"Good morning, Mathieu!" papa says brightly as I sit down at the table. It has been four days since we've moved it. "Breakfast will be ready in just a few minutes!"

"Alright." I say, pouring myself some apple juice. It's my own personal bottle, as Alfred swears by orange juice. "Did you sleep well, papa?"

"Oui, oui." he says. "Although I think the neighbors stayed up watching a horror movie of some sort."

"Kiku and Yong Soo?"

"Mm-hmm." he says, setting a plate of pancakes down in front of me. "Luckily, it was pretty easy to ignore. I swear, some teenage boys really don't know the value of sleep."

"Like Alfred?"

"Oh, he knows the value of sleep alright!" papa laughs. "But only from three AM to noon!"

"He's like a psuedo-vampire." I remark. "But instead of blood, he drinks milkshakes!"

"What're you guys sayin' 'bout Count Chocula?" Alfred asks, ambling into the room blearily. His hair is a mess and he's only wearing one slipper. He plops himself down at the table with all the grace and elegance of a swan, should the swan be mentally ill. Papa gives him the rest of the pancakes, which he eagerly digs into.

"School starts tomorrow, mon chers!" papa announces cheerfully. "Are you excited?"

I nod politely, while Alfred gives a lazy thumbs up.

"You watch and wait. I'll be the KING of the school by day two!" says Alfred, still blinking away drowsiness.

"I'm sure you will." papa says encouragingly. He goes and turns the radio on to provide some background noise.

"And that was the traffic report. To those just tuning in to BYTE, good morning listeners! I'm Vladimir Dalca and this is the morning Farren Heights newscast! " a cheerful, strangely-accented voice says. "The horoscopes for today are: Aries – the voices have a point. Taurus – today you will die. Gemini – today is not a day to be two-faced. Cancer – avoid seafood. Leo – stick with your friend and drink plenty of tea. Virgo – be creative! Let go of artist's block! Read a young adult vampire romance novel! Libra – you can overcome any conflict with your sense of justice and keen eye. Scorpio – today is your lucky day! Sagittarius – use your strength to protect those close to you. Capricorn – why you high bro? Aquarius – let go of unrequited love. Pieces – you're the queen of the goddamn ocean you don't need no stars telling you what to do.

"The whole town is bustling as students, teachers and parents alike prepare for another school year! Though some still suspect that the school cafeteria is haunted, the council has chosen to overlook that due to the lack of evidence. If the Farren Heights High ghost is listening, then we ask you very politely to please show yourself so we may communicate properly. Otherwise, we're calling Ghostbusters.

"I've just gotten word that our neighboring town, Cent Degrades, has recently renovated their school, adding a statue of Medusa that students are forbidden to look and and a fountain featuring a basilisk, also forbidden to be looked upon. They must think they're better than us! What jerks! Our mayor, Romulus Vargas, remarked that no city can beat ours in the line of sheer culture and rich history. His grandsons could not be reached for comment.

"And now a word from our sponsors: Are you tired of gremlins in your attic? Gnomes in your basement? Pesky husbands on the couch all day? That one friend who won't shut up about veganism? Then you ought to try Fae-be-gone, the garlic-free pest control spray that's harmless to bats!"

"Uh... what the fuck was that?" Alfred asks.

"That was the morning radio in Farren Heights." papa chuckles. "It's quite eccentric, non?"

"More like terrifying." Alfred mutters.

"Maybe we should get some of that pest spray and use it on Alfred's bed when he refuses to wake up in the mornings..." I suggest.

"This town certainly is... interesting." papa says. "I think I could grow to like it here."

"As long as they have a McDonald's." Alfred shrugs.

"Actually..." papa says, frowning. "I don't think they do."

Alfred drops his cup of orange juice to the floor, where it shatters.

"I'm just kidding!" papa laughs. "You didn't notice the McDonald's two blocks away from out apartment? Now clean that up before it makes the floor sticky!"

Alfred grumbles angrily as he grabs some paper towels and a dustpan to mop up the mess he made. I leaf through the newspaper, The Silver Crucifix, and look for the comics.

