A/N: Thanks for reading! I wasn't going to upload until tomorrow, but since yesterday was my birthday, I was feeling good. I actually spent most of yesterday and today writing this. It's pretty long. Anyways, thanks again! Enjoy!


& all the shit you go through...
just makes you that much stronger.

Bella:

I finished teasing my hair and ran downstairs. Charlie was in the kitchen eating eggs and bacon. He took in my black fluffed hair with red highlights, my black Misfits shirt over which I was wearing my black leather jacket with black skinny jeans, and my, surprise surprise, black knee-length converse. His eyes narrowed the tiniest bit, and he raised one eyebrow slightly, but he didn't comment on my outfit. In fact, he didn't say anything at all. No "good morning" or even a "hi". It didn't bother me at all. I was used to it. I ignored him just as he ignored me. No, it was more like he ignored me because I ignored him. Grabbing a granola bar and my car keys, I strided out the front door, thinking about Charlie. He had given up on communication a long time ago. I sighed as I stared at the floor, leaning on the door, remembering old times. It hadn't always been this way. There had been happy times before, but they had ceased to exist a very long time ago…

Flashback

It was a rare, sunny afternoon in late July. Dad was sitting next to me in a small, rented row boat. We were in the middle of a large lake with all our fishing gear. The environment was peaceful as the warm, lazy wind blew through my hair. It was my 7th birthday, and Dad had the important task of getting me away from the house while Mom set up the backyard for my surprise birthday party. It was going to be small, just my parents, my aunt Jenny and her daughter Penny, and a few friends. Of course, I had "no idea" there would be a party waiting for us when we got back from our fishing trip.

Dad had cast his line about an hour ago, but he still hadn't caught anything. It was a new hobby of his, and he wasn't very good at it. I liked fishing, but after hours of not catching anything, I got bored. I had brought one of my favorite books, The Austere Academy from A Series of Unfortunate Events. I was on an exciting part in the story when my dad jumped and yelled, "I got one! I got one!"

I jumped too, not only because he startled me, but also because it surprised me he actually caught a fish. He fumbled with the fishing pole until he was able to reel it in. Out of the water jumped a three foot fish. It was a fat, gray fish that could probably pin me to the ground, and it was flipping and flopping in the boat, while Dad was trying to catch it with the net he brought just in case something like this ever happened. I don't think either of us had anticipated anything like this ever happening. Dad tried desperately for the next ten minutes to stop the fish from jumping out of the boat or pouncing on my small figure. All the while, I was screaming my head off.

When the fish was finally too tired to put up a fight, and I had stopped destroying our eardrums, Dad grabbed it with his hands, as his net was too small, and tried to put it in an empty bucket. However, the fish was too big and heavy, so he toppled backwards, off the edge of the boat, and into the river with the fish still in his arms. He made a big splash that completely drenched me from head to toe. I looked like a wet cat. He started climbing back into the boat, but when he saw my expression, he cracked up, He laughed so much, that he fell out again. This caused me to start laughing, which caused him to stop laughing. He climbed back in for the second time with a scowl on his face.

"Oh, lighten up Dad. You're such a grumpy, old man," I joked. He cracked a smile at my remark.

End of Flashback

I was still standing at the door. I had been so absorbed in my thoughts that time had flown by. Shaking my head, I headed for my car. When I got to the driver's door, I noticed a tall, buff man leaning on my car. He had russet colored skin, dark eyes, and jet black hair pulled back into a small pony tail at the nape of his neck. I recognized him instantly. My breath caught in my throat, and I felt a little dizzy. I started to hyperventilate as I took a step toward him. I kept my hands in my pockets, my palms sweaty. He smiled as I approached. My shoe lace was untied, and I tripped.

I couldn't get my hands out fast enough so I braced myself for the crash. Preparing for the sidewalk to hit me in the face, I fumbled with my hands, willing them to come out, but they were stuck. Some part of me hoped for strong hands to grab me by the waist and prevent me from my fate. Yet I knew the hands would never come. No, they wouldn't, because he wouldn't take a few seconds to help from falling.

Suddenly, two strong hands wrapped around my waist and pulled me to a standing position.

"Jacob?" I asked.

"Hey Bells," he said.

"Umm… Thank you? Are you okay?" I asked, not able to believe he had just done that. A small gesture of kindness… from him? To me?

"I think I'm supposed to ask that, but thanks for worrying. I'm okay, are you?" He chuckled, smiling at my bemused expression. Why was he asking about my well being? He didn't care about me, so why was he acting like he did. Then, as if in response to my unspoken question, he waved behind me and said with a smile, "Good morning Charlie." Oh. I knew it was too good to be true. I looked behind me to see my dad respond, "Hey Jake. How's Billy? I haven't seen him in a while."

"He's doing good. Well, as good as he can in that wheelchair of his," he chuckled again.

"Okay, tell him I said hi. See you around Jake." My dad replied with a final wave.

"Bye, Charlie."

