Warning: This is the sole chapter with drug use inside.


T, D, DD, K, T, or P Chapter 2: Vanitas Gone Wild

Previously on T, D, DD, K, T, or P…

"Axel…" Larxene said impatiently, "Who. Have. You. Had. Gay. Thoughts. About?" Larxene said, boiling with anger.

Oh no! Roxas started to think, I know it's gonna be about me.

"Well…"

Please don't be me!

Please don't be me!

Please don't be me!

Please don't be me!

"Roxas…"

Roxas then began to choke and then he fainted.

"Roxas? Roxas! Wake up! Roxas!" Ventus said. No one was paying attention to him though; they all were looking at Axel with WTF faces.

"What were they of?" Sora asked, trying to get blackmail on Axel.

"W-we were… in a… log cabin… in the mountains… alone…" Axel said looking away from everyone's' shocked faces.

"Ewww Axel you such a perv…" Amai said.

"Hey! Just because he was tied up on the bed in my fantasy doesn't mean I'm a perv!" Axel blurted out not knowing what his mind was doing. He covered his mouth. "Wait! No! Forget what I just said!"

"Gross… I didn't think you would be an S&M perv, Axel!" Xion said while laughing.

"No… I'm pretty sure that's Larxene." Riku said with a huge smile on his face.

"Shut up or I'll kill you Riku!" Larxene shouted.

"Helloooo! Does anyone even care about the fainted Roxas over here?" Ventus asked.

"Roxas fainted? (Laughs) That's too funny!" Demyx said.

"Great job, Axel." Vanitas said sarcastically.

"Whatever…" Axel said while… sulking (?). He sat there for a few minutes while everyone kept laughing. Everyone finally calmed down.

"Axel," Sora said, "It's your turn." He motioned towards the center of the circle.

"Fine…" Axel went to the middle, "This one will be a dare."

Spin

Spin

Spin

Spin

Spin

Spin…

It landed on Vanitas.

"Great…" Vanitas said, "I had to be chosen by the perv…"

"I am NOT a perv!" Axel exclaimed in defense

"Whatever you say, Dr. S&M" Demyx said.

"I'm not a freaking PERV!" Axel stood up, "Everyone has had a couple of fantasies about someone, right?"

"Right!" Amai said and stood up next to Axel and started thinking about Riku, "I shouldn't matter if you think about someone 24/7 and you can't get them out of your head! You're not a freak!"

"Amai," Axel said, "You're not… really… helping!" He tried to hint.

"And maybe, occasionally, you almost get caught stalking someone when he's in the shower alone at night!"

"Amai! You're still not helping!"

Roxas began to wake up from fainting and heard Amai talking.

Amai turned to Axel, "And people shouldn't force you to see a psychiatrist to use hypnotism to get your obsession out of you're head!"

Roxas fainted again.

"AMAI! SHUT THE HELL UP YOU'RE NOT HELPING!" Axel finally yelled when he saw Roxas lying on the floor.

Amai realized what just happened and sat back down, "Heh, sorry… Axel."

"Can we please get on with this dare?" Riku asked

"Don't dare about anything having to do with being tide up to beds in log cabins, though!" Ventus said and looked over to Roxas, "Someone has already been affected by that…"

Axel rolled his eyes, "Fine… but now I have to think about a dare for him!"

Vanitas… hmmm… I never really liked him… so what do I dare him to do? Axel thought

And thought.

And thought.

And thought.

And thought.

And thought.

Just as the author was about to intervene, Axel got an idea and became really excited.

"Ferb! I know what we're gonna do today!" Axel shouted.

Axel, the author said inside his mind, Wrong. Freaking. Show.

"Oh yeah…" Axel said. He thought it was just another one of those voices in his head that told him to burn things. "Er… *ahem* I have my dare for Vanitas!"

"What is it, Pervert?" Vanitas said smiling. Everyone laughed. Well, everyone except Roxas and Amai. Roxas was fainted and Amai was fantasizing about her and Riku doing things that can't be said in a T rated fiction.

"Ha, you're gonna regret calling me that! Anyways… I have the most EVIL, and SHOCKING, and DEVIOUS, and FUNIEST DARE known to all mankind!" Axel said.

"Mmmhhhmmm…"

"I dare you to… go to go to the back room in Castle Oblivion!" Axel said.

"Aannnd why is that so bad?" Vanitas asked.

"Vanitas? You haven't heard about Castle Oblivion?" Selphie asked.

"Nooo…" Vanitas said getting a little worried.

"Castle Oblivion is a place where all you're dreams come true!" Tidus said remembering his time there.

"Castle Oblivion is a Medical Marijuana store where they sell Medicinal Marijuana for Radiant Garden." Namine said.

"They put the 'Garden' in 'Radiant Garden'! If you know what I mean…" Demyx said, also remembering his time there.

"And how do YOU know about this Little Miss Innocent?" Kairi asked looking at Namine.

