~Silver~
Groaning I slowed to a stop, chanting to myself, turn and fight, turn and fight, turn and fucking fight!
Anger whirled through me like a sharp blade with a jagged edge.
Who was to think that the one person that would always be better than me would be here, intruding on the dark hours of the night and ruining my private time? It was at this time did I come to find myself, when the stars flickered and the moon hid beyond the trees. Viridian forest had become a secret sanctuary for me after the last three years, and I was peeved at the idea of it becoming anyone else's private place.
That low pine tree Gold had been sitting under, picking nervously at the grass; that was MY tree. And my grass and my sky to look up at, so who did he think he was? This was MY forest, the place that had kept me sane for so long after never breathing on my own.
I had spared myself the off chance of the police finding me after two years, and I fled to Kanto, which was my original home. It was here, in this timeless nation that my father abandoned me. The reputation he left behind was bitter in my mouth, but I never felt more rooted to anywhere before, so it took me a long time to get up the courage to leave this region.
It was the grass and lack of dry weather, the storm clouds in the summer and the snow clouds in the winter that made this place my life. I'd grown up knowing that the air was hot and the seasons were dramatic, it was the only stable thing I managed to keep despite myself. I felt more intoned to this place than anywhere else in the world, and it broke my heart to have had to leave it.
At fifteen I fled, in attempts to escape my father's path of destruction. He scarred the nation with his power, and then left them wanting more after he failed. Like a pack of hungry, ravenous Arcanine, the people of Kanto wanted revenge. And I could see, despite my younger demeanor, the resemblance when I looked in the mirror. I would have been hated for being related to the one called Giovanni.
Being the spitting image of my father was bad enough, I didn't want to be treated differently for it. We had the same skeptical and unforgettable eyes, the same definite jaw line and acute nose. I had the same creased forehead, lower lip, brow line. For god's sake we had the same kind of hands. Long fingers, strong, and near see through. The veins popped out under harsh light, making me seem transparent.
At times I wondered if it were possible for me to have taken on any of the characteristics of my mother (though I never knew who she was or even what she looked like). There had to be someone out there that had carried me for nine months while I grew into the miniature Giovanni. Unless I was some science experiment put on by my father (and I wasn't sure I wasn't) I knew that I would have to have SOME kind of traits of my mother. For a while I thought it was my fiery red hair, only to find one day a picture of Giovanni about my age, with the same color—though shorter and messier—mop that I had.
Who was to say I wasn't created rather than born? It wasn't as if there was anything natural about me anyways. Giovanni himself wasn't natural; he was a scourge in the decent people of Kanto… the decent people of anywhere. His name sent trembled through those of lesser power, and hate to those of stronger. I lived with this knowledge since I was young, but it never seemed to fully sink in until I decided that I could shrink out of the shadow he held above me.
I crossed over illegally to Johto a week after my father abandoned me. It was my pathetic attempt at trying to dislodge the memories of where I came from and who I was—which was nobody—that brought me to a tiny town where nothing made sense. Mountains, taller and more tedious than any one of Kanto sprouted in the distance and made me feel trapped. Grass died in the summer's wrath rather than thrived, and beaches with sand rather than rocks and high cliffs. I was lost, but I knew that I had to make this my new home.
I didn't like to think that I was running away from my problems, but if there was no hope in ever being someone in the region I loved, then the only chance I had was to be someone in a region I hated. I thought maybe, perhaps if I started over and made something of myself I would be happy.
One week had gone by; I was homeless and sticky and started to lose all hope in ever finding something to bring me out of this ditch I was living in. I spent this time watching the kids of New Bark talk in excited voices about how they were going to be getting a pokemon from Professor Elm in a few days. This was what sparked hope in me.
At first I wanted to ask—politely at best—if I could have a pokemon as well, even though I wasn't a citizen of Johto I still had a trainer card, so there was a chance. I figured maybe if I used my desperation Professor Elm would let me have one out of kindness. I hoped, but never once did I really think I had a chance.
If they knew who I was, if they had any idea of the things my father put Kanto through… no one would trust me. My father wasn't even around anymore and he was still ruining my life!
One night, the day before the kids of New Bark were to receive their starter pokemon, I watched through the window of the lab. All night I stared at the three pokeballs in the locked glass container under a heat lamp ready to be given away the next morning. I would never have a pokemon… I would never be given a chance to start. I had to take a chance—literally TAKE.
