so traveled."
Katt jumped for her purse. "Oh my god, speaking of gay! We should call Slippy!"
"No," Fox growled. "Why do you keep wanting to add fucktards to this trip?"
"Fox," Katt sighed. "This whole thing is just going to be one boring political stop after the next. We might as well try and make the best of it."
"Make the best of it?" Fox asked. "When has adding Slippy to any social event ever been making the best of it?"
"That's the toad right?" Wolf asked.
"Yeah."
"Gay! Oh and he smells. Don't invite him."
"Oh my god, he does not smell," Katt said, already dialing.
"He does! He smells like… like a fucking toad… dipped in crap."
"Hi Slippy!" Katt squealed. "Guess what…"
Cassie the always beautiful golden retriever burst through the front door with a small suitcase. "Fox!" she shouted. "Are you packed?! I want you packed right now! Our shuttle leaves in less than two hours! We gotta move!"
"I'm already packed!" he shouted back. "Fucking hell."
Wolf grinned. "Oh Fox, she wants you packed."
"Is there some innuendo there that I'm not getting?"
"Well I don't know if you're not… 'getting' it. Teehee."
Cassie glared, "Wolf, don't get him riled up. Please, if you guys are gonna come, just please, no fighting, no drama, no gay. Can we just be civil?"
Katt paced around the living room blabbing on the phone to Slippy. "Yes… yes, I'm here with the boys, and Cassie. No… no… they're just making gay jokes like usual."
"Oh I get it now," Fox said. "Packed as in, she wants my ass packed in?"
Cassie groaned. "No. Packed as in, I want your clothes and belongings in a suitcase."
"Packed in by a nice fat cock, packing that ass. Now that I know what you like Ms. Cassie, I think I'll go pack."
"Everything is about cocks and gay with you isn't it?"
"No. Everything is about cocks and gay with Wolf." Fox headed for his room. "He made the joke, not me."
Cassie growled for tenth time. "I thought you said you already packed!" she shouted at the closing door.
"I lied," came the muffled response.
"Well he is right," Wolf admitted. "I'm pretty much all about cocks and gay."
Cassie stepped to Wolf and put her hands on his shoulders. "Wolf, I like you."
He blinked and froze.
"And you know I'm not homophobic in any way like Fox, but if you could please promise me, that on this trip, you won't have sex with anyone."
Wolf stuttered. "Wha…?"
"No politicians, no one we know, no one in general. It'll just save us from any drama or repercussions for me, for us."
"No sex?" Wolf bit his lip, trying to comprehend and fight the urge to feel upset.
"No sex."
"What if… now stay with me here… what if I wanted to get in bed with someone, take off my clothes, take off his clothes, and maybe we touch each other inappropriately and put things in places they shouldn't go."
"That sounds like sex."
Wolf pointed, "But what if it's not!"
"No."
Wolf turned angry. "Uh excuse me bitch, but if I remember correctly, me having sex saved your ass."
Cassie's radiant blue eyes narrowed at him. "I don't recall."
Katt watched from her phone. "Yeah… no… oh now Cassie is getting in a fight with Wolf... yeah you better come."
Wolf put his hands on his leather clad hips. "Remember I had sex with that ugly giraffe commerce chancellor, who was the only other candidate in the presidential race, and I got it on tape and sent it to the news so everyone saw and that's why General Pepper won? Hello? Didn't you read the last story?"
"Oh right, that," Cassie realized. "Well that's different."
"Oh my god, no it isn't!"
"Fine!" she resigned, dropping her hands. "You can have sex! Fuck anyone you want!"
"Yay!" Wolf jumped up and down. "But I think you mean get fucked."
"Right the whole 'you're the fuckee' thing, I forgot." The golden retriever sighed.
"Oh the wonders of prostate stimulation."
"You're even worse than Fox."
"You should have sex too," Wolf said poking her on the arm.
"What?"
"Yeah," he glanced at Fox's door. "C'mon, you know you like him."
Cassie followed his eyes to the door. She almost laughed. "Screw that, like hell I do!"
"Oh my god you so do like him!"
"No!" Cassie laughed. "No, I don't! The day I have sex with Fox is the day you have sex with a… vagina!"
Wolf gagged. "Never!"
"A dainty elegant vagina."
Wolf stuck fingers in his ears. "Lalalala I'm not listening."
"Shaved."
"You're a sick woman."
Cassie rolled her eyes. "Why do you want me to have sex with him? You should have sex with him."
Wolf guffawed. "I'd have to get him shitface drunk again."
"Well," Cassie thumbed her nose. "He'll be stuck on this spacecruise for a week, nowhere to go, nothing to do. I think he'll be getting pretty drunk on his own."
"Oh my god you're right."
Katt snapped her phone shut cheerfully. "Slippy is coming!"
"What?" Cassie swiveled around yet again.
Wolf started bouncing around the room, his bushy gray tail bobbing. "I'm gonna have sex with Fox! I'm gonna have sex with Fox!"
"Yeah," Katt continued. "I thought it'd be more fun if we got everyone to come. So yeah Slippy's coming. Oh and he's bringing ROB. Says he needs to 'work' on him, whatever that means."
Cassie stared.
"I'm gonna have sex with Fox!" Wolf twirled around a chair.
"Oh yeah," Katt remembered. "Falco was also there and said he got the days off, so he's coming too because he doesn't want to get stuck with Peppy alone… and oh yeah, Peppy can't be alone because he needs the guys to take care of him and give him his pills. Remember that time he glued cookies to himself? So yeah Peppy's coming too."
Cassie stared.
"I'm gonna have sex with Fox!" Wolf sung.
"You..." Cassie said lightly, trying to stop her voice from cracking into rage. "You just invited the entire Star Fox team to this cruise?"
"Yeah! It's gonna be oodles of fun!"
"I'm gonna have sex with Fox!" Wolf ran up between the two ladies, putting his arms around them grinning.
Fox burst from his door with a half-packed suitcase "NO you're NOT!" He bolted toward Wolf, jumping over a couch.
Wolf screamed and ran.
Fox chased him into the kitchen knocking over pots and pans. "If you touch me at all on this trip I will fucking kill you!"
They ran out of sight into another room with the sound of glass breaking, furniture getting knocked over, Wolf squealing, Fox growling.
Cassie blinked.
"Okay," Katt said. "Maybe not so much a blast. But we'll get through this. Think positive!"
"He's touching me!" Wolf shouted from the other room. "He's touching me inappropriately!" He squealed again with a large thud of bodies hitting the floor.
Katt put her hand on Cassie's shoulder. "Positive happy thoughts."
"Shut up!" Fox growled. "Shut up or I'll punch you in your good eye!"
"Fox stop touching me there! That's my no-no place!" Wolf giggled, then yelped with the sound of knuckles hitting his face.
Cassie glanced at her watch. "Okay we're going."
Will they make it on time?! You better hope they do… or else. Or else what? I don't even know.
