All Those Years Ago


Disclaimer: These characters belong to Mark Schwahn and the CW. I own none of them. No copyright infringement intended.

Author's note: This is my first ever fanfic, so reviews are always welcome, and loved!


Empty Days

She is walking on the clouds

And falling in between the crowds,

She's trying and crying and dying

But I don't stick around

I don't know where I came from,

I don't know where I'm going

All I know is won't you take me,

Won't you take me, won't you take me away…

It had been a long and hard summer for Brooke Davis; definitely not the summer she had imagined or planned. A part of her was relieved that the school year was already starting; it gave her something to do. The other part, though, was aching at the thought of getting through her senior year without her best friend, Peyton Sawyer.

You see, Peyton and Brooke hadn't always, or even often, seen eye to eye on things; they were complete opposites, but they'd always loved each other nonetheless. It was a strange relationship that they had, and now for Brooke not having Peyton around was like losing a sister.

To distract herself, Brooke was trying to find the right outfit to wear, but nothing she had put on in the last hour came close to what she was looking for. She wanted something that screamed out "fashionista," something that would help her to mask away all the faces, and people that would be asking her how she was doing, today. Brooke dreaded those moments, those words, and dreaded even more the awful and awkward silence that followed.

What did they expect from me? How was I doing? How could anyone even ask me that, she thought. How the hell did they think I was doing, Peyton is gone! It'll never be the same…everything about this place reminds me of her, especially cheerleading! To think…

She then started to picture the first time they had ever met…

It was cheerleading camp, the summer going into the 4th grade…wow; I remember that so clear it feels like it could have happened only yesterday, not like a decade ago.

Brooke was then deep in thought, as she ransacked her closet and dressers, reminiscing about that fateful July morning. To her it felt like she was there, again…

Walking over to a tear stained Peyton, who had been burrowing her head in some old cheerleading sweater, and asking her why she was crying. Peyton of course trying to ignore Brooke, yet finally answering…

"I…I, know I'm not the typical cheerleader, trust me, I see you and everyone else out here everyday, and you're all just so perfect!" Peyton sighed, putting her head down, and continuing, "but it was my mom's dream, see, she was captain," handing Brooke the crumbled sweater and looking up at her for the first time.

Brooke then found herself holding her very own cheerleading sweater in her hands, pulling her momentarily out of her thoughts. She quickly scanned it over with her hand, looking for the embroidered "C" indicating captain, and finding it just as she had on Peyton's mom's sweater that day…

"It's all I've got left of her…the least I could do is try, right, but I failed her, Brooke, Reagan's right, I'll never be the cheerleader my mom was… or thought I could be…"

Peyton's words caught Brooke off guard, so tragic yet so endearing. She really didn't know exactly what to say to the girl to make her stop crying, but she did know that Peyton needed her, and not too many people did…that was enough for Brooke.

So she sprung into action, grabbing Peyton's arm and marching over to the "famous" Reagan James, a 7th grader and a very popular one at that. Reagan could have very well ruined Brooke Davis if she had wanted to, Peyton knew it, and so did she, but it didn't matter…Brooke was determined to make things right…

"Excuse me, who are you to tell Peyton that she is too gawky or awkward to be a cheerleader…I don't suppose someone died and made you queen of all cheerleaders?" Brooke accused, with one hand on her hip.

When Reagan only turned her way and didn't answer, Brooke gained confidence.

"If Peyton wants to cheer she should be able to cheer…and you want to cheer right, Peyton?"

"Um…yes."

"Okay, well than that is settled," Brooke declared.

Reagan only half-smiled, saying, "Whatever, Davis…she's all yours…"

And the two walked off hand and hand, Brooke tugging at Peyton as they skipped away.

Brooke let out a quiet laugh and a single tear, remembering how that day had changed both their lives, forever.

From that day on, B. Davis and P. Sawyer had vowed to be there for each other...always. They had only two things in common: cheerleading and a lack of parental guidance. Most people would have written off their friendship a long time ago, but they remained true to their promise. For eight whole years they struggled together; through the good times and the bad. Nothing seemed too hard for those two to handle. Nothing until then.

