It was the first day of school. The day that Kakuzu, Sasori, Kisame, and Zetsu had all been dreading for the past two months. Why? Because they were responsible for making sure that their ukes got out of bed in time for school. The problem was, ukes are not morning people.
-m-
"Itachi, time to get up," Kisame said, staring at the lump under the blankets on their bed.
"Grrrrr….."
"No growling, angel," Kisame ordered.
"Hisssssssssssssss…"
"No hissing either," Kisame went on, reaching under the blanket to grab his love-
CHOMP
"And no biting," Kisame muttered, rubbing his now red hand while eyeing the blanket warily. He finally managed to grab the top and pull the covers down, exposing Itachi to the sunlight. "Now get up."
"No."
"Itachi-"
"Go find some dead fish to munch on, you stupid shark." Itachi grabbed the blanket and pulled it back up over his head, intent on getting back to sleep.
"Take a few deep breaths, Kisame. Remember, he's your boyfriend. The love of your life. You don't really want to kill him, you only think you do."
-m-
"Hidan, get up."
"Grrrrrr…."
"Hidan, get up or I'll throw you down the stairs."
"That a promise?"
"…Only you could like domestic abuse."
-m-
"Tobi, get up.
"Grrrrrr…."
"Now!"
"But Tobi wants to sleep, Zetsu!"
"Too bad! Tobi, you want to be a good boy, don't you?"
"Yes Zetsu."
"Good boys have to go to school. Huh? If you don't go to school, you can't be a good boy. Oh, I get it!"
"But, but, Tobi wants to be a good boy!"
"Then get up and get dressed."
-m-
"Brat, get up."
"Grrrrrr…" (Notice a pattern here?)
"I let you sleep in late, Dei, so get up already!"
Deidara merely reached into a drawer on his bedside table, extracted a sculpture of a bird, and chucked it in Sasori's general direction.
BOOOOOOOOOOOM
"You just tried to blow me up!" Sasori shouted, eyes wide.
"Danna, go away, un."
WHAM
"Oww!" Deidara cried, sitting up and rubbing his head, glaring at the shoe Sasori had thrown at him. "What was that for, un?!"
"Take a wild guess, brat."
-m-
"Alright, is everyone here?" Pein asked, staring at the teens around him.
"No, we're missing Kakuzu and Hidan," Konan replied
"Well where in blazes are they-"
THUMP THUMP THUMP
"Dammit to hell, Kuzu!"
"What, you want me to throw you down the stairs again?" Kakuzu asked, dragging his boyfriend into the living room.
"…Maybe."
"You people can do that later," Pein growled, once again cursing his choice of members for the Akatsuki. It wouldn't be the last time he did that today, he was certain. "Alright, everyone into the car."
Getting ten people to fit inside the Akatsuki car was quite a challenge, especially since the vehicle had only been built for five people at a time. The only way it would work was to have Kakuzu, Kisame, and Zetsu sit in the back, with Pein driving and Konan in the passenger seat. Hidan and Itachi would sit on the floorboard in back, Tobi would stretch out across the semes' laps, and Sasori and Deidara were crammed into the floor space on the passenger's side.
"Can't we get a second car, un?" Deidara asked, trying to adjust his position so his elbow was no longer in Sasori's stomach.
"Do you have any idea how much that would cost?" Kakuzu asked, shifting his leg so Hidan was no longer sitting on it.
"The damn thing would pay for itself," Hidan growled, moving back on top of Kakuzu's leg.
"Agreed. I'm sick of sitting cross-legged because those two are hogging all the leg room!" Konan added.
"Can we please talk about this when I'm not trying to drive through traffic?" Pein asked, already irritable because his seat had been pushed all the way forward to make room for Itachi. None of them wanted to get pulled over with all of them crammed into the car at once.
"We'll vote on it next time we have a house meeting. Alright?" Kakuzu asked.
"Fine," Hidan said, the others nodding in agreement.
The Akatsuki arrived at school minutes later and quickly piled out, doing a near-perfect imitation of a clown car. "Be it ever so horrid, there's no place like hell," Hidan muttered, looking up at the school.
"Cheer up, Hidan," Kisame said, grinning. "You know as well as I do that the Akatsuki has this place wrapped around our little finger."
"Don't be too sure," Itachi muttered.
"Huh?" Everyone's focus fell on the Uchiha. "Whaddya mean, Itachi?"
"Call it an overwhelming sense of foreboding, but I've got a bad feeling about this year," Itachi growled, eyes narrowing. The others instantly went on high alert. The weasel's feelings were never wrong; last time he'd been like this, Tobi had stuffed a box of firecrackers inside the oven. They still couldn't bake anything to this day.
"You sure?" Pein asked.
"Hn," Itachi replied, walking off.
"Translation?" Konan asked.
"Of course I am. Keep your guard up; mine will be," Kisame roughly explained, before following his boyfriend into the school. The others quickly spread out, sticking close to their partners as the entered the building.
Things were fine, until Kakuzu and Hidan started walking towards the tech unit. As they were walking, they noticed more kids walking down this way than usual, and they were all whispering about something down the hall. Curious, the duo increased their pace, trying to see what had shaken up the students so much.
They got their answer when they turned the corner.
Spray-painted on the wall was a large, red Akatsuki cloud, with a huge black X going through it. Sprayed above that was a short message: "Say your prayers f***ers."
"What the hell…"
"Looks like Itachi was right," Kakuzu muttered, eyes glued to the graffiti before them.
"Kuzu, what the hell do we do now?"
"We have to tell Pein about this," Kakuzu replied, turning and walking away from the crowd, with Hidan on his heels. "This is gonna get messy."
