My precious cupcakes,
I wasn't supposed to post that until Tuesday but then I reached 800 followers on Tumblr and I literally don't know how to thank you except by posting a new chapter so there you have it.
You will love me, then hate me but I swear it'll be worth it in the end because you will love me again.
Ps: If you're live-tweeting, don't forget to either tag (_L_ecrit) or use the #lecrit hashtag so I can appreciate to full length of your freaking out.
Jace dropped the last of Magnus' bags on the floor of the hotel room, a deep scowl on his face. Alec followed closely, going straight to the window to glance at the view, Vegas spreading out below their feet.
"Did you really need us to bring all of these up?" Jace growled. "We're barely staying here for two days."
"Blondie, I've been wearing nothing but awful hospital clothes for two weeks," Magnus replied, a hint harsher than necessary, but Jace knew it was mostly frustration. "Let me tell you I'm going to wear ten different outfits in two days to make up for it. And I could have brought them all up myself but you overprotective idiots wouldn't let me."
"You shouldn't be carrying anything too heavy," Alec argued on a tone that suggested clearly that it wasn't the first time he had had to say it, turning around to face them. "You're still recovering."
Magnus made a show of rolling his eyes and dismissed his remark with a gracious flourish, kneeling down to rummage in one of the suitcases in search of an outfit. Jace chuckled, following his brother's line of sight as he eyed the bags of clothes warily. Clearly, he was puzzled as to why Magnus needed so many clothes. Jace had seen Isabelle's closet and teased her about it enough times to know not to argue with those who had such a passion for fashion. No wonder Magnus and Izzy had become such good friends.
"Now I'm sorry but I'm going to have to kick you out so I can take a shower and burn these awful clothes," Magnus uttered without bothering to look up at Jace, holding out two shirts in front of him to scrutinize them.
Jace raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest. "Is that what you call gratitude?" he scoffed in false affront. "Is that all I get for carrying your entire wardrobe up here?"
"Thank you," Magnus said hastily, meaninglessly, standing up to physically push him towards the exit. "Now, out!"
"Why are you so eager to throw me out?" Jace exclaimed indignantly, plainly offended now.
"Because I want to have sex with your brother and I'd rather have you out of here first."
"Why?" Jace exclaimed loudly, covering his ears with his hands as he stepped out of the room. "Why do you do these things to me? I'm a nice person, I don't deserve it!"
He barely had the time to hear Alec's firm, "We are not having sex", before he purposely slammed the door shut.
He repressed a shudder, standing immobile in the corridor for a while until a group of people burst his quiet bubble by loudly singing Cher's Believe completely off-key. He took a look at his watch and frowned. It was barely six in the evening, it seemed a bit early to be drunk enough to sing nineties classics at the top of your voice. But then again, it was Vegas so he supposed there was no right or wrong time to get drunk here. Speaking of, he wouldn't mind getting a drink himself.
He had driven the whole five hours it took them to get from San Diego to Las Vegas and his muscles were tense from sitting so long, hands tight on the wheel. A beer or two seemed like the right solution to ease his shoulders.
He walked down the corridor to his own hotel room, sliding the key in and grinned at the sight of Clary, sitting by the window, doodling in her sketch book. He made his way to her and leaned down to kiss her forehead. She smiled up at him but immediately focused again on her drawing.
"I'm going to take a nap," he announced out of the blue.
Somehow, the sight of Clary, looking so comfortable in their hotel room, had clenched his thirst for alcohol and now all he wanted was to lie down for a while and relax, her presence in the room more than enough to appease him.
Clary closed her sketch book and bounced towards the bed, leaping on the mattress. "I'll join you," she replied cheerfully.
Jace smirked, raising an eyebrow at her suggestively.
"To nap," she added with a glare, although her lips were twitching with the beginning of a smile.
Jace shrugged and went to lay with her on the bed, dropping a kiss on her lips as she snuggled against him, her head on his shoulder. He closed his eyes and fell asleep almost immediately.
.
Magnus stared at the scar spreading across his stomach, from his navel to the left side of his ribcage, an ugly red line that seemed to glare right back at him offensively. He sighed, wrapping a towel around his waist, careful to avoid brushing against the wound and used another clean towel to pat the area around it. The doctor had been clear about not touching it and leaving the wound to air dry but that meant waiting in the bathroom for a while so he was barely surprised when Alec's worried voice came through the door.
