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The Lives we Choose
Part One: The Fire Gem of the North
Chapter Two: Sleep
Summary: In a world not ready for them, are they ready for each other?
Parings: Roy/Ed
Warnings/Spoilers: Spoilers for the end of Brotherhood, though only in some of the small details, as this tends to borrow from both series. This story will contain angst, graphic violence, sex, and death.
You have been warned.
Notes: Thank you so much for the reviews! Once again, I'm still looking for a dedicated beta if anyone is interested!
The next chapter has been written out, and just needs to be typed up in the computer, as I do all my initial writing with pen and paper. Then of course, it will need a *cough*BETA*Cough*
XD
Ed grumbled under his breath about Winry being bothersome and calling a car for him. He was perfectly capable of walking in the cold. He'd done it time and time before, thank you very much. Besides, it wasn't like he didn't own another coat.
He had to admit though, he appreciated the gesture, no matter how much he had protested.
The car pulled up to the side entrance of Command and Ed dragged his feet towards the door. He really wasn't looking forward to seeing Mustang again, especially after the morning they'd had. There was no sense of hurry in his movements. Ed trailed his hand along the wall, mindlessly feeling each bump and crevice in the masonry. While shuffling around the corner, he almost ran into a tall, intimidating blonde. He only just managed to step out of the way.
"Good afternoon Edward." He looked up into the unmistakable bright blue eyes of an Armstrong.
"Hey there General! What are you doing way down here out of your mountains? Are you a part of the charter council?"
General Olivier Armstrong nodded her head, the left side of her mouth twitching up in a tiny hint of a smile. "I am indeed, Edward. It hasn't been an easy process, but I feel like we have finally made some key decisions that will speed our progress from now on. I need to wish you a belated happy birthday. I had wanted to stop by your party last night, but unfortunately, council meetings that last almost 24 hours tend to get in the way."
Ed shrugged, nodding in half hearted agreement. He started to inquire as to how her time in Central had been when what she said really clicked in his head. His eyes widened and the color left his face. "Twenty four hours? You guys were in that damned room all day and night?"
The General nodded. "We were indeed. Fuehrer Grumman commandeered the council from General Mustang. He was tired of never receiving an answer and wouldn't let anyone leave until we all agreed on a solution." She saw the look of contemplation that crossed the young man's face and added with a knowing smirk, "General Mustang was rather frustrated by the whole situation. He apparently had intended to have the afternoon to himself. He even tried to escape three times." The disgust in her voice was not lost on Ed.
"What?" Ed looked back up at her in disbelief, even more so when she actually laughed. Olivier Armstrong didn't laugh that often.
"Indeed. The first time was around mid-day. He called for a short recess, but the Fuehrer refused. Mustang took his first opportunity while General Fowler was giving one of his typically long-winded monologues. He actually made it halfway to the train station before the MPs caught up with him, dragging him back to Command."
He was trying to meet Ed at the station? Why would he do that? "Did he say why he was so desperate to leave?" This earned him an odd look from the towering woman, almost as if she had indeed known what Mustangs intentions had been.
"He never said. Refused to tell us what was so important." She paused, gazing at nothing, amused at the memory. "He did however inform us that it was much more interesting than sitting in that stuffy council room staring at all of our ugly faces all day."
A wide, toothy, rather unconvincing grin spread across Edward's face, "I'm sure he didn't mean you General! Heh…"
She peered down at him as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Mmmhmm…"
Olivier continued, "Around 1800 he repeated his actions, practically begging Fuehrer Grumman for a recess, being outright refused once again. Luckily he was quiet about it though, and I'm sure I'm the only one who noticed the disgusting groveling. He was absolute hell to deal with after that. When he stood up to walk out the door at 2300, he was threatened with a court martial. I was certain at that moment he would burn down the building. I knew for a fact it was that anger, that fire, which drove him the rest of the meeting, refusing to deal with anyone who didn't cooperate. General Mustang put the fear of god into several of his fellow officers in the early hours of this morning. If I hadn't already been on his side I may have even been one of them; he was quite intimidating."
Ed was astounded. Coming from General Olivier Armstrong, the Northern wall of Briggs, the ultimate Ice Queen, this was something to be in awe of. It wasn't that she was difficult to intimidate, it was that she couldn't be. Ed was pretty sure this was one of those, ice skating in hell, kind of situations. He was having a hard time finding words.
"Edward, since you are undoubtedly on your way to see General Mustang, please let him know how completely reprehensible I found his actions to be yesterday." Her voice was full of its usual harshness, yet there was a flash of something in her eyes, Ed would almost have called it mischief. "And again, happy birthday." She nodded her head, "until we meet again, Fullmetal," and continued down the hallway.