The next day I watched as helpless individuals, giddy with excitement flooded the gates of the lab. This infuriated me; how unfair that people with no regard to hardship, kids that had lived a perfect life could get something handed to them so easily. When people like me, who deserved a chance to be someone and make something of themselves, weren't even noticed. I was a shadow… that was all there was to it.
I stole a pokemon that day, after a young teen was late to receive his. He was the last person to get a pokemon, and all he had was three to choose from. Tododile, Chicorita, and Cyndaquil. I knew right away which pokemon I wanted (or at least I thought I wanted)- Chicorita. It was happy, enthusiastic and easy to please. It had round ivory and brown eyes with a large lush leaf growing off the top of its head. The green pokemon reminded me of Kanto.
But when the young teen—who I came to know as Gold later on—took so long to choose, between Tododile and Cyndaquil, my mind started to change. Did I want a pokemon easy to raise? Or did I want one that would push me further? I studied the Cyndaquil while Gold contemplated the Tododile. Cyndaquil looked shy, weary of the world around it, and I found nothing enjoyable about that. It was like it had no sense of its surroundings. A blind pokemon? You wouldn't have been able to tell at the time.
Tododile was solemn, with a strange expression written on its face. It could have had a toothy grin, one of which would resemble the Chicorita's, but instead it bore the face of a stoic carving. The statue pokemon shared no emotion towards Gold, only a hidden and silent pleading. Perhaps if it wouldn't have looked so confident it would have been chosen. Because in the end Gold had decided that the little runt Cyndaquil was going to be his partner.
I remembered staring in awe, wondering why Gold wouldn't want a strong pokemon like Tododile to guide him, and then decided that it WAS what I wanted. Sure Chicorita would have been the most loyal and friendly thing on the planet, but she couldn't have held the same kind of seriousness that Tododile did. She wouldn't have been the kind of pokemon to take the Tauros by the horns; which was the kind of pokemon I needed.
Gold, having spent so much time choosing which starter he wanted, left in a hurry. Such an eager trainer, leaving his home without even saying goodbye to his mother. I waited until he was out of sight to make my move.
Professor Elm put the Tododile and the Chicorita back in their pokeballs and left them sitting on the counter for a long moment. I had been a little disgusted by the fact that he would just leave such precious things out where people could take them—but of course that was only because I wanted to steal one. I realized that the only reason I was mad about this was because I wanted the professor to leave me no option but to ask for one. I didn't want to be a bad person, and yet he made it so terribly easy.
He shrugged out of his lab coat and headed up the stairs to do what I could only assume as take a shower. This gave me plenty of time, and it wasn't hard really. All I did was push open his unlocked sliding back door and tiptoe inside. Tododile's pokeball was warm and slippery when I grabbed it and shoved it in my pocket, leaving poor Chicorita there on the table by herself. I had almost grabbed them both, but remembered that what I was doing was bad enough.
I fled the town into the unknown territory, the same direction Gold had gone. I decided that if maybe I could fallow him he would lead me somewhere safe, where no one would think any differently of me than other trainers with their first pokemon. I was hopeful, but sick with guilt.
The first time I ran into Gold had been an accident, and I had knocked him over with my frantic escape. He had blurted out apologies and tried to scramble to his feet, but I had been so shaken that all I could manage was a demand for battle. I wasn't sure if I was mad at him personally for not choosing the Tododile, or if I was just mad in general, or mad at myself, but I couldn't bring myself to let it go. I wanted to beat him; I wanted to hate him, though I had no real reason to. I was the one that had done something terrible. I was the villain.
And then when he recognized me as a criminal I was even more infuriated. I kept telling myself he didn't know my name and it wouldn't ever be a problem if he knew because he was just a stupid kid and no one would believe him anyways. A stupid weak kid… that was all.
We battled…
And he won.
So much for just a stupid weak kid right? I was so helplessly flustered with the fact that poor Tododile was taken out by a pokemon of such scared nature, that all I could do was stare dumbstruck down at him. Had I chosen the wrong one? Was Tododile really as determined as he seemed? Did he try his best or had he given up after Cyndaquil showed its true skill being in speed rather than strength?
Part of my wanted to leave my passed out pokemon on the dirt road and hope that Gold would pick it up and take it back to the lab where it would be cared for properly. I wanted to make things right before they got any worse, so I silently urged Gold on, in my head screaming things like "tell me to hand over my pokeball!" and "go return him now!"
But no, all he had said—finally—was "don't just stand there! Take it to the pokemon center!"