"Magnus, is everything okay?"
"Yeah," he replied absentmindedly. "Just need to wait before I put a new bandage. Everything's fine."
"Do you need help?" Alec asked and Magnus couldn't help but smile at the concerned edge in his tone.
"I'm alright."
"Can I come in?"
Magnus stared some more at his stomach. He had never been one to feel self-conscious about his body and it wasn't his first scar. He still sported one on his left arm from the heist in Venice that had taken a turn for the worse. It turned out it was another scar that he had to thank Valentine Morgenstern for, although he hadn't known it until two weeks ago. It seemed silly that every time he'd look at them now, he would be reminded of him, when all he wanted was to forget all about him.
However hard he tried to disregard it, though, he kept replaying the event over and over, Valentine's cruel smirk stuck in his mind like a disease, haunting him even when he was fully awake.
"Magnus?"
He huffed out a deep breath and turned towards the door to unlock it, immediately facing away. Alec came in warily and stepped closer, as if he was approaching a wild animal and Magnus was upset for a second, wanted to snap at him for no reason at all but Alec came closer and gripped his hand lightly and his irritation vanished into thin air.
"Are you okay?" he whispered, worry and kindness clashing together to make his voice waver slightly.
"I- I'm just…" He paused. Stressed? Upset? Angry? Tired? He wasn't even sure which word to put on how he was feeling.
Alec nodded anyway, as if he understood better than Magnus himself and he grabbed the disregarded new bandage on the sink.
"Let me," he said, although it sounded more like a question.
Magnus nodded and watched wordlessly as Alec applied the new dressing to his wound with a reverent care that sent a wave of shivers through his whole body, not even looking twice at the ugly scar. When he was done, he took hold of the shirt Magnus had decided on wearing, a dark green one that was a gift from Catarina, gold patterns entangling along the fabric. He slid it around Magnus' shoulders with the same cautious care he had applied to his injury and started buttoning it.
"I could have done that," Magnus whispered because the silence was starting to get too heavy for him and these days, he didn't cope well with silences.
"I know," Alec said, refusing to meet his eyes, focusing on the buttons instead.
It was easy to drop the façade in front of Alec. Around anyone else, he made a show of acting tough, pretending he hadn't been affected by what had happened but somewhere along the way, Alec had learned to know better.
"Just… Let me take care of you, okay?" Alec murmured hesitantly.
"Darling, I don't need you to take care of me," Magnus replied with a soft smile, reaching out to grab his hand.
"I know you don't," he said, finally looking up, a few strands of hair falling into his mesmerizing eyes. "But I do. I need to take care of you."
There was a slight desperate edge to his tone, swallowed by his obvious determination and Magnus was left with no other choice than nodding. Alec smiled and cupped his face between in his hands, bringing their lips together in a chaste kiss, pulling away almost immediately.
"In that case," Magnus said, teasing spark back in his eyes. "I might need help with my pants too."
"To get them on or take them off?"
Magnus smirked. "That's up to you, darling," he murmured seductively, adding a wink for good measure.
Alec bit his lip on a smile, shaking his head fondly. "You're impossible."
Magnus stepped closer, sliding his arms around Alec's waist and below his t-shirt to stroke the skin of his lower back. "But in a good way, right?"
Alec's eyes lit up, shining with amusement and care and that deeper feeling that Magnus could easily recognize because it was the same one that made his skin tingle pleasantly and his heart beat faster in his chest.
"In the best way possible," he replied as he leaned down to kiss him again, nipping on his bottom lip and Magnus whimpered in surprise and desire, amazed by how easily he could melt into his arms and forget about everything else. Alec pulled back only to drift to his jaw and then to his neck, sucking on his pulse point.
"I really hope you're not teasing," Magnus muttered breathlessly, one hand finding its way to Alec's hair, "because that would just be cruel."
"I don't want to hurt you," Alec replied against his throat, his tongue tracing the mark he had worked on leaving there. He pulled back to stare at the result, a proud smirk pulling at his lips. "But I'm sure there are some things we can do."
Magnus nodded eagerly, fingers already tugging on Alec's t-shirt to get it off. They jumped apart when a loud knock resonated all the way to the bathroom.
