"That part of his life is… complicated," said Meredith.
"I feel bad."
"You feel bad that he feels bad about his dead son?"
"No. I feel bad that he spent the whole day checking up me, and no one was checking up on him."
"And you feel like you should've been the one checking up on him."
"I'm a terrible girlfriend."
"No, Maggie. You're not. Then again, you've never been my girlfriend so what do I know."
Maggie shot Meredith a look.
"Okay look," continued Meredith. "why don't you just… do that? Check up on him."
"He never talks to me about Samuel."
"He never talks to anyone about Samuel," said Meredith, who at this point was busying herself in the kitchen to fix Maggie up with a glass of wine.
"Well we were all there when it happened. And he had April," said Maggie.
"Had sure is the word," said Meredith.
"Do you think they still talk to each other about it?"
"I don't know. They live very different lives now."
Meredith walked back to the sofa and Maggie accepted the glass of wine from her sister.
"Yeah, he told me… that after she got married, quit her job, and left… things started to change for him. She changed him."
"Is this all the God talk and the tree watching?"
"Yeah," she said with a bit of a chuckle.
"April and Jackson… that was big. Like the change-worthy, find-a-tree-and-cope kind of big, Maggie."
"I know, and I came into our relationship knowing that. And I'm good with it; I really am. It's just…"
"He's lived this big old life before you two were together and you're not quite sure where you fit in."
"Wow. Thank you, Dr. Phil."
"Yes, well. When you've been in therapy as much as I have, you pick up some things."
"Mer. What do I do?"
"Well first, this isn't a competition on who gets to be a bigger part of Jackson's life. Woman-kind has come way too far for that to be a thing – for us to bite each other's heads off and sit vigil while a man is expected to be the judge of who's better. We're better than that. Second – talk to him. Not necessarily about Samuel. But if you feel disconnected with him, then you probably are."
"You know what? You're right."
"I know."
"Meredith…"
"What?" asked Meredith, sipping her own wine and pressing her lips together.
"I'm gonna check up on you now, too, if that's okay. Have you been missing Derek today? And your other sister… Lexie?"
Meredith met her with sad but thankful eyes until a sentimental little smile grew on her face.
"Everyday."
"Morning."
"Mmm, morning," she smiled.
"How are you? That phone call last night sure did a number on you. You okay?" he asked stroking her luscious auburn hair.
Her smile dropped ever so slightly. She closed her eyes for a second, took a breath, then looked him in the eye and put a hand on his cheek.
"I will be," she said simply.
"I'd be lying if I said that I didn't overhear what it was about," he admitted.
"Yeah, I saw you by the door. Thanks for the space."
"How is he?" asked Matthew and to her surprise, he seemed genuinely concerned about Jackson.
"Last night was rough. It was very rough for him," she said sadly. "How are you?"
"Yesterday wasn't the smoothest sailing ship for me either. I miss her."
"I know," said April and she pulled him into a loving hug. "Ruby's looking more and more like her every day."
He couldn't help but smile about that.
It's been taking some getting used to now that their lives looked nothing like they were a few months ago when she was still working at Grey Sloan. So far, though, things have been good. They were trying to build a new life together.
They both got up and went through yet another version of their experimental morning routines. Things got switched around a lot, but a hot pot of brewed coffee never left that equation.
"How do you do that?" April asked as she poured him a steaming cup with lots of cream and sugar. She learned it's how he liked his coffee.
"Do what?" he tried to clarify as he accepted the mug. "God, you make the best coffee."
"I know. God makes the best coffee," she joked and playfully rolled her eyes.
"Do what, April?" he chuckled.
"Be so understanding all the time," she said.
"Oh by understanding, you mean how I manage to live in a house where my wife regularly calls her ex-husband like they're best friends and I pretend like he didn't run off with her on our wedding day all those years ago?"
"… Yes," she said, hugging her warm mug and blinking defensively. "Yes, that."
