Sandstorm shifted restlessly in her nest every night. Despite being cramped in the elders' den with Greystripe, Dustpelt and Purdy, she felt so alone. She missed the comfort of the leader's den, with Firestar's soft pelt pressed soothingly against her own. It had been just over a moon since the death of her mate, and the image of him remained engraved in her mind, for she feared to let it go. As time went by in their lives, she had been able to trace every one of his battle scars with closed eyes, and she could locate him even in the most crowded of areas. She had been reluctant to become an elder, she didn't want anything to change since Firestar. She wanted everything to remain the way he had last seen.
It was strange now, to believe that there had ever been a time when she had wanted to stay away from him. A time when she was seething with hatred against him. Yet now, she found herself dying for the longing of him. She had cried all of her grief and felt herself drowning in agony. She wanted the burning passion she felt when she was with him, for the feel of his pelt against hers. She wanted Firestar.
Looking at Squirrelflight, her beloved daughter, had become hard to do. Maybe it was her old age catching up, but Sandstorm always found the flaming ginger she-cat shifting into the form of her father. The same confident smile, the same blazing emerald eyes bold against a the pelt of fire.
Sandstorm had practically cut off communication with everybody. Everybody told her, "Let go." but she couldn't. She hated it! She hated how they acted as though he were already a cat of legend, not the large-as-life figure who had led them to battle and died for their cause. For their freedom.
She would remember him the way he used to be. A young, handsome warrior of Thunderclan, the eye of multiple she-cats. Yet it was she, the one who had publically resented him for moons, only to come crawling in petty love, that he chose. And Sandstorm knew, that if ever she could go back, she would tell her younger, arrogant, apprentice-self, that the cat she taunted and teased, was in fact the cat who'd give her everything, because Sandstorm regretted every moment that she had ever doubted Firestar. A mistake she would not make again, for she was certain, that in Starclan, he would be there to meet her with the same love in his eyes that had always been. But for now, she was alone...
