"Computer, lock the doors."

"Acknowledged."

The Captain's quarter doors snapped shut and locked behind him as he stumbled inside. His brain was practically numb, he was so exhausted. And yet, he still had this raging hard on. What the hell was that about? That horrible Ambassador was enough to make his penis as flaccid as gelatin for a month. He never thought he'd ever find a woman unattractive, or her voice the sound of unpleasantness incarnate, but he supposed there was a first time for everything.

And yet as huffed up as he had been, all it took to get him this aroused was Uhura walking by him. Good God, had there been anything else? Not that he could think of… he had made a few calls before he headed back here, but… nothing really stood out in his mind that had added to this sudden blaze that was practically uncontrollable. Was he regressing into some hormonal teenager? What was this?

"It's a God dammed curse is what it is…"

Alright. Breathe. It's fine. If you think about it, it's logical to be feeling this way… I mean, how long has it been for you?

Taking it into deeper consideration, Kirk couldn't even recall if he had ever gone without sex longer than this particular stretch of affectionless desert. His old school buddies at the academy would have been ashamed of him. To be perfectly honest, he was a little ashamed of himself. Not to mention desperate and horny as all hell. But there had been too much to do during the last two shore leaves! He couldn't have just dropped everything, explaining to Command that he needed to get laid. Thank God Spock had hung around to help him, or else he would have died from loneliness.

Without permission from the rest of him, his right hand was crawling up his shirt and caressing his nipples in nearly an angry fashion. Good old right hand. He might as well marry the damn thing already.

He struggled with himself, trying to at least get as far as the bedroom so he could lie down, but it was too much. He had to be done with this, now. Still against the wall, he hurriedly unzipped his pants and at last grabbed his throbbing erection. It felt so good to finally touch it, he thought he would cry. Instead he stifled out a half-moan, half-sob. It hurt. It always hurt. The hole in his heart ached horribly.

But he didn't give a damn. He could always push the pain out. He immediately did so and went through the motions, spitting on his palm and fisting himself in a lightening rhythm. During this time when he waited for release, his brain always became frantic, despite his fierce desire for it to be as vacant as possible. It would pull any thought that was floating around forward and try to make it sexual. All sorts of strange things would fly to him, always making himself feel embarrassed in the darkest regions of his soul, but after so many years he was starting to get used to it. Anyway, it was useless condemning yourself for unbridled thoughts that the mind eroticizes within the throws of passion. Still, they always surprised him.

Long, perfect legs…Uhura… wrapping those legs around his waist…

"Mmmgh… Uhura…"

The hips of Yeoman Rand… Janice… he could just hear the sound of his balls slapping against that beautiful ass as he pounded into her…

"Janice…"

Spock's face. Licking his beautiful ears. Gorgeous mouth encircling his cock. The thought had come too quickly for the guilt to accompany it. He granted himself this one moment of chaos, moaning whatever he wanted, doing whatever he wanted. He deserved it, he thought. Whatever it took to make him feel better and escape the pain for a few precious seconds.

"Ugh… Spock! Fuck me… do it…"

The doors had opened just as he had said it. And Spock was standing there, in the doorway, his mouth agape.

Kirk's eyes locked on Spock with equal amounts of horror pouring from his pupils. He stopped movement instantly, standing there like a deer in the headlights. For about thirty seconds they stood there - the most embarrassing thirty seconds of Kirk's life - then Spock did something Kirk had never heard him do. Stutter.

"I-I… that is…I heard noises fr-from outside and - …so I… manual lock override…"

Kirk made no move to help him on this. Instead he swallowed Spock's raw emotions as they came out and filled the room with their stupefied aura. Only once or twice had he seen Spock act so human. Shaking. Babbling. So unsure of himself.

Weak.

"Apologies, Captain."

Then he was gone.

Jim cursed. He cursed with every curse word he knew in every language he could remember. What a perfect time for this to happen.

And what a sight he must have been! Hair a sweaty, musty mess, one hand down his pants and the other up his shirt. What a pathetic glob of humanity he was. Who exactly was the weak one here, anyway?