What would it mean

To turn out the lights

What would it mean

To try to not try

What is the answer

To all my spiders

Spirits gone, pushed it away…

"Us against the world, Hoe's over Bro's, right Peyt? She whispered.

Tears then streamed down the beautiful brunettes face. She grasped the box Peyton had left her that summer, just before she took an entire bottle of pills and never woke up. The box held every picture Brooke and Peyton had ever taken together, or of each other. It also contained a silly mug that Brooke had made her for her 12th birthday, and a mix tape…Peyton's version of a final goodbye. She held the box in her arms, tightly, as if to never let go.

"Why?" She sobbed. "Why couldn't you just come to me…why wasn't I enough…why did you leave me all alone…you promised…always!"

She cried out to Peyton, curled up in a ball on her bed, still holding onto the box, the only piece of Peyton Sawyer that was left. "Knock, Knock." She heard, and then Nathan's voice grabbed her out of her sobs.

"Brooke, are you alright, I can hear you crying…can I come in?"

Of course he was here to pick me up, she thought, it's the first day of school, my senior year, and now I'm going to look like a hot mess from crying all morning.

"Okay, come in Nate!" She shouted as she stood to face him with her arms stretched out.

"Tada…how do I look…honestly?" She asked, choking up from the tears that were again welling up in her eyes.

She sat back down on the bed and wiped the tear that fell.

"Honestly, Brooke, you look like..."

He paused, moving to sit beside her, placing one arm around her waist.

"You look like someone whose best friend killed themselves…someone grieving, and that's normal."

She looked up at him now, confused. Since when did Nathan Scott become so intellectual and amazing?

"Well… then why don't you look like someone whose girlfriend just killed themselves?"

"Look, at me B, I do…trust me. Today won't be easy for me either…but we've got each other."

"You're right," she said, doing her best to sound convincing, while sniffling. "Let's go remind Tree Hill High why we run the show!"

She smiled, and he laughed. They then walked to his car, and headed off to campus.

Brooke and Nathan had known each other for as long as either one of them could remember. Their families were friends, or rather they called themselves friends, so they were always together. It's funny though, because things definitely weren't always the way they were now, between her and Nate.

Yes things were different, for sure, but in a surprisingly good way, she thought.

After everything they had went through together that summer, in losing Peyton, he was her rock now. He was the only person that got her, understood her, quirks and all, and she was his.

He knew, all too well, the way they desperately tried to please people, especially their parents, by being the best, and how that persona often made them look like awful, conceited, spoiled brats. They had to act that like that.

Yes, it had always been that way for Brooke and Nathan…they both had parents who could have cared less about them most of the time. Parents who threw fancy cars and credit cards their way to make up for it.

Brooke and Nathan were constantly searching for ways into their parents' hearts. Yet, after so many years of defeat, they were only left with scars, ones that built up into emotional boundaries.

So where as Peyton had always accepted the fact that walls of superficial identities guarded Brooke, she never understood it. Nathan on the other hand, did completely, for he was the exact same way.

"See ya at lunch hotstuff!" She winked, walking off to her locker.

"Bye, B." He said back, rolling his eyes.

….

At school Brooke and Nathan acted as if nothing had happened, as if both of their hearts were not smashed to pieces, ready to crumble at any moment. Instead they poured their energy into appearing as normal and happy as possible. It was just like them to hide their pain that way; behind the shield of their popularity.

Upon entering the lunchroom, their fake smiles were flashing brightly, as if to dim the reality that none of these people mattered. Yet no matter how they acted, they were just as alone, if not more alone, and empty as anyone who dared to compare.

People saw Brooke Davis, cheerleading captain, and Nathan Scott, basketball star, and they envied them. They were two of a kind, always had been, and always would be. People were starring; eyes were all on them, as they made their way to their familiar spots at the head of the table, resuming their roles as King and Queen of Tree Hill High, without a glitch.

Peyton's death complicated things for both of them, sure, she was the only other person, other than themselves, that either ever truly cared about, or who had cared about them. Even that didn't make a difference in how those two acted, at least in public.

