Hope everyone is enjoying my fic so far.
All characters do not belong to me.
Looks like you got me where you want me
So go ahead and roll up your web
The best things in life are hard to come by
But sometimes the best things come from accidents…
-David Ramirez "Fires"
Fires (Part Two)
By JLaLa
Peeta is hiding something.
If I am considered a bad liar than Peeta is worse. When I find him sleeping in his office, a part of me begins to worry. He seems more stressed than I have ever seen him. Business was good and he was getting plenty of work from not only our District but other ones as well so I knew this wasn't a money issue.
When I found him, he looked so peaceful that I couldn't bear to wake him. I look at the picture of his family in front of the original bakery. Peeta is only four or five in the picture but his smile is still the same. I realize how difficult it must be for him to work in the bakery without them.
Beside that photo was a picture of me in my interview dress which I believe was taken by Portia. I look so much younger and unsure. The last picture is of Peeta and Finnick Jr. in the bakery kitchen covered in flour. Little Finn and Annie had come to visit last summer. The two males had hit it off right away and were always out and about. Annie and I laughed when Peeta pretended that the kid had wrestled him to the ground. Needless to say, "Uncle Peeta" was Finn's favorite.
I kissed his forehead and he sighs happily. It is very easy to please Peeta. Sometimes I can't help but feel that I'm not good enough. When this happens, Peeta is always there to reassure me with his kisses.
I find myself smiling more than usual today. I think it something to do with the dream I had of Prim.
She is glowing as I show her around the house. She rushes through the rooms, squeals in delight over the Primroses in the yard and gushes over Peeta's paintings which are hanging in several different spots of the house.
For a moment, it was like she was alive and was visiting me from another District. In my mind, she is coming from Four where my mom lives and she is working in the hospital now.
When we get to the spare room across from the bedroom that Peeta and I share, she turns to me and suggests that I paint it.
"I think a light green would be nice," she says as she surveys the room. "You should have Peeta paint a mural of the meadow."
"Why?" She turns to me and glances down quickly before smiling at me brightly.
"The house could use a little sprucing up. You never know who you'll be expecting."
I was awaken then by the smooth caress of Peeta's hand followed by a kiss on the neck that spread a rather enjoyable heat through my body.
My mind is still running over the details of this morning as I begin the process of setting up. Peeta taught me a few times but I still find myself lacking the skills to run the kitchen.
After waking him, my very passionate thank you was interrupted by Haymitch who only added to the thread of suspicion when he handed Peeta a small slip of paper. I trust Peeta wholeheartedly but I can see the tiny flicker of guilt in his eyes. I let it go for now and give him a wink as I leave.
When I have completed my trades, I find myself admiring the nicely painted buildings including the newly built hardware store. My feet seem to walk me over without a thought and I enter the store which smells of new wood.
"Can I help you ma'am?" The young boy behind the counter greets me.
Before I can even think about it, I ask him where the paint is. "I'm looking for the light green shade."
000000000
I spend the whole day painting. Our home is a simple two story with a pull down stair for the attic. The living room is large with a white fireplace to match the room. Pictures of Prim, my mother as well as Peeta's family are placed on the mantle. Built in bookshelves are on both sides of the fireplace; there are a few art books that are Peeta's and some old History books that he reads through sometimes.
Somehow I ended up with two more gallons of paint, one in light blue and the other in beige.
I paint the living room first pushing and covering the furniture before drenching the walls in beige. I take Peeta's painting that is hanging over the mantle so I can paint over that part. When I am done, I admire how much the paint compliments the ivy green couch that came with the house.
Looking at my work I am feeling more energized and the excitement of something new is pushing adrenaline through my thin body.
I feel like a painting monster had taken over.
I work my way through the rooms upstairs. There are four bedrooms upstairs including Peeta and my bedroom which is the master bedroom with the private bathroom. I work on each room alternating the colors by making one bedroom blue and the other beige while leaving the guest bathroom alone.
