Leonard opened his eyes.
He couldn't work out why it was so hard, why they were so sore, why his stomach was twisted in knots.
And then it all came crashing back to him.
Sheldon being shot, the rush to hospital, stood in the corridor with Howard, Raj, Bernadette and Penny, waiting in his room, speaking to the doctors.
Calling Sheldon's mother to tell her that her son wouldn't be coming home at Thanksgiving.
That he wouldn't be coming home at all.
The machine had been keeping his heart going, his lungs expanding, but it wasn't keeping him alive.
Sheldon Cooper had, in spirit, been dead the minute he hit the floor.
It was the mind of Sheldon that made him alive and that person in the hospital bed wasn't him.
Leonard had wanted to keep the machine on until Sheldon's mother arrived from Texas, but she persuaded him to turn it off before she did.
She said she'd rather see Sheldon peacefully sleeping than hooked up to machines; just an empty shell having air pumped in and out of it.
They had decided between them that Leonard should be the one to do it.
They seemed to come to some unspoken agreement that it would give him peace of mind - relief, if you will, that when it came for his life to end, it was Sheldon Cooper's best friend to let him go.
They thought it would be relief.
But to Leonard?
It felt like murder.
He climbed slowly out of bed.
He walked into the silent appartment.
He still couldn't bring himself to go into Sheldon's room.
No one goes into Sheldon's room.
Leonard stared at the cereal on top of the fridge, organised in order of fibre content.
He picked one from the middle, poured it into a bowl, added milk and sat with it on the couch before realising he wasn't hungry.
Absentmindedly, he flicked the TV on and browsed the channels.
A reminder for a programme popped up and Leonard pressed OK.
Star Trek played in front of him.
He realised that it had been Star Trek weekend and he and Sheldon had been planning to watch them all.
But that meant...
Leonard looked at the clock.
4:30am.
He and Sheldon had planned on getting up early enough for it, despite Sheldon's complaints that it would mess up his bedtime routine.
Turning off the TV and dumping his bowl, still full, in the sink, Leonard walked back to bed.
He wasn't ready to get up yet.
Leonard plodded over and sat in the sand pit.
The digger he ad got for his fifth birthday was clutched in his dimpled hand and he began to scoop sand up into it.
He picked a scrap of paper out of his pocket and smoothed out the creases.
On it were measurements for a sandcastle he'd spent TEN WHOLE MINUTES working on last night.
As he built, a young boy wearing a Flash-tshirt walked up and stood, staring at him.
After a little while, Leonard glanced up and shot the boy a shy smile.
"That's my spot." the boy pointed to where Leonard was sat.
Leonard stared at the sand before hesitantly scooching over so the boy could sit down.
"I'm Sheldon Cooper." the boy held out a bony hand, which Leonard shook uncertainly.
"Leonard Hoffstadter." Leonard mumbled.
"That's a cool t-shirt." Leonard put more sand into his digger.
"Thanks. My mother let's me wear it so long as I wear my Jesus vest underneath.
Sheldon lifted his shirt to reveal a vest emblazened with a crucifix.
"My mother says superhero's are un-holy and that the only way they should have powers is if they were blessed with them by a creator. She also says that if they were blessed with powers then they would be making the blind see and the lepers walk." Sheldon explained.
"That's smart." Leonard said.
"No it's not. Who'd want to read a comic book about Spiderman making an old woman see again?" Sheldon said skeptically.
"No one?" Leonard asked weakly.
"Wrong. My mother." Sheldon corrected him.
It was silent, except for Leonard beginning to shape the sand into a castle.
"Do you have to go to church Leonard?"
"I'm Jewish."
"So you go to a Synagogue?"
"Actually no. My mother doesn't spend much time with me." Leonard confessed, finishing off his castle.
"Does your mother make you pray before meals and wash your mouth out with soap whenever you say 'Oh my God'?" Sheldon asked.
"No."
"Then you're doing ok." Sheldon stood up, dusting the sand off his shorts as Leonard finished off his perfectly proportionate castle.
"What's that?" Sheldon pointed at the sand.
"It's a castle." Leonard said, confused.
"No it isn't. A castle is a large private property. There's nothing to stop someone just walking in, so it's not a castle." Sheldon explained.
"But... I spent so long on the measuremts." Leonard said, crestfallen.
Ther was a long silence.
"Congratulations on your pile of sand." Sheldon said, before walking off leaving Leonard to stare at what he now deemed a huge waste of time.
So, why is Leonard having a vision of him and Sheldon as children? How is he coping with Sheldon's death? The funeral will be soon - tell me whether you'd like him to be very emotional, you know, big scene or something or quite emotional or very detatched and unable to show his true feelings.
Mrs DW 11 xx