Why give them anything to use against us, they thought. They only want us to stumble or fall so that they can take over and have the power. Little do they know how hard it really is to keep this up, and how lonely it is once you're there.

They had always been excellent at hiding their true selves. To the world, Nathan would always be Nathan, and Brooke would be Brooke; they were arrogant, spoiled, and consumed by themselves, cheerleading, basketball, partying, alcohol, and let's not forget…sex.

Apparently those were the important things to these two, the things they wanted people to associate with them, and nothing else really mattered. Sometimes that meant having to put on a show, because unveiling the real Brooke or Nathan was far too risky for either of their reputations. No matter how fragile, and vulnerable those two were inside, no one would have ever gotten the chance to see that side of them. Opening up to someone, truly letting them in, that was Brooke and Nathan's biggest fear; a true testament of love.

Brooke then stood up to address the table.

"Excuse me…everyone, I have an announcement to make. Next Friday Nathan and I are throwing a back to school party at his parents beach house…plenty of the necessities, booze and food, and for entertainment…well me of course," she explained seductively, revealing herself with her best Vana White impression.

"Well, is it gonna be a "Shouldn't miss", or a "Can't miss," Bevin asked, using the very scale Brooke had invented to rate parties.

"It's clearly a "Can't miss," Bevin, right Nate?" she shrieked hitting his shoulder for reinforcement.

"Uh…of course, it's a Nathan Scott/Brooke Davis party, who's gonna turn down the chance to experience that," he boasted.

Good…Yes, Brooke thought to herself, a party is just what they needed.

After the party announcement the table erupted in private conversations, the girls were busy discussing what they were going to wear, the guys who they were planning to bang, and Brooke, well she was considering both.

"Hey Nate, you gonna invite that new basketball player, Lucas, you know the one with the same last name as you," Tim, Nathan's best friend asked laughing.

Tim was an idiot, controlled by immature boyish tendencies, but he meant well for the most part. He and Nathan had been buddies since the first grade, and ever since then Tim had clung to Nathan like white on rice. Having Nathan as a best friend was a golden ticket for Tim, and he knew his place, he was just too stupid at times to not open up his big fat mouth, as Nathan often phrased it.

So Nathan quickly turning towards Tim with a look that only Tim would understand was enough to remind him that Lucas was not to be discussed.

"Okaaay, never mind that idea…he's a tool anyways, more lady options for the Timmiester, yeahhhh!"

Tim continued making vulgar humping movements in the air until Nathan smacked him across the head.

"Enough," Nathan said, turning back to eating his pizza and tuning out Tim and the rest of the guys. He didn't want to have to think about Lucas being on the team right now, all he wanted to do was enjoy his lunch in peace.

Too bad for Nathan, just across the lunchroom, only a mere 30 feet away, sat Lucas Scott, the estranged half brother of Nathan, fathered by the same man, the illustrious Dan Scott.

Nathan and Lucas didn't exactly get along, well that would be an understatement, they basically hated one another. Yet until then, until Lucas decided to join the Ravens basketball team that summer, things had been perfect according to Nathan. He liked that Lucas was a nobody. He liked that, because Lucas's mother refused any help from Dan, they didn't have much money. He liked that compared to Lucas he was the star in Dan's eyes, the star of the Ravens, and he'd be damned if Lucas tried to take away any of his glory.

Nathan looked up glaring at Lucas and his mysterious lady friend, as they walked by his table. Lucas was a parasite in Nathan's opinion, always leeching onto something Nathan had. In grammar school it was Peyton, and he had somewhat learned to get over that, but now it was basketball…and that had always been Nathan's one and only true love.

This is my year, my senior year, and that punk ass, wannabe, has the nerve to step on my turf…not if I have anything to say about it, he thought to himself.

Just then Brooke bent down to whisper in his ear.

"You're inviting that new boy, whatever his name is, you know the blonde Broody one that you hate so much, hmm yea Broody, that's a perfect name for him… anyways listen, I don't care if he's sleeping with your mom Nate, quit it! You can't go around ignoring the fact that he exists, its impossible. And plus, he's kinda sexy in a Ryan Gosling, Notebook kinda way…"

Brooke would demand something as outrageous as me inviting that leech to our party, the nerve she's got, Nathan thought.

