In Chapter 1 of What We Want:

"I'm selling the house."
-

She leaned against the sink and looked back at Josh with a lost look in her eyes. "Um…what other houses have you found?" she asked absently. "Believe me, you wouldn't even want to look at Zac's house. It's a nice place but he's had all sorts of problems with the pool…and he hasn't done a lot with it. I mean, he left the first floor completely bare concrete so he could skateboard. How crazy is that?"

Vanessa looked up at him and offered a quiet smile. "It's fine, really. No big deal, ok? You don't need to apologize at all. I'm glad you told me."

Josh opened his arms and pressed his lips together waiting to see if she would accept his hug offering. She cautiously stepped toward him and let him wrap his arms around her. She wrapped her own around his chest squeezing only slightly.
-

Once the dark haired man was out of sight her mind turned back to the dirty-blond haired one…the one who was apparently getting ready to sell his house that sat less than ten minutes away from hers…the one who hadn't mentioned to her that he wanted to sell his house. And for some reason the thought of him being farther away suddenly gripped her heart and caused the tears to flow.


What We Want - Chapter 2 - Different Directions

"Mom?" Zac stood at the door of the kitchen watching his mother peel carrots to go into the salad for the family dinner that night.

Starla turned her head and looked at her son with a soft smile on her face. "Hey there," she greeted and then put the vegetable and knife down on the counter. She wiped her hands on the dish towel at the sink and then turned her body completely toward him, opening her arms wide for her older son.

"How are you?" Zac asked as he walked on into the room and nearly melted into his mother's warm embrace.

"I should be asking you that. I'm fine." Starla pushed against her son's biceps and pulled her face back to look into his weary eyes.

"Why don't I believe that?" Zac smiled at his mother with closed lips as she raised one of her hands to let her thumb graze over his cheek.

"Gee, maybe because I'm worried about you and I'm a little scared to ask you about anything because I'm afraid of your answer. Not to mention your little brother is now at college. Need I say more?" Starla leaned up and kissed Zac's forehead before pulling away from him and turning back toward her work.

Zac followed her to the kitchen counter and leaned against it as he picked up one of the carrots and snapped off the tip before popping it into his mouth. "That last thought alone should be enough to scare all of us," he commented while crunching the orange stick.

He stood watching his mom for a minute. "What do you want to ask me? You've never been scared to ask me anything, Mom. You gave me condoms for Christmas for God's sake. Why all of a sudden would you be scared?"

Starla shrugged her shoulders and chopped the greens off the end of the next carrot with a little more force. "Because she has hurt you. I'm upset about that. But you still love her, and I'm afraid I'll say something that will hurt you and I don't want to do that."

Zac leaned away from his mother and pulled his eyebrows together with a bit of worry. "What would you say; something bad about Vanessa? Mom, even in the worst situations you've never said anything bad about her."

"Zac, in the worst situation, up to this point, your heart wasn't on the line. When you two have argued in the past, or she's been hurting and you're angry at the tabloids…or whatever the situation…you have been strong. You've rolled right along and had a strong head on your shoulders." Starla held the vegetable peeler in the air and pointed it at him. "The past two weeks…the man I've watched the past couple of days…" she directed the instrument up and down his body, "…this isn't my son."

She turned her focus back to the objects in her hands and began running the peeler quickly over the length. She took a quick breath and held it then let it out slowly. "What were you talking to your dad about in the back yard earlier?" She attempted to change the focus.

Zac moved from the counter to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water. "I'm trying to get back to myself, Mom. That's one of the things I was telling Dad. I need to make some changes." He stopped to take a long drink of the cool liquid.

"What sort of changes? Changes to get Vanessa back…or to get her out of your life?" Starla chanced the question slowly with her best calm voice, even with the anger she was trying to get rid of in her own system.

Zac noticed his mom's posture stiffen as she nosed into his business, something he was surprised had not happened sooner. "Mom, spill it."

"Spill what? I don't know what you're talking about."

"Mom. Vanessa is…was practically family. The two of us not being together…it's not just hurting me. It's hurting you, too. I realize that." He moved to the table in the room and sat down on it waiting for his mother to turn around.

Instead Starla carved even harder on the vegetable. "I just don't understand. At Christmas this was a break. When did it turn into a break-up? I just don't get it."

Her shoulders drooped with the last words she said. Zac watched, feeling the tears and emotions welling up inside of her. The emotional toll was more than trying and telling as he watched the thoughts go through her mind.

"Mom, I don't know either. I'm not sure what happened or didn't happen. She wants to see other people. The distance, for her, I guess, is too much to work through. It's either that…or…" Zac swallowed and ducked his head as his mother turned to face him.

