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Let Go
Alice didn't believe in letting a problem fester and grow, and this problem was literally growing every second.
•••
Alice sat awkwardly in the waiting room, nowhere near as confident as she had been when she had been here only two days ago. This time, as she sat and faked reading a six-month old issue of Cosmo, she studied the pregnant women in the waiting room, one of whom looked to be about sixteen and was ready to pop, and, unconsciously, her hand ghosted to her flat stomach.
"When are you due?"
Alice snapped out of her daze and turned to face the woman speaking to her. She was about Alice's age, her baby bump discretely covered by a maternity top. "Excuse me?"
The woman gestured towards her middle. "When's your due date?"
"Oh, I'm not —" Hearing her voice crack, Alice began again. "I'm not having a baby."
"You're not?" the stranger said skeptically. "Then why are you holding your stomach?"
Noticing for the first time that she had wrapped her arms around her middle, Alice untangled them and firmly stated, "I'm not having a baby."
The woman stared at her for another moment before realization came over her face. Voice dripping with disdain, she said, "Oh. You're one of those."
Alice watched in shock as the woman got to her feet and moved down a few seats, and, despite not wanting to, Alice felt the sting of it in her already-battered heart. When the nurse called her name, Alice gratefully rushed out of the waiting room and into the sanctuary that the nurse practitioner's office offered.
The nurse was about her father's age with a kind smile, and Alice wished that it could set her at ease. She listened to her recite the information that she had provided on the forms she filled out; it was with detachment that Alice listened to her state the date of her last period, confirm the fact that yes, she was indeed pregnant according to the blood test she had the last time she was here.
Alice was not excited to don the paper gown and put her feet in the stirrups. As she felt the cool metal of the speculum, she stared blankly up at the ceiling, startled by the tears that blurred her vision as the nurse gently pressed on her belly.
"Well, Alice, you appear to be about six weeks along. Does that sound accurate?"
Unbidden, Alice knew precisely when the…thing—not baby, can't be a baby—had been conceived. "Yeah, that's right," Alice confirmed as she sat up, removing her feet from the stirrups.
"Well, we'll get you some prenatal vitamins and—"
"No, I, um…I don't want to be pregnant. I can't be."
The nurse gave away no hint as to what she was thinking, but that didn't stop Alice from wondering if she was judging her. "Have you given this much thought?"
"I'm in college, I live with my dad, and I'm not with my boyfriend right now. I can't be a mom. I'd be terrible at it, and it's just better if—"
"Alice, you don't have to justify your decision. Now, we do ask that you take a few days to consider this —"
"I don't need to consider it."
The nurse nodded. "I understand that, but it's standard for the clinic. Also, if you do decide that you'd like to pursue that option, we ask that you bring someone with you as you won't be able to drive after the procedure because of the anesthetic." In a gentler tone, she inquired, "Have you told your boyfriend yet?"
She shook her head, feeling her face flush with shame.
"Maybe you should. He could surprise you."
"He usually does," she murmured. "I just don't think it's a good time for either of us."
"I can understand that this is very overwhelming. And I know that we discussed the medical problems that someone your size can potentially face with a full-term pregnancy, and that can make it seem even less appealing. But I think that you should still discuss the situation with the baby's father."
Alice nodded absently, wanting to do anything but that.
•••
A/N: Thanks for reading!
