Hello my lovely readers!

I just wanted to take time to thank you for all your positive reviews! They made my day and I'm so pleased to see that you guys like my plot and are excited for updates! Also- to the guest who reminded me that it's Christina not Cristina- a big thank you! I can't believe I messed that up lol!

I'm going to do my best to update every week or so, and I'm also trying to cram as much back story as I can into the next few chapters so they might be long!

As always- thank you so much for reading! Please feel free to remind me of any errors you see or confusions in the plot!

All rights go to VR

When the Smoke Cleared

The silence that engulfed them was almost tangible. It covered the group like a thick blanket. No one had words. There was nothing Tobias could say to describe the tightness in his chest, no words to express how little he felt, how small and naked he felt without Tris here with him.

Doctor Snachez was still standing in front of Caleb, mouth slightly agape-probably to say another apology or reassuring words- but thought better of it. He shuffled his feet and pulled at his white coat uncomfortably.

"Can we see her?" Tobias was surprised to hear Christina's voice shatter the silence.

"Yes, though very briefly. Unfortunately-due to her exposure to the death serum- we are unsure of the side effects that could arise…Ethan, our head mortician has advised that it would be prudent to get her to the crematoria as soon as possible."

Motician, body, death, crematoria… all these words started to swim circles inside Tobias' head until he felt sick. He ran his fingers through his hair and pulled at the roots, not even noticing the pain it caused.

"Side affects?" Cara, the curious intellectual that she was, asked.

"Well, as I've said before, we've never seen anyone survive the death serum. We are mainly concerned that particulates of the death serum could still be active in her organs- most importantly her lungs. As her body…as her body starts to decompose, those particulates could become airborne and therefore a threat. It's a worst case scenario, really, but we don't want to take any chances." He spoke as if discussing an interesting test subject, not a human being. As if her heart ceasing to beat meant she was now worthless.

Four doesn't remember walking into the morgue or even deciding to. His bdy was on auto-pilot, functioning without Tobias' doing. He didn't even comprehend his feet touching the stiff, white tiles. He was numb.

It was Tris' sleek, blonde hair peeking out beneath a sheet that woke him of his trance. He remembers Dr. Sanchez peeling the blanket away from Tris' body. He remembers Christina and Caleb stifling sobs and Amar staring, wordlessly. He remembers reaching for her hand and noticing it to be soft and warm like the way he remembered it to be. He remembers wishing it was cold and hard. That maybe if it was stiff and chilled, he would have an easier time accepting this. He thinks that if he stares hard enough he can imagine her chest rising with shallow breaths, as if she was sleepingHe remembers sinking down to the floor and putting his head into his hands and just wishing he had never left her.

Some time later a group of nurses arrived to wheel Tris to the Crematoria. Tobais latched on to Tris' hand, refusing to let go but he was soon pryed away by Amar's rough hands and he just stood there; watching the nurses cover Tris again and hearing the wheels squeak and the doors swing closed and the deafening silence after.

The days that followed bled together from days to weeks. Events that were suppose to contain significance blurred together. Leaving the Buarro. Uriah's memorial, moving into the Hancock building.

Through every proceeding action Tris followed him. In the faces he saw in the street to the laughter he heard in the hallway. Memories of Tris would play every time he closed his eyes. Tobias began to chase away Tris' memories with whisky and the occasional bottle of vodka. Though with time Tris' absence became more and more present, in the ways of how empty the bed felt and how quiet his nights were and that occasional shot of vodka turned into the daily bottle of vodka. He would leave his door locked and ignore the insistent pounding of his friends fists on the wood. He would drink until the memories of Tris were blurry and spotty and therefore more manageable.

The weeks he spent in his drunken state, Tobias can barely recall. He remembers crying and drinking and then getting angry and throwing the bottles at the walls. He would glare at the ur that held the last pieces of Tris he had left; infuriated that after all she had done in the war, all the sacrifices she made had led to her being just ash. He remembers realizing that he couldn't pinpoint the exact shade of Tris' eyes or where exactly her hair fell on his shoulders and becoming terrified that if the memories kept fading he would have nothing left of her. He remembers Christina barging in through the door and yelling at him, telling Tobias that he was a coward and a disgrace. To the dauntless name and that Tris would have never wanted this. He remembers watching as she poured out his entire liquor cabinet into the sink and locking him into the bathroom until he took a shower.