By the time, I have completed the room across from ours, the sun is setting. It reflects off the light green paint and I think of how much Prim would have loved to see this. Like Peeta, she enjoyed sunsets.
Enjoyed, not enjoys.
The realization hits me hard and I am sobbing on my knees with the paintbrush at my side. I miss her so much. What I don't understand was the sudden rush of emotion. I can usually keep it together. Why was the sight of pale green walls affecting me so much?
Suddenly Prim's voice is echoing in my head. Light and sweet, almost like a whisper.
"You never know who you'll be expecting."
Expecting.
Shit.
I look down at my abdomen and a brief memory of Prim glancing down at my stomach flashes in my head.
We have been so careful…kind of.
I rush downstairs and call the first person I could think of on the phone that Peeta that insists we have.
"Hello."
"Johanna, it's Katniss." Though Johanna is sarcastic and has a penchant for saying completely inappropriate things, Peeta and I have come to see her as a good friend. She is the only person who I could trust to keep this a secret.
"What's wrong? You sound like you're pregnant or something." She also has the best instincts apparently.
"I might be," I exhale and continue. "I didn't know who to call."
"Are you serious?" My silence only confirms it and she chuckles. "I didn't think Peeta had it in him." Johanna breathes into the phone processing what I have said. "I know I spent last summer regaling you and Annie with tales of my salacious affairs but isn't this something you should be talking to a professional about?"
"If I go to anyone here, Peeta will know about this before he even sees me." I cradle the phone. "You know how to be discreet. Please help me."
"This is just sad Katniss. How far along are you?"
"I'm not sure," I inform her and try to think of when was the last time I had my cycle. "Those pills that the Capitol sent are supposed to have prevented this from happening."
"Well are there any moments that might have caused this to happen?"
I run through the list in my mind automatically. "There was the time on the back porch, or the time on the kitchen island or at the bakery-"
"Stop," she commands through the phone. "Remind me to never eat at your home again. You two are gross."
My mind is a jumbled and images of Prim and Rue enter my mind. This was not supposed to happen. I never wanted to be a mother. Peeta and I argued over this subject the first two years of our relationship. Over the last few years, occasional begging on his part had landed him on our living room couch for a few nights. I can't be a mother.
I can't love anyone like that. Not like her.
"Katniss, listen to me," Johanna says sharply. Somehow through the phone, she could sense me drifting. "Stop acting like a headcase. Tomorrow, a test will be in your mailbox. Take it and call me. Promise?"
"I will."
"You've been with Peeta for what—ten years now?" she reasons. "Would it be so horrible to have his child? You've built a home and a life with him. What are you so afraid of?"
I look up at the picture of Prim on our mantle. I haven't taken care of anyone that small since her. When Finn Jr. was here, I barely played with him.
But Peeta would be a great dad.
"I don't know what I'm afraid of and it wouldn't be a horrible thing," I admit quietly. "I will call you tomorrow Jo."
When I hang up the phone, I go to the couch and lay down. Pulling my shirt up so my abdomen is exposed, I feel the smooth skin that might be stretched eventually with a child and put my hand to it.
"Are you in there? Were you the reason Prim wanted to fix the place up?" I take a deep breath in. It's silly to be talking to my stomach but I continue. "I am afraid to love you. So maybe if you come than I won't love you and I'll take off. The world is a scary place. People you love are taken from you all the time. I barely made it when Peeta was hijacked."
I hear the door click and pull my shirt back down. I stand up as he enters the room. His eyes widen. "Hey. You painted."
I walk over to him and put my arm around his waist. "I thought the place could use some color."
"You aren't the kind of person to do something impulsive like this." He is looking around for a moment. "It looks good."
"I painted the other rooms too." I lead him upstairs and through each room. The last room I show him is the green room across from ours.
I switch on the light and Peeta walks to the center of the room. "This was Rye's favorite color." Rye, the older brother who never made it out of the bakery that fateful day.
We stand there for several minutes in silence and when I reach for him he suddenly whips my hand away.
