The next day, Japan was running laps while Germany was waiting impatiently for a certain Italian man to show up. It wasn't very different from any other day to be honest, except that Italy seemed later than usual. Also Japan was quieter than he usually was. Not that Japan was usually that talkative, but…
"Hey Japan," Germany called as the small Japanese man passed by.
Japan slowed to a stop. "Do you need something, Germany-san?" He asked.
"Can I ask you something? What was Italy shouting about yesterday? About…what was it…?" Germany thought for a moment. "I think it was 'seme' or at least something close to that."
"O-Oh yes that, um, well, you see, uh…" Japan stammered. "…it's a, um, an interesting topic…it's, well…you see, it's…" Japan felt his face heating up. "I-I-I—look at the time I really should be getting back to some other form of exercise heheh yes I will do that now…"
As he said this, there was a loud screeching noise. A red car swerved out of nowhere, skidding across the dirt road. Japan screamed and jumped out of the way at the last second, landing in the dirt with a loud thud. Germany blinked a few times, then quickly strode over and pulled Japan to his feet.
"Ciao!" Came the loud exuberant voice from the car, which had now stopped. Italy hopped out with a large grin. Then he froze. "I-I mean…" He cleared his throat a few times. "Ciao," he said in an awkward sounding deep voice, puffing out his chest. He strode over.
Germany glared at him. "Italy, you're late… W…What's with the voice?" He finished, suddenly feeling annoyed and confused.
"Ve~, I am being seme," he answered, feeling slightly disappointed that his voice was still higher than Germany's.
Germany sighed. "Italy, I have no idea what a seme is, nor do I really want to, but—" He froze, doing a double-take on Italy's face.
Italy and Japan both glanced at him, nervous. Then Japan noticed what Germany had been looking at. "I-Italy-kun…what…what is that on your face?"
"Oh this is my moustache!"
Japan blinked a few times. Then he giggled slightly. "Well…um…" he glanced over at Germany, who hadn't moved. "Since it seems that Germany-san is, um, incapacitated at the moment, I'll just ask …um…why do you have a moustache?"
"Because it's manly!" Italy pulled a sheet of paper out of his pocket. "Now I just need to get muscles and lose my virginity! I'll be the most seme person ever! I'll be even more seme than Germany! Then we could do all kinds of seme stuff together! Japan, your nose is bleeding."
"Look at the time I'm going to run more laps." Japan took off as quickly as possible.
"Germany, is Japan feeling sick?" He asked. When there was no answer, he looked up at Germany. Who was still staring at the moustache. "Germany?" He waved his hand in front of his friend's face. "Germany, are you ok? Did my seme-ness kill you?"
"…Uh, yeah we can get pasta later…"
"But I didn't…" he thought for a moment. "Ok!" He answered. Cool! Being seme gets me free pasta! He thought happily. He skipped off. Then he remembered that manly people don't skip. So he switched to something between a strut and a march. (Translation: he looked utterly ridiculous.)
Germany blinked a few times. It was taking all his willpower to keep from either screaming in terror or breaking down into hysterical laughter. Or puking. One of those.
He followed after Italy, rubbing his temples. Italy may've been weak, dependant, and pathetic, but one of these days, he was going to kill Germany anyway. Maybe a heart attack. Or a stroke. Oh god, he did not want a stroke, because there was no way in hell Italy would take care of him afterword. Or Prussia. Maybe he could pity Austria into it…
When Germany stopped rubbing his temples, he noticed that they'd walked into a small nearby town. "Italy," he asked slowly, "where are we going?"
Italy ignored him, because that's the seme thing to do.
Instead, he just walked into a gym, Germany following close behind. "For the love of…" Germany mumbled. "You know, Italy, if you wanted to exercise, you could've just shown up and actually done the training with Japan and me." He glanced around. "Also, I think we forgot Japan."
(Meanwhile, where they'd been training earlier, Japan had bled out through the nose due to several inappropriate images in his mind of Italy being seme.)
Italy looked back at Germany. "I'm sorry, but your exercises aren't seme enough for me!"
"Ok, I'm only going to ask this one more time," Germany muttered darkly. "What the hell is a seme?"
Italy shrugged. "You know, manly."
Germany blinked, stopping mid-step. Wait, Italy doesn't consider me manly? The weakest, scrawniest, girliest (alright second to Poland) man I know doesn't consider me manly? Since Germany prided himself of being strong, organized, and, well, manly, this was the equivalent of sucker-punching him in the groin.
"I…I…huh…?" Was all he managed to say in reply.
"Yeah, Japan taught me what it means." Italy walked over to the nearest machine, stepping onto it. "Ok, now how do you work this…?" He looked around at all the buttons until he found a start button. "Oh, this one!" He jammed it with his finger.
