(I'm worried that this chapter didn't come out too well. I was really tired when I revised it, and I didn't feel like waiting another day to post it because... I'm impatient, I guess. Doofenshmirtz's speech patterns might sound off, and I'm too tired to be able to do them right now anyway, but it's because he's speaking another language. I'm not an expert on languages, but I think his speech patterns would change, especially since he's a bit rusty.)
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Perry stared at the boy standing in front of him. He only looked about Phineas's age, but Perry had sat through enough of Doofenshmirtz's flashbacks to know who he was. And even if he hadn't, the high pitched voice and pointy nose would have given him a clue. Strangely, he didn't seem to have developed his slouch yet. Perry had never noticed that before.
"(Hi, platypus,)" said the young Doofenshmirtz. If he noticed Perry's reaction, he didn't mention it. He looked... curious. "(I'm Heinz. What's your name?)"
Perry chattered to let him know that he couldn't speak. In a second, his mind would start working again, and then he'd figure out what to do.
Heinz looked thoughtful. "(I don't think I can pronounce that. I know! I'll call you Herr Schnabelsicht!)"
Perry didn't exactly know what that meant something about looking at a beak? but he did conclude that he should stick close to Heinz. His adult self was bound to come along soon. It was his whole reason for coming. Perry just hoped that Doofenshmirtz didn't do too much damage in the meantime. There was no telling what he'd do now that he was back in the past that he seemed to hate so much.
"(It's because you have a bill on your face-)" Heinz used the words Schnabel for bill and Gesicht for face, "(-and you're a platypus!)" The German word for platypus was Schnabeltier, which, as far as Perry could tell, meant bill animal.
Perry hesitantly gave him a thumbs up. He had no quarrel with Doofenshmirtz at this age, so long before his fall into evil. In fact, Perry was tempted to try to steer him to the path of good, but if Doofenshmirtz wasn't evil, then Perry would not have come to the past to convince him not to be evil, and the space-time continuum didn't like things like that. So he just pointed at the strange pile of mud.
"(That's my generator,)" said Heinz. ("I built it myself out of mud. Do you like it?)"
Perry nodded. A generator out of mud... It was really impressive. It was almost like something the boys would have made.
Heinz looked downcast. "(At least someone likes it. Mother thinks I'm wasting my time with science.)" He sighed.
He looked so depressed that Perry patted him on the shoulder. He hated seeing kids sad.
Heinz grinned at him. "(But you...)" Then his face fell and he mumbled something that Perry didn't catch. "(You think I'm wasting my time too, don't you?)"
Perry shook his head emphatically. He wasn't sure that it was such a good idea to encourage him, but science wasn't inherently evil, and he had to admit that even though he had a tendency to miss the obvious, Doofenshmirtz was still a brilliant scientist. Perry just wished he'd use his knowledge for good instead of using it for petty grudges.
Heinz stared at him, his eyes wide. "(You mean it?)"
Perry nodded, and was taken aback when Heinz hugged him.
"(That's the nicest thing anyone who wasn't filled with helium ever said to me!)"
He wasn't squeezing him as hard as Perry would have expected. He was gentler than Candace was on the rare occasions that she was inclined to be nice to him, though that wasn't saying much. So Perry didn't struggle to get free. He was also beginning to feel a bit sorry for him. He really had been telling the truth about his childhood.
Heinz let go of him and added "(It's summer now. Do platypuses have summer?)"
Perry looked around in surprise. It was so dark and gloomy that he'd assumed it was the middle of winter.
Heinz traced a pattern in the mud with his leg. "(There's no school and I don't have to be a lawn gnome anymore. I want to make it count.)" He produced a big book, which he flipped through too quickly for Perry to read. "(This is my project book. It's full of everything I'm going to do over summer. I'm finally going to have a good day!)"
Perry couldn't help thinking of Phineas. He'd thought of him earlier, he realised, and he wondered why.
"(You know what they say,)" added Heinz, putting the book away again. "(There's a hundred and four days of giving a monkey a shower.)"
Perry was pretty sure he'd misunderstood that one. Maybe it was slang.
"(You're really easy to talk to, Herr Schnabelsicht,)" said Heinz. "(I...)"
A bike sped past, right through the generator.
Heinz whirled around. "(Roger, you... stupidhead!)"
Roger stopped the bike, spraying them with mud. "(What?)" He looked very young. The bike even had training wheels.
"(You destroyed my generator!)" Heinz glared at his brother, looking a lot like he would as an adult. It was a bit unsettling, and Perry wished he'd go back to being happy.
Roger looked at the trail he'd made. "(It was just a pile of mud.)"
"(It was a generator!)" insisted Heinz. He picked Perry back up and pushed him at Roger. "(Just ask Herr Schnabelsicht!)"
