"Oh, for God's sake, Greg, shut up!"

"What? I'm only doing my job! These pesky critters are trying to invade our kingdom!"

"Dammit, Greg, those are just butterflies!"

"Listen to him, John! They're out to murder us all!"

"Shut up, Anderson. You're affecting Greg's intellect."

Anderson looked up from the butterfly he was stalking and glanced at John with wide eyes.

Not those Puss in the Boots eyes. John sighed. "Sorry."

Prince John of Boswell Kingdom was trying to enjoy his afternoon tea with his two friends, Greg the dog and Anderson the cat, in peace. Such peace was not to be achieved, however, for his animal friends were falling on top of each other trying to catch the butterflies in the palace's garden. He glanced contentedly at the orange tabby and the silver dog, and wondered if life could get any better than this. He loved them both—even though Greg was a bit bossy and Anderson was a little lacking in the mental department. He missed battles though. It had been a while since the last time another kingdom tried to invade them. He missed the action, the weapons, the feeling of being in control. But above all, he missed the costume. Harriet would not let him wear it no matter how much he pleaded and begged.

His reverie was interrupted by two royal guards who came running to him.

"Prince John, you are being summoned by King Harry."

"Did she say why?"

"No, Your Highness."

"All right, then." He got up and called Greg and Anderson. He turned to the guards. "I was just wondering, what are your names?"

"I am Guard no. 1," he motioned to the other guard, "and this is Guard no. 2."

"What? I meant names. The names that were given to you by your parents."

"We do not have that, Your Highness. We are just unimportant characters in this story, and the author was too lazy to give us names."

"What story? Who-?"

"Please come with us, Prince John."

After exchanging glances with his two friends, Prince John followed the guards. Greg and Anderson were at his heels.

"Prince John, hic, King Mycroft of Baker, hic, Kingdom has asked for you."

"Harriet, have you been drinking again? Where is the queen?"

"'Tis none of your, hic, business, my dear brother." She paused as a royal servant came and refilled her royal glass with royal beer. "And it is, hic, Harry."

"All right, hic Harry, what was it that King Mycroft wanted from me?"

"How do I know? Just take this dove with you and go to him. Use this bird to send me a message when you are in trouble." King Harry handed him a birdcage with a single white dove inside it.

John took the cage and inspected the bird. "Isn't this the dove that Queen Clara gave you?"

"Yes, but she has gone and took off with a larger one." She took another drink. "If you know what I mean.

"Oh." So that's why there weren't any weird pterodactyl noises at night recently. He looked up at his sister. "Hey, your hics are gone."

"What are you, hic, talking about?

"Never mind."

"Greetings, Your Highness. Prince John of Boswell Kingdom, at your service."

Prince John kneeled in front of King Mycroft. He brought both Greg and Anderson with him to keep him company. Actually, he was supposed to leave Anderson behind, but he begged John to take him, claiming that he could be his sniffer dog. Greg did not seem to mind. They followed the trail of bread crumbs and eventually wound up in Baker Kingdom.

"Good day to you, Prince John. I would like to extend my gratitude for answering my summons. I suppose that you are aware of the circumstance that has befallen on our princess, Princess Sherlock. I have called various princes from different kingdoms to ask them for help, but most of them were not prepared for the dangers that they might encounter. The few brave ones, however, have not yet returned. Now I ask you, Prince John, are you prepared to face dangerous situations in order to save our princess?"

"Yes, Your Highness."

"Excellent. If you succeed in this mission, you can marry the princess. I should warn you though. In this attempt to save Sherlock, you are walking the battlefield." He observed the prince and smiled. "You miss the wars that involve your kingdom, do you not? Well, Prince John"—dramatic pause—"welcome back."

"Yes. Right. Well, I should get go—."

"Before you leave, would you and your friends like to have some cake?"

"No, thank you, Your Highness. Eating cake makes people fat and—"

The look that King Mycroft gave him could have melted any armour or shield.

Greg whisperedto him, "You said the f-word, Prince John."

The prince's eyes widened. "I meant cat!" He picked up Anderson. "Here, free cat!"

Anderson squirmed and tried to scratch him. "Put me down, you idiot! Are you trying to give me away?"

Greg tried to settle him down. "Anderson, shut up. Please. You'll enrage the king!"

"Prince John." Prince John, Anderson, and Greg froze for a moment and turned to face King Mycroft.

"Please leave now before I hit you all with my umbrella."

They did not need to be told twice.

"The king was quite..cute, don't you think?"

"Huh?" Prince John looked at the silver dog. "I did not notice. I was too preoccupied by the thought that we may never get out of there without any missing body parts. Did you see the look on his face when I said the word 'fat'?"

"Well, you should not have said that. Besides, he was not really fat. He was just..healthy."

"What is with you, Greg? Are you crushing on the king?"

Greg gave a yelp of surprise. "I'm a fucking dog, Prince John."

The prince grinned. "Yes. Sure. Whatever you say."

Just then, there was a flash of very bright light. It gradually faded to form the outline of a woman. The three friends stopped dead in their tracks. They all gawked at the woman, who seemed like a fairy now that they could finally get a good look at her.

"Hello, Prince John. My name is Mrs. Hudson, and I am a fairy. I am here to assist you in this journey and to grant you your wishes."

"Are you my fairy godmother?"

"I'm not your fairy godmother, dear. Mrs. Turner is, but she is on vacation right now, and I am her substitute."

The three just stood and stared at her.

"So.. Do you boys want to save the princess or not? Prince John?"

"Oh God, yes!"