There was a loud crash as he got flung off the treadmill and into a mirror. Several others exercising looked over in concern. Germany walked over to his friend. "You alright?" He asked.
"?atsaP" Italy blinked a few times then shook his head. "Ow. Ok, Let's try than again," he murmured to himself. He got back up and stared blankly at the treadmill. Since he'd never used an exercise machine in his life, he had absolutely no idea what he was doing. "Ok…maybe if I…" He stepped onto the treadmill and, again, went flying backward. He landed on the floor with a loud squeak, making Germany wonder if making Italy motivated to exercise would do more harm than good.
"Italy, you can't just step on a treadmill like that," Germany told him, as Italy, of course, stepped back onto the machine and was yet again flung to the floor.
Italy got back up and walked (ok limped) to the next machine. "Ok, I'm not gonna use that thing. I'll just use this." He tugged on the handle on the machine.
Germany rolled his eyes as Italy tried to work the machine, giving up after two seconds and going to the next one. Then someone nearby called, "Hey Germany."
Germany looked up to find a familiar blond walking on a treadmill. "America?" He asked. "What're you doing here?"
America tugged lightly on the red white and blue sweatband he was wearing. "I'm exercising," he answered. "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm gonna prove to that stupid English jerk who's the real fat-ass" He looked past Germany. "What the hell is Italy doing?"
Germany glanced over his shoulder as Italy picked up a five pound weight and fell backwards. "Who knows," he answered with a sigh, as Italy began squirming under the weight. Germany grabbed the weight off of Italy and put it back.
"Th-Thanks Germany!" Italy gasped, sitting up. "Ve~, that thing's dangerous."
It took all of Germany's willpower to keep from throwing Italy out the window. Then he noticed something. "Hey, Italy, you're…your, um…" he rubbed his nose slightly, "…the left side of your moustache is gone."
Italy blinked and looked in a mirror. "Oh," he said, noting the missing half of his 'moustache'. "I guess maybe I should've used permanent marker." He smiled up at Germany.
Germany just stared at him, the words "not manly" echoing through his head. "You're shoe is untied," he muttered, walking away. He hopped onto a treadmill near America, ignoring Italy's sudden cries of "Wait, Germany, help me!"
"Hey, America," Germany asked a few minutes later, "do you think I'm manly?"
America looked up, looking startled. After a few seconds, he said slowly, "Um, listen, I understand how hard it must be to come out of the closet after such a long time, but I don't like you that way…"
Germany stared at him, trying to understand what he was talking about. Then he blanched. "Oh. Oh no I…no I-I'm not gay," he stammered. "That is not what I meant."
"You're not gay? Damn it, I had forty bucks riding on that bet!"
"No, I was just—" Germany froze, stumbling off the back of the treadmill. "You bet someone that I was gay?"
"Yeah. Hey, is there any chance you'd be willing to pretend to be gay in front of England? Just for a minute or two. Oh, and I think if it's with Prussia, I get twenty more bucks."
"Nein! No! Hell no! Mein Gott, that's disgusting!"
America sighed. "Damn. Well maybe if I convince Prussia to…" he trailed off, looking across the room. "Um, Germany, I think you should go get Italy real quick. That guy over there is trying to sell him steroids."
Germany looked over to see Italy (with his shoes still untied) getting some sort of pill handed to him by a scruffy-looking man. Germany sprinted over and smacked Italy's head. "What are you doing?" He practically shouted.
"Oh, hi Germany!" Italy said with a smile. "This man said this medicine will make me strong in no time! Then I'll be really seme!"
Germany sent the man a scathing glare, causing him to run away screaming in terror. "Italy, you're an idiot. I don't care if you're trying to be 'seme' or whatever, but you're not taking drugs."
America walked over. "You're still on about that seme thing? Even after Japan explained it to you?"
"Yeah!" Italy answered. "I can be manly too!"
America blinked. Then he started giggling. "Crap, he really didn't explain it to you, did he?" He put his hand on Italy's shoulder. "Alright, the term 'yaoi' is generally used in reference to gay relationships."
Italy thought for a moment. "Oh, I guess that's why me and Germany were kissing in all of those comics," he said almost to himself.
Germany turned red. "E-E-Excuse me?" He stammered.
America laughed again. "Oh, and seme is usually the person on top in a sexual relationship."
Germany was completely mortified and bright red. Italy on the other hand just laughed a little bit. "Oops. I guess that's why Japan was acting so weird earlier," he said. He looked at Germany. "Never mind, Germany, I don't want to be seme anymore."
Germany just looked back at him. Then he decided to go home. Quickly.
When he walked into his house, Poland strode out. "Hey, Germany, your brother is unconscious."
"WHY THE F*** ARE YOU STILL IN MY HOUSE?"