He wanted no part of Lucas, and the last place he wanted him was in his own home, but he knew better than anyone that there was no point in arguing with Brooke Davis. Once she had her mind made up about something there was no turning back. He admired that in Brooke, but damn did it piss him off most of the time.

"Whatever, fine…I'll do it," he grumbled. "You happy now, Queen B?"

"Yes, and its about time you started showing some respect to your ladyship!"

She snarled back at him, with that uncanny victorious smirk of hers, flipping her hair and bouncing off away from the table.

She's impossible, he thought, shaking his head at her as she walked away.

Brooke hurried out of the cafeteria wanting to get to the tutoring center before anyone might see her in there. According to last year's agreement with Ms. Joyce, the cheerleading coach, Brooke had to spend 2 hours with a math tutor every week. If she kept that up, along with her grades she could stay on the squad. Otherwise, well…she couldn't even think about what would happen if…I mean with out cheerleading who was she?

Okay, this should be easy just pick a tutor any tutor, Brooke thought, sifting through the binder at the front desk. First name on the list, Haley James. Hmm, sounds like a smart name…this is more fun than I thought!

She then quickly signed up underneath this Haley's name and scurried out.

….

The first day of school was over. Finally. Now Brooke just had to visit with Haley James, tutor girl, she figured she would call her.

Appropriate, because she is a tutor and a girl, right, she thought.

Brooke waited until as many people had left the hallway as possible before walking into the tutor center. She looked around the room, searching for someone that looked like a Haley to her, but she couldn't put a name to any of the faces. That was to be expected though. Brooke really didn't pay much attention to the meaningless faces at Tree Hill High. If they weren't of some significant purpose directly affecting her she did not care. Basically if you weren't a cheerleader, an athlete, or any guy she happened to fall into bed with, she didn't know your name, or your face. The later she hardly remembered after the act either.

"Ah Brooke Davis, in the flesh. You are here to see me I think, my name is Haley. Why don't we go take a seat at that table," the petite sandy haired girl said while pointing to a table across the room in the corner.

Perfect, far far away from the door, no one will see me, Brooke thought.

But this Haley, she wasn't what Brooke was expecting. She had expected some goofy looking nerd, with miss-matched clothing, maybe even some librarian glasses…but, no…Haley James was actually surprisingly put together, and dare she say, pretty?

Brooke was now officially appraising Haley…

I have an instinct with this kinda thing, she thought. I mean she is by no means prettier than me, but tutor girl's got some potential, hmm, I could give her a make over or something, that would be much more entertaining than…math, so… Step 1. Get rid of the hideous poncho, at least I think that's what she is wearing…

"So," Haley began again ripping Brooke out of her own thoughts, "what exactly are you here for this early in the semester, you can't possibly be failing already, can you?"

"Math," Brooke replied dryly a little insulted by her insinuation, but more concerned with the girls nails than the actual girl in front of her.

She continued, "I have an agreement with my cheerleading coach, I go to 2 hours of tutoring each week, and I stay on the squad, I don't well, I'm here aren't I, Tutor girl, you get the picture don't you, you're supposed to be the "smart" one remember?"

Brooke gave Haley a quick smile, hoping that Haley would not notice her embarrassment in the whole situation. Brooke hated to look vulnerable, and having to ask for help with anything made her uneasy.

"A cheerleader, huh…yea you remind me of my sister, Reagan…you may have known her, she was one of you all…thought she ruled the universe just because she had a little "C" branded into her uniform…anyways the point is, at the end of the day, none of that bluster or BS matters, because "math" don't care, and neither do I, so if this is some sort of joke to you, I suggest you'd better find someone else to help you!"

Brooke was flabbergasted. Tutor girl was Reagan's little sister? Well that explains a lot, she thought.

"I'm sorry, if I offended you, it's just this whole thing really isn't easy for me, and I don't have anything to work on yet, but I wanted to come meet you, I am serious about this, I promise"

The two girls met eyes for the first time in this awkward meeting.