He tried not to panic. He tried to block out the mounting terror that this could ruin everything, that Spock could leave the Enterprise for another assignment out of disgust, that he would never speak to Jim again, that someone at headquarters would find out about this… although his brain rewound to Spock never speaking to him again, because that, he quickly concurred, would be the worst outcome of this whole damn mess…

"Spock…"

Jim had to talk to someone, against his better judgment. He opened a private channel while he got a drink of water.

"Doctor McCoy, here."

"Bones, it's Jim. Can you come up to my quarters for a minute?"

"Sure, Jim. …Everything alright?"

"I'm not sure yet. Bring the Saurian brandy with you."

"That bad, huh?"

"I'll see you in a few."

McCoy switched off the intercom and groaned. "Here we go."


On his way to the Captain's quarters, McCoy noticed Spock coming from the opposite direction in the hallway.

"Hey, I'm on my way to Jim now. I'll try to find out what's going… on…"

He had been ignored. In fact, Spock had never even looked up.

"What's the matter? You look a little green." McCoy tried again. But Spock was already in the elevator and the doors were closing.

"Boy, I don't think this day could get any stranger."

"I say, Doctor McCoy!"

McCoy immediately quickened his pace. "Spoke too soon…"

"Doctor, I seem to be having some trouble with my foot. I'm afraid it could be…"

"Sorry, Ambassador Geneval, but I'm afraid I have a medical emergency. If you would like, you can wait in Sickbay and I'll call Nurse Chapel to help you."

"Now see here, Doctor!" the old bird snapped. "As I am an Ambassador, I expect to be treated by the Chief Medical Officer on this ship. Not some useless underling!"

"Again, my sincerest apologies, Ambassador," McCoy had to strain the words, forcing them into some semblance of polite tone, or at least a tone that could possibly be interpreted as such. Calling Christine a useless underling alone would have been enough for him to leap down the witch's throat and put her in her place if the witch had been anyone else except the Ambassador. "You may then wait for me in Sickbay and I will help you just as soon as I return."

"And when will that be?!?"

Time to scurry off. She was still yelling behind him, but it wouldn't matter soon enough. He'd be in the Captain's quarters in a matter of seconds.

Upon walking in, he spotted Kirk on the bed, looking to be a cross between angry and miserable. McCoy groaned for the third time that day.

"Out of the frying pan and into the fire, I suppose." he mused. "Computer, lock the doors."

The computer did so, even though McCoy's communicator went off a minute later, blaring the Ambassador's exasperated clucking through the tiny speaker. He shut the device off with overdramatic disdain. They enjoyed a hearty chuckle from it and got to drinking.

"So, what's on the great Captain's mind today, hm? You know I just saw Spock. He looked pretty shook up, as hard as that is to believe."

"On a day like today, Bones, I'll believe anything you tell me," Kirk retorted. "Bones, I don't really want to tell anyone this, but…"

"It's alright, Jim. I'm your Doctor and your friend. You know you can tell me anything."

"I know, but… this is just too damned embarrassing. I hate to admit it, but I don't know what else to do."

"This sure is an oddball day, if you're admitting you're lost. So what happened?" McCoy said cautiously. "Something with Spock?"

"He caught me polishing the gun."

"Oh, God…"

"What?" Kirk said angrily. "Do I have to remind you of the whole Doctor-friend bit you just spewed to me?"

"Sorry, Jim. I just didn't really want to know about that."

"Oh, you're so comforting. Why the hell did I call you up here?"

"I'm just pulling your chain… no pun intended."

"Hilarious."

"Well, what did he see?"

"Everything and more."

McCoy sighed. "Of course he did. I told him to leave you alone. I even suspected that's what you needed to do, and he always does the opposite of what I tell him. So he marched up here, just when I thought you were going to get some peace…"

"He's a good First Officer."

The Doctor paused at Jim's comment, then laughed, taking a swig of his brandy.

"What now?" Jim asked.

"Nothing. Well, I better get back to Sickbay. The Ambassador's undoubtedly waiting for me to show up and if I don't, it'll make us all look bad."

Jim pouted despite himself as McCoy moved toward the doors.

"To hell with her. I thought we were going to stay up and get drunk."

"As a Doctor, I don't recommend it. But if it'll help you loosen up, Jim, I'll vote that you try anything at this point. And don't worry about Spock. He may follow the rule book to the letter but he is your friend and he won't breathe a word to anyone about all this. Don't ask, don't tell, right?"