Alec groaned, his head falling on Magnus' shoulder. "Go away," he mumbled, but it was only loud enough for the two of them to hear.
"I know you're in there!" Isabelle's voice boomed loudly through the door.
The pounding persisted and Magnus sighed, knowing full well that she wouldn't go away. There were times when he truly wished Alec's siblings were slightly less obnoxious. Alec must have come to the same conclusion because he pulled back, planted a chaste kiss on Magnus' mouth and left the bathroom.
"Go away," he repeated louder. "We're not here."
Isabelle faked a laugh and knocked again. "Very funny."
Magnus chuckled and finished getting dressed cautiously, avoiding any abrupt movement. He came out of the bathroom just as Alec opened the door and Isabelle strolled in, a light bounce to her steps that made Magnus narrow his eyes at her grimly.
"So, I made some research about gunshot aftercare instructions," she announced like she was talking about the weather, "and they say you should take short walks two to three times per day. So come on, let's go see the dancing fountains at the Bellagio."
Magnus would have been endeared by her concern hadn't she interrupted a very intimate (and very needed) moment.
"Did they say anything about obnoxious siblings who have no care for privacy?" Alec muttered under his breath.
Isabelle glared at him and then raised an eyebrow, a knowing smirk spreading on her red-painted lips. "Did I interrupt something?"
"Yes," Magnus growled just as Alec let out a harsh, "No."
"Alec!" she exclaimed loudly, accusingly. "He's still recovering!"
It was definitely judgmental but there was a mischievous spark in her eyes that betrayed how amused she truly felt.
"I know, I know," her brother huffed, lowering his head shamefully.
Magnus narrowed his eyes at the two of them. "This is ridiculous," he groaned. "I'm fine!"
"You got shot," Alec argued, an embarrassed blush spreading on his cheeks.
"Why does everyone keep reminding me?" Magnus asked, throwing his hands up in exasperation. "I was there, I remember!"
Isabelle chuckled and stepped closer, hooking her arms with his. "We're just worried about you."
"The only thing you should be worried about is me dying of sexual frustration!" he protested.
"Magnus!" Alec called out disapprovingly, his cheeks reddening even more just as Isabelle laughed loudly, throwing her head back.
"Don't worry, big brother," she uttered playfully. "I have no illusion about your innocence. Or lack of, more accurately."
"I can't believe we're having this conversation," Alec muttered disbelievingly.
Isabelle snorted, waiting with Magnus on the side as Alec closed their hotel room door. He followed sheepishly as she dragged Magnus towards the elevator and he glanced over his shoulder to give him an apologetic look but Alec just shrugged, rolling his eyes at his sister behind her back.
"I wouldn't call it a conversation," Isabelle said as she pressed the button for the ground floor. "It's mostly me talking and you blushing because it's about sex."
Alec huffed out an annoyed breath, gazing apologetically at the other people in the elevator, although none of them paid attention to them.
"I don't want to discuss my sex life with you," he argued with a frown. "You're my sister."
Isabelle rolled her eyes. "I'll just talk about it with Magnus," she teased. "He's much more cooperative than you are."
Magnus scoffed indignantly but Isabelle gave him the look, the one who said "you know I'm right" and he could only shrug and admit defeat.
"Magnus will not talk about our sex life with you unless he wants that sex life to be inexistent," Alec groaned, narrowing his eyes threateningly at the both of them and Magnus felt utterly betrayed. Somehow, he hadn't said a word, letting them argue about it between them and it had managed to backtrack against him. Life was so unfair.
"My lips are sealed," he said instead of protesting.
Isabelle snorted. "You really don't know your boyfriend if you think two margaritas aren't enough to make him talk," she mocked, patting Magnus' arm that was still firmly hooked with hers.
Alec sighed, dropping his head against the elevator's wall in defeat. "Sadly, that's true."
"Thank you guys," Magnus mumbled, voice heavy with sarcasm. "I feel so loved."
Alec smirked but instead of replying, he leaned down to plant a soft kiss on his temple and Magnus' annoyance vanished into thin air. The elevator doors finally opened on the ground floor and Alec stepped out, looking expectantly at his sister, who just raised an eyebrow.
"Can I have my boyfriend back?" he asked, gesturing at their linked arms.
"Nope," she exclaimed with a wide grin, before pulling Magnus towards the exit.
