"Rikki?" I turn around to see Cleo waiting for me outside the classroom, I look down at the floor and hope she doesn't ask me if I am okay. I am fed up of that one question, everyone is asking me the same. I don't look that bad, do I? I look back up when she doesn't say anything and see she is stil standing there, staring at me. "We are all worried about you, after that party.. We haven't seen you." I shrug, and look around at those walking past us, I hadn't been out since 'it' happened, it was the first day back to school. I knew I had to come. Cleo just sighed and then started to walk towards me, I instantly felt uneasy, Cleo coming towards me could only mean one thing; A hug. I step back quickly,the fear evident on my face. "Whats going on with you?" She wrinkles her nose up in worry, I just look down and shrug as I try to walk past her. "Class is this way." She points in the opposite direction, I nod and then walk next to her. On the way to Science she makes a one way conversation, I just nod when she wants me to, and even attempt a smile when she laughs. I close my eyes in relief when we finally reach the door to the Science laboratory. Cleo goes in first and I follow her in, I wish I am not partners with her this year. I couldn't handle anymore of her rambling, I look at the teacher as I sit down at my usual seat. I used to hate Science, but this year I will just do anything as long as it keeps my mind off the whole thing. I don't mind what it is, as long as it gives me a reason to stop thinking about everything that has gone wrong in my life.
I sigh loudly when my name is called out to be laboratory partners with Lewis, my boyfriend, he grins at me and puts his thumbs up from across the room, I just look down at my notebook and think about something else. "Can you go and sit with your partners at your assigned tables now please?" I keep my head down as the teacher says this, I don't want to move, I don't want to have to go through the whole 'Where you been?' thing with Lewis. "Are you okay Miss Chadwick?" I look up at the teacher who is leaning over my desk and I nod, grabbing my books on the way to the table I see Lewis sit at. This was going to be so hard.
"Long time, no see." I just nod at him, and look down at the desk. I feel him tense next to me as he tries to think of what to say, I hear him sigh loudly and then look behind him. I watch him out of the corner of my eye, Lewis and Cleo broke up half a year ago, and then he asked me out not long after. I still remember that time he asked me out, I wasn't sure. I had only just broken up with Zane, I was convinced Cleo would hate me if she found out.
"I have something to ask you." Lewis blushed and looked down at the floor, Rikki looked at him and started to dry off her tail. Her and Lewis had been meeting at Mako for a while now, it wasn't anything romantic, just a friend thing, even though they were both starting to fall for each other. She looked at him,waiting for the question. He nodded, when he realized she wouldn't say anything, "Would you like to.. um.. you know? Um.. go out with me?" Rikki looked around the caves thoughtfully, "As in boyfriend and girlfriend?" Lewis nodded and then looked down again, "If you don't want to I will understand.."
"No, I do... but Cleo?" Lewis smiled "I already spoke to her, she understands.. she wants us to be happy..."
"She
says that.. but you're Lewis.. She is Cleo.. I mean.. It's always
been you two."
"She has broken up with me twice, I don't love
her anymore and she feels the same. We are just friends, don't you
think me and you deserve a chance?" Rikki nods and then looks at
him, "Okay then." Lewis grins at her and then wraps his arms
around her waist, she smiles at him as they both lean in..
I shake my head, it was ages ago now, who cares if he likes me? I don't like me, I let someone hurt me in a way I swore to myself would never happen. I let that happen, and now I had to live with that. It was all my fault, my problem and this was my way of dealing with it. I wasn't going to let anyone else know what had happened, I didn't want them to know how weak I really was. I didn't want anyone to think I was stupid, they would all blame me anyway, for letting him do that. They know what I could have done, I could have burned him... anything... but I didn't and not even I know why. I can hardly expect anyone to understand when I don't understand myself.
"Are you going to talk to me?" Lewis lightly touches my hand, I immediately pull it away and turn away from him. I can feel my whole body shaking at the thought of someone touching me. Closing my eyes, I try and calm myself down. They were going to find out if I carried on, they were going to guess. "What is going on? Have I done something to upset you? Has someone else done something?"
"Just leave it Lewis, get on with your work." I turn around to face the front again and he just shakes his head, "I just thought that as a couple we were supposed to tell each other everything."