"School starts tomorrow." papa says again. We have already gone on a tour so that we can find our way around. "I trust both of you will do your best to stay out of trouble?"

"Oui, papa." I say.

"We'll see." Alfred mutters.

The doorbell rings.

"Oh, that's probably Kiku!" Alfred exclaims, dumping the glass shards into the trash. "We're gonna go hang out at the comic book store!"

"In your pajamas?" papa asks.

"Crap!" says Alfred, running to his room.

"I'll get the door." I say, getting to my feet. Sure enough, Kiku stands outside the door, looking awkwardly solemn. "Good morning." I say politely.

"Ohaio, Matthew-san." he replies, bowing.

"Alfred's getting changed out of his My Little Pony pajamas." I explain.

"Hey!" Alfred shouted from inside. "I'll have you know that these are one-of-a-kind and not to be spoken of in such a condescending manner!"

"Come inside." I say to the brunet, ignoring my brother.

"Arigato." he says, following me into the house.

"Good morning, Kiku!" papa says. "Would you care for a croissant? Or some apple juice?"

"Perhaps another time." Kiku says politely. I get the feeling that he actually means 'no, not ever.' "I already filled up at home."

Alfred hops into the room, pulling on his pants and running a hand through his hair.

"OK, I'm ready!" he says, pulling up his zipper.

"Nice underwear." I remark, since it has care bears all over it.

"Shut up, care bears are awesome."

"Shall we get go, Alfred-san?" Kiku asks.

"Yeah, let's blow this joint!"

Alfred practically drags Kiku out, and suddenly the room feels a whole lot quieter.

"Ah, now I can hear myself think~" papa says, switching to French. I desperately pray that he won't voice those thoughts out loud. "Alfred really has no volume control."

"And Kiku has too much. A nice balance, I suppose." I reply in the same language. When Alfred isn't around, or we're hiding secrets from him, we often start to talk as such.

"What do you think, Mathieu?"

"About...?"

"Them."

"I give it a week, provided Alfred doesn't get distracted."

"I'd say a couple months, actually."

The next day, we manage to drag Alfred out of bed early enough for us to catch the school bus. Tino sits with four other blond guys, Alfred sits with Kiku and I, curse the fates, am left to sit in the only space available – right next to the albino creep. Tomorrow, I'm just going to walk.

"Guten tag." Gilbert says, staring out the window.

"Hello." I say, sitting as far away from him as possible.

"Never did catch your name."

I sigh.

"Matthew Williams."

"Sorry, didn't quite hear ya."

I say it again, a bit louder.

"Ah. Nice t' meet ya, Matthew."

"I'd say the same, but I don't often take pleasure in meeting creepy guys who sit outside my window in the middle of the night."

Gilbert actually laughs, as opposed to ignoring me and saying something else.

"You gotta admit, though, I did give you a fright."

"I was this close to hitting you with my hockey stick." I tell him. "You'd have been in the hospital for weeks."

"I'll take your word for it." he says. "Yeah, I'm the creepy kid who stalks the newest residents to our town on a regular basis. I've been called a hoodlum, a bad influence, a scoundrel, a carrier of rabies and some things I don't wish to repeat."

"And?"

"I'm just warning you, kid." he shrugs. "I'm a lone wolf. If you hang out with me, you'll end up weird. No one else will want t' get to know you. I'm like that old Tupperware full of unknown leftovers sitting in the back of the fridge."

"We can be outcasts together, then." I offer. I don't know why, but this guy really doesn't seem as bad as I thought he was. "It's not like I have a reputation to lose."

"Really?" Gilbert asks, genuinely shocked. It's kind of adorable and also heartbreaking at the same time. "You'd choose me in favor of a social life and respect from the teachers?"

"I'm a teacher's pet, actually." I admit. "I doubt there's much you can do to change that. But yeah, if you haven't gotten bored of me yet then we might as well give friendship a shot."

"Wow, alright." he says. "I haven't had an actual friend in a while, believe it or not. Do we have to make friendship bracelets and macaroni art?"

"Definitely."


Five GoblinBucks to those who can guess what I ripped BYTE off of.