The truth behind the smile
Disclaimer: I own nothing!!
50 years after the execution
It still felt alien: the third squad's Captain's haori. Kira doubted it would ever sit comfortably on his shoulders. He will forever feel as if he was doing something wrong, wearing Ichimaru's haori behind his back. He would forever be waiting for Ichimaru to just walk-in and teasingly chide him for trying on the haori, possibly set him some tedious tasks as punishment. But Ichimaru Gin was gone and the only part of him that remained were contained in his children. Aging was a strange concept in Soul Society. It was not consistent and linked more to emotional and spiritual development then the passage of time. So it was that in the past fifty years Yachiru, who had finally grown tired of Zaraki Kenpachi's shoulder, had aged into a fully grown woman. But his captain's two children had barely made the transition from toddlers to children. He saw them often, running around the squad buildings, playing with various members of squad one or nestled in the arms of Nanao. Sometimes he saw them with Captain-commander Kyoraku, who was indeed a good father to the children. Yet...
They knew who their mother was. Nanao took them to visit Matsumoto's grave often enough. But Kira knew for certain neither children were aware that Captain-commander Kyoraku was only their adopted father. It was not that anyone had lied to them. Just that no one had told the children anything different and had merely allowed the children to assume what was natural for them to assume. The only person who saw something wrong with it was Kira and from him the children were carefully kept. Not that Kira would ever tell them anything that would upset them. How could he? The children were happy and he would never do anything to ruin that. The pain he felt every time little Rangiku looked at him with those ice blue eyes the belonged to his captain, set in the face of the woman his captain had loved was his to bear in silence. As was the sheer agony that he experienced every time he laid eyes on little Shunsui. He was the very incarnation of Ichimaru Gin, right down to the smirk and the all but closed eyes. He didn't have Gin's accent of course. Kira was extremely grateful for that and focused on it every time he met the boy. Kira was sure he would go mad with grief and longing otherwise.
Why couldn't he get over his captain? It had after all been so long. Why was he still mourning? Still missing Ichimaru Gin? Kira didn't really understand. Perhaps it was just his personality. His introspective personality that made him hold on to his grief and loss much longer than other people would have. Or perhaps Ichimaru Gin was just impossible to get over.
1 year before the execution
"The two surviving traitors are being kept in the special cells of Squad 1," Captain Commander Yamamoto informed the assembled captains, "There they shall remain till their execution. As you are all aware, the Sokyoku was the traditional method of executing captain level shinigami," Yamamoto shot a meaningful glance at Ukitake and Kyoraku, "But of course the Sokyoku has been destroyed." Both Ukitake and Kyoraku managed to look back with admirably innocent looks, much to the Captain commander's annoyance.
"So how are we to execute the traitors?" wondered Hitsugaya.
"Using the Sokyoku," replied Yamamoto, "After careful thought I have decided that it is better for us to wait for the Sokyoku to be rebuilt. It will take the Shihoin Clan one year to rebuild the Sokyoku. We shall wait a year. During that year the prisoners will be kept where they are. Access to the prisoners will be strictly restricted to captain and vice-captain level shinigami. All menial tasks are to be performed in the presence of a vice-captain or captain. I understand this may cause you some inconvenience but these are two very charismatic, very cunning men. I do not want to have to execute any more shinigami for treason. Which is why I have had them placed in the special cells."
"Forgive me my ignorance, Captain commander," said Hitsugaya, "But I have never heard of these special cells."
"The special cells are rooms built deep underground, below squad 1 barracks, made of Sekkiseki. The rooms are designed for long term confinement of highly dangerous prisoners. The doors to these rooms can only be opened by utilizing a zanpakuto as a key. So far I have granted only my zanpakuto, Captain Unohana's zanpakuto and those of our vice-captains access. The one whose zanpakuto is attuned to the room retains all power inside it, everybody else is deprived of all reiryoku. The prisoners themselves are also attuned to the room and cannot leave it unless the room is opened by the master zanpakuto, my zanpakuto."
"Captain commander, I would like to request access to Tosen Kaname for myself and vice-captain Hisagi Shuhei," said Captain Komamura, "I wish to talk to Tosen and I am sure so would Vice-captain Hisagi."
"Granted."