Hadn't he known I was a crook? Obviously I was the thief, he recognized the Tododile he almost—should have picked as his own partner, so why didn't he want to take it back? It was like he wanted me to have it after all. And that made it that much harder to get rid of the pokemon. My hands shook as I called it back into its ball and ran off in a fit, wishing that Gold had been even more critical. Had he been half the nice guy he was, I would have stopped all the madness right then and there.
And then of course, almost as if the world was giving me another chance to make things right, I dropped my wallet, somewhere along the lines of karma and fleeing I lost the trainer card with my name on it. I stopped down the road, nearing the pokemon center and looked back at the boy and the exhausted Cyndaquil, as he stared down at the card in his hands.
Good, I had thought, now the police will know it's me and they will punish me for doing bad things. That wasn't sarcasm either, no; I really truly WANTED to be caught at this point. I wanted professor Elm to have his pokemon back; I WANTED this whole thing to be over. And yet I wanted that Tododile too much to take it back myself. I was selfish and stupid and that was the end of it.
I kept running, running and running and battling and becoming stronger while awaiting the day that the police would find me and cuff me. It was much too easy to assume that they wouldn't find me—I never tried to hide after all, but the day never came.
At times I wanted to confront Gold about this, about why I was never caught. Maybe when I shoved him and snatched my wallet back he had hit his head hard enough that it dislodged my name from his memory. But that wouldn't explain the countless other times we had come face to face in battle. I came to the realization that Gold knew who I was, but he wasn't telling anyone. And I never—till this day even—I never found out why.
And that's why I ran, just now. Under the moonlight in what I felt was my own territory. I ran, not because I was furious over the fact that in the last year I had gotten the balls to come back home to Kanto (I still loved it here more than Johto), and found Gold where I least expected him to be. But it was because I couldn't face the knowing of why he had lied so long to protect me, or if there was another reason he did it. I didn't want to know, I didn't want any of my Johto life to be brought back here to Kanto with me. I couldn't face it, after a year of locking it away I couldn't stand the thought of losing the only thing that kept me happy—or somewhat happy.
Feraligatr was loyal now, though we had a rocky start together as partners. I couldn't give him up, I WOULDN'T give him up. I fled back to Kanto to escape Gold and all the threats that came with him in the first place, so why was he here now? This was MY region, and I knew that he was too rooted to Johto to just want to be here. Like me, he was loyal to his homeland.
Anger made me stop. Had this been Johto I would have kept going. I would have run and run and run until I was cities away from Gold. But not here, this was Kanto! I whirled and faced the darkness of the Viridian forest again, standing by the black hole of a tunnel that would lead me into Viridian City.
"Silver!" my voice was still being called.
I didn't answer, but stood under the light of moon and watched as he broke through the layer of trees, having chased me to this point. What the hell could he want anyways? A battle? Really? At fucking—I looked at my watch quickly— four in the morning? Why was he even out this late?
"Silver…" he said loudly, but no longer yelling when he saw that I had stopped. My hand gripped one of my pokeballs tightly, preparing to launch it out at him. Maybe if I was lucky it would strike him in the head before opening.
"What… what are you doing in—Kanto?" the honey eyed boy—no, not a boy anymore—young man strode forward trying to catch his breath. He pulled off the same old cap he wore and ran his hand through his messy hair. It fell over one side of his face and he shook it back with annoyance.
I didn't answer at first, seeing as though a year had done wonders to the awkward teenager that Gold had once been. What was he, sixteen the last time I had seen him? He looked much older now, with a strong jaw line rather than the baby face he once held. And I noticed how his shoulders and filled out and how you could so clearly see his collar bone. Gold wasn't the pudgy little kid he once was, he was a champion.
I wondered if I looked any different.
"You look like you just shit yourself." He said, folding his arms after a moment. Did I really look that terrified?
"Seriously Silver, what the hell?"
"Why?" I blurted suddenly. My eyes squeezed shut and wishing those words hadnt come out, I slapped my hand over my face and grit my teeth. I didn't want to know the answer to that question! I didn't want to know why Gold had been hiding my secret for so long.
He cocked his head to the side—that was one thing that he hadn't grown out of. Like his eyes, which were still too bright and too big for his face. He was still using actions to display his confusion as well as words. Like when he talked he would use his hands, as if that made things more clear.
"Why what?" his eyes narrowed.
"Why did you do it? All these years?" I wasn't expecting my words to come in a rush, but seeing as though we were the only people around, and the shock of it all was bringing down my defenses, I couldn't hold back.
He just looked so dumbfounded.