"Or what?" She watched with concern as the 23 year old on that table turned into the vulnerable 16 year old who had fallen in love with his first real crush.

"Or I have to face the fact that she doesn't love me the way I love her." He laced his fingers together in his lap and slightly swung his legs back and forth over the side of the table, attempting to keep the sad edge out of his voice.

To his mother, it didn't work. "Zac, no… No! Do you hear me? Vanessa loves you just as much. We can see it when she looks at you, and the way she talks to you and touches you and just clings to you," Starla tried to reassure her son.

"Used to, Mom. Used to. The way she used to look at me, the way she talked to me or touched me. It's all past tense now." He moved his hands to grip the sides of the table and looked up to see his mother's matching tears as she stepped toward him and wrapped her arms around him.

"I think that's what this boils down to, Mom. I loved…I love her differently than how she loved me. Somewhere along the way…she decided she needed something different than what I was giving her. Or maybe I was trying to give or take too much, you know?"

Zac let Starla hold him with the few tears in his eyes that he couldn't keep from forming. He heard her sniffle and swore he could hear the tears dropping from her eyes. But for a few minutes he just stayed in his mother's arms - one place he finally found a bit of comfort, and could be a child again.

Finally he pulled back and took a deep breath. "I'm gonna sell my house. That's what Dad and I were talking about…what I was thinking about in the back yard."

Starla looked at him for a moment before even attempting to answer. "Do you think that's a good idea, Zac?"

Zac nodded slowly and moved his hands back to his lap. "I feel like I'm too close to her. There's too much in that house, too many memories. I can't go into any room of my house without something reminding me of her." He let out another breath through his nose as he regained his composure. "I need to get back to me. It's been me and Van for five years. I've gotta figure out who I am, without her."

Starla crossed her arms over her chest and stared through blurry eyes. "Is that even possible?"

Zac swallowed and shook his head just once. "I don't have much of a choice. I have responsibilities, Mom. I've gotta get my head screwed back on. I don't know how else to do that right now except to just get back to me."

Starla stretched her chin out and took her own deep breath. She stepped back to her son, placed her hands on his knees and looked into his eyes. "What can we do to help you?"

ZVZVZVZVZV

Vanessa stood in her kitchen with her back leaning against the door frame. She looked around with a blank mind, not really looking for or at anything. Something felt different. In the empty house that she had worked to make her home, she felt something different.

A piece of her, she realized, felt empty.

She stared at the iPhone before going to the counter and picking up the device. She scrolled and tapped until she was on the web searching for the name that she only vaguely remembered. The real estate agent wasn't the same person she had used but she could remember Zac talking about the woman and the various houses that he had looked at during his search.

She hesitated when she located the person that she was pretty sure she wanted to talk to. A second thought hit Vanessa, though, before she could hit the 'call' button. Instead of dialing, she reached for a piece of paper and a pen to write down the agent's name, agency, and number.

After closing the browser she took a deep breath and felt the pout forming on her lips along with the tingling in her nose and the familiar moisture under her bottom eyelids. As much as she wanted to just call Zac and demand that he answer her questions, she was scared to. She was afraid of what his answers might be. So she pulled up a blank screen and typed a simple text.

"Are you back in LA?"

She left the message with the five word question and hit send. As she stared at the phone, she realized she hadn't talked to Zac in over a week. He was out of state the last time; in Oregon maybe? Their conversation had been short but hadn't seemed any less friendly than others they had had recently.

He had called after she had been out with a new friend, Laura, and Brittany. Zac had just wanted to check and see how her upcoming promo tour was shaping up, and to let her know that he was out of town with his family. Nothing out of the ordinary…except…she thought for a minute as she leaned against the kitchen island.

Vanessa remembered asking him if he wanted her to pick up the mail for him like she had done in the past when he was gone. His answer this time, though, had been a quick 'No,' with an additional line about another friend picking it up…because he didn't want to bother her. "No need for you to bother going all the way over to the house just for that. When I get back to LA you can come over and pick up anything you need to," he had said.

Her stomach turned as she thought about that information now. He wasn't just talking about mail. Vanessa felt more tears forming in her eyes. He was talking about her belongings…that were still at his house.

She jumped slightly as the phone buzzed in her hands. She was glad, more now than even moments ago, that she had decided to text instead of calling him. The thoughts going through her mind, mixed with the sound of Zac's voice, would have her in tears more quickly than she could imagine.

Vanessa swiped her finger tips under both her eyes just to clear the wetness before opening his return message.