"It's 'cause I forgave you… and… and I forgave him."
That seemed to surprise her.
He widened his eyes for comedic effect and continued, "Don't tell him I said that! It's fun when he still thinks that I want to punch his perfect face…"
"…"
"April?"
"I can't tell you how much that means to me," she said softly. She walked over to him, bending down to meet his sitting frame and gave him a tender kiss on the mouth. Just when he started reciprocating, the baby monitor went blazing.
"Honey, I got it," she said.
"Hey."
"Hi. What's up?"
"I just wanted to apologize. For last night."
"You don't need to apologize for that."
"I made you cry."
"Well we were both bawling pretty hard…," she offered. "Jackson. You don't ever have to apologize for how you feel about him. And I know you've been trying to be at peace with a lot of things lately."
"Yeah. A lot of things. Lately."
"Any of them you wanna talk about?"
A slight pause. "No, I'm good. For now. Thank you. Thanks for bein' there."
"Alright," she said in a slightly brighter tone.
"Send my regards to the… Matthew."
"To the Matthew?" she laughed.
"I was going to say 'to the husband' but that's gonna take some getting used to," he joked.
"For you and me both."
"Speaking of Matthew, does he know that I call you?"
"Yeah," she said, like it wasn't even an issue.
"He does…"
"Yeah," she replied, even more casually.
"Huh. That's… big of him."
"Say that again?" she sang, and he could hear a laugh escaping through her nose.
"I just called Matthew Taylor big…"
"You did."
"No, April, don't make me think about it," he said palming his face.
"Hey I'm not making you think about anything. You were born with a dirty, dirty mind."
"…Is he though?" he whispered, unable to help himself.
"I am not answering that question," she said, half indignant, half amused.
"Just give me a number. In inches."
"Listen to yourself!" She had a point and he knew it.
"It's for my ego. So in that case, throw in an estimate for Roy and Koracick, too, while you're at it."
"I am actively blocking those stints out of my memory. Completely. So sorry, buddy, no can do."
"April Kepner sleeping around. Who would've thunk it," he said, but his words were making him feel more uncomfortable than it made her.
"Not my proudest moment," she said, but she said it with some lightness to it. It was almost carefree. Like she forgave herself for it. It was nice for him that see that she's finally reached a point where she's been able to let herself off the hook, which she didn't do often if not at all.
"Hey, I'm proud of you."
"For what? Sleeping around?" she asked, puzzled.
"For coming out the other side. I… I admire you for it. A big part of who you were was tested to its breaking point and you managed to come out it with so much more resolve… And here I am just learning about how all this stuff works…"
"Jackson, I…"
"I just wanna thank you, April."
"For what?"
"You inspired me. I feel inspired," he shrugged, "To be a better doctor, a better person… I… I wish I was a better husband." He chuckled dryly. He put himself in a vulnerable space by admitting that, but he didn't care. He felt safe talking to her. "…You still there?"
"Why do you keep trying to making me cry? I thought you were sorry," she said with a sniffled breath.
He managed a little laugh. "I just… I don't know. I thought you should know."
She tried to form words but before she could respond, he switched pace.
"Anyway, so I got Hattie this weekend, right? I can pick her up at the 'ol Taylor Residence. Is that what we're calling it now?" he said, trying to feign a much lighter mood. "Man, I have to say, April Taylor doesn't sound too horrible."
"Yeah, that's not my name," she said lightheartedly.
"It's not?"
"Nnnope."
"Why not?"
"Mmm, reasons," she chirped nonchalantly. "And yes, I will see you this weekend for the exchange."
"Ooo, sounds like a shady drug transaction."
"It's our daughter, Jackson!" she said, trying hard to sound serious.
If he was there with her right now, he was sure he'd get a slap on the chest for that.
"I'll see you then," he teased.
"Alright."
They hung up the phone and all he could think about was how small a price a slap on the chest was for him to pay.