Tobias grasped the edge of the counter, trying to steady himself, and caught a glance of his appearance. He looked haggard and worn. He hadn't shaved in weeks. His clothes were left unchanged, with stains of whiskey on them. He reeked of alcohol and despair. He was a poor excuse for a man and he knew it.

He looked like his father.

After he rinsed and shaved he rejoined Christina in the make shift livng room of two chairs and a chest he used as a coffee table. He was surprised to see the room had been cleaned of all dishes and wiped down. He heard the laundry machine running from the other room. The curtains were pulled open and Tobias cringed at the lights seeping through.

Christina gave him a glare and kicked her foot out to jiggle to chair next to her. Tobias took the hint and sat down. He felt the hot gaze of the woman standing across from him, willing him to speak

"Christina I…" But the words never came.

However, Candor-born soul that she was, seemed to have a whole speech planned out before hand. "Four, you can't keep doing this to yourself. Tris would have hated to see you like this. Absolutely hated it." Tobias winced as he heard her name out loud, and he shuddered when he knew she was right. "You're acting like a coward. Drinking every night and day, like that's somehow going to make losing her easier? Like that's going to heal you? All that's going to do is make reality extremely unpleasant when you sober up. It's been three months. You're running away from it when you need to get up and face it like the rest of us." She spoke, her voice had a steel edge to it, making every word cut Tobias like a knife.

"It's not the same for the rest of you, you don't understand how it feels." He snarled.

"How can you say that? Yes, Tris may have had more of an impact on your life than others but what you're forgetting was that she was my best friend. I loved her, too, Tobias. We all did." Her voice shook with every word and tears began to pool in her eyes. "You think it's somehow easier for us? That we don't miss her, too? She touched all of our lives, Four." Her voice was softer now, gentler. "Everyone is feeling her loss."

"I don't know how to move on…I can't without-I miss-" Maybe it was the alcohol still in his system or himself trying to shut out his emotions regarding Tris, but all of his boxed up emotions spilled out of him. He sank to the floor and felt Christina's thin arms embrace him, felt her shaking shoulders and sniffles. "She's fading-I don't even have a picture-" Sobs made his body shudder and he melted into Christina's small frame. She mumbled words of comfort while Tobias finally let Tris' death catch up to him.

To this day Tobias still can't recall just how long they spent on his living room floor. He remembers their grief subsiding as the hours passed and sharing their dearest memories of Beatrice and even Will. Four found himself smiling and even laughing at some stories Christina had. Laughing felt foreign to his body, and it was odd to experience it again.

When the sun rose Christina took him on a walk around the city, pointing out new additions and changes as she went. She told him about the job she got relocating people into the city and all the different people she met. She did most of the talking and Tobias didn't mind in the least. He enjoyed listening to her talk and being in someone else company felt refreshing.

Later that week he visited Amar and Zeke who seemed very relieved to see him out of his apartment. He was happy to hear that they had taken positions on the police force. They offered him a job there but Tobias surprised everyone, including himself, by declining.

Four spent the next few months taking Christina's advice and spent a lot of time in his friends company. Morning walks became routine for Tobias and Christina. Some walks were talkative, about their new lives or on heavier days, Tris. However some others, they barely said a word at all; just simply enjoyed each others company. Four was very grateful for his new friendship with Christina. Walking with her made him realize that he wasn't alone with his grief and he leaned on her greatly.

He was a regular at the Pedrad residence for dinners, as well. Shauna and Zeke always lifted his spirits with their jokes and endless conversations. He went to Amar when he needed advice and was in contact with Cara, his mother and Matthew here and there, but never Caleb.