"Still in SLO. Everything ok?"

"No," she answered the text verbally with a slight huff as the word came out loud from her mouth.

Her fingers deceived her as she punched in a reply. "Yeah. Just wondering. You sure I don't need to check on the house?" She hit 'send' with a slight hope that he would tell her to go over there. But her heart knew his answer before the next buzz vibrated in her palm.

"Nah, all good. Thx. TTYL."

And that was it. She stared at the end of their conversation. The empty hole opened up just a little more making her realize just how deeply embedded Zac was in her heart.

Vanessa pulled out a chair at the table and sat down without closing the text message. She put the phone on the table and just looked at it. He was doing what they had agreed to do. He was giving her space, putting distance between them, trying to give them each an opportunity to be individuals once more.

Vanessa let different thoughts ramble through her mind. The problem was, one thought suggested, what kind of an individual would she be…without him? She was trying to get accustomed to Zac not being a phone call or short drive away. Now reality gave her a fact she wasn't ready to accept. I have to get used to him not being here…at all.

She laid her arms on the table and bent her head over to rest against them. "I thought I knew what I wanted," she whispered against her own skin. "This wasn't supposed to be part of it."

ZVZVZVZVZV

Zac looked back at the messages he had just received and held the phone up for his mother to see. He fidgeted with the casing on the phone as he looked at the words and tilted his head in thought as his eyes wandered over the texture of the table.

"Sounds like she just wants to go to your house," Starla again crossed her arms over her chest.

"Mama," Zac scolded her. "There's no reason for you to be upset here. Don't be mad at Vanessa. We're both young and we got smacked with a lot of stuff and emotions and whatever. Yes, I'm still trying to figure this out, but so is she." Zac watched his mom suck in a deep breath and relax, at least a bit.

"I tend to forget how young you are, and that she's younger than you," Starla patted Zac on the shoulder and turned back to fixing dinner while he stared at the text message for another moment.

"It's gonna be hard, you know," Zac began to think out loud. "Should I…maybe, I wonder if she's wanting to go to the house and get her stuff and all."

"You guys haven't done that yet?" Starla kept her back turned but wanted their conversation to continue.

"Nah," Zac shook his head and tapped on the phone screen to get back to his home page. "Neither of us really needs the stuff that's at the other houses. I guess…I mean…I guess we do need to get our stuff back. But, should…" he hesitated trying to get his thoughts together. "Mom, should I maybe tell her to go on over there and get her stuff while I'm not there? Do you think that would be easier? Or should I get her stuff together and have it ready, or maybe take it over to her or something?"

Zac stared at his mother's back as she moved her head back and forth trying to prepare her answer.

"That's tough, Sweetheart. If you're friends, whatever you do…however you do it…it's a way for you to at least see each other. Do you want that? Do you want to see her and see how she's doing? Or would you rather she go to your place and get her stuff together and leave without any contact at all?"

Starla's words made the young man think. Of course I want to see her again. I want to see her and hold her and be with her and just go back to the way things were. But we can't do that. I can't do that.

His mother's voice broke through his thoughts. "Zac? What are you thinking? Have you gathered up any of her stuff? If she doesn't come to get it, or doesn't go over there while you're not home… Then you'll have to get things together for her. Is that what you want?"

Starla looked over her shoulder directly at the nearly lost face of her son.

"I dunno, Mom. I really…I just don't know."

"Has she asked you to come get your stuff? You've got things at her house too, don't you?" Starla wondered.

Zac shook and then nodded his head to answer Starla's questions. "I think that's what's making this hard. If she would tell me to come get my stuff…or tell me that she wants my stuff out of the way even…then I would know that she really wants me out of her life. But, it's like, as long as my stuff is there – even if I don't need it, you know? – As long as it's at her house…I still feel like maybe there's this chance. As slim as it might be, I just feel like there's still a chance…you know, for…for us. But if we clear things out, then that's it, you know, it's done and over. It just seems so…so final."

"And that's not what you want?" Starla asked, fully knowing his answer before posing the question.

Zac looked her in the eyes and gave a sad shrug of his shoulders. "I don't know, Mom. I mean really, I don't know what I want right now," he admitted softly.

ZVZVZVZVZV

"Daddy?" Vanessa's voice was somewhat weakened as her father answered the phone at her parents' house.

"Hi, Baby Girl. What's going on?" Greg tucked the phone between his shoulder and ear as he continued trying to put dishes away from the dishwasher.

"I just needed to talk to somebody." The childish voice of his oldest daughter wasn't foreign to the protective father but he was clueless why that tone would be coming from her now.