He watched the tall, commanding general walk away down the hall until she turned a corner, and was trying desperately to reconcile her with the woman he had just spoken to.
Fuery tried to stop Edward from going anywhere near the General's inner office. "It's not safe Major. He swore to burn anyone alive who disturbed him until he said otherwise." He was answered with a smile.
"I think I'll take that chance. Thanks for the warning though, at least I know to be on my guard."
He shook his head, "Your funeral."
Edward opened the door slowly and slid into the dark office as quietly as possible. When he finally let the door latch with a light click he saw that his suspicions were indeed correct.
Roy was fast asleep on the couch in much the same position Ed had been just that morning. The only thing he wanted to do right at that moment was to pull the General in for a deep kiss.
Mustang was flat on his back, right leg off the couch, arms still clinging to Ed's coat. This made him roll his eyes at first, but as he moved closer and saw that his cheeks were stained with dried tears his expression softened. Now he felt slightly guilty about this morning. He really hadn't given the older man a chance to apologize, and most likely Roy hadn't had the energy to really fight it. Cupping Roy's cheeks and pressing his forehead against the sleeping man's, he whispered, "I'm so sorry." Resisting the urge to finish the apology with a soft kiss, he turned and lowered himself to the floor, leaning against the front of the couch.
The heavy curtains had been pulled, the lights had been turned off and the fire was dying low, leaving only a faint glow to illuminate the pair. Edward stared into the flames, wondering just how many times his short temper had caused situations like their current one. How many times had Ed refused to listen and in turn just gotten angrier? He heard a rustle behind him and turned to watch Roy shift slightly, mouth still open, lightly snoring, still fast asleep.
When he shook his head, smiling, and turned back to the fire, he noticed the small blue box sitting next to the foot of the couch. He paused, cocking his head to the side to stare at the box before reaching for it. The navy blue, velvet cube was wrapped with a narrow white ribbon, tied with a rather crude bow at the top. Ed blinked with confusion. Roy wasn't one for presents unless he wanted something, and even then it was something simple and cliché. Like candy.
After several minutes of contemplation, he finally reached for the mysterious package. It was marked with a small tag attached under the crude bow.
'Edward', was written in distinctly Mustang chicken scratch.
He remembered quite clearly that he had told everyone that under no circumstances were they to give him presents. Almost everyone had complied. Winry had gotten together with Gracia to bake the best apple pie he had every put in his mouth, and Al had given him an ancient Xingese book on Alchehestry that he had translated.
He wondered what Roy had gotten for him as he started to slowly tug at the knot.
"I had intended to give you that last night, after stealing you away to myself after dinner." Roy's deep, groggy voice broke through the silence, accompanied by a hand guiding his cheek, slowly moving his head to face the man behind him. "Ed…"
"Don't." He cut the older man off.
"Would you stop interrupting me while I'm trying to apologize?" Roy's voice may have still been slow and tired, but he was as fierce as ever.
Ed gave him a soft laugh and leaned into his touch. "No. I won't. There's no need for an apology. I know you did everything you could. I'm sorry."
"What?" If it weren't for the fact that his body felt like it weighed a ton, he would have been sitting straight up. "Ed, not only do you never apologize, but it was your birthday! What the hell do you have to be sorry for? I'm the one who stood you up!"
"But not on purpose. Besides, you got a lot accomplished yesterday and this morning, and it was… it was…" he paused, the next word feeling odd on his tongue. "It was selfish of me to think I should come before the needs of the country."
Roy blinked, trying to refocus his eyes and make sure he was looking at the man he thought he was. Edward Elric was sitting in front of him, apologizing for being selfish, and he really had no reason to. He was unable to think of anything to say, and simply stared at the younger man in shock.
"No need to look so surprised General." He pulled his head from Roy's hand and turned back towards the fire. "I can admit when I'm wrong just like a big boy."
He received a sigh from behind him. No matter how wrong he was about something, especially when it came to their relationship, Roy knew when it was pointless to argue. He also knew when it wouldn't be very fun to argue, and this was definitely one of those moments. "Just open the damn box, Fullmetal."
With a half hearted scowl he returned his attention to the velvet box. His fingers brushed the grain of the soft fabric before beginning to tug at the bright silk ribbon. It came undone easily enough, and Ed let it slide through the fingers on his right hand, always happy to enjoy feeling things against his skin even after so many years. He didn't immediately open the box though. Whatever was inside would change the game, and he knew that. Roy had never given Ed a gift. Sure he'd done things for him, and bought something that he had mentioned he needed or wanted, but never something like this. Something so un-known and not requested scared Edward so much his hands were shaking.