Alec followed, shaking his head in both incredulity and fondness. Magnus felt a little bad, but mostly amused.
Simon, Ragnor and Raphael were already waiting in front of the hotel when they got there. Simon eyed their hooked arms with a raised eyebrow before turning to Alec, holding out his arm.
"Come on, we're a much better-looking couple than them," he said, pointing with his chin at Magnus and Isabelle.
Alec shook his head again and only stepped closer to hit Simon behind the head, earning an affronted yell from him.
"Please," Magnus scoffed with a smirk. "The best-looking couple is clearly Raphael and Ragnor."
Raphael rolled his eyes but Ragnor chuckled. "Did you hear that, darling?" he asked with exaggerated enthusiasm. "Magnus called someone other than himself good-looking."
Raphael growled and started walking away from them towards the Bellagio. "I hate you all."
.
Alec stood on the side as he watched Isabelle, Ragnor and Magnus laugh together at one of his anecdotes about his past adventures in Vegas. Raphael was standing next to them, an uncontrollable fondness on his features that he couldn't hide. They had reached the Bellagio but the fountain show wasn't supposed to start for another twenty minutes. Around him, the city was in motion, tourists walking around like lost souls, either too drunk to care or not drunk enough to get into the peculiar atmosphere. It was loud, vividly colorful to the point where it was almost blinding and he would have felt out of place if he hadn't been surrounded by these particular people. Simon was right next to him and for once, he was speechless, observing silently, like him, how everything seemed overwhelmingly alive around them.
His relative quiet was broken by the loud ringtone of his phone and Alec took it out of his pocket, frowning slightly at the name on the screen.
"Hey Lydia."
"Alec, hi!" she exclaimed cheerfully and he smiled in spite of himself.
It was odd that he had grown so fond of her when she was the kind of person he normally would have run away from. He had been as bewildered as the rest of them when he had learned the truth about her but at the time, it had been swallowed by his worry for Magnus' well-being. Since then, he had had the time to truly think about it and no matter how much he tried to reason with himself, to find grounds on which to build some wariness towards her, he couldn't. She had saved Magnus' life. She probably had saved all of their lives so her lies didn't hold much importance in comparison, especially when their whole relationship had started up on the team deceiving her.
"What's up?" he asked.
"So, apparently, some John Doe escaped police custody earlier this afternoon," she said matter-of-factly. "You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"
"Nope," he teased, a light smirk growing on his lips. "Absolutely no idea what you mean."
"The surveillance videos have been erased and they didn't find any fingerprints. And since they don't have enough evidence to build a case, they'll probably never catch him," she went on, the mirth obvious in her voice.
"That's a shame, really," he replied.
Lydia laughed, loud and clear and he could perfectly picture her blue eyes lighting up with amusement. "Can I talk to him?"
"Yeah, sure."
Alec joined the little group, Simon on toe and lightly grabbed Magnus' hand. He turned towards him and his face lit up when his eyes caught Alec's, leaving him bewilderedly speechless for a moment before he shook his head to get back on earth, holding him the phone.
"Lydia," he said.
Magnus beamed at him and took the phone, stepping away for them. Soon enough, he was talking enthusiastically, his free hand making wide gestures she couldn't see. Alec couldn't tear his eyes away. Watching Magnus move was entrancing, even when his movements were not as easy and fluid as usual since he was still recovering. He still oozed grace and elegance, catching the attention everywhere he swaggered, all lean lines and colorful energy.
"It's rude to stare," Isabelle chimed in with a chuckle.
"Who knows?" Simon added on the same tone. "Magnus might magically disappear if he stops staring."
Alec rolled his eyes and turned to send them an unimpressed glare and show them his middle finger. It only made them laugh. Magnus quickly came back towards them, a light bounce on his steps and held out his phone to Alec before sliding his arms around his waist. Alec hid his smile in his hair, wrapping an arm around his shoulders to pull him closer.
"You guys are so cute," Simon beamed before turning to Isabelle. "Are we that cute?"
"No," Alec and Magnus replied together.
Simon scoffed indignantly while Isabelle narrowed her eyes at them accusingly, her mouth pulled into a thin line. Whatever comeback she had prepared was forgotten when loud music erupted from the speakers around them and the fountains started splashing water in rhythm with what Alec was almost certain to be the theme from Titanic.