Namine got nervous. "Erm… well… my uhh… my friend! She has ummm… glaucoma! Yeah! My friend has glaucoma!" (A/N: Woah! Is Namine covering up something? The plot thickens…)

"Okkkaaayy…?" Vanitas said, "What do I have to do when I get to the back room of 'Castle Oblivion'?" Vanitas asked. He was kind of disappointed that him, the "Bad Boy", didn't even know about Castle Oblivion.

"Just walk in and smell the roses! Nothing too bad, right?" Axel said.

"Riiiight… THAT'S all he'll do when he gets there." Sora said sarcastically.

Dammit! Vanitas thought, Even SORA knows about Castle Oblivion! Why the hell didn't I hear about this sooner?

"Okay… where is it at?" Vanitas asked.

"Just on the other side of Radiant Garden Mountain…" Axel said.

"Oh okay on the other side of- WAIT A MINUTE WHAT THE HELL? ! ? Do you KNOW how far that is, AXEL?" Vanitas asked.

"Sure… it's like… 5 minutes away… right?"

"Nooo! More like 5 hours away if we have to walk! The author will never be able to type for THAT long!" Vanitas said. (A/N: Awww, Vani is worrying about me! That's so cute! Wait, how does he know about me?)

"Yeah Vanitas, how DO you know about the author?" Hayner asked, remembering her from earlier.

Vanitas had a confused look on his face. "You guys haven't noticed her typing in the kitchen this whole time…?"

Everyone shook their head no.

"Amai? Riku? You guys were IN the kitchen at the start of this whole thing! You didn't notice her?"

They both shook their head no…

"I'm surrounded by idiots…"

No body ever notices me!

"Okay! Did you guys hear that this time?" Hayner asked.

No one answered and they just had a scared look in their eyes.

"Wh-who are you! ?" Pence shouted, "What do you want from us? !"

(A/N: I think I'll play with them for a while…)

"Are you God? !" Larxene asked, "Oh shit! It's the second coming!" Larxene got onto her knees, "Look, I don't like you and you obviously don't like me… so let's make a deal!"

The author cleared her throat and deepened her voice, NO! I AIN'T GOD! I'M THE GHOST OF… MR. T!

(A/N: Really? Mr. T? What was I thinking…?)

"Mr. … T…?" Selphie said, "But… he's not dead."

DID I ASK YOU IF I WAS DEAD?

"N-no sir!"

DID I IMPLY THAT I WAS DEAD?

"W-well yes…"

WHAT'D YOU SAY?

"Yes…"

I CAN'T HEAR YOU! SAY IT WIT' YO CHEST!

"YES!"

ALL RIGHT! NOW THE WE ON THE SAME PAGE, LETS GET OVER TO THAT MOUNTAIN!

"H-HAI… T-Sama!"

Now with motivational speaker, Mr. T, on their side, they all went on the treturous journey to Castle Oblivion. Ventus dragged Roxas (since he was still fainted).

They finally made it to the Castle.

"I told you it would take like 5 minutes!"

"Hey… that didn't even take that long… what was I so worked up about?"

Because you love me and you care about my well-being?

"No… not really…"

(A/N: Heart = Broken right now)

"So you said I have to just go inside and smell around?" Vanitas asked.

"Yup…" Axel answered with an evil smirk on his face.

"Ummmm… okay."

Vanitas walked into the store…

-45 minutes later-

"What's taking him so long? Let's go in and check on him…" Xion said. Everyone agreed and walked towards the entrance. (A/N: They waited 45 MINUTES to see if he was ok?)

Axel blocked the doors to the entrance and had a box full of gas masks.

"No ones going in their without one of these." He said

"Axel… where did you get gas masks from?" Larxene asked.

"I dunno… internet?" Axel said acting as clueless as usual.

Everyone walked in. It was nothing fancy, just a bunch of plants and green mulch. But then, when they went to the back room a bunch of smoke clouded their vision. Tidus, Demyx, and Namine were about to take off their masks so they could enjoy the aroma, but Olette and Kairi stopped them.

Soon, they found Vanitas. He was talking to a Marijuana Plant…

"Oh man, dude. I just had the most wonderful fucking idea… IN THE WORLD. Ok! Ok! Ok! Wait, dude hear me out. You know how they have chocolate milk, right? And how they have chocolate yogurt, right?" Vanitas said getting excited, "What if… listen! Listen! What if… they made… Chocolate Cheese! Right?" Vanitas said as if the plant were agreeing with him. "Man we would be like so fucking rich if we invented that! Dude, I know this corner out in Radiant Garden where we could, like, sell it and make, like, trillions of dollars! We could call it Bob & Vanitas' Chocolate Cheese!"

O.o

No really,

o.O

One more time,

O.O

"H-have you ever had a donut before?" Vanitas asked the plant.

"…"

"You haven't? ! ? Oh! My! God! You are missing out, dude! You need to get out of the pineapple more… or whatever it is you sponge people live in…"

Everyone was laughing so hard that their eyes were tearing up.

"V-van (laughs) Vanitas! (laughs) Just (laughs) just s-stop! (laughs) It's too much! (laughs)" Axel said.