He heard Roy shift again behind him and then felt a hand lay on his shoulder, just where it met his neck. A soft thumb rubbed his flesh in small, reassuring movements. "Open it, please."
Edward leaned into those words, whispered against his ears. He did as he was asked and the box made a high pitched squeak as the springs protested its opening. Inside he found a long silver chain, with a pendant attached. As he pulled it out of its resting place, the silver glistened in the firelight.
Reflecting the flames as if it was actually on fire, the small silver salamander hung by its tail from the long chain.
"Roy!" Ed gasped his name, frozen in place with the pendant swaying gently in front of him. He watched it, mesmerized. This was more than a game changer; Roy was trying to start a whole new game all together. Ed felt like his heart had stopped, his chest heavy and breath short. Images of what accepting this would mean flooded his mind, making his heart do an about face and begin to pound faster and faster, jumping to his throat.
"I need you Edward."
Visions of flesh and sweat, of hot swollen lips and gentle words of promises to come, of soft touches and passionate kisses passed through Edward's eyes with each glint of fire from the metal as it swung to and fro. He could do nothing but stutter, unable to think of any coherent words to say, "I… I…"
The hand on his shoulder gently tightened its grip. Roy had been guarded for this reaction. He hadn't fooled himself into thinking the young man would accept this offer, but he'd had to make it. He had to let him know he was ready for more, to give Ed everything he had to offer. "I know you're finding the right way to try and shove this back in my hands Ed. Just keep it close, keep it safe. When you're ready, put it on. I'm patient."
Those last two words broke Ed's mesmerized state and he almost fell over laughing. "You! Patient? You have the patience of a puppy." Roy didn't miss the flash of terror on the young man's face as he quietly tucked the gift into his pants pocket before continuing his laughter. "You may be able to wait and act out your complicated military plans over years and years, but outside of this office you can barely stand waiting for your coffee to brew!" Ed had stood up and was headed towards the light switches. He got there faster than Roy could voice a protest and he threw his arms up to shield his eyes.
"What the hell Ed?" The younger mans continued laughter warmed his heart. He hadn't stood up and walked out of the office, he hadn't thrown it back at him, and he hadn't said no. It wasn't a yes, but at this point, a refusal to answer was better than a rejection. Ed was avoiding the situation, but they would undoubtedly find their way back to this conversation again soon. Roy would make sure of it. His spirits lifted, he forced himself up off the couch and went to join a jovial Edward at his desk.
Unlike this morning however, he decided to sit on the heavy wooden surface at the front instead of behind it in his chair. He waited, patiently, for Ed to cease his laughter, watching as it faded to a chuckle and finally a familiar eye roll. "So General, where are you shipping me off to this time? Someplace south, warm, maybe where they have drinks with tiny little umbrellas in them?"
Roy shook his head, smirking. "Bodyguard duty. You're going north."
"You've got to be joking!" Ed jolted, eying the man in front of him. "I'm not a damned babysitter. Find someone else." He crossed his arms and and sat back as he watched Roy pick up the single file that was lying on his desk and start flipping through it.
"I don't know Ed, mysterious disappearances, strange people wandering through the town, unrecognizable alchemical arrays appearing throughout in odd places. Sounds right up your alley. Right up my alley too come to think of it." He rubbed his chin while looking at one of the pages he had picked up. "And I think I need a break from this godforsaken city. Couple of days investigating these reports ought to do the trick!"
Ed shot to his feet, a mixture of anger and excitement fighting in his voice, "What the hell do you think you're getting at. You never leave central anymore. That's the whole point of being a general; you sit back and make others do your work." His hands were shaking, tidal waves of different emotions bowling him over. He was angry that Roy was obviously manipulating things to get a better chance at what he wanted, excited at the chance to be away from Central with Roy, away from prying eyes… just in case he slipped, and gave into his desires. He was also scared shitless that he would indeed give in.
Mustang kept his cool and continued smirking, "Yes, generally. But it also means I get to actually take the cases I want, and no one can argue with me about it. Especially you." Ed didn't know if he wanted to kiss that smug look right off his face, or punch it off. "We leave immediately. General Mustang is going to investigate these reports, and he has ordered The Fullmetal Alchemist to protect him in his travels. Simple as that. We leave at the top of the hour."
The alchemist circled her array, studying it like she did every day. She would kneel and trace the outline of each shape, each and every line, circle and polygon was exactly where it should be. She knew it was perfect, there was nothing she could have done wrong. It had to be the souls and the bodies. They weren't strong enough, never strong enough.
