#2
Even when he is sad, angry or jealous, he is beautiful.
When he's sad, his blue eyes glisten, filling up with tears. These tears, sooner or later, spill down, over his cheeks, around his nose and mouth and towards his chin. His mouth his usually drawn into a tight line or his lips quiver, but I've only seen him cry a few times. He is brave and doesn't cry often, but one time, he burst into my apartment, tears flowing down his face. He told me that his father had yelled at him, calling him so many terrible things. Some things you wouldn't have expected to hurt Alec, but they did. After telling me this, he sunk down onto the couch with me, still in my arms. This was the first time I saw Alec sob. I mean really sob. His body was shaking, his eyes (the thought scares me to this day) were lifeless, as if the light had been drained from them. I held him and helped him control his breathing so he wouldn't hyperventilate. His lack of hope and motivation to live made this one of the most terrifying days of my life. I told him, that no matter what his father said, I would always love him and he would always be my angel. He told me, through tears, that he loved me more than anyone else in the world. His wavering and horse voice broke my heart, just as the words they were saying, mended it.
When he's angry, his jaw clenches and his eyes narrow in such a way that makes him look feral. His cheeks turn an angry red and his breathing becomes rugged and uneven, like he just ran a mile. Sometimes, if he is really angry, he looks at you in such a murderous way that it makes you paralyzed and you can't move but every instinct is telling you to run. I have never run away from Alec and I never plan on it. There was this one day when his anger was directed at me. He had been waiting in my apartment for me to come home. I hadn't thought it odd for him to be there because I had given him the key to my place months before. As I walked in, he shoved me against the wall, pressing a stele against my throat. He was furious, growling that I had changed him or put a spell on him to make him go crazy. I was scared, so scared. I asked him what he was talking about, and he said that he can't stop thinking about me all the time. I told him that it was because he was in love. He told me that he could never fall in love with a filthy downworlder. The words hurt more than the stele, which was burning my throat. I told him softly that he was hurting me. He froze and let me go. He looked absolutely horrified at himself. He stuttered an apology, unable to look anywhere but my eyes. He reached his hand out to touch my neck and I flinched. He drew back quickly, so completely ashamed of himself. The look in his eyes told me that he expected me to send him away or to run away myself but I didn't. I took a step towards him and he took a step back, as if he was not worthy to stand so close to me. I grabbed his hand and held it to my chest, telling him that it was okay to touch me as long as he was gentle. The hollow and fearful look in his eyes showed me that he didn't think he could touch me anymore. I was angry at him, yes, but it was hard to remain angry. He looked so broken, so scared. I knew that his anger towards me was misplaced, and that he regretted it wholeheartedly. I told him that it was okay, that I forgave him. He reached out his other hand and brushed his thumb over the burn mark on my throat. I winced and he moved his thumb away, but his hand remained on my neck. His touch was light and unsure, caressing softly. Regret was plainly written on his face. I asked him if he would stay and watch television with me but he asked if there was a place he could sleep. His parents had kicked him out of the institute because of an argument. Alec was still beautiful even then, with his eyes full of self loathing and regret.
When he's jealous his eyes grow dark, he looks partly wounded and partly angry. His cheeks sometimes flush and his hands clench tightly around whatever is near. Most of the time, he alienates himself from me and picks fights. There are countless times when Alec gets jealous of one of my past lovers. One of the most frequent of them is Camile. There was one day when Alec and I were on a walk through central park. It was such a nice day and we were having such a lovely time until Alec brought up Camile. I was telling him about the rare sights I had seen coming through central park and he asked me coldly if I had come there with Camile. I was unhappily surprised by the change in subject. I told him no, and that I had broken up with her before I moved to New york and that I dated her when I lived in London. He went on to say that London must have been my favorite city. I asked him what he meant and he said that London was the place where I met Camile, Wolsley Scott, and Will. I had told him countless times that I never loved Will or Wolsley and was fed up with it. I asked him where this was coming from, and he asked me if I had dated everyone in a mile radius. I was appalled and told him to knock it off but he wouldn't stop. At that point, I told him that he shouldn't be so caught up in my past relationships when he was the one that I loved. He turned a cold shoulder and walked away saying, I could just go sleep with someone else while he was gone. That comment enraged me. I walked after him, furiously and dragged him to a vacant spot. I asked him why he cared so much about my past when he was my present. He yelled at me, saying that he was just trivial. that my past reminded him that I was able to get anyone I wanted, that as soon as he was dead I would just move on. That was when my eyes filled up with tears. I asked him briskly and coldly what kind of a person he thought I was. I asked him if he really thought I was that much of a whore. if he really thought I was that much of a slut, who would date anyone just because they were attractive. He deflated. I told him that if he thought I was so awful then he should break up with me. He looked stunned. He was perplexed that I would even suggest that. I didn't wait for an answer, I just left and went home. Later that evening, Alec walked in and sat down next to me on the couch. He told me that he was sorry for how he behaved earlier and that he didn't think those things of me. He said that I was the best thing that ever happened to him and that he should be more grateful to be with someone like me. He kissed me gently and I knew he was genuinely sorry. It took me a few days to open up to him again, but when I finally did, he made sure to thoroughly convince me that he was sorry.