Roger looked at Perry in confusion. Perry noticed that the future mayor had crumbs stuck to his face. "(What's that thing? A green duck?)"
Heinz pulled Perry towards himself defensively. "(He's a platypus! Ducks don't have waffle tails, they have feather tails!)"
"(You made that up,)" said Roger dismissively. "(Platypus is a stupid, made-up word. They don't exist.)" He paused. "(They're made up,)" he added, in case he hadn't been clear the first time.
Perry shook his head and chattered, pointing at himself. It wasn't the first time he'd been called a green duck by a five-year-old, and it wouldn't be the last, but he disliked being told that he didn't exist.
"(Don't listen to him, Herr Schnabelsicht,)" muttered Heinz to Perry. ("Roger doesn't know anything about anything.)"
Of course he didn't. He was too young. Perry didn't try to say so, though. He realised that he liked the young Doofenshmirtz. He even hoped that his life would improve, even though he knew that it wouldn't for some time.
Roger stared at Perry. "(You shouldn't listen to him. He's a liar. Mother says he only wants attention.)"
"(I'm not lying!)" yelled Heinz. Now he was holding Perry a bit too tightly. "(You're just too stupid!)"
Perry was beginning to feel like he was trapped in a backstory, and that soon he'd be back in the glass case, listening to Doofenshmirtz rant about how his latest Inator would make it impossible for anybody to lie, or something.
Wanting to end the argument, he wriggled out of Heinz's arms, grabbed a stick, and wrote "Ich bin ein shnabalteer" in the mud. Although he could understand German, he wasn't so good at writing it, but he hoped it got the meaning across. He hated injustice, in any form.
Roger stared at the writing, which was already disappearing, and sounded out the words. "(I am a... platypus.)" He glared at Heinz. "(You made him write that. You're not allowed to be cruel to ducks.)"
Perry sat down as they continued to argue. Desperate life and death battles he understood. This was just confusing and exhausting. Still, even with his anger problems, Heinz seemed like a much nicer person than Doctor Doofenshmirtz. Perry wondered what had gone wrong. From the sounds of it, everything.
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Doofenshmirtz collected his thoughts, and tried to explain again. "You see, (Heinz is a very smart boy. A genius! So I want to take him away and give him a better... uh... education.)" He smiled nervously. Maybe this time it would get through to him.
His father rubbed his beard. "(Heinz told you that, didn't he? Well, he was lying again. He's stupider than a flock of Dookleberry bats.)"
Doofenshmirtz scowled. He'd forgotten all about that summer when nobody believed that he was smart, and he'd been happy that way. Now he wanted to build a Truthinator, but that could wait. "Argh, I'm telling you, (he is a genius!)"
He had one card left to play. He'd have done it earlier, but he'd been too frightened that it would work.. "(If... If I take him away, you'll never have to think about him ever again.)"
That got his father's attention. He leaned forwards. "(Never?)" His voice was hopeful.
Doofenshmirtz's scowl deepened. He'd always hoped that his father had loved him, very deep down. There was yet another hope dashed. But before he could say anything more, the door opened, and a very young version of Roger ran in, followed by a young version of himself, carrying... Was that Perry the Platypus?
"(Uh... excuse me for a moment,)" said Doofenshmirtz, and jumped up and ran after the children, reaching the kitchen in time to hear a kid say "(Mother, Heinz is lying again!)"
Was that... Roger? Doofenshmirtz had forgotten how high his voice had been. He sounded ridiculous.
His mother was stirring a pot of something pungent smelling that made Doofenshmirtz's mouth water. She turned around, glanced at Doofenshmirtz without interest, then glared at his younger self. "(Heinz! You know what I told you about lying all the time!)"
"(But mother, it's true!)" pleaded Heinz. "(Roger is just stupid!)" Then he realised what he'd said and cringed, holding onto... it was Perry the Platypus, wasn't it? What was he doing in the arms of his younger self? Doofenshmirtz paused to consider the last sentence he'd thought, and concluded that maybe he could have phrased it better.
His mother's face darkened further. "(What did you say about your brother?)"
Doofenshmirtz cleared his throat loudly. He couldn't bear to watch himself get another lecture.
They all turned to look at him. Perry the Platypus had the decency to look embarrassed.
"Uh..." said Doofenshmirtz. "(Hello, children, Frau Doofenshmirtz.)" He paused, and narrowed his eyes. "And Perry the Platypus, too. How... interesting to see you here."
Heinz followed his gaze. "(He's not Perrytheplatypus. He's Herr Schnabelsicht!)" He glared at Doofenshmirtz defiantly. "(And you can't hurt him!)"
Doofenshmirtz and Perry the Platypus exchanged a look, and Doofenshmirtz wondered if this kid was really him. No matter. He'd have plenty of time to teach him the error of his ways.
