Chapter 2
Tessa, Jem and Catarina insisted on taking care of Magnus when Alec died, but Magnus was beyond being a mess. He lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling and allowing tears to dry on his face. He refused to lie on Alec's side of the bed; he lay resting on his side like when he used to watch Alec sleep until his arm went too numb to cope with. Lying on his back made him feel cold and incomplete as Alec should've had his hand on Magnus's chest and his nose gently pressed against his cheek. It had become so near to impossible for Magnus to sleep that Catarina stopped by every night with a remedy that made him sleep for at least eight hours. However, his body may have had time to relax, but his wreck of a mind didn't. He partially feared sleeping because of the nightmares he'd have of Alec's death, but he also wanted to sleep as his dreams were the only places where he could see him, hold him and kiss him.
"Catarina said she'll be late today," Tessa came in with a hot drink.
Magnus replied with silence.
Slowly, Tessa placed the hot mug on the bedside table and sat on the bed. Magnus didn't have to look at her to know that there was sympathy and worry coating her face and looking at her would've made him breakdown again. He felt like a burden that Tessa was looking after out of the kindness of her heart, but she was one of the only people that he'd allow to see him like this.
"I made you something that will help with your nightmares. Catarina said to give it to you before your sleeping remedy," Tessa smiled nervously and waited, but Magnus didn't move.
He wasn't even sure if he had heard everything she had said. His mind was in a constant loop of replaying everything that Alec had ever done or said, every date they went one, every kiss, every time they had saved each other's lives, apart from that one time.
Tessa stroked his cheek, "Magnus, sit up."
It took a great amount of energy, but eventually, Magnus sat up like a zombie with limp arms, a slouched back and his head looking down. Tessa was wearing white jeans with flowers down the sides, a blue t-shirt tucked into them and an oversized silk shirt that must've been Jem's. She was the only colour and the only thing that brightened up the room as Magnus has requested for no one to turn on the lights. She handed him the mug, steadied his shaking hands around it and then sat behind him.
"You need a haircut," she said softly.
Magnus sipped the hot aromatic liquid. The fumes entered his nose before the liquid even hit his tongue and it tasted slightly sweet and earthy as it smoothly slid down his throat. It gave him a warm feeling which he now never felt and he knew it would only last if he kept drinking. He felt Tessa's hands run through his hair gently which made him close his eyes, allowing images of Alec to run through his head. He thought of their first date, how it went from being awkward and sweet to being heated and ending up with Alec falling down the stairs with a hickey on his neck. Before the images consumed him, he urgently put the mug down and got off the bed. When he looked back at Tessa, she looked confused and worried that she had done something wrong.
"A-A-Alec," he began but couldn't finish.
Tessa swiftly got up and held Magnus in her arms as he burst into tears that dampened her shirt. He squeezed her shirt with the pain of being able to remember everything so vividly and perfectly in his mind.
"You'll be okay," she assured him.
Magnus shook his head as he attempted to find words, but nothing would come out of his mouth. He pushed himself away from Tessa, went back to his bed and gave her the empty mug as tears splashed onto his silk sheets.
She walked to the door and looked back, "You will be okay," she said before leaving the room.
There was no way in hell that Magnus would be okay. He didn't even know how he was still breathing. He asked for Tessa and Jem to take Rafael and Max while he mourned, as he didn't want to scar them with the site of him breaking down and morphing into a mess. Food became something that his body didn't recognise to the point where even looking at a piece of toast made him feel close to throwing up, he was either drunk or a sober wreck and he had forgotten what day and month it was. All he was sure of was that it had been ten days since Alec was killed. Ten agonising, heartbreaking days. He let out a desperate cry which made everything in his room shake before squeezing the pillow that Alec should've had his head rested on.
"Please come back, please," he begged over and over again through his tears.
But he knew he wasn't coming back.