But she couldn't go on until she knew it would work.
The day had been a long one after the evening she'd had before, another failed attempt. On her way up the stairs she slammed the door above them shut, rattling the walls. Once on the street again she replaced her furious scowl with a warm smile, greeting those she passed with a wave. Studying, watching, she viewed each and every soul in the crowd for its potential, for its raw power.
Nothing, no one would be good enough.
She spotted a young couple in the town center, sitting at the fountain, making a complete spectacle of themselves. A growl escaped her lips as she turned towards them, sitting just beyond the two completely unnoticed. There was really no choice, she would have to try again tonight.
She was getting desperate, and running out of time.
"Why the hell did I let you talk me into getting on another train the day after I got off one?" Edward squirmed in his seat, scowling at Roy, who in turn shrugged with an exhausted yawn.
"I didn't think you minded, Fullmetal. All those years spent practically living on them with Al, you should have been used to it long ago." He stretched his legs out, propping his feet on the seat next to Ed, settling in lower for a night's sleep.
"That doesn't mean I enjoy it! It was a necessary part of life at the time. I was so focused on our goal I never even thought about how damned uncomfortable they were." He continued his scowl out the window, noticing with a silent curse that the snow was getting thicker and thicker as they went.
"Why do you think I actually bought a place in Central? Not that I ever get to enjoy it! I want to stay put for a while, find a way to… a way to…" His voice trailed off, struggling to find the right words.
Roy looked up to wait for the blond to finish his statement but he was unnervingly quiet, staring at the passing fields of white as they slowly turned grey with the disappearing light, lost in thought. The older man's heart ached for him. For a split second his body reacted, automatically reaching out to him, to comfort him and draw him in close. He was distracted by a loud burst of laughter from the seat behind him and suddenly he was aware once again of just how crowded their car was. Forcing himself back against his seat, he decided that taunting him would be a much faster way of changing the subject.
"A way to be more annoying that's what. Always having to be right underfoot all the time. Still can't figure out why you stayed in the military. Should have left a year and a half ago when you're certification was up for renewal." He tsked and waited for the inevitable.
Ed's head spun so he could glare at the General so fast his thick braid flicked around and smacked him in the face. "You asked me to you self righteous stuck up manipulative bastard!" In his youth his tantrums would have included stomping his feet and attacking the air with his fists, yelling and screaming. As it was, he still had quite the temper, but took it out in single, swift movements against solid objects.
The sudden crack as he threw his left foot forward into the seat in front of him startled Mustang, who quickly clapped his hands and repaired it before he fell through the damaged structure, raw energy sparking in the air around him.
Objects were only solid before Ed got to them anyway.
"I seem to remember you practically begging me to stay! 'Oh please Fullmetal, we need you in the army. You're one of our greatest assets. I need you under my command to look good and have other officers impressed by how amazing my leadership skills are!'" his high pitched mimicking was grating at Mustangs nerves so much he almost missed him add the eyelash batting. "'And so it will be easier for me to kiss everyone's ass the rest of the way to the top!.'" His face was contorted in a look of disgust. He knew full well that his friend only kissed ass in public, and worked his own off getting to where he was.
It didn't stop him from chiding him over it.
Roy was incredibly amused at the way Edward's eyes seemed to glitter as much as Armstrong's when he batted his eyelashes like that. He put on his best scowl, reserved only for Edward, and growled, feigning anger. "I recall it a bit differently Fullmetal. Apparently your memory is about as bad as your ability to maintain a relationship." Ed let out a soft laugh and raised his right eyebrow at those words before immediately putting his angry face back on. "I asked if you were ready to leave us, since your use for the military was all used up. You looked like you wanted to cry, and proclaimed your undying loyalty to me for everything my amazing skills in alchemy, tactics, and commandment could teach you. You wanted to stay and follow in my footsteps. Who could blame you really?"
He was just grasping at straws at this point, and they both knew it.
Rain had drenched Central for a week. Standing at the gates, his heart as heavy as his rain soaked coat, Ed could barely even see the building beyond the parade grounds. He and Al had been up the entire night before, discussing what he was here to do.
He still wasn't sure what his final answer was going to be. There had been pros and cons to both answers, and neither one just screamed correct. Once under the cover of the building's outer walkways, he decided to take the long way around, partly to shake off as much excess water as possible, but mostly to shove in those last few moments of solitude to come up with an answer.
Stay in the military, or retire and work on his own.