"You're acting like I sinned."

"You didn't. …By the way, Jim," the Doctor mused as he left, "what you just said about him being a good First Officer? He said the exact same thing about you not even an hour ago. …Keep the brandy. Think of it as a sympathy present."

When Kirk was alone again, he growled and took a mouthful from the bottle. The burning liquid rolled down his throat as he reveled in the pressure of his muscles contracting and swallowing. Another brief flash of imagery, swallowing something saltier, and yet sweet…

God, just stop it. Stop.

Settling down on the bed, he was determined to get as wasted as he possibly could. He'd drink every ounce of liquor on the ship if he had to. Only one thought now plagued his mind, and no other.

I have sinned.

Not but five minutes later, the emergency siren wailed.

Wonderful. He can't masturbate. He can't get drunk.

"Do I have to kill someone to relax around here?"


"Status, Mr. Sulu."

"Emergency distress call, sir. Its origin is just out of orbit of Constanode's second moon, Hermadest, directly below us. A transport ship, class 318."

Spock looked troubled. "318? I did not think any of that type could fly out here in this region of space. They are quite light weight and can only travel short distances. We are currently in the remotest regions of space…"

"Should we hail the Captain?"

"No," Spock said loudly. The entire Bridge looked at him, alarmed by the outburst. Thankfully he recovered quickly. "I will handle this. Open up a channel, please, Lieutenant Uhura."

"Yes, sir. Channel open."

"On screen."

The viewer was crackling - Spock could barely make out two faces, but what species they were, he could not tell.

"Please - nee- help… engi… heated. Won't la- …two hours. -Trapped inside…"

"This is First Officer Spock of the starship Enterprise. Please state your affiliation and number of crewmen in need of assistance."

"Plea- …not much time… the - children aboard…"

"Did dhey just say dhere vere children aboard?" Chekov asked.

"Sir, communications have been severed. I can't reach them on any frequency." Uhura interrupted.

Spock crinkled his nose slightly as he thought. He made a displeased sound and walked over to his console, commanding the computer to run several scans on the vessel.

The Bridge doors snapped open. Jim Kirk stepped out and immediately felt an anvil fall to the bottom of his stomach.

Smart thinking, Jim. It didn't occur to you whatsoever that Spock would be on the Bridge, doing your job for you while you moped about, and that you'd have to face him?

Jim cleared his throat. "Status report."

Spock turned around abruptly, obviously unnerved at the Captain's presence. Jim would have laughed if he didn't feel just as humiliated. He had to give Spock credit, though - he was being very careful not to look him in the eye. "A transport class 318 is requesting assistance, Captain. The computer's readings, however, are showing us that the ship is much larger than a class 318, which is extremely suspicious. Due to the sandstorms on the moon's surface, it is impossible to confirm visually that its registry code and class type are legitimate. This could be some kind of trap."

"A trap in dhe middle of dhis region of space? Ve may be right next to Klingon territory, but even dhey don't vander out dhis far too often." Chekov commented.

"How could they possibly know a Federation ship would be taking this route to set up a trap?" Sulu added.

"Lieutenant, is it possible to discover the humanoids' species from the dialect of the transmission?" Spock asked.

Uhura turned back to her console and scrutinized the monitors. "No, sir. Neither the computer nor myself could make out the dialect, although if I had to guess, it was not of Earth origin."

"Captain," Chekov said. "Dhe transmission reported dhere vere children on board dhe wessel. If dhat is true, shouldn't ve risk it?"

Jim heard the Bridge's imput, but not really. All that was important to him at this moment was getting as far away from Spock as possible. He couldn't stand this for another second, even if it caused him to make a poor decision.

"Myself and two other crewmen will investigate."

"Sir, I do not think that to be -"

As Spock talked he looked like he had just been kicked in the face. Jim ignored it as best he could and interrupted him.

"Chekov's right. If there are children on that vessel, they won't last long in that harsh climate. It's worth the risk."

"But for you to go personally, sir…?"

Jim knew that look. It was as close as a Vulcan could get to begging. But he couldn't do this now… he just couldn't. He had to think.

"I need the exercise. Mr. Spock, you have the com. Have my away team meet me in the transporter room."

Spock turned back to his console, albeit dejectedly. "Understood, sir."