Yoruichi exited the private room she was in with Kurostuchi. Though it had taken a minute for her to compose herself. She had decided she was going to have to rebuild her relationship with Soi Fon. That shouldn't be so hard right? Love shouldn't just die. But just because it shouldn't doesn't mean that it actually does. She looked at the barely clothed girl sitting on her chair spitting tobacco in her cup. It was true she was already different. But how different? She hadn't the chance to see yet. They just needed to spend time together. Relearning one another, building new memories.
"Be careful." Kurotsuchi chimed in. "She seems to have the personality of either an alcoholic or a rock star. Those kinds of people are highly volatile and outrageously out of control."
Yoruichi nodded, then turned to approach the small Asian girl.
"Ok Soi Fon looks like your not going to remember anything at all, so I'm going to be around helping you to relearn some stuff." Yoruichi spoke in a soothing tone.
I looked up at her. "Well that sucks, what am I supposed to do?"
"You're supposed to train new recruits today, I'll help you with that. But first we're going to get you home and into some clothes. You can't run around the Seireitei naked all day."
"Yeah I can do that! I remember how to fight! Training should be no problem!"
"Wait you remember?"
"Fighting isn't memory it's instinct, you don't lose that."
"Ok then little Bee let's go."
I spat on Yoruichi's feet. "I'm not your "little Bee", now run along pussy face."
Yoruichi rolled her eyes. "Fine after you."
We walked back to my place mostly with Yoruichi pointing at things and telling me what they were. I wasn't really paying attention though. It was as if I was experiencing being alive for the first time and I was completely in awe. I let Yoruichi lead the way because frankly I couldn't remember where I lived. We made it to my place. It was small and simple. We went into my room and Yoruichi started to dig through my closet. I got on my bed and started to jump and do flips on it.
"Weeee this is fun you gotta try this." I sang out doing a back flip.
I don't think I've seen her smile this much, maybe this is a good thing? Yoruichi thought.
Yoruichi pulled out Soul Reaper's Robes and a Captain's Haori.
"Ok you have to wear these."
I stopped doing flips and sat on the bed. "No!" I stuck out my tongue.
Yoruichi was beginning to understand what Kurotsuchi meant by "Out of control."
"But you have to wear this. It's your uniform." Yoruichi reasoned.
"No it looks gay!" I retorted.
Yoruichi sighed. "Fine what do you want to wear?"
I got up and went to the way back of my closet. I found a tight pair of jeans that had been cut off at the ankles. I slipped into them zipping them up and threading a brown belt through the loops. I began to search again and I pulled out a white collared shirt that had pockets on the chest. I put my arms in rolled up the cuffs and only did two buttons.
"Ok I'm done, now lets go lay on some assholes."
"Well first off that's not an approved uniform and secondly most of your shirt is completely open." Yoruichi argued.
"Approve these Chinese nuts bitch!" I said grabbing my crotch.
"And second my shirt is open because I'm hot."
"Seriously though I can see your bra!"
"Oh like you really care about covering up Ms. Floppy Tits, besides your just jealous you can't get your hands on this fine shit."
Yoruichi blushed. "Fine let's just go."
We walked to the Division 2 training grounds and all the new recruits were standing in neat rows. I went up to one of them and looked them straight in the eye.
"You step out."
"Yes Captain!"
I looked him up and down and then I spat chewing tobacco on his shoes. He looked bewildered.
"I just spit chewing tobacco on your shoes, what the fuck is you gonna do?"
"Ummm nothing Captain."
"Pussy!" I shoved him hard. "Now attack."
He obeyed and came at me. I blocked his punch and kicked him straight in the head. I landed on my feet and he fell over.
"Does anyone else want some more of this good shit?"
The rest of the recruits looked frightened and shook their heads. I felt a hand touch my shoulder.
"Soi Fon why don't you go to the office and do paper work with Omaeda I'll handle the training Ok?" Yoruichi offered.
"Fine!" I spat on the floor and left.
I made it to the office and when I went inside I saw the same man I had screamed at earlier this morning. He looked frightened again. I wonder why? I wasn't scared anymore. So I went straight up to him.
"You're Omaeda right?" I said pointing at him.
He began to sweat. "Yeah that's me."
I pat him on the chest. "Well it's nice to meet you again pal, I have a feeling you and I are gonna be great buddies ya know?"
"Really?" He sputtered.
I looked at him slyly. "So instead of doing all this paper work how about you and I do a little bonding?"
"Bonding?"
I pulled a bag full of weed out of my pocket and showed it to him. "Yeah just a little one on one bonding."
He gave me a devilish smile. "Well why didn't you say so? I've got a piece in my desk. Let's toke it up!"
"Let's!"
We packed bowl after bowl each of us taking hits, getting higher and higher. We were talking about nonsense and giggling like little girls and then Omaeda let out a little noise.
"What was that?" I asked.
"Sorry, just a little bit of gas."
"Dude did you just queef?"
"No I didn't queef that was just a little gas what are you talking about?"
"Dude I swear to God you just queefed."
We both started to giggle again.
"You know what we should do is decorate your queefs!" I suggested.
"You can do that?" Omaeda asked.
"Yeah it was in that book "Eat, Pray, Queef."'
"There's a book called "Eat, Pray, Queef?""
Yeah so do you want to try it or what?"
"Sure why not."
These were such stupid ideas, we were way to high. But who really gives a fuck right? I pulled out a drawer a found some glitter and ribbons. I got some paper and started to cut out stars. I handed them over to Omaeda.
"Ok now pull down your pants and shove those up there."
Omaeda obeyed. He was way to high to care about what he was doing. He took the tiny cut out stars and shoved them inside of himself.
"Ok now here's some glitter, make sure you be generous with it."
Omadea took the glitter to and put a lot in.
"Now last is the streamers they're long so shove them in there good!"
He took the streamers and struggled with them, but got them inside.
"Ok now just queef and it'll look like a surprise party!"
Omaeda grunted. "Grrrrghhh I'm trying."
I lit up another bowl and inhaled deeply. "Well try harder!"
It was dark out, the training was done and Yoruichi was making her way back to the office to take Soi Fon back home. It had been a long day for both of then and she was hoping they could go home and share a nice dinner. She made it to the office and opened the door. Then poof she was suddenly covered in glitter, streamers, and cut out stars. When all of the glitter fell to the ground she saw Omaeda's bare ass in front of her and Soi Fon laughing hysterically holding what looked like a marijuana pipe.
"What the hell is going on in here?" Yoruichi yelled.
I laughed hard. "Omaeda just blew a Queef Rocket on you!"
"Are you fucking serious Soi Fon, and what's that? Are you smoking weed?"
"So what pussy cat, it's no big deal!" I laughed.
Yoruichi marched right up to me and snatched the pipe out of my hands.
"Hey what's the big idea?"
"You were supposed to be doing work not doing drugs and shooting stars out of your vaginas and assholes!"
She grabbed my hand and started to pull me. "We're going home now!"
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