"M-mom!" Vanitas exclaimed, "Get out of my room while I'm changing, dude! That's disgusting! Pervert!"

(A/N: Even when he doesn't know who he is, Vanitas still calls Axel a pervert!)

Axel looked over to Hayner. Stupid Hayner making me tell Roxas about my love for him. And stupid Roxas for fainting when he found out…

Sora decided to toy with Vanitas.

"Hey, Vanitas!"

"S-Sora? Is that you...?" Vanitas asked. He couldn't tell who he was because of the gas mask.

"Noooo... I'm not Sora! I am... Agent Seven!...Not Double-O seven, Just Seven, don't get too excited..."

"Jebus! Are you hear to take me to heaven?"

"...No, i told you I'm Agent-"

"I'm too young to die, Jebus! Take my brother, Sora, instead!"

"I give up..." Sora walked away.

Vanitas started to talk to the plant again.

Xion then went over to Vanitas. "Vanitas, come on we gotta get outta here. Upsy daisy!" Xion said and pulled Xion pulled him away from the plant.

"Hey! We were having a very serious conversation about chocolate cheese!"

"Oh get over it ya' big baby!" Xion said.

"B-but Meg! I want to be a billionaire, so freaking' baaad. Buy all of the things I never had!" Vanitas sang.

"Meg? Who's Meg?" Xion asked.

"Meg? Meg Griffin! How do you not who you are?" Vanitas asked.

"Can we just get out of here? Please!" Amai asked.

"Yeah… these masks itch" Pence said.

The author didn't feel like typing about their journey back home so she magically poofed them back to Kairi and Amai's house.

"Unda da seeaaa! Unda da seeaaa! Darlin' its better down where it's wetter take it from meee!" Vanitas said and opened his arms out wide.

"How are we supposed to play the game when he's like this?" Riku asked.

"I don't know…" Xion said then got an idea, "Hey author! Or… Mr. T… whoever you are! Can you help us out a little? Please?" Xion said in a sweet and innocent voice.

No

"But-"

No

"I just-"

No

"I asked nicely-"

No

"Do it for your love of Vanitas!"

Maybe

"Really?"

Ha, no…

"Fine…"

Just kidding, Xion! I will help you!

"Yay!"

But! On one condition!

"What is it?"

You have to… *whispers*

"(Gasp) No! Please! Anything but that! Can't I just give you a card or something?"

A card? Really, Xion? Really?

"Ok… I will do it…"

Good. The author then went into Vanitas' head.

Vanitas! My love! Join the dark side, we have cookies! :3

I won't join you, Darth Vader! Never! I walk the road to dawn!

*face palm* Ok, Vanitas, seriously I gotta get you're normal conscious back to you so come on emo, bad boy Vanitas. She pointed to the other Vanitas in his mind.

No… I like it here. And I'm gonna stay here until this high wears off, so piss off.

Y-you don't want to be with me...?

...No

You hesitated! You do want to be with-

No.

OH! Vanitas, you just killed me right their, you shot me… I'm dying and now I'm dead…

Aannnd you don't care, do you?

I love you so freaking much!

Two can play at that game…

But, seriously, time to get out of here.

The author then grabbed Vanitas by the arm and put him back in control of his mind…

"Finally! We can get this game started again!" Demyx said.

"Whatever…" Emo Vanitas said. "I feel like doing a Double Dare…" Vanitas spun the bottle…

Spin

Spin

Spin

Spin

Spin

Spin…

It landed on Amai.

"Oh dear God, why me?" Amai asked and had her hands stretched out into the air.

"Yeah God, why her?" Vanitas said.

(A/N: Why don't we look into everyone's minds?)

Vanitas- Amai may be hot, but she's a total freak… and why am I so hungry?

Amai- Riku!

Riku- Amai!

Kairi- This game has been so random. I am scared for the outcome…

Sora- I wonder what time it is.

Larxene- Axel!

Axel- Roxas!

Roxas-

Fuu- Ventus!

Ventus- It's getting kind of hot in here…

Demyx, Tidus, and Namine- After this, I'm going straight back to Castle Oblivion...

Pence- Vanitas is funny…

Xion- Do I really sound like Meg Griffin?

Hayner- I wonder what Ollete is thinking about…

Selphie- Cookies!

Ollette- I wonder what Hayner is thinking about…

"Vanitas, have you picked a dare yet?" Larxene asked. Xion then tensed up, remembering what the author told her to do for her earlier…

Vanitas got an idea out of no where. (A/N: yeah (cough, cough) absolutely no where (cough)…)

"I have the perfect first dare for you, Amai."

"(sigh) What is it, Vanitas…"

"My first dare for you Amai is that you have to give someone, of you're choice, a lap dance."

Amai sat their in shock. Then his words echoed in her mind…

A lap dance…

A lap dance…

A lap dance…

She was frozen like a statue.


Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. All rights go to Square Enix and Disney.

Inspiration: Truth, Dare, DoubleDare, Kiss, Tell, or Marriage? by The Ladies Man.

xxxHikari-Kuraixxx (xxxLight-Darkxxx)