As soon as Charlie was inside, Jake pulled me towards the forest. He handled me roughly, so differently from how he touched me so gently a few moments ago. He tugged on my wrist, making me jog to keep up with his brisk pace. When we were deep enough into the woods so no one could see us, he spun me around so fast I was light-headed again. He faced me, giving me a murderous glare. Then he grabbed my face and said in a sickly sweet voice, "I didn't want the concrete to have the honor of damaging that pretty little face of yours. I wanted to do it myself." He spat the last part as he raised his hand in half a second, letting go of my face and bringing it down hard equally fast.

I held my cheek with one hand, bending over and placing the other hand on my knee. I took deep breaths to prevent passing out. I knew that if I fainted now, he would leave me lying on the forest floor. Tears were stinging my eyes as I thought of the happy times we had before he started getting abusive.

Flashback

"Bella! Hurry up, we're going to be-" his words caught in his mouth as I walked down the stairs and he took in my body. I was dressed in a brown, strapless, dress that hugged my entire upper body to make the curves look more defined. It flowed from my waist to just bellow my knees in a beautiful skirt. (Picture on profile)

"Wow, Bells. You look... like… wow" I smiled and blushed a little as he stuttered, trying to find words for how I looked. Today was Emily and Sam's wedding. It was a quiet event with only about 70 people. Only Sam's relatives, Emily's relatives, and some close friends. Jacob was a groomsmen, and was one of the bridesmaids. Sam was one of Jacob's best friends, and I had always considered Emily like a mother, since my own had left us.

Renee had left my dad and I abandoned when I was 8 years old, so she could run off with one of my dad's co-workers. His name was Phil, and he was just a rookie police officer. Since my dad was chief of police, and Phil feared him, they ran from Forks, and now lived in Phoenix, Arizona.

"Bells, you look… great." He finally managed to get the words out.

"Thanks" I said. He offered me his arm and I took it.

The world seemed completely at peace as we drove to the church and got to our places. The last of the people were filling the church. I took my position behind the tall, dark, wooden doors. The wedding march started to play, the doors opened, I held my breath. After the maid of honor and a couple other bridesmaids passed in front of me, it was my turn to walk the isle.

The church was adorned stunningly. The walls were covered in beige and brown sashes. Yellow roses were found everywhere, their sweet aroma filling the air. Everything looked so perfect.

With Jacob at my side, I held my bouquet closer to my stomach and walked. They were all yellow daisies with one white rose in the middle. I prayed to God I wouldn't trip and make a fool out of myself.

"It's okay, I won't let you fall." Jacob whispered to me.

I squeezed his arm in gratitude, and he squeezed back in reassurance. For a moment, I allowed myself to dream of walking the isle with my dad at my side. Jacob would be at the other end, with his warm smile. I would be dressed in white, holding a red bouquet in my hands. The vision was blurry and something didn't seem right about it.

I dismissed it as I was brought out of my daydreams moments later when we reached the altar and stepped aside. Jacob took his place next to Jared, the best man, and Paul, another groomsman. I was positioned in between a girl who I thought was named Rebecca, and another girl who I'd never seen.

When Emily came out with her aunt walking her, she looked amazing. Her white dress was simple, but sophisticated. It was long, without a train, and had a dark, pale golden strip of fabric under her chest that wrapped around her ribcage. In the center, it had a large metal diamond with lots of rhinestones. Her hair was done up in an elegant bun with side swept bangs. They covered the right side of her face which had three long scars from being mauled by a bear. She had long, white gloves to cover her arms. Emily had a big smile on her face, and she looked like the happiest woman on Earth as she stared at Sam, who looked like the happiest man on Earth.

I hoped that someday, I would be able to feel that way.

End of Flashback

I knew now, facing Jacob's angry face that I would never be able to fall in love. I would never be able to have a fairytale wedding, or a happy ending. I don't think it was even possible for me to be happy anymore.

Another slap.

I hated my life. My miserable excuse for a life.

A punch in the stomach.

I just wanted to die. I think death would be loads better than going through this. I wished he would slip up and beat me so much that I died. He never did. This was routine now. He didn't even bother to explain why he was doing it anymore, and I didn't bother to beg him to stop either.

A kick.

Every time he hit me, it wasn't just the physical pain, but the memories it brought back. I remembered times when we had been great friends. There were times when he had been so sweet, when he had been a caring, honest, trusting man. Now he was so different. Ever since he started hanging out with Quil and Embry, it was like he hated me. He didn't bring me flowers from his backyard, or held me when I cried. He didn't want to watch movies with me, or take walks, or go to the beach with me anymore. He didn't want me anymore. But he wouldn't let me go either. He didn't let me talk to any guys, even after I had repeated numerous times that they were just friends. In fact, he didn't even let me talk to any friends, girls or gay guys or anyone.

Another kick.

He had changed, but more importantly, he had changed me.


Hope you liked it! Thanks for reading! You're awesome! p.s. I have NOTHING against homosexuals! I have lots of gay and bi friends and, honestly, their always more fun! p.s.s. Reviews make my day! If you have any questions or comments, feel free to p.m. me or leave a review. Thanks!

:Dee