This is probably the saddest thing I've written in a long while, but I got so down after watching the latest episode of one of my favourite shows with its very sad turn of events, so I needed to channel it somehow.

This is an AU, where Kurt and Blaine don't meet until they're both out of Ohio and then some.


Kurt watches from the wing, just like Blaine has been standing during his performance. Even make-up or Ryan Seacrest have had to put up a convincing argument to make them move. Kurt doesn't know if they suspect anything, or if they blatantly know. Not that Kurt knows what there is to know, because whatever is going on between him and Blaine hasn't been put words to. Dating while participating in American Idol isn't the easiest thing to come by, with the hectic schedules and constant media pressure, the never-ending need for sleep, and the raw publicity of everything they breathe or tweet or look at. So no, Kurt Hummel doesn't have a boyfriend. But he has something.

It's 80's week this week, in all its glamour and horror. Kurt had called home to ask Carole for advice. She had instilled a certain appreciation of music from this decade in Finn, so Kurt had wanted to sing something that Finn would have loved. He might not dream of becoming a pop star, but a man can only take so many rejections from Broadway, so he gave himself a break to pursuit music and ambitions in different ways. They are in week four, and for each performance he can feel the rush and the desire to win this thing. It's a bit like competing with Glee again, except he gets all the solos, and so does everyone else.

Blaine had watched Kurt perform Crowded House's Don't Dream It's Over from the wing, and hugged him tightly when Ryan finally let him go after selling out his number and desperate need for votes. For all they have talked about, there's so much they haven't talked about yet.

From the looks Blaine has been giving him during dress-rehearsal, he knows something's off. With more elaborate costumes, bigger hair and more make-up there hasn't been much downtime today, and Kurt has been running from one chair to another, from sound-check to costume to choreography for the opening number and back to stage to do a rerun with his backup-singers. But whenever he's crossed path with Blaine or they have been within eyecontact-distance, he's seen the worry in Blaine's eyes and tight smile. Kurt isn't willing to give Blaine empty reassurances – but he doesn't want to lie to him either, so instead he hasn't said anything, ploughing through this one on his own.

Kurt had been one of the first to perform, which strategically is said to be a drawback if the voters don't remember the earlier songs. But today it was to his advantage, when for each 80's song he has to listen to, he gets more and more sentimental. He's so, so glad they don't have to be on stage while the others perform. He doesn't have the poker face for hours of cameras today.

Kurt hadn't known which song Blaine would be singing today, simply because he hadn't asked when it didn't come up as a topic. He hadn't been entirely surprised when he heard the very familiar intro, because a protest-song like that seemed fitting to Blaine's enthusiasm and involvement with equal rights and a just political standpoint. But he hadn't been ready to hear one of the songs Carole had pegged as Finn's favourites – a song he had loved ever since Carole had explained to him as a child about how it was a song to defend people who wanted their homes back.

How can we dance when our earth is turning, how do we sleep while our beds are burning?

Blaine is singing with so much passion, singing with his entire body, and somehow he reminds Kurt so much of Finn right now. They look nothing alike, but the hole in Kurt's heart so badly wants to see his brother sing again, being righteously pissed and standing up for those who needed it.

He tries to ignore the tears, he tries not to think about how Marcus in makeup will react to this mess, because Blaine is captivating, and Kurt is so glad he met him, but he can't be glad for having someone when he misses someone else. It's just too painful for his heart to feel this much and so conflicted.

He sniffs, and takes a few steps away in the hopes of finding something to wipe his nose. Blaine must have seen him move, because he quickly looks in his direction, just barely there, before he continues to sing to the visible audience. But before the cheers have quietened down, Blaine is there, catching him in a tight hug, and gently brushing tears off of his cheeks. He doesn't say anything, just holds him close and moves them to a corner for an illusion of privacy. He runs a hand through Kurt's hair, the other hand is gently following a random path up and down Kurt's back, and he lets Kurt cling to him for as long as he needs.

It doesn't last for long, with only two more to sing after Blaine they are soon asked to get ready for their closing number. Marcus looks furious when he spots Kurt's hair, but one glare from Blaine is all it takes to shut him up. Blaine doesn't leave Kurt's side while Marcus works to hide the evidence of Kurt's crying. Even Ryan shows up, asking if Kurt needs to sit the next number out. But Kurt can't do that – he can't show any signs of weakness, and he can't say no to time on the screen when he depends on the voters to get him through to the next week. So he puts on his mask, because the show has to go on all over the place, and joins the others where they are waiting to get back on stage for the closing number. Small mercies they aren't singing Don't Stop Believing.

Kurt doesn't remember anything from the group number, he doesn't remember anything from the cars taking them back to the mansion, and he doesn't remember how he ended here. But he's clutching a mug of coffee and sitting on a rickety bench on the balcony of the house the Idol-contestants live in, inhaling the semi-fresh air while Blaine rests a comforting hand on his back.

With only the moon as their witness, Kurt tells Blaine everything about Finn. There are tears and snot, laughter and groans. Blaine listens patiently, asks questions as if he sincerely wants to learn more about him, and holds him through it all. When the cold night chases them inside again, they settle in the couch under blankets, and talk until the Sandman catches them unguarded, lulling them to sleep in the other's embrace.