Tobias spent many nights sleepless in his apartment. His dreams were always plagued by visions of Tris' body on the metal slab and her body engulfed by flames in the crematoria. Or even worse fantasy like dreams of her smiling and warm, cooking dinner with him in his apartment or lounging on his couch with a thick novel. Those little pieces of normality were what stung the most. They made Tobias think of 'what ifs' and 'what could have been' that mad Four feel like he was drowning. Cara had given him pills that she assured him would help him sleep without one dream, but somehow Tobias could never muster up the courage to take one. He was afraid that a dreamless night without a glance at Tris' face would be even more of nightmare. Waking up alone was the worst part. In the first few seconds of alertness, he could almost see Tris' small frame tangled up in the sheets beside him-that is if he tried hard enough. Then reality would creep in and her image would fade just as quickly as it would come, like dust disappearing as soon as a breeze came through. Tris would be gone and Four would feel gutted and painfully empty.

He confided in Christina about this problem one night over drinks and she looked at him for a few seconds, before leaping up to shrug on her coat. She beckoned Tobias to follow her with an impatient 'well are you coming or not?' and he soon found himself countless blocks away from home at a pound for stray dogs. Christina took one look at a group of drooling and energetic mutts, one finger posed beneath her chin, before announcing 'we'll take that one!' He followed her pointed finger and found himself staring into the sad eyes of a dark, furry dog lounging in the corner by himself. "Suits you well enough, eh Four?" Christina smirked. Tobias tried to push back, telling Christina that he didn't know the first thing about dog, but there was no arguing with Christina.

He soon found himself in his apartment with a young German Sheppard, just staring at one another. He couldn't believe that a silence with a dog could be awkward, but there he was. "Uh.. here's the kitchen and my room. You can't sleep on the bed but I can lay a blanket down for you…if you want." The dog cocked his head to the side and raised his eyebrows at Four. He cursed Christina's stupid idea that lead him to talking to a dog at 2 AM. He crossed the room to sit on his bed. He put his head on his knees, already planning what he was going to say to Christina in the morning when a wet nose interrupted his thoughts. The mutt rested his head between Tobias' knees as if he knew what he was planning to do. Tobias ran his hand across the dogs thick head and scratched him behind the ear. The dog closed his eyes and hummed in approval and Four felt his resolve break into a thousand pieces. "Okay, fine. You can sleep on the bed."

Months passed and soon merged into a year. Tobias found solace in his friends and his new job as assistant to Johanna Reyes. Having a new companion living with him helped with his loneliness and made his apartment less painfully silent during the night. Christina and Four have never again brought up that night in Tobias's apartment. He was still slightly embarrassed to have wept like that in front of her and he was relieved it had stayed between them. The only reminder he has of that night was a photo frame left on his bedside the night after. Christina had somehow gotten a hold of a perfect candid shot of Tris smiling, with her long hair falling across her shoulders. He never asked, but he assumed it was from initiation.

. The days never got easier, living without Tris; they just became more routine and manageable for him. Tobias didn't really have many beliefs about the afterlife- but he liked to believe that Tris was still by his side someway, somehow. He like to think that she was proud of him, that she was still in his corner rooting for him. There wasn't a day that passed that his mind didn't drift off to his memories of Tris. Though they ached, they were also a reminder that she was real- that what he felt for her was real. He didn't get nearly as much time as he wanted with her, but the days he did were the most precious gift he had ever received.

Thank you so much for reading! A quick AN- this was the last 'backstory' of my story. The next chapters will have a lot more plot in them to get the story moving! I just wanted to include some pieces of Tobias after the death of Tris since my actual story will be taking place two years after. I think it's an important part of the story that I really wanted to include.

I'm on vacation right now and don't have internet or my Divergent books- so please tell me if I spelled Pedrad or Johanna's name wrong! I'm also taking suggestions on what Tobais's dog should be named! The dog is a boy and I would love to name him something that has meaning from the series. I'm thinking something that would honor Uriah or Andrew's death? But am coming up empty. I would love to hear your ideas!

Thanks again for reading! I would love to hear your feedback on this chapter! Don't be shy! Reviews inspire me to write faster! ;)

Lizzy