Writing this chapter instead of taking a quiz retake! Yay laziness!

But yeah… I finally was able to force time in to write this. I hope that it turns out fabulous.

Piggy glanced nervously at the two stern expressions the boys on the other side of Ralph were carrying. He frankly, would not care at all if a hole opened up underneath their chairs and swallowed them up, lost from the time and space continuum forever. To say he did not like Jack Merridew and Roger Nelson would be a complete understatement as he rather enjoyed picturing them with their faces smashed in.

"Where did you get her again?" Jack asked, turning to the overly perky blonde next to him. Ralph just rolled his eyes.

"Where you get every great girl: Craigslist!" he chirped.

"Fantastic," Roger muttered, taking a sip out of the coffee Jack had bought him. It was the only way to get him to come and there was no way Jack wanted to be alone with Ralph.

"I think she'll be wonderful," Simon, who was on the other side of Roger, piped up, always the optimist. Roger just snorted; nursing the warm cup in his hands like it was his own child.

The door suddenly opened, and the conversation screeched to a halt. The girl bounced in cheerily and Roger almost dropped his coffee. The girl before them was a splatter of neon, glitter, and over all cuteness. Roger's nose wrinkled at the mere sight of her, rethinking his decision.

"No amount of coffee's going to make me stay," he muttered, moving to stand up, but found himself yanked right back down into his seat.

"If I'm coming down, "Jack's menacing voice hissed in his ear, his grip on the brunette's arm unbreakable. "You're coming down with me." He let go, giving Roger a warning glare.

"Konichiwaaa!" the girl chirped, her high ponytails swinging happily. "My name's Kimi-chan!"

Simon smiled politely at her, Piggy looked like he wanted to jump out of the window, Ralph looked way too pleased with himself, Jack was busy glaring at Roger, who was muttering obscenities into his coffee cup. Ralph stood up, charm oozing from every pore of his body.

"Where are our manners boys?" he asked, a dashing grin on his face. Piggy only saw his looming doom. "The one at the end is Simon. The grumpy one is Roger. The angry ginger is Jack, and I'm Ralph, and this here," He took Piggy's shoulders. "Is the handsome bachelor himself, Humphrey Fredrickson the Third."

"Aaah! You guys are so kawaii!" she squealed, her ponytails bouncing even more. Jack thought that there must be vibrators or something hidden in her hair…

"We're what?" Simon asked, tilting his head a bit.

'Kawaii! Cute!" she exclaimed. The three boys in the center (yes, even Ralph) looked a little miffed at being called cute. They were not cute. They were beautifulgorgeoussexyohmalau dlookatthatass. Not cute.

"How are we… ah... cute?" Ralph asked, effectively hiding his irritation.

"It's just.. you guys are like a shojo manga!" More confusion. Kimi sighed and suddenly pointed to Simon, who squeaked in surprise. "You. You're the clueless uke that everyone pines after, but you don't know it." Then she pointed at Roger. "You are the dark one that pretends not to have any feelings but actually have a big crush on your biggest enemy." Then Jack. "You are the feisty redhead that is the opposite to Ralph-san. You are the yin to his yang. The night to his day. You act like enemies but have a secret sexual relationship that no one knows about, but Jack-san actually likes Simon-kun, who likes Ralph-san, who lusts after Roger-san, who likes Jack!" She took a deep breath when she was done.

Roger spat his coffee everywhere. "We're not gay!" he exclaimed, not sure whether to throw a fit or start laughing hysterically at it. "I mean, Robin's about as gay as it comes, and Maurice humps everything that moves, but Ralph has a girlfriend!"

"We broke up…" Ralph sighed. No one offered sympathy because it was his fourth girlfriend he had burned through in a month.

Kimi looked disappointed at the rebuff of her rose-colored view of them. "B-but…" She looked like she was about to cry, and guilt struck all of their faces (except Roger, who was a heartless bastard).

"Look, hun," Ralph said, going up and putting his hands on the girl. "If I went that way, I would definitely take Jack all the way. And if we didn't hate each other."

"Excuse me?!" Jack huffed. "Whose taking whom?!" Ralph promptly ignored him.

"And you never know, maybe Roger and Simon are actually gay," Ralph said, smiling a bit when her lower lip stopped trembling.

"I'm not gay!" Roger growled.

"Says the one who hasn't had a girlfriend for fourteen years!" Ralph called back, shooting Roger a smirk.

Kimi nodded, smiling brightly up at Ralph. "Arigato Ralph-senpai," she chirped and started to head out, but paused, smiling at them. "But is it okay if I draw a yaoi doujinshi about you guys?" she chirped.

"Wait-"

"Arigato!" she was gone before they could say anything.

"Well… I guess that went well," Ralph sighed, putting his hands on his hips.

"Ralph…" Piggy's voice came. Ralph turned to smile at him, only to be hit in the face with a textbook.

"I thought we were looking for girlfriends for me! Not having counselor sessions!" Piggy grumped. He hadn't even been able to talk to the girl! Not that he'd want to date her. She was way to chipper and bright. Literally.

Ralph clutched his face, rolling pitifully on the floor. Jack rolled his eyes and helped him up. "Grow a pair," he muttered to Ralph. He had been hit many times with a textbook. Ralph wiped the blood off.

"Fiiine. I'll let you do the speaking next time," he said.

"I thought she was nice!" Simon offered and they all gave him The Look.

"Hey, I heard Skyfall's out," Ralph said. "You wanna go see it?"

Piggy shrugged, wanting to take his mind off the events from before. Jack nodded after a bit of hesitation since he didn't have anything else better to do. Roger shrugged since he kind of liked the Bond movies and Jack was his ride home. Simon didn't know what Skyfall was, so agreed anyway.

Ralph grinned when they all agreed to go. "This'll be awesome!" he said, leading them out. "Meeting pretty girls is great and all, but bros before hos, right?"

"Ralph."

"Yes Jack?"

"Shut up."