Magnus plastered himself against his chest to watch the show. Alec slid his arms around his waist, careful to avoid the wounded side of his stomach and dropped a kiss against his temple.
"What did Lydia want to talk to you about?" he whispered in his ear, the loud music making it impossible for anyone but Magnus to hear.
"She wanted to apologize," he said. "For not seeing this whole mess coming. I told her she had nothing to apologize for and that I should actually thank her because she saved my life by giving her blood in the ambulance." He twisted around in Alec's arms, glancing up to look into his eyes. "Speaking of, I don't think I properly thanked you either."
Alec frowned. "What for?"
Magnus smiled, a small, almost exasperated smile that made his eyes glimmer with tenderness. "Of course you don't know what I'm talking about," he murmured. "You're ridiculous."
Alec's frown deepened as he tried to piece everything together but eventually, he gave up, shrugging.
"Alexander," Magnus scoffed, bringing a hand up to cup his cheek and his name in his mouth had never sounded so pure and so warm, "you saved my life."
Alec shook his head. "I didn't," he said. "I just –"
"You did," Magnus cut him off firmly, his tone forbidding any further argument. "I'd have bled out. Lydia gave me her blood in the ambulance but if it wasn't for you, I'd have been dead long before the ambulance even got here."
Alec took a deep breath, his mind plagued with images of Magnus lying on the floor in a puddle of his own blood, of his brown, honeyed skin turning into a terrifying bleached white, of how his hands had been so red that he hadn't been able to see the skin beneath the blood.
He remembered how he hadn't been able to breathe, how the fear had turned him boneless, how his heart had clenched painfully in his chest. He had never felt anything like this before, not even when Jace had hurt himself before on one of their jobs. He had been worried, scared, but Jace had simply hurt his arm and he had known, deep down, that it wasn't anything more serious than a broken bone. Magnus had almost died. There was nothing compared to how he had felt when he had thought he was going to lose him forever.
It was insane, for someone like him who was usually so closed off, to realize how important someone he had known for objectively so little time had become, so important that it had felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest.
"Can we never talk about it again?" he murmured, almost pleading, yet he knew that it wasn't possible.
Magnus smiled, lightly stroking his cheekbone. "Just say, 'yes Magnus, I saved your life, you're welcome' and then we can never talk about it again."
Alec chuckled, leaning down to peck his lips. "Honestly, I didn't do it for you," he muttered against his lips lightheartedly.
Magnus pulled back just to raise a questioning eyebrow at him.
"I did it for myself," Alec eluded with a smirk. "Where do you expect me to find another boyfriend as hot as you?"
Magnus laughed, a pleasantly surprised sound that caught Alec's whole attention and soothed every nerve in his body. "I knew you were only with me for my body," he retorted.
Alec chuckled and leaned in to whisper in his ear. "That, and the mind-blowing sex."
Magnus pulled back to stare at him, his eyes slowly darkening. "We should go back to the hotel."
"The show –"
"Screw the fountains," Magnus growled. "I've seen it before, it's not that impressive. And it's an awful waste of water."
Alec would have laughed at the lame excuse and at his eagerness had he not been feeling the same. Instead, he grabbed his hand and gently tapped on Isabelle's shoulder, who was watching the show, tugged under Simon's arm, to catch her attention. She swiftly turned her head, her long ink-black hair flying like she was in a shampoo commercial.
"We're going back to the hotel," he said. "Magnus shouldn't be up for too long."
Isabelle observed them both silently for a moment before she snorted, rolling her eyes. "Sure," she replied, voice heavy with sarcasm. "Magnus is tired. And I'm sure you're very tired as well."
Alec's efforts to keep a straight face were ruined by Magnus' muffled laughter. He quickly turned away from his sister, ignoring her mocking eyes to tug on his boyfriend's hand instead.
The walk back from the Bellagio to their hotel wasn't so long but they were careful not to rush. If walking was good for Magnus' recovery, running wasn't. Alec had almost been tempted to just carry him the rest of the way but Magnus had glared at him and threatened to punch him if he did so he had settled for pushing back his overprotective instincts in favor of slowing down his pace, fully aware that Magnus knew exactly what he was doing.
Because Alec must have been a terrible person in one of his past lives, they ran into Hodge and Luke in the lobby of the hotel and he began to wonder if the universe was trying to mess with him.