"Where are you, V? I thought Mom said you were running around with that John fellow, or someone." Greg never intentionally mixed up the names of Vanessa's friends, especially the men in her life, but he didn't want her to think he was overly interested in that part.

"I…we did, go out, I mean. And it was fun. We came back here and had lunch…then he, Josh, told me something that kinda surprised me." Her voice grew a little stronger and then softened again.

"Really?" Greg wondered seriously. "What was that? Did he ask you to be in another movie with him?" He continued to listen closely.

"No," Vanessa hesitantly continued. "He said that Zac is getting ready to sell his house." Her voice sounded shaky and confused.

"What's that?" Greg was sure he hadn't heard his daughter correctly. "Zac, who? What house are you talking about?"

Vanessa gave out a slightly frustrated grunt. "Daddy," her voice shook a little more. "Zac. My Za…just…Zac. Josh showed me a list from a real estate agent. It's Zac's address…he's thinking about selling it."

Greg could tell from the ups and downs of Vanessa's voice that she was practically in tears. The past weeks had been full of those ups and downs when it came to the man that Vanessa had mentioned. Greg sighed silently and put down the plate he had pulled from the washer. He grasped the phone with his hand and went to sit at the dining room table.

"Vanessa, Honey, why is that bothering you? It's his house." Greg knew he was likely to botch this conversation but without Vanessa's mother at home it was up to him to try and console her.

"I don't know, Dad, I'm trying not to be upset about it, but I just feel lost." Vanessa kept her tears at bay but the sadness was obvious to her father.

Greg took a quick breath. "I'm sorry, Baby Girl. Do you want to come over here? Or do you want me to come over there?"

Vanessa shook her head. "You know what I really want? I want to go…over…there," she admitted.

Greg's eyebrows moved toward the middle of his face. "To his house? Vanessa, why… Do you still have things over there that you need to get?" The man in him was trying to understand.

His daughter bit her lip without a hint of how she could make her father know the feelings that were coursing through her. "Daddy, it's not about my…stuff. It's…I can't even explain it." Vanessa stopped as she felt the tears begin to run down her cheeks.

"You still love him and the thought of him moving away from you just hurts," Greg supplied, putting the words out there that he felt she was unwilling to say.

The line was silent for several moments as both of them contemplated the meaning of Greg's statement. Finally Vanessa answered with a sniffle and one word.

"Yeah."

"Are you sure this breakup is what you want?" Greg spoke as gently as he could to try and make her think.

Her little-girl voice surfaced again. "It's what's best for both of us right now."

"Even if it's causing you this much pain?"

"We can't be together and not be able to spend time together. Dad, it's time for us to figure out who we are and what we want. It's just time for us to go different directions…" Vanessa squeaked out.

The father shook his head. Daughters… I have two daughters. I need to ask Gina to give me a handbook. What happened to falling in love and staying in love? Greg caught himself pressing his lips together in frustration and yet feeling sorry for the young woman on the other end of the phone line.

"Selling his house is probably his way of going a different direction. If that's what the two of you really want…Baby V, you guys live ten minutes away from each other. Even in LA, that's probably too close." Greg took a second to think about this chat. He was beginning to realize that there was no good way for this to end. Still he pressed on.

"Is Zac at home?" Greg rolled his eyes at his sudden thought of taking his daughter to her ex-boyfriend's home. He shook his head trying to figure out something that might take her mind off the current situation.

"No," Vanessa answered back trying to get her thoughts together and calm herself. "I just texted him and he's with Starla and David in San Luis."

"Well, now I'm confused again. If he's not even home then why are you thinking of going to his house?" Greg felt his eyes rolling in the sockets again.

"Daddy…" Vanessa begged for his understanding with the one word.

"Vanessa Anne…" he shot back and then sighed loudly. "I can't believe I'm going to say this."

"What?" Vanessa asked with a touch of curiosity taking affect.

"Let me put the dishes away. I'll be at your house in fifteen minutes and we're going for ice cream," Greg waited to see if he could hear her reaction.

"What?" This time a hint of a smile came through the phone line.

"I'll be at your house in fifteen minutes and we're going for ice cream. If you make me say it again you get nothing," Greg tried to be stern.

"Daddy?"

"Yes?" The gruffness of his tone was outshined by the generosity and love in his heart.

"I love you. Can I have rocky road?" The image of an 8 year old Vanessa was quite clear in Greg's mind at the moment. And at that very moment, he would have given her any flavor she requested, even if its name was Zac.

WhatWeWant-Chapter2-DifferentDirections