"I would like to request access to Ichimaru Gin for Vice-captain Matsumoto and Vice-captain Kira," said Hitsugaya, "They too need to make peace with Ichimaru before he is put to death."
There was a considerable pause before Yamamoto spoke, "Given that both Vice-captain Matsumoto and Vice-captain Kira have shown their loyalty to the Gotei 13 and Soul Society at large countless times during the war, it would be an insult to not grant your request. However, I fear I may come to regret this decision. Ichimaru Gin is a far more dangerous man than Tosen Kaname in more ways than one."
She stared at herself in the mirror. Wondering why she hadn't stopped wearing it, the silver chain he had given her, so, so long ago. She should take it off. She should have taken it off when his trechery was revealed. But she had not. Why? Because she would feel naked without it. It was a near synonymous part of her, she couldn't get rid of it. Much like him. After all, she would have been dead had he not come along. She wouldn't be here, if Ichimaru Gin had never come into her life. She would never be free of him and the chain around her neck was merely a visual representation of the state of her soul. But chained to him though she maybe forever she would not give in and go see him. No, she had nothing to say to him. No explanation to demand. He had done what he had done and she did not particularly care why. He had hurt her, hurt her friends, hurt the very things they had sworn to protect. She did not want to listen to excuses and reasons. The point was that he shouldn't have done it. No, she would not go see him, not till she was forced to attend his execution as the dutiful vice-captain of squad ten. It was very kind and thoughtful of her captain to get her access to him but it was unnecessary. She wanted nothing to do with him anymore.
He came everyday and stood in front of the closed door. His hand on the hilt of his zanpakuto. He truly didn't know what he wanted to do. A part of him wanted to turn around and go back to squad three, to his daily duties, to his friends, to his life. Another part of him wanted to open the door... but what would he do after he opened the door? He did not know. For seven days he gave in the part that told him to turn away. On the eight, he opened the door and went inside.
The room was frigidly cold and contained one bed, one desk and a chair. Ichimaru was at the desk when Kira came in, he seemed to be reading something by the light of the small lamp that sat on the desk, "So ya finally decided ta come in, Izuru," he said, not turning around. But then what could be more appropriate, Kira had spent more time staring at the back of Ichimaru's head.
"You sensed me," whispered Kira.
"Yep, this room messes with my sense but I can still feel ya and Rangiku. I don't suppose she is gonna come visit me anytime soon?"
"No, Matsumoto-san has said she doesn't want anything more to do with you."
"I can't really blame 'er. Suppose I'll just have ta see 'er when they execute me, which will be good enough fer me. It ain't like I can forget 'er between now and then. Just as long as I get ta see 'er one last time... ain't got nothing else ta look forward ta now."
"You do realize that she almost died in the war," responded Kira angrily, "You didn't seem to be too concerned whether she lived or died then!"
"Cause I cared. I never wanted 'er to get hurt. Never wanted 'er to die. I was hope'n she would hold on ta me, when the Negación came down... didn't happen. Then I hoped that she would just survive the war and..."
"And what! If you won, she would just go back to you! You think she would have forgiven you the death of all her friends, her captain? If you think that then you truly don't know her."
"I know 'er, Izuru. I know 'er better then she knows 'erself. She would never forgive me. Never. But she would stay with me. A part of 'er would hate me, a part of 'er would hate 'erself but she would stay with me," the conviction in his voice was absolute.
"That does not sound like much of a life."
"Ya were born here weren't ya, Izuru. Yer family is nobility, ain't they," they were statements of facts, Ichimaru knew full well Kira's family history.
"Minor nobility but..."
"Yer still a noble. Ya had a hard life compared ta most folks around here that's true but me and Rangiku... Ya would be surprised what our definition of a good life is."
Kira closed his eyes and asked the question that had been haunting him ever since he found out his captain was a traitor, "Why?" That one word was ladened with so many meanings, so many layers.
Silence. "Yer a smart boy Izuru, figure it out," and that, Kira realized, was all the answer he was ever going to get out of Ichimaru Gin.
Author's note: Hmm... this fic is actually harder to write then I though it would be. Hope you guys like it. Also, the whole Rangiku's silver chain being a gift form Gin is from my story September. Thanks for reading, reviews are much appreciated.