"Hey boys," Hodge said with a kind smile. "I thought you were going out with the rest of the merry gang."
Alec opened his mouth and closed it again, turning his brain around to try to find a credible excuse. As always, Magnus didn't have the same trouble.
"I was tired," he lied, not even bothering to make it sound believable.
Luke snorted, concealing his mirth with a cough.
"What are you up to?" Alec asked hastily, in an undisguised attempt to change the subject.
"Jace and Clary just woke up from their three-hour nap," Hodge said. "We're going to have dinner with them. Want to join us?"
"Not hungry," Magnus replied in a heartbeat.
"You should eat something," Luke retorted with a frown. "In your condition –"
"Oh God," Magnus interrupted with a frustrated grunt, rolling his eyes. "Can you all stop treating me like a child? I'm fine!"
"You got shot," Hodge deadpanned.
Magnus gave him a flat stare. "I don't need a reminder every ten minutes, I know!"
"We just want to make sure you're recovering okay," Luke said patiently. "About that…" He paused, gazed down for a moment and Alec frowned because it was so unusual for Luke to look anything but confident, "could I talk to you for a while?"
Magnus sighed and glanced to the side at Alec before focusing back on Luke. "Can it wait tomorrow morning?"
Luke shared a quick look with Hodge. "We have something tomorrow morning."
"Are you two finally getting married?" Magnus teased, a light smirk on his lips.
Hodge rolled his eyes. "We're meeting with our ruby buyer."
Magnus gaped, accusatory eyes scanning the three men. "That's why we went to Vegas? Why didn't anyone tell me?"
"You have more important things to focus on," Hodge retorted. "Like healing and resting."
Alec could feel the irritation pouring off Magnus' so he squeezed his hand in comfort but that didn't seem to work. Magnus had gone utterly still next to him, his jaw flexing with frustration.
"For the last time, I. Am. Fine," he hissed, casting a glance over his shoulder to make sure they were away from preying ears. "So I got shot and now I'm not part of the team anymore? I don't get to be updated on the recent events? You're selling the ruby tomorrow, a ruby that I stole by the way, and no one thought I ought to know about it?"
His eyes were cold now, his teeth clenched in annoyance and it was astonishing how quickly he could go from a kind, joyful man to this one, cold, redoubtable and intimidating.
"Of course you're still part of the team," Luke sighed. "We didn't tell you because we don't want you here. Not because you're not a valuable member of the team but because you don't need to be more exposed than you've already been."
"And why are you telling me now then?" Magnus asked, eyes flashing with anger.
Hodge shrugged dismissively. "We never said we would never tell you. Of course you deserve to know. We just wanted to make sure you weren't too… shocked first."
Magnus huffed out a disbelieving breath, looking bewilderedly between them before he shook his head and let go of Alec's hand to walk away towards the elevator.
Alec sighed. "I told you we should have told him before," he muttered.
"He needs to focus on getting better," Hodge retorted. "He says he's okay but he's not. I saw him wincing in pain earlier when he got out of the van. He tries to play it tough but he's more affected than he lets on."
"I know," Alec admitted, running a hand through his hair, remembering the scene in the bathroom earlier, the way his eyes had focused on everything but Alec, how he had refused his to acknowledge that he had been staring at his reflection for a while before Alec eventually gave up and knocked. "I don't know what to do."
Hodge clasped a hand against his neck. "Just be there for him," he said, a sympathetic edge to his voice that filled Alec with an odd sense of comfort that he only associated with Hodge. "Right now, there's not much else you can do."
Alec nodded. "I'll see you for lunch tomorrow?"
He didn't wait for an answer, knowing it would be positive and darted after Magnus, who was already gone. He took the elevator and found him leaning against the door of their hotel room, a deep scowl on his face. Alec stopped in front of him but didn't make a move to open the door.
"I didn't take my key when we left," Magnus mumbled reluctantly.
"Magnus," Alec breathed out, heart pounding in his chest. "Look at me."
He did, glancing up slowly but his face was closed off, like Alec had rarely seen it before and certainly not towards him, eyes sharp and cold.
"Come on," he said softly. "You know we're only thinking of what's best for you."
"You don't get to decide what's best for me," Magnus snapped. "Unlike what you seem to think, the bullet didn't hit my brain, I'm quite capable of thinking for myself. Now, can you open the door so we don't broadcast our personal lives for every drunken soul in this hotel?"