Oh no.
Not now.
Peeta's fists are clenched. His eyes are glazed, blank and his jaw is tight. I instinctively take his face in my hands. I know there is a chance that he might attack but I can defend myself. "Peeta. Baby. Look at me."
I see his struggle. Beads of sweat are forming on his forehead. He is shaking as I caress his cheeks. "I'm here. I'm here Peeta. We're okay. Come back to me." The shaking gets worse and I pull him close singing softly in his ear.
"See the market place
In old Algiers
Send me photographs and souvenirs
Just remember
When a dream appears
You belong to me…"
When I am done, I realize that Peeta is weeping on my shoulder. I rub his back and kiss the side of his head. He is drenched.
"I'm so sick of this," he sobs into my neck. I lead him into our room and have him sit on our bed so I can remove his shirt. Walking over to our bathroom, I grab a towel and wet it. Wringing it, I grab another towel and go to him. He has his head in his hands. I take the wet towel and run it across his back.
I admire the muscle lines as I clean the sweat off. After I dry him off I put a clean shirt on him. "Lay down." He obeys but his face is still pale and my insides clench at the anguish on his handsome face.
I take his pants off so that he is only in his boxes, careful to not bother his prosthetic leg. He is silent still as I cover him with a thin sheet. I remove my own clothes and then join him in bed.
We don't speak as we lay on our sides looking at one another. After a moment, I take his hand and he sighs. "Why are you still here?" His eyes are bright with unshed tears. "I could have killed you."
"But you wouldn't." I push the hair from his face. "I will never let that happen."
"You can't control me," he replies harshly. "I can barely control myself."
The room is dark except for the light from outside which is streaming through the blinds. "I will always take care of you. No matter what happens, wherever you go inside your mind, I will find you."
Only in our room do I ever tell him these things. There are no secrets here.
I put a hand on my stomach without thinking about it.
Well maybe one secret.
"I love you Katniss." His eyes are bright.
"I know," I reply softly. "It's me and you—always." He pulls me close so I can lay my head on his chest.
I'm not going anywhere. In his arms, I'm home.
That night I decide that I want to have a baby.
0000000
The pounding on the door woke me up. I turn to see that Peeta is sleeping peacefully. Scrambling I throw on a button up shirt and head downstairs to the front door. When I open it, I find Haymitch holding a small plain wrapped box and grinning at me.
It is my test from Johanna. She must have messed up the address. I wouldn't be surprised if it was intentional though.
"Well, well," he said handing me the box. "Is my little Katniss up the duff?"
"Don't be crude Haymitch," I tell him. "And keep your voice down. Peeta is still asleep."
"Let me guess." He leans on the doorway. "He doesn't know."
"I don't even know," I emphasize. "And if I am, I rather he not hear it from a drunken fool."
"I love you too Sweetheart." He looks at me for a moment and puts a hand on my shoulder. "But seriously, I'm real proud of you."
"You're proud of me for not being careful?"
"I'm proud of you because you're not living in fear anymore," he replied. "And you finally stop thinking just about yourself."
I had to ask. "How did you know that this was a test?"
"When I was in school, I knew several girls who had these plainly wrapped boxes delivered to them."
"Was it because of you?"
"Damned if I know."
"I have to go now," I said.
"I thought we were having a good time," he replied.
"No really, I have to GO." I am moving from side to side, bladder ready to explode.
"Good luck darlin." Haymitch walked down the porch and screamed at the geese littering his yard.
Exactly five minutes later, I sit on the floor of our bathroom holding the test in my hand. Getting up, I toss the test in the trash being careful to hide it from Peeta and then washed my hands.
I have a phone call to make to a sarcastic soon-to-be Aunt.
I hope that Haymitch learns how to change a diaper.
So Johanna only made a phone appearance but she did appear.
You might not get the last update for a few days as I will be in a Hunger Games Euphoria. Hope everyone enjoys the movie!
"You Belong to Me" is sung by Tori Amos.
Let me know what you think of it!