"Okay well, you met me, so… I guess we are done here then?"

"Um, yes I guess we are, so I'll still see you Wednesday then?"

Brooke turned to walk out; hoping her attempt at an apology was enough.

"Yes, Wednesday is fine, but next time actually bring something I can help you with, okay Ms. Davis?"

Brooke walked to her car mumbling to herself under her breath.

Who does she think she is? Treating Brooke Davis like a nobody, ugh, the nerve of those smart people, she thought. This is definitely going to be a long semester. Tutor girl means business!

Brooke then walked off to where she had been spending all her afternoons, for the past few months, sitting at the park. The same park, same bench that used to be Peyton's special place. She never came there with Peyton when she was alive, but now it was the one place where Brooke felt whole.

Haley rushed into Karen's Café where she worked most days of the week, putting on her apron while she ran around, finally making it up to the register. Lucas was sitting at one of the bar stools that fanned out around the counter. He was deep into whatever John Steinbeck novel he had decided to re-read that week, and as usual he was slightly oblivious to the fact that his best friend Haley was having some sort of rage attack.

I tripped on these roads everyday

It seems like they never ever change

They don't know how I got here,

Oh, and neither do you

All these days they go so fast,

No they go so slow

All I know is won't you take me,

Won't you take me, won't you take me away?...

Since it was clear to her that she was getting nowhere… beating around the bush, waiting for him to consider concerning himself with her obvious anxiety, Haley decided she was going to have to take control of this situation. So she nearly jumped over the counter, placing herself entirely too close to his face for his normal avoidance tactics to work, and interrupted him by slamming his book shut.

That'll do it, she thought to herself as Luke's head popped up.

She have him a quick smile, which was rather awkward considering she was breathing down his throat, and then backed up a bit. She knew she'd get nowhere with him if she didn't at least attempt the smallest degree of politeness.

He was so old school, she thought. He might try reading books from this century once in a while; maybe then he'd cut me some slack when it came to his preconceived notions of what constitutes ladylike behavior.

Lucas was about to say something witty and profound she could just feel it, but Haley knew him better than anyone, and cut him off before he could get out even a word.

"Luke, why is Brooke Davis sitting on that park bench over there across the street?"

She pointed in Brooke's direction, and from the sound of it, Haley didn't like the intrusion on her domain, which she basically considered anywhere in or around the cafe.

Lucas was taken back a bit by Haley's possessiveness over a park bench, but he sensed it was more than just that, so he humored her for the moment.

"Hales, she's been sitting there everyday for the past three months, ever since Peyton, you know." Lucas responded, trailing off at the end, not wanting to go any further with the topic.

"Oh, I guess I've just never noticed her before, but…"

Haley was not completely, or rather even the slightest bit, satisfied with Lucas's response, and kept probing.

"Well, did you know that she also signed up for me to be her math tutor?" she asked, accusingly.

"Nope, I didn't get that memo, but now I do, thanks for filling me in… can I go back to my book, now?"

He was mocking her now, which aggravated Haley even more.

"Lucas Eugene Scott, I may have been gone this summer, but I didn't wake up yesterday! Brooke Davis does not sit on park benches and doodle or whatever the hell she's doing…and she definitely isn't the type to request a tutor on the first day of classes! So what's going on? She's either taunting me…or…I dunno, seducing you maybe, either way it doesn't make sense and I don't like it," she yelled.

Haley had now resorted to frantically organizing the coffee bean jars as a way to distract herself and calm down. Lucas noticed, so he held in his laughter in response to Haley's ridiculous accusations. He gestured her to sit down as he was certain if she didn't she might explode or simply pass out.

"Wow, slow down there Hales, you really need to get a grip, I'm pretty sure that if her intentions were to taunt you she would have devised a more aggressive strategy than sitting on a park bench 200 feet away, or signing up for you to tutor her…do you even realize how insane that sounds? If I didn't know you better Ms. James I might see to it that you are institutionalized."

He laughed a bit to signal his attempt to lighten the mood, but Haley was just starring at him. So he continued.

"Plus she should only be there for another half hour, if that."