His voice was rough and demanding and left no room for negotiation. Alec sighed but obliged, swiping the electronic key in, and Magnus pushed in immediately. Alec wondered for a second if he was going to just slam the door on his face. He didn't, though, and Alec followed him inside warily.
"Magnus," he called out, cautiously stepping closer. "It's not like that. We're not trying to make decisions for you."
"Really?" Magnus retorted, his voice rising dangerously and there was venom in his tone that Alec had never heard before. "You want to know what I think? I think you're all just trying to make yourselves feel better because I got shot and you feel guilty about it. So you tell yourselves white lies about protecting me but you're really protecting yourselves."
Alec ran a hand over his face, heaving out a deep breath. "It's not about that," he sighed. "Of course I – we feel guilty but it's not about that."
"What is it about then? Why do you treat me like I'm going to break all the damn time?" he nearly shouted.
"Because you almost died!" Alec yelled, unable to contain himself anymore. "It's not nothing! It's not fine!" he added, impossibly annoyed at his own voice for wavering with emotions. "You almost died!"
"Well, I fucking didn't," Magnus barked back. "Sorry to disappoint!"
Alec knew he didn't mean it but it still felt like a slap to the face and he had to close his eyes for a moment, trying to pull himself back together. Yelling at Magnus was the last thing he wanted to do. He couldn't help it, though. It wasn't anger, mostly frustration but he couldn't seem to get it under control, not when Magnus kept being so stubborn about his well-being and refused to understand.
"I mean, it would have made more money for you all, right?" Magnus continued spitefully. "It would have been convenient."
"Fuck you, Magnus," he spat out because his brain was unable to form any coherent comeback, too shocked to function properly. He had no idea where this was all coming from and he was fairly certain Magnus had no idea either.
He stepped closer, stopping right in Alec's face, eyes burning with untamed fire.
He didn't have the time to process it all because Magnus grabbed the lapels of his jacket and pulled him forward, smashing their mouths together. Alec was almost ashamed by how quickly he melted into his embrace, a groan forming in the back of his throat as Magnus grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled almost painfully, drawing a moan out of Alec's throat as his other hand already worked on shoving his jacket off of his shoulders.
Alec let it drop to the floor obediently, his heartbeat roaring in his ears, making him deaf to the world around him. The atmosphere quickly turned heated, ruled by nothing but the suffocating reality of their need for each other and his anger vanished to be replaced by a pure, sheer sense of desire and want. Every single one of his thoughts was ruled by Magnus, Magnus' lips, Magnus' hands, Magnus' taste in his mouth. It was overwhelming but Alec welcomed it all, his head winding in a crashing chaos.
But Magnus moaned, half aroused and half pained and Alec forced himself to pull back, panting heavily. Magnus took the opportunity to drift lower, sucking on his neck, pulling with insistence at the hem of his shirt.
"Magnus," he breathed out. "We can't. You're not well."
"I don't care," he retorted and Alec froze entirely. His voice sounded passionate and intense, like it always did when they were intimate but there was something else, an missing edge to it, like a distance had settled between them and Alec couldn't reach out to pull him back to him. Like he was drowning, miles away from Alec, and there was nothing he could do to save him. "Just fuck me already."
"Magnus," he whimpered as his teeth grazed against a sensitive point below his ear. "Babe, no."
It took every bit of willpower he had to step back, Magnus' hands falling lamely at his sides. He could feel his pulse throbbing from his toes to his fingertips.
"We can't do this," he repeated, inhaling deeply. "Not like that. Not when you're still hurt both physically and…"
He cut himself off but Magnus understood all the same.
He narrowed his eyes at him, desire fading away to be replaced by anger again. "And mentally? Am I too much of a burden for you to handle?" he gritted out through clenched teeth.
Alec wanted to reach out, to say something, anything to soothe him, to bring him some much needed reassurance but he was speechless and he cursed, now more than ever, his inability to express himself at times. It was the worst time for his brain to be so unhelpful.
"Get out," Magnus said harshly.
He hesitated for a long moment but Magnus didn't soften, his features a sharp façade of cold fury so he obliged reluctantly, slowly making his way to the door. He pocketed his key and stepped out, shutting the door behind him, leaning against it and letting out the deep breath he had been holding in.
