Chapter 2
3 Weeks Prior
Emily could hear the sound of her heart beating. It was all she could hear. The rest of her world was deadly silent. She looked around the room; Hotch, Rossi, Reid, Morgan, Garcia, JJ. Her team. Her family. Then back to the document in her hands. She stared at the words, blinking, not able to take it in. Her team waited for answers.
"Well, Prentiss?" Hotch demanded to know. "Have you anything to say about this matter?"
Emily could not answer, she had no words to begin.
Rossi spoke "I think it's quite clear these are the facts. Do you deny that, Agent Prentiss?"
Emily wanted to scream 'No! It's not true!' Trouble was – it was the truth. Most of it. There was no point lying to her colleagues, they would see right through it. She knew she had broken some very important rules. But she had no choice. It was her fault JJ was in danger in the first place. She had to make sure nothing happened to her ever again. That's why she had done it! But how could she explain that she just could not live without JJ? That JJ meant more to her than her job, the FBI, the law, her own life?
She couldn't. And so all she did was shake her head mutely until Rossi's sharp gaze finally pulled an answer out of her.
"No, I don't deny that."
After those words, silence fell again and she knew they were waiting for some kind of explanation. When none was forthcoming, Hotch finally cleared his throat and said "Well? Why did you do it, Agent Prentiss?"
The silence Emily met that question with was solid like a brick wall. He felt as if his words were like little stones flying towards it, hitting it and then falling to the ground without leaving so much as a scratch. It angered him, her impassive, expressionless face angered him. He was putting so much on the line for her to keep this a secret from Strauss, they all were. And she didn't even have the decency to tell them why she'd gotten them into this position in the first place. He could feel himself getting more and more worked up. He was just about to demand some kind of answer in a less than friendly manner, when instead, JJ's soft, caring voice broke the silence.
"Emily?" she prompted.
Emily turned her gaze to JJ, unable to look away. They all stood, waiting for answers, expecting some sort of justification. They deserved it. Emily had never felt like such a failure in her entire life as she did in that moment, unable to give them even one simple answer. But as soon as Emily's eyes locked with JJ's, the others disappeared from her consciousness. Emily took a hesitant step towards JJ, searching her eyes. If JJ had smiled at her, or looked at her kindly, given her the slightest hope that she might still be able to respect her, then maybe, she would have answered. While JJ's words were kind, her eyes were cold.
Emily realised in that moment, she had lost JJ already. Besides, what good would an explanation do? To drag JJ into it? To make her feel guilty? Emily had put her own needs above the law and Hotch would be right to dismiss her. And she could have lived with that. Barely. But to go through all this and lose JJ too? No. Emily turned, slowly, confidently, calmly walked out of the door.
It took Hotch a moment to react. She had left so naturally, so elegantly, that for a moment, he didn't realise what had happened. The others stood, looking to him. He reached for his phone, calling security. It broke his heart to do it like this – but she had broken his trust and the law, and offered no explanation, no reason, no apology to her team. She must realise what would happen if she tried to leave the building now, with her gun, her badge, the classified information in that document.
Hotch turned to follow - motioning for the rest of the team to stay put. Why put them through this ugly scene? Why humiliate Emily more than necessary? He had wasted his words, the others followed him swiftly down the hall.
Emily stood trapped. To her left, four security guards stood with their guns pointed at her, demanding she hand over her weapon, badge and the document. To her right her team – shocked, disappointed, angry, afraid.
"Emily, please." Garcia begged, tears in her eyes, worried her stubborn friend would get herself shot.
Emily looked to them, unable to live with their condemnation and pity. There was only one way out. What kind of life would she have? In jail? Her team hating her? JJ hating her? She slowly pulled her gun, but instead of handing it to security she picked it up and aimed it at her head.
Someone screamed.
