Author's Note: I just want to thank everyone who reviewed the last chapter, you were all so kind. Thanks to whoever is taking the time to read this or follow it or whatever else. I hope you like it!
Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue.(I am quite content with not owning it because I love all the twists and turns that the creators and writers throw at us, although I may not know it at the time. Sorry, I forgot the disclaimer last chapter, but it does apply.)
"I love you."
There it is again. This time no life or death situation pressuring him to say it. He did it all on his own. I can't complain. I may have said I didn't need to hear it, but it is nice to hear. After he broke up with me I resented him because he never voiced his feelings about me or us. I could always just base them off of his actions, but sometimes it's nice to hear the actual words that confirm what you believe to be true. But still, why now? That one question has been running through my mind since the minute he said he loved me. It's exhausting; I'm exhausted.
"Sam…I can't do this right now. I'm tired and I'm going home."
"Andy please, just hear me out. I screwed up, okay. Things got tough and I walked away. I thought I was doing the right thing."
The right thing? In what world is shattering someone's heart the right thing? How would that ever be considered the right thing? Maybe if he could explain it to me I could understand, but that leaves it to him to voice his feelings. Yeah, not betting on that to happen.
"I mean…Do you even know what you put me through? You broke up with me in a parking lot and for six weeks I tried to contact you. You didn't answer one of my calls!"
I gave him a chance. I gave him multiple chances. I tried to get through to him, but he ignored me. He didn't put forth the fight that he had promised me. And that one morning when he said he needed to talk to me about something, I thought he was finally going to let me in.
(Flashback)
"Hey, McNally, how're you doing?"
"Good. Fine. You?"
"Ready to get back to basics?"
"Yes sir."
"Hey, hey, hey, wait, wait up."
I stop. Why? Don't ask me. Maybe because it's Sam. Probably a stupid reason now, considering we aren't even together anymore.
"Hey. I wanted to talk to you about something."
There he is. Right in front of me. Close enough to touch. A quick smile gracing his face. He looks good. Not that I really care anymore, right?
"'Kay."
One sentence and I am already hopeful. I do a kind of pull of the upper lip smile, thinking that this could be the moment I have been waiting for. He wants to put up that fight. Work everything out, get back to how we were. And then he looks down. Gets more serious, won't even look me in the face.
"Umm…My keys. To the truck. It's my only other set. I should probably get those back."
Really? He did not just do that. I mean, yeah they're his keys, but if he want them back so badly why not ask for them earlier. Like maybe right after we broke up? Why wait until I have finally pulled myself together and decided to move on? Why rip open the freshly healing wound?
"Your keys. Yeah…uh…I think they're in my locker. I can go grab them right now for you."
"No, no. Later's fine."
I could have sworn that is not the initial reason he wanted to talk to me. But hey, then again, I obviously don't know him as well as I thought. Or maybe I was blinded by the hope that he wanted to talk about us instead of his stupid car.
"Andy…"
"No."
"Andy I'm…"
"Sam, it's too late. I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore."
I turn to walk away, but there he is again. He ran away last time and now he is running towards me, well I guess it's more like stepping in front of me so I can't run away.
"Okay. You know what? You don't have to do anything. Okay? You don't have to do anything. I'm gonna do it all. I'm going to do everything, okay? I am going to show you every single day, until you say 'yes'."
He's fighting. It may have been delayed, way delayed, but this is what he promised me. I obviously would have liked it much sooner, but he didn't lie to me. This is the fight that I have been waiting for, but I just don't know if I want it anymore. I don't know if I can handle it anymore.
"I'm gonna make you dinner. I'm gonna take out your garbage. I'm gonna walk your dog."
Maybe I do want him to fight still. The promise of homemade dinners and chores being done can be hard to pass up. Wait, dog?
"I don't have a dog."
"Then let's get a dog. Labradoodle, mutt from the pound, I don't care. Let's bring him home and call him Boo. Boo Radley, I've always loved that for a dog."
Boo Radley. Hey this conversation is giving me maybe even more insight into the mystery that is Sam Swarek than our whole relationship ever did. He wants us to get a dog. A dog to bring home. Whose home? He just said 'let's bring him home'. That makes it sound like we live together. He wants to be together, in more ways than one. He wants something that ties us together. He is planning out a way for us to be more than we were before. This conversation is getting intense. I can't take the stare that he is giving me for too long. I need to keep looking down or I might just give in just because he blinks, or raises his eyebrows, or his mouth twitches.
"Okay look, can we just start with a drink? Just a drink. Please. Andy. Just give me a chance. I'll be at The Penny."
Wait. This is still Sam right? Smooth talking, cool guy, with the serious face? Those few sentences made him seem like a completely different person. I made him squirm. He was even pleading to me. He really put himself out there. He's serious. He wants us. He wants me. He gave more fight than I would have expected. Those last few sentences tugged at something inside me. He seemed so flustered, so worried. He wants this so desperately, but he still leaves it up to me. He doesn't pressure me into it. It is my choice.
I take about three steps forward only to stop again. To really take in and think about what he just said. I do want him. I still love him, never stopped, so why not give him that chance, that one drink to convince me that he is serious. So I turn around to see his retreating form and start walking towards it.
"Sam. Can I get a ride…to The Penny?"
Author's note: Sorry to anyone who didn't like my choices in writing this. I really didn't know where I was going with it when I started, so this is where it went. Sorry, it's a little longer than I was expecting as well, but I wanted to add the part from the other episode because it seemed like Sam was going to man up right then but just ended up asking for his keys back. Andy looked so hopeful right there too, only to be crushed. I was so angry with Sam, although my anger only last about 1.25 episodes and then I went back to feeling bad for him. He is just too hard to stay mad at in my opinion. Sorry for rambling. I love reviews, but I don't know if you guys want me to write something back if you do review so just let me know. THANKS!
