"We should talk," House said.
"Okay. What's on your mind?"
"Why did you suddenly come to this decision? What changed?"
Cuddy looked down at her hand in his, and then slowly up to his eyes. She wasn't sure she could really explain this to him.
"I just… I saw you tonight, crawling in and out of that pile of rubble, and realized that you've come a long way. The way you spoke to Hannah…" Cuddy started tearing up again at the thought of it.
"I meant every word of it."
"I know, and I'm sorry, House."
"For what? I was basically admitting that you were right back then. I might've been much better off letting them lop this whole damn thing off after the infarction," he said, gesturing to his leg.
"It's not that. I'm sorry for what happened after you came back from Mayfield, for the way I've treated you all this time. I didn't want you knowing about Lucas at first because I was worried about how you'd react, but the way I let you find out about him was just cruel. I didn't trust you, didn't think you'd really changed, and kept trying to convince myself that I was better off with Lucas, even though I never really loved him. When I think of some of the things I did, I'm so ashamed."
"None of it was that bad."
"Yes, it was. You didn't deserve to be sent on a wild goose chase on Thanksgiving, or to have me walk out on that dance at the conference, or have Lucas blab about your problems in a public place. God, sometimes he really doesn't know when to keep his trap shut, but it was my fault for ever trusting him with a confidence. I never even told you how proud I was of you, and I was, House. I was proud of you for continuing with the therapy and staying off narcotics. Wilson kept telling me that you were doing well, even though the pain was bad sometimes, but I never even acknowledged it. That's inexcusable."
"No, it isn't. You had reasons to distrust me, and I don't blame you."
"Well, at least I can say it now. I'm proud of you."
House looked disturbed by that, and Cuddy squeezed his hand.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"If you only knew how many times I've been tempted, maybe you wouldn't be."
"That doesn't matter. All that matters now is that you're still here, still trying. I've come close to losing you too many times, and I couldn't let another minute go by without telling you how I really feel. When that second collapse happened, with you in there, I was terrified. Just the thought of losing you…"
"Wasn't much fun for me either," he quipped. Then he got silent, and Cuddy could see the grief in his eyes again.
"You really connected with her, didn't you?" she asked softly.
"Yeah."
"I know you probably keep going over it in your mind, but you did everything you could for her. It just wasn't meant to be."
"She asked me to pray with her at one point."
"Really? What did you do?"
"I told her I didn't believe in God, and she said neither did she, but we still prayed, in our own ways. Too bad no one was listening."
"I'm so sorry it didn't work out. You were right – amputating under those kind of conditions is always a huge risk."
"No – she would've died if I hadn't done it. But she died anyway, so…"
"At least she got out and saw her husband one more time. At least there were people with her at the end."
House immediately recalled Hannah's eyes locked on his in those final moments in the ambulance, and he turned his face away from Cuddy. "Can we change the subject, please?"
"Sure. You look exhausted. Let's just try to get some sleep, okay?"
House nodded, and Cuddy pulled the covers over him and spooned close to his still naked body, warm from the bath.
There would be plenty of time later for passionate sex, for figuring out how to be both his boss and his lover, while still being Rachel's mom. For now, she was content to drape an arm over his chest and feel his heartbeat under her hand. He was alive, and she was finally with him. It had taken her too long, but she was here now, and, wonder of wonders, he still wanted her.