He hoped that last part would put this whole conspiracy theory of hers to rest, but instead it just riled her up even more.

"How do you know that?" She blurted out.

"Well you see, my dear, if you'd had paid any attention, any attention at all the last few weeks that you've been back, you would have realized that she follows the same schedule everyday. She comes at 4 o' clock, always on foot either after a run, or leisurely walk, takes that seat she's in right now, and sits fairly catatonically until Nathan comes and picks her up around 5:30."

"What?" She screamed. "You, actually know her schedule now, and…Nathan's? Tell me you are not stalking this one like you were Peyton, you do realize you sound like the one who needs to be institutionalized now!"

"Okay, first of all, I did not stalk Peyton, granted I might have had some rather intense feelings for her in the 7th grade, but if I recall correctly you were pretty serious about eloping with Jonathon Taylor Thomas, so I consider us even! Secondly, it is not nice to speak ill of the dead…and jeez Hales give the girl a break her best friend killed herself, how would you feel?"

Upon hearing Lucas's last words Haley realized how horrible she was being.

"You're right," she sighed, going back to her work responsibilities, leaving Lucas to take one last glance in Brooke's direction, before turning back to his book.

"Look at her, Hales, have you ever seen Brooke Davis so peaceful," he asked.

Haley looked over towards her again. "No," Haley admitted.

What would it mean

Turn out the lights

What would it mean

To try, to not try

What is the answer

To all of my spiders

Spirits gone, I pushed it away

Saying, spirits gone, I pushed it away…

Lucas was surprisingly grateful for the time he now had to think and clear his head. Until Haley brought it up, Lucas hadn't really considered exactly how often he had observed Brooke over the last couple months. With Haley away at music academy he didn't have all that much to do besides the occasional trip to the Rivercourt to play hoops with the guys. The rest of the time he spent helping his mom at the café. So it was a natural transition.

He used to watch Peyton sit there alone, drawing away, till the day before she killed herself. He remembered that day like it was yesterday…

On that day instead of Nathan or Brooke picking Peyton up, she just shoved a stack of her artwork in the garbage and left. I didn't have the courage to follow her and say something to her that day, if I had, maybe she wouldn't have, you know, but it doesn't matter. Instead I only walked over to the garbage and took out what she had tossed. Her artwork was beautiful, just like she had been, only dark and empty. The only constant that radiated through Peyton's artwork was her depiction of Brooke…

Peyton's version of Brooke was nothing like the conceited, spoiled party girl everyone else in Tree Hill saw her to be.

No, in those drawings, Brooke was brilliant, beautiful, and brave, he thought.

The woman sitting across the street from him right now, he concluded, was not the Tree Hill version of Brooke, the empty callous soul. He was mystified by this other version of Brooke he saw. He couldn't help but wonder if maybe that was her way of connecting with Peyton, sitting there in the same spot that Peyton had sat for so many years. He hoped, for her sake that Peyton's version had not died along with her, and that maybe just maybe, there was something more to Brooke Davis, than met everyone's eye.

Just then the familiar roar of Nathan's Porsche GT2 shook through the café as he drove by, breaking any rational train of thought that Lucas had at that moment. Nathan then circled through the parking lot, screeched to a stop, pushing open the passenger side door from the drivers seat. He let Brooke in, threw the car in reverse, and then sped out onto the street and out of everyone's' sight.

Oh, I'm singing,

na na na na na na, na na na na na

Away, oh, away

And we're singing,

Na na na na na na, na na na na na

And we're singing,

Away, oh, away…

This spectacle caught Haley's attention. She was captivated.

"Damn I wish I had that car," she said. "Why have I never noticed it before? Weird…"

"Yeah, you and me both," replied Lucas, "but keep dreaming…"

Haley spun around to give him a good punch, but Luke was ready for it, and caught her fists in his own.

"Lucas, let me go you butthead!"

"Not until you promise you won't hit me…"

"Fine…deal, but you were scared, I know you were!"

They both erupted in laugher at the thought of Haley being scary…not a chance!


****The lyrics I used for this chapter came from Empty Days, by Augustana****