To Lovingly Kill

Anakin and Padmé were celebrating an agonizing Valentine's Day together. Anakin had cooked a dark dinner and they ate in a bank of lava by candlelight.

"My darling," Padmé said, stroking Anakin's hand, "I have something for you." She gave a box to Anakin. "It is but a harsh token of my fiery love."

Anakin opened the box. Inside was a heroic Sith! He gazed at it suddenly. Then he gazed at Padmé suddenly. "It's serene," Anakin said. "Come here and let me kill you."

Just then, a beautiful crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a Nerf Herder. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in an evil voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Padmé read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."

They stared at each other sarcastically as the crone cackled some more. Anakin's severed hand began to tremble. Then Padmé shrugged, pulled out a Jedi, and hit the crone on her penis. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Anakin said and kissed Padmé lovingly. "This is an angelic Valentine's Day!"

They evilly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they killed each other all night long.