One song

about a girl.

Can't breathe

when I'm around her.


Some fat broad was currently asking the boys of Moop some very personal questions, and Kyle didn't like it. They say any publicity is good publicity, but after the whole, "Eric Cartman of Moop is having an affair with his one of his band mate's girlfriend!" scandal, the boys had learned to keep their mouths shut on certain things.

They were sitting in an office, doing an interview for OK! Magazine. It was week three of their tour and they had taken time out of their hectic schedule to sit down with the magazine's top editor.

The walls were peeling, and it smelled kind of like pee, but they both knew that the interviewer raked in at least 150k a year.

They weren't surrounded by cameras in front of a studio audience, like they were used to. Instead, it was just Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman with the dumb broad and their publicist in the background, telling them what they can and can't say. But Wendy, their publicist, knew that Kyle had it under control.

There was a tape recorder on the hard wooden table in front of them, and somehow that was even more unnerving than a dozen cameras.

Cartman had kind of spaced out when the next question was directed at him, "So Eric, who do you think you're closest to in the band. As in, who is your closest friend?"

He had been about to answer none, he hated all of them when Kyle nudged him, so he rolled his eyes and said the line that Kyle had made all of the boys memorize when asked too much of a personal question. "That's personal. If we could keep this interview about the music, that would be great." he said in a deadpan voice. Frankovitz? She's probably Jewish. God, that would make complete sense right now, Cartman thought.

Kyle smiled. He had taught him well. The lady, who's name Kyle remembered was Natasha Frankovitz, looked kind of frustrated. She cleared her throat and directed the next question at Kenny, who was wearing that mysterious smile he always had on his face.

"Kenny, you're twenty-two, and I correct?" she said. Kenny nodded his head, wondering where this was going. Then he remembered he was supposed to answer each question out loud, so he mumbled, "Yeah, that's right."

Ms. Frankovitz smiled and said, "What does it feel like being a year older than your band mates?"

Kenny responded the same way as Cartman. The interviewer frowned, but pushed on "Were you kept down a year in school or did you start school late?" she said.

Wendy cleared her throat and said softly from the back of the room, "I think this interview is about finished. We've been here for two hours, I trust you've gotten enough information to fill your article."

Natasha looked annoyed, but she kept that unnerving smile on her face and she said from between lipstick stained teeth, "Yes, I do believe I've gotten enough on these boys to fill an entire issue of the magazine."

Kyle frowned. That didn't sound good.

OK! Magazine's EXCLUSIVE Interview with Teen Sensation, Moop!

What you didn't know about America's dream boys!

Kyle skimmed through the article. He normally didn't read the tabloids, but he made an exception because they had consented to this interview. He picked out choice sentences and underlined them to show the guys tomorrow.

Kyle was reading aloud the parts of their interview that he had underlined. They were sitting in their tour bus, on their way out of Massachusetts, their last concert in Boston.

"Listen to this, Stan. 'Stan, the blue-eyed heart throb that the tween population of America fell in love with is not the sweet gentle guy you all know and love. When asked a series of questions, he responded in a surprising offhanded, rude way.'

Stan's jaw dropped, "Me? I barely said three words to the lady! Cartman's the rude one!"

"Aye!"

Kyle frowned and kept on reading, "Unfortunately, the rest of the band were just as rude as their rudest member. During the interview that OK! Magazine did with them, they seemed dazed and slightly out of it. Perhaps they had taken drugs before stepping into our office?"

Wendy looked like she wanted to march down to the interviewer's house and murder her. "How dare she? You guys were courteous and polite to her. And you don't ever take drugs! I think we should bring your lawyers into this!"

"Kenny takes drugs."

"As if weed really counts as drugs, Cartman! Besides, I haven't gotten high for a few days."

"I got the worst review, you guys! This is so unfair!"

"C'mon Wendy, we're going to sue this lady for slander."

"You said it!"


A/N: Ah, the sweet beginning~ :3

We're introduced to Kenny's pothead tendencies and observe just how much the boys have changed over the years (not at all).

(A/N from old MTS that I deem relevant: Also, those words at the beginning are lyrics to either a song I've written myself, or a song I can picture Moop singing.)

About a Girl - The Academy is...