Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach

Lies. Words that are false. Just like those smiles and promises that were given when I lived in the Gotei 13. How many people said that they would always stand by me and how many gave their word that they would follow me into battle until they became one with the earth?

You're still alive.

If I had to make a comparison I'd say that lies are like light snacks - soufflés, maybe. No matter how many you eat they never seem to truly fill you up. Is that why I always felt empty, back then? Why I couldn't shake off the feeling that something was missing inside of me? Was I just too focused on Aizen's betrayal - which I knew would come any day - that I missed the betrayal of everyone surrounding me? I can still see their faces, earnestly convincing me that they mean no harm.

I remember hearing once upon a time that a person cannot live without placing their trust in someone. Fanciful thinking. A person can breathe, eat, work, live for every day of their life refusing to trust anyone else. They are still alive, their physical body lives on; it is only their spirit which has died; the light igniting their eyes, their vibrant smile. I should know; forced as I was to gaze on helplessly as the ones I cared for, the ones sharing my predicament lost their ability to believe in anyone, going around with dead eyes and a rotting mind. Who can blame them? Only a fool or a saint would be impervious to the pain from the realization that all you thought you knew were lies. Slowly, ever so slowly, we gradually began to open our hearts again – but only to each other; only to the ones who had shared our chain of fate.

With a hundred years gone, I can no longer say that I blame the Gotei 13; I bear no grudge against them. Whenever someone mentions them, I don't burn up with anger, or self-righteousness. The Gotei 13 has nothing to do with me anymore; I've become detached from it mentally, as well as officially.

So why can I not stop thinking about those lies?