Warnings: shonen-ai (boy/boy love), slight violence, angst, use of the "H" word
Disclaimers: All the characters, places, things, etc. in this story belong to J.K. Rowling. Sue me and you'll only get heaps of Star Wars books and outdated lightsabers =P
Notes: Here, finally, is the next installment of Dawn. Many thanks again to everyone who reviewed. I hope I can meet all of your expectations satisfactorily ^_^
Italicized words are thoughts.
Chapter Two: Hope and Despair
Remus was almost too deep in his sorrow to notice the footsteps approaching his bed. Almost, but not quite. Remus immediately stopped crying and pulled up his blankets to cover his tear-streaked face while wondering who could be awake at this ungodly hour. Had he woken up one of his roommates after all?
Well, if it has to be one of them, I hope it's Sirius…
Remus groaned inwardly. Why didn't his subconscious just leave him alone? He had enough problems already without worrying about his inexplicable attraction to a certain raven-haired, blue-eyed prankster. Well, maybe it wasn't so inexplicable. In Remus' mind, Sirius was the epitome of perfection.
Soft, shiny, blue-black hair.
Unbelievably blue eyes that seemed to penetrate even the most formidable of mental barriers.
A toothy grin that could melt the coldest of hearts.
Yes, when he thought about it that way, Remus knew why he had fallen in love with Sirius. What he wanted to know, and the cause of his greatest suffering, was why he had to fall in love in the first place. Being a werewolf, he was destined to be alone.
Remus suddenly realized that he was on the verge of tears again and quickly derailed his current train of thought. He had almost forgotten about his incoming visitor. And after his latest dip into despair, his opinion on whom he wanted his visitor to be had changed radically. He desperately did not want Sirius to see him like this.
He's going to think I'm such a baby…
Remus strangled that notion before it could affect him too much. But he didn't really need to. A mere moment later, all thoughts were scattered from his mind when the voice he least wanted to hear, and yet could not get enough of, called from outside his curtains.
"Remus? Are you all right?"
Someone please just kill me now…
Remus didn't answer, hoping Sirius would give up and go back to sleep. He was beginning to think his plan had worked when Sirius spoke up again.
"Remus?"
Please… Just go back to bed… You musn't see me like this…
A long and pregnant pause followed Sirius' last inquiry. Remus heaved an inaudible sigh of relief only to stop breathing a moment later.
Oh no…
He heard his curtains swish open, then silence.
I am so glad I slept facing away from that side…
Remus closed his eyes tightly and tried to stay completely motionless.
Please think I'm asleep… Please think I'm asleep…
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Sirius was continuously arguing with himself as he tiptoed towards Remus' bed.
What am I doing???
::You're going to help a friend you've secretly had a crush on for years.::
And exactly how do you justify the insanity of what I'm about to do?
::Justify? Who said I was going to justify anything?::
Then why in bloody hell am I doing this???
::Because you want to.::
That shut up Sirius' side of the mental "conversation." He had to admit, his inner voice had a point. But this admission made him seriously question his current state of mind.
"I'm going crazy…" Sirius muttered under his breath, "James is so going to get a kick out of this. But then again, I'm not the one who sleeps with a stuffed animal and pretends it's my not-so-secret crush whom I don't have the guts to ask out."
Look who's talking. Or did you already forget about your not-so-secret crush whom you don't have the guts to ask out?
Sirius mentally told his subconscious to take a hike and wondered why he had such a snide inner voice. He set aside that thought for later and concentrated on not tripping in the dark dormitory.
Oh sure. That would really impress Remus.
Sirius imagined booting his subconscious to Timbuktu and it shut up, after a parting snicker. Sirius sighed with mingled frustration and relief. Now that he didn't have that to deal with, he could concentrate on what exactly he was going to say to Remus. More specifically, he had to think of something to say that wouldn't get him kicked off Remus' bed and out of his life.
After a few seconds of intense contemplation, Sirius finally decided to just be himself. But only up to a point. He had to be more supportive and, yes, serious than he usually was. Satisfied with his decision, he took the last few steps towards his destination.
Well, I might as well get this over with…
"Remus?" Sirius said softly, hoping his voice didn't betray his nervousness, "Are you all right?"
He waited for several long seconds before repeating himself. Like the first time, only silence answered his query.
Maybe he's asleep. But I just heard him crying a few seconds ago.
Maybe he didn't hear me.
Or maybe he just doesn't want to see me…
Sirius cut off that thought before it could finish, but not before it sent a pang through his heart. He ignored it and tried to decide what to do next.
What if he isn't really asleep? What if he really needs someone to talk to but is just too afraid to ask? What if…
Sirius stopped his useless pondering. There was no point in dilly-dallying. If he really wanted to know, he'd have to see for himself. That meant peeking into the curtains of Remus' bed.
Isn't that an invasion of privacy?
::Who cares? Just get on with it.::
Sirius mustered up all the courage he could and parted Remus' curtains as quietly as he could.
Sirius' heart stopped, then started beating so loudly he was sure the others would wake up.
This is ridiculous… I'm going back to bed.
But Sirius couldn't move. He was transfixed by the sight in front of him.
God… Remus is beautiful when he's asleep…
::You think he's beautiful whatever he's doing.::
Well, it's true. He is beautiful.
Sirius shook his head as if to clear it and focused on the task at hand. He had a decision to make, after all.
I probably shouldn't wake him… After all, he hasn't been sleeping well lately…
I'll just talk to him tomorrow.
Slightly relieved at having more time to prepare for his confrontation with Remus, Sirius crept back to his own bed. Somehow, he was sure that he had made the right decision.
Remus will almost certainly not want to talk about his nightmares at the crack of dawn. I'm really better off waiting until tomorrow.
Taking comfort in that thought, Sirius quickly fell asleep again.
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Well? What do you think? Is it ok? I was trying to choose between making this a short fic with only two chapters or a series. I decided on the latter so the conclusion of this chapter is probably not what you expected ^_^ I hope it wasn't too bad. Thanks for reading! I'll try to post the next chapter as soon as possible ^_^
