Episodes not released to children 2:

Author's note: I decided to continue because last Friday in science, we watched Bill Nye. Even though we're way too old. And during the course of the video I could only think of good ways to screw up the experiments. So, all in all I present: (curtains unravel) BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY! EPISODES NOT RELEASED TO CHILDREN 2!!! (Fireworks and dramatic music)

BILL-BILL-BILL-BILL-BILL-BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY! (Squeaky voice) Science rules! (SEVERELY DEEPER VOICE) BILL BILL BILL BILL- BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY!

The children stood traumatized in the corner as the theme song played. "MOOOOOMMMMMMYYYYYY!" cried one bursting into tears. Another young innocent child rocked back in forth in feeble position. Two twins handed each other their wills.

"HEY THERE!" cried Bill, "Today we're going to teach you all about the human body!" He smiled his familiar creepy grin. "FIRST OFF!" he cried, lifting a child off the ground, "Children have many more bones than adults do, and many of them are made of cartilage! Cartilage is a very slippery and cushiony material, SO KIDS PRACTICALLY BOUNCE!"

"Bounce?" asked one curious child.

"Like a trampoline!" said Bill as the child raised an eye brow.

An awkward silence arose as the child doubted Bill's sanity.

"Allow me to demonstrate!" cried Bill enthusiastically! He dropped the child.

"JIMMY NO!" cried the kid kneeling to his aid.

"Oh… oh dear god… um. I, uh, wasn't demonstrating cartilage's bounciness! NO! I was demonstrating…. …. …. GRAVITY!" with that Nye ran off into the next scene.

"HERE! We'll be showing you kids the MAGIC of your immune system!" he shouted. "Your immune system protects you against viruses! And if you catch a disease that effects your immune system- YOU DIE!" He smiled widely. "So say little Jimmy here and Molly get a little CRAZY over the weekend and they both come back with AIDS! THEY BOTH DIE FROM THE COMMON COLD CAUSE THEIR IMMUNE SYSTEMS AREN'T WORKING RIGHT! Isn't that AMAZING!?" The two children looked at each other wide eyed and screamed "EW! COOTIES!"

"Haha- oh you kids, anyway next we'll be learning about your REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM!" squealed Bill too excited to become sane anytime soon. "First here's a diagram of how your reproductive system works!" shouted Bill. "First, your-" Concerned adults quickly covered the children's eyes and ears.

( LATER )

"WASN'T THAT ABSOLTELY SCIENT-ASTIC!" cried Bill. … The children didn't speak. "And now, because we're required to have a kitchen session of each episode I now bring you COOKING WITH THE HUMAN BODY!"

The children hid behind the set before he called for volunteers.

"First we'll be revealing the SECRET ingredients to human body pie! And to demonstrate, we have a special guest! SWEENY TODD THE DEOMN BARBER OF FLEET STREET!" Sweeny Todd emerged from behind scenes smiling happily and waving as he stood beside Bill Nye.

"Is it hard to believe that Bill Nye is the scarier of the two?" told the cameraman to the director. The director replied, "Not at all."

"VOLUNTEERS?!" cried Bill. No one replied. "COME ON! Don't be shy! Sweeny Todd's a professional!" Complete silence filled the room. "Well- I guess no human pie for today, sorry Sweeny Todd." The barber frowned and walked away.

"Now any questions before we close up the show?"

Two children raised their hands.

"You first Scott."

"Mr. Saget when did you go insane? You were so nice on Full House."

Nye twitched for a second… "Timothy. Your question was?"

"You still haven't told us where babies come from!"

Bill sighed, "Okay Timothy- to start off-"

--- ~click~ --- Mrs. P turned the video off and turned to the class, "Now who wants to tell me what we've learned from watching Bill Nye?

The class was silent as one raised their hand. Mrs. Pet said, "Yes, Roger?"

"We learned that you get AIDS by-"

THE END!

p.s. Did you know there really is a STD tim and moby film!? (Tim and Moby is another supposedly 'kid friendly' science show. )