"Whatever." I shake my head and focus on the work in front of me, holding back the tears, I can feel peoples eyes burning into me, I can hear all the whispers. Why can't anyone just mind their buisness?
I shake my head as the whispers get louder, I keep looking down at my work, trying to ignore them all. I look at Lewis next to me as he looks over to Cleo and Emma, shaking his head. I see the looks on their faces, I watch Zane behind them. He is staring at me, worry evident on his face. I sigh and grab all my books, stuffing them into my bag. I thank the teacher silently for placing me on the table next to the door as I make a run for it. I feel the tears drip down my face as I run away from it all, from everyone who thinks they know what has happened, from the watching eyes and from all the whispers.
I ran all the way to the beach and just looked at the water, I thought it could help me with everything, but it didn't help me when I needed it the most. It didn't do anything to help me, it didn't try to save me. I close my eyes and think about the one moment I had the chance to burn him, I had many chances though, and I didn't move. I just lay there with my eyes closed, and let him. Tears stung my eyes as I thought about it, I deserved it. I could have fought him off, but I didn't. This was all my fault.
I look around the beach before jumping in, leaving my school bag on the sand. Nobody would come after me anyway, Emma wouldn't risk an absence, especially on the first day. Soon I am at Mako, I smile at the beautiful, serene cave. This was what made us who we are, I always thought it was a good thing, but what had changed?
I look sadly at my mermaid tail, it didn't feel the same anymore, it wasn't exciting, it wasn't a good thing. Nothing was good anymore, I let this secret eat away at me. But I couldn't tell anyone, I didn't want to hurt anyone else, no, I had to deal with this.
I wipe away the hot tears as the fall down my face, I shake my head and slowly get myself out of the moonpool, it wasn't fair. Why did he choose me? Why did I let him take me into that damn shed. Why did this happen to me?
"Hey." A tall, muscular boy stood next to Rikki as she waited for Lewis to come back with their drinks. She smiled politley at him and then looked away, rolling her eyes. She could smell the alchol on him a mile off, "Is he your boyfriend?" She nodded "You're way too good looking for him babe." He grinned at her but Rikki just rolled her eyes and faced the other way. "Why you being so cold sexy?" He grabbed her hand but she quickly pulled it away, looking through the crowd for Lewis. He shook his head and then grabbed her hand tightly, "Don't even think about screaming." He whispered, Rikki felt something sharp prod into her back. She refused to let the tears fall though, she thought there was a way out of this. She walked with him as he told her where to go, and soon found herself at a shed. "What do you want?" He dug, what she assumed to be a knife, deeper into her lower back. She winced in pain but didn't cry, she was strong, she had to let him see this. He laughed at her and then shook his head "I want you." He bit her shoulder hard, she looked away from him as she felt her body shake from fear. This couldn't be happening, not to her..
I should have screamed, I close my eyes as I lay back on the sand, I could have run away. He couldn't stab me then, I shake my head at my own thoughts. It's easier to say now, but at the time I was frozen, I couldn't think straight. I couldn't even see straight, I just wanted him to go away and leave me alone. I couldn't think about anything else. I sighed as I heard someone come into the caves, I assumed it was Lewis as Emma and Cleo would come through the usual way. I dried myself off before he popped his head through the entrance, I rolled my eyes "I want to be alone Lewis."
"I want to know what is wrong
Rikki." I shook my head, "Sometimes things have nothing to do
with you."
"You're my girlfriend... I have every right to
know."
"I don't care to be honest Lewis, just leave me alone."
"No! Tell me now! Please..' He
sat next to me, keeping a distance, I shook my head "Go away. I
don't want to talk about it."
"It's good to talk about
things."
"Yeah well not this, okay? Just go."
"Fine." He muttered as he stood up, I shook my head at his sudden moodiness and only let the tears fall down my face when he walked out. I jumped up when I saw two mermaids in the water, no way would Emma run out of school. There was no chance, I looked at them as they both put their heads above the water. "Not you as well, just leave me alone." I said to them, they just shook their heads at me and swam over to the edge "You will tell us when you're ready won't you?" I nod, hoping they would leave it at that. They give me a small smile as Emma reaches out a hand for me to join them in the water, I nod and grab it as I slide in. Sometimes, it was better to pretend everything was fine, and sometimes it's easier to smile in front of everyone than cry on your own.