"Why didn't you call the police on me?" I hissed, my voice rising to a wail. "All these years I have been so fucking guilty waiting for you to get me thrown in jail! But you never did! I stole Professor Elm's pokemon, I assaulted you, I lied, I cheated, my father destroyed a whole region under the reign of team Rocket and you never once let that affect me! Why? Why Gold? Why?"
He shook his head, holding that stupid hat that was old and torn and stained from years of sweat. His eyes were round with confusion, his face looking suddenly younger, then older, and changing as he clenched his teeth and narrowed his eyes.
"If you wanted to be caught so bad why didn't you turn yourself in?" he finally spoke.
I glared, damning those golden eyes to hell. "You're just so right all the time aren't you?" and my back turned then, flustered and hot with rage. "Would you have turned yourself in?"
"I wouldn't have done it to begin with." He commented, though he didn't sound mad. His footsteps behind me, crunching through the frost made the hairs on the back of my next stand on end. "I don't understand Silver."
I hated the way he said my name, as if he really knew me.
"You have all this guilt sitting on your shoulders and it would be all too easy to explain yourself! I'm tired of keeping this secret as much as you are, so what's the point?"
"Could you give up your Typhlosion?" I grunted and pulled my hood up over my shoulders to block the runoff water from dripping on my head in the tunnel leading to Viridian. A terribly cold waft of air made me shudder. "It's not exactly easy to pretend three years of fighting and training didn't happen."
I couldn't see his face any longer, as I came to stop in the blackness of the tunnel and turned to look back the way I came. I couldn't see him fallowing me, but his footsteps were louder than I expected. Water droplets plopped in the form of slush on the ground at my feet and a chill strung out through all my veins like ice.
"Of course I couldn't, He is—Ooof!" Gold ran right into me, not realizing that I had stopped walking.
I couldn't see any of him in the dark but I shoved back hard and heard the sound of him hit the cement ground of the tunnel. He cursed, reminding me that nothing had changed. We were rivals, we would always be rivals, no matter what secret was strewn up between us.
"What the fuck Silver, what did I ever do?" he hissed, muttering something about being soaked. I started walking again, squinting to see the light of the street lamp that was just outside the end of the tunnel.
There was a faint sigh. "Alright, alright, I know that it must have been hard for you, but… I mean…" Gold spluttered, and I could hear his teeth clattering together. "Why did you do it in the first place?"
"What?"
"What made you steal Professor's pokemon to begin with?"
"That was three years ago." I shoved my hands in my pockets as water dripped onto my nose and cheeks.
"That doesn't mean anything; you still had a reason right?"
"It doesn't matter!" I snapped, and his footsteps stopped almost instantly. He probably thought I was going to turn and shove him again—but I wouldn't make a fool out of myself without knowing exactly where he was first. In the dark it was impossible to tell.
"It matters to me!" he insisted, and his voice echoed too loudly. "I've been protecting your ass for three years for no reason, not knowing why but knowing there was a reason. I think I deserve to know."
"I never wanted you to protect me." I snarled back.
"Then I will just call the police right now." He huffed and the low beep of a pokegear turning on sounded like thunder to my ears. Panic struck me and I whirled around. Sure I wanted my punishment for doing what I did, I wanted this guilt off my shoulders. But I didn't want my pokemon taken away from me! Confliction made me frantic and I weaved between the droplets of water until I was nearly running. I crashed right into Gold like he had to me a moment ago, and the light of the pokegear had me squinting a second later. I drew back, blinded.
"Gold… I… it was because…" I shielded my eyes from the bright unnatural light. "You just wouldn't understand."
"I thought you wanted to be caught?" he held a finger above the emergency dial button. "You are guilty after all."
"So are you!" I bit back. "We both have secrets right? Why can't we just except that and move on?"
"Move on to what?" He rolled his eyes, which I could barely see now that mine adjusted. He was scowling at me. "I'm the champion of Johto, and Kanto isn't much different. Do you think I have much else going for me? And I know you don't."
That stung, like a hot iron in the middle of winter. My chest tightening with hate and I whirled then, thinking I must be bipolar or something. Running, back towards Viridian City, ignoring the water and the frost and the darkness and all the painful truth in Gold's words. Of course I had nothing going for me, but was it so hard to believe that I wanted something? That's all it ever was! Just wanting. I was selfish. Want want want want, that's all I ever felt.
It was wanting that made me steal Professor Elm's pokemon so long ago. Why couldn't Gold just see that and leave it at that?