He walked away, staggering aimlessly in the corridors of the hotel, carefully avoiding the eyes of the people he crossed paths with, his heart beating wildly in his chest. There was too much laughter, too much happiness around him and it seemed like the universe was taunting him, every obnoxious drunken cackle mocking a bit more his own distress.
Finally, he stumbled onto a large balcony, overlooking another hotel across the road and leaned against the barrier to glance at the city, unable to focus on anything but the scene replaying in his mind.
He ran a hand through his disheveled hair, resisting the urge to pull at it in frustration. He was exhausted but it was consumed by how mad he was at himself because he had snapped at Magnus, because he had left him alone, because he had no idea what to do or how to deal with all of this.
It felt weird, standing there and feeling the fire pit in his chest; his skin prickling horribly like it wasn't his own. He felt out of place in his own body, unable to recognize and pacify the reactions that were rising in him, leaving him a slave and a prisoner to the chaos of his mind. He wondered if it was what losing Magnus, really losing Magnus, would have felt like. If he had died that dreadful night. He wondered if the memories would ever stop haunting him, if the hollowness of his heart would ever heal, if eventually, it would feel secondary. Trivial. Painless.
He didn't know how long he stayed there, lost in the hectic muddle of his own thoughts, cursing at himself.
"Just be there for him." Hodge's words echoed in his head. That much, he could do, if Magnus let him. He could only hope it would be enough.
He picked up what was left of his courage and leisurely made his way back inside, ignoring the pounding of his heart. The walk to their hotel room seemed awfully shorter on the way back and for a while, he found himself staring at the door, not knowing what to do with himself, dreading what he would find inside.
Eventually, he just shook his head at his own cowardice. "Get it together, Lightwood," he mumbled to himself before he swiped the key and went in quietly.
Whatever he had expected, it wasn't Magnus simply lying on his back on the bed, apparently fast asleep. He looked peaceful, then, more so than he had all day. His features were appeased and Alec's breath left him for a second, overwhelmed by the beautiful serenity of the scene and how it contrasted radically with how tensed it had been before Magnus had asked him to leave.
He dropped the key on the chest of drawers on the side and stripped to his boxers, sliding into the bed as silently as he could, unwilling to interrupt Magnus' quiet. The bed tipped as he got in, though, and Magnus stirred immediately. Alec froze, warily ensuring he hadn't woken him but Magnus' eyes were already fluttering open.
"Alec," he whispered, voice hoarse with sleep and exhaustion and a whole mess of emotions that Alec had no idea what to do with.
"I'm sorry," he blurted out, far louder than the night would have normally allowed him. "I don't want us to fight."
Magnus sighed and shifted to get closer, snuggling against him, careful to lean on his uninjured side. "Me neither," he murmured, dropping a kiss on Alec's naked chest. "I'm sorry too. I overreacted. I don't know what got into me."
Alec had a fair idea, but he couldn't say it out loud.
There were other things he could say, though. Probably more important, more meaningful, more powerful.
So he did.
"I love you," he murmured into the night.
Magnus gasped and looked up at him, surprised written all over his face and Alec had to wonder if he had ignored it, how he could be surprised when his confession was news to no one.
Even in the darkness, Alec could see how his eyes suddenly shone. His hold tightened around Alec's waist and he shifted to press a closed-mouth kiss to his lips, impossibly tender and soft.
"I love you too."
And surely, that would be enough.
So, on a scale from Camille to "Alec has a Magnus", how much do you love me right now?
I'm thinking it might be somewhere along the lines of "LUCILE WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO US"
Answer: because I'm evil and you love me for it!
Reviews make me happy and when I'm happy, you're happy. That's how love works.
Here's a cookie for you precious cupcakes:
He was halfway to falling back to sleep when a loud knock burst their quiet bubble of peace and they both let out a perfectly synchronized groan.
"Every fucking time," Magnus whined, burying his face against Alec's chest in a lame attempt at shielding the rest of the world away.
"I hate them all," Alec added sullenly. "I really need to give them a lecture on privacy."
Next chapter coming up on Tuesday.
I'll be patiently waiting for your words for the cookie game.
Come and tell me how much you love me on tumblr (onceuponasourwolf) or twitter (_L_ecrit).
My beta (pynchie on tumblr) is a rock star.
All the love,
L.