Staying in the military meant orders, and the ever present possibility of being told to do something he was against. Money for his research was a plus. One of the bigger plusses of remaining was that he could continue helping people with the military behind him. It could be annoying at times, but having that kind of strength to help clean up your completely justifiable messes came in handy. Al had made that particular case. When they realized how much trouble they could have gotten into, or how much worse their situations could have been, they realized just how much Roy and the military had had to clean up after them.
Ed of course claimed to be older, wiser, less prone to snap judgements and temper tantrums. "Besides," he had added, "I can't do alchemy anymore, so I don't make nearly as huge a mess of things as I used to!" Al, knowing better, had simply rolled his eyes.
If he left, he could honestly do whatever he felt like doing. He could travel, though admittedly he really liked the idea of settling down somewhere. He could go and find a wife and even start a family. He had an inward laugh at that one. He hadn't been in a relationship that lasted more than a couple of months, and, if he was honest with himself, he knew exactly why.
Ed loved someone else.
He got to the outer doors of that someone else's office far too quickly for the mood he was in. He felt the doors he was standing in front of loom over him, seeming to grow taller and more intimidating the longer he stood in front of it. It poked at the part of his brain that never backed down from a challenge, that continued fighting at all costs.
Fullmetal pulled on the lever, and kicked the office door open.
Fallman jumped from his chair, ready to salute whichever brass was pissed off at Mustang this time. "Oh, its just you Ed."
Edward managed a half hearted apologetic grin. "Yeah, sorry about that. Don't know what came over me!" As he was making his apology, the door to the General's inner office flew open, Roy appearing in the space the heavy wood had previously occupied. Ed could see the relief wash over the older man's face when he saw Ed shutting the abused door behind him.
"Oh, it's just you."
The younger man was no longer amused. "What the hell do you guys mean, 'It's JUST you?'"
Fallman simply threw his hands in the air in a definite, 'I'm not touching this one' gesture and sat back down at his desk, returning to his paperwork.
"You're all awfully jumpy. Preparing for an attack or something?"
"Or something." Roy gave a half hearted smile and gestured for Ed to join him.
Behind the closed doors, Roy watched in silence as Ed shrugged off his rain drenched coat and tossed it over the back of his couch, plopping his body onto the thick cushions. He knew exactly what his choice of seating meant. Official business was always done at the desk.
"You don't have an answer for me." It was far from a question.
"Not exactly." Ed didn't offer up any more information until Roy had joined him on the opposite end of the couch, neither man looking at the other. "I stayed up most of the night trying to think of what I should do, the next steps I should take in my life. I know I want to continue my research, and helping people is always a given. I just can't decide which route is the best. Besides, I can't do alchemy anymore, so I can't possibly think of what actual use I would be to the military."
Roy shook his head, "You'll always be valuable to the Military. Your knowledge alone is worth them bending the rules for you every other week. But honestly, I don't know if I should be the one offering you advice on this. My answer would be more than a little biased."
"Yeah, can't exactly tell one of the military's greatest assets to just walk away!"
The man sitting across the couch from him was silent for a moment, seemingly engrossed in the tiny details of the flames before him. Ed moved closer, ready to poke him out of his trance when he spoke. "No. I don't care what the military thinks it needs. I don't want to see you go." Ed sat back in his corner of the couch, a mixture of shock and confusion running through his mind. "If you left the military, I wouldn't be able to protect you." He glanced over at the younger man and raised a hand to halt the forthcoming protest. "And I am well aware of the fact that under no circumstances do you want or need protection."
The blond deflated slightly, argument still on the tip of his tongue. He watched as Roy exhaled slowly, turning once again to study the fire. Ed found himself smiling as he watched him become so comfortable again, at home with the flames before him.
"You don't need protection Ed. But I need to protect you. I need to be able to know that I'm doing everything I can to keep you safe." There were no questions in his words, no pleading. Roy was simply stating a fact that had become an important part of his life.
Ed didn't pause or falter in his answer, instead, the younger man joined him in studying the flames, "So I'm staying then."
For a moment they sat in silence, glaring at one another. Ed broke first, a smile slowly spreading across his face while a deep chuckle built. Roy didn't let go until he saw the genuine smile he was looking for; the warm one that went all the way to Ed's beautiful amber eyes. Not until then, did he join him in his laughter. Ed shifted to match Roy's position stretching his legs across from him. Before he settled in for the night, he nudged the General with his foot.
"Bastard."
"Pipsqueak."
"Go to sleep."
"Way ahead of you Ed, way ahead of you."
Both drifted off into sleep, the noises from the other passengers and the train blending seamlessly together into a gentle hum. They hurtled forward as the sun fell below the horizon, and on into the inky blackness of a moonless night.
