Thanks again to my beta yo-sirrah it always helps to have another pair of eyes
Bioware owns all.
Chapter One - Of Tea and Chocolate.
After Virmire he comes out of the med-bay and sees her sitting alone in the mess. Her shoulders are slumped; her head bowed staring into a steaming cup of something in front of her. She looks broken, defeated.
"Are you alright Commander?" he says softly and her head snaps towards him, surprised because she didn't hear the door opening. Quickly she turns her head away, but not before he sees the tears rolling down her cheeks. Keeping her face turned away she wipes those tears quickly on the back of her hand.
"Commander?" He asks again taking a step closer to the table and she turns her head back to face him, smiling sadly.
"I'm Commander Shepard." she replies, and he hears a sad note of humour behind her words. "I'm always alright." He looks at her a moment and he understands. She has to always be alright, always be strong, so that everyone else in the crew can lean on her. But who does she have to lean on? Who can she turn to? 'Me.' he decides.
"You can talk to me Commander" he says, daring to take a seat opposite her. "You know, if you want." he adds not wanting to push her, to scare her away. "I'm not about to fall apart because my Commanding officer is human."
She gives a short humourless bark of laughter at that and raises her head to look at him, her green eyes searching his brown ones.
"No," she says raising her cup to her lips. "I don't suppose youwould." She hopes he can read the compliment in her words. She's trying to tell him he's too good a solider to need to rely on his superiors.
For a moment they sit in companionable silence and she finds she's strengthened a little by his presence. She breaks a line off the chocolate bar that he hadn't noticed lying on the table, and dips it into the still steaming cup. She stirs the drink with it for a moment before putting the chocolate in her mouth, slowly pulling it out through her lips, sucking off the melted chocolate. Some of the chocolate smears on her lips but her tongue darts out and licks it off. A very specific part of Kaidan realises how erotic her actions are but right now he's more concerned about her emotional state. Right now he just wants to be there for her...but he knows he'll be revisiting the image in the privacy of his pod later that night.
"You know," she begins, speaking in a low sad voice. "my mother used to say that a cup of tea and a bar of chocolate could solve anything."
"Tea?" he asks, having never heard of the drink with it having been more or less replaced by decaf coffee.
"Yeah," she says, "here, try some." and she slides the cup across the table towards him. He takes it in his hand, careful to touch his lips to the cup in the exact same place as hers had.
"Nice." He states simply as he slides the cup back to her. She nods.
"Let me get you one." She rises from her seat, wanting him to stay, to share this with her.
"I'll get it Commander." he offers half rising from his own seat, but she places a hand on his shoulder and gently pushes him back.
"Let me." she says softly. "Besides, do you even know how to make tea?"
He laughs and shakes his head. He watches her as she moves over to the drinks dispenser ordering a cup of hot water. She drops a teabag in the water from the box she'd left on top of the machine and adds two sugars along with one of the small cubes of milk. He watches her, enjoying the way her body moves, marvelling at the way in which her arms and hands so used to holding weapons could seem so delicate and deft off the battlefield. She walks back to him stirring the cup, dropping the tea bag into the bin as she passes it.
"Here." She puts the cup into his hand, their fingers brushing for a moment and the jolt of electricity they both feel has them staring into each other's eyes. Embarrassed, she looks away quickly, fighting down a blush. She returns to her seat opposite him.
"Thanks." he says around dry lips.
"You're welcome." she replies automatically, for a moment they're both silent but it is a pleasant kind of silence in which neither of them feel the need to talk. Eventually she breaks off another line of chocolate.
"Comfort food." she mumbles, dipping the line in her tea again.
"Do you need comforting?" he asks without thinking. "I uh...I mean..." but she smiles at him, having no idea how much that smile disarms him.
"A little." she says, finding his slip utterly adorable. "That's why I have these..." she adds indicating the tea and chocolate before her. "As a kid, whenever I was upset, my mum wouldn't say a word, she just used to put a bar of chocolate and a cup of tea in front of me and wait for me to start talking." She smiles to herself at the memory of a kitchen breakfast bar on a farm a lifetime ago, where she and her mother would sit side by side eating chocolate and drinking tea. "Over the years it became one small piece of home I could have with me anywhere."
"It's nice that you have something like that." he says. She nods dipping the chocolate in the tea again and sucking it off. Kaidan feels his heartbeat quicken in response. 'Does she have any idea how sexy she is?' He wonders, 'Does she have any clue what she's doing to me?' He guesses not.
"I had to tell Ash's family..." she says quietly after a while looking away from him.
"That can't have been easy." he sympathises. She nods and moves her gaze back to her cup.
"I told them she died a hero. That she was an asset to the crew...I wanted to tell them that I curse whatever twist of fate made me choose between the best friend I've had in 10 years and, well... you." she gabbles, the words tumbling from her mouth. She can't help it. She feels relaxed in his presence and she makes the confession without really thinking but as she moves her gaze to his she sees the pain in his eyes.
"I'm sorry Lieutenant." she apologises, draining the last of her cup and folding up the remainder of the chocolate. "I shouldn't be burdening you with this..." She stands to leave but gets trapped in his eyes as he looks up at her.
"I don't mind." he says and she feels herself sinking back into her seat. "...why me?" he asks, and she knows he isn't judging her. He isn't sorry that she chose him. He isn't angry with her, but he just needs to know.
"I couldn't risk the Geth getting to the bomb." She shrugs and, taking a breath, decides to tell him the whole truth. "Look..." she says, her mouth suddenly dry. "I...care...cared, about both of you. In the end I made the choice as a Commander...nothing else. It was a completely logical decision Lieutenant; let me assure you of that."
"I know that Shepard," he states simply, his heart leaping at the fact that she cares. That he hadn't been crazy to think that she could feel the same. "You're too good at what you do for that."
"Thank you, Kaidan." she says, granting herself the luxury of letting his name cross her lips and he feels a now familiar shudder as she does.
"Anytime, Shepard." he replies softly.
"Will you be ok?" she asks. He nods.
"Will you?" and he watches as she smiles at this.
"You know, I think I will." she says before standing. "Goodnight Lieutenant."
"Goodnight Commander." he replies and watches as she sweeps off in the direction of her quarters. He stays in the mess a while, finishing the tea she made for him...wondering if there could ever